Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 14, 2013 13:01:43 GMT -5
And if you don't want to talk about it, we can make up some random nonsense to help distract you too. Like Amish melons
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 13:05:35 GMT -5
Or about the fact that Doxie posted yesterday saying she was still around and lurking but couldn't take the beating she was getting anymore.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 14, 2013 13:06:02 GMT -5
Sam, I really admire your grace and strength in how you handled everything this year. I don't see that as a failure. I see an awesome mom who never gave up and tried everything to give that little girl a shot at life. You said it perfectly!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 13:11:04 GMT -5
Let's just say I've realized that most of what my life has become was done for the wrong reasons, and I didn't know myself well enough to know this before things became more involved/complicated. I am not happy with my life as it is (haven't been for a few years), and I need to make some MAJOR changes. By most accounts that will make me a failure (and pretty selfish to boot), but I can't just fake a smile and march on for the next x years. I will likely lose a decent amount of friends and make a ton of enemies in the process, but the possibility of a new future where I am in control (hard as I know it will be) is giving me hope that things will be okay in the end. We'll see.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 14, 2013 13:11:42 GMT -5
I wanted to EBF, but I don't make enough milk- even with Reglan and pumping 6 times a day with a hospital grade pump, we're supplementing. I bailed on an un-medicated childbirth and ended up with a c-section. I'm a fantastic worker but a blah manager, so I wasn't exactly a raging success in a supervisory position.
When entering college I expected to graduate well, find a well paying job, and advance in a workaholic and ambitious fashion. I made more than the median for a college grad, but not by much.
There are people from high school and from early on in my career that I meet with who wonder why I'm still doing what I'm doing, and not full of money and accomplishments. And they say so out loud, which is a bit of a blow.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 14, 2013 13:16:15 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one. Aw, Jen. I've been looking for a new job for ages, not found it yet. I promised myself 2013 would be the year. Failed at that. I fail at a lot of athletic endeavors. At this age and stage, it's not like I should be surprised. I got a rather late start, after all. But it stings when I see women in my age category and older doing so much better.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 14, 2013 13:26:05 GMT -5
I will likely lose a decent amount of friends and make a ton of enemies in the process, but the possibility of a new future where I am in control (hard as I know it will be) is giving me hope that things will be okay in the end. We'll see. Jen- One of the things that I have learned is that even when I shouldn't be OK because of what life has thrown at me, I am OK, and even happy and thriving. You may surprise yourself....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 13:26:29 GMT -5
Let's just say I've realized that most of what my life has become was done for the wrong reasons, and I didn't know myself well enough to know this before things became more involved/complicated. I am not happy with my life as it is (haven't been for a few years), and I need to make some MAJOR changes. By most accounts that will make me a failure (and pretty selfish to boot), but I can't just fake a smile and march on for the next x years. I will likely lose a decent amount of friends and make a ton of enemies in the process, but the possibility of a new future where I am in control (hard as I know it will be) is giving me hope that things will be okay in the end. We'll see. Better to realize it now than later. Good luck!!!!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 14, 2013 13:26:45 GMT -5
Jen I know you've been struggling with this for some time now. I think life is too short to be unhappy all the time. I think making some changes now to make you happy is a good thing. However bad the fallout might be now, it'll be worse the longer you wait. One day you won't be able to fake it anymore.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Nov 14, 2013 13:27:19 GMT -5
I'm about to "fail" relatively soon.... not going into detail on this one. We're around if you ever want to talk about it. Ditto.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 14, 2013 13:31:10 GMT -5
Let's just say I've realized that most of what my life has become was done for the wrong reasons, and I didn't know myself well enough to know this before things became more involved/complicated. I am not happy with my life as it is (haven't been for a few years), and I need to make some MAJOR changes. By most accounts that will make me a failure (and pretty selfish to boot), but I can't just fake a smile and march on for the next x years. I will likely lose a decent amount of friends and make a ton of enemies in the process, but the possibility of a new future where I am in control (hard as I know it will be) is giving me hope that things will be okay in the end. We'll see. I just have to say again -- what feels like a failure at the time, is often a huge step forward!! Please don't be too hard on yourself!!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 13:32:33 GMT -5
And I doubt you can shock any of us either.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 13:33:11 GMT -5
There are people from high school and from early on in my career that I meet with who wonder why I'm still doing what I'm doing, and not full of money and accomplishments. And they say so out loud, which is a bit of a blow
You mean llike when you tell your MIL about what you do for a living and she exclaims "You went to college and paid all that money to play with rats?"
I felt two inches tall. DH laid into her over that one.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 13:34:58 GMT -5
There are people from high school and from early on in my career that I meet with who wonder why I'm still doing what I'm doing, and not full of money and accomplishments. And they say so out loud, which is a bit of a blow
You mean llike when you tell your MIL about what you do for a living and she exclaims "You went to college and paid all that money to play with rats?" I felt two inches tall. DH laid into her over that one. "Why yes. I do. It's the most awesome job ever!"
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 14, 2013 13:36:14 GMT -5
I hope he used your 2 x 4 on her DQ. I can't imagine trying to do some of the stuff you talk about. And I did some bio and chem in college before bailing out to the business school.
I know my life has not turned out the way I planned it post high school, post college or even post grad school. There are things I wish were different but that doesn't make me a total failure.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 13:40:33 GMT -5
DH used my 2x 4 for me. It's hard to explain what I do and people tend to focus on the animal part because it's easy to grasp. Just never heard it put quite that bluntly before. I feel somewhat like a failure because my whole goal in life was to become a professor. Once I got into academia I decided it wasn't for me. So now I'm drifting because I'm about as far as I can go in academia unless I accumulate more degrees and I'm having a hard time breaking into private. So I feel like a failure because I didn't rapidly climb the ladder and I'm not a PI like I planned. But I get paid decent enough, I have great benefits and the job is flexible so I can't really complain. It's a good family job.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Nov 14, 2013 13:44:50 GMT -5
I ran for judge and lost. I'm much heavier than I should be. I don't feel like a good parent. I feel like um failing my daughter because she's heavier than she should be and has anxiety issues I regularly fail my husband because I'm not a very good wife. You are! Can't comment on the rest of it, bc I don't know, but you ARE a good parent. Thank you.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 14, 2013 13:46:05 GMT -5
DH used my 2x 4 for me. It's hard to explain what I do and people tend to focus on the animal part because it's easy to grasp. Just never heard it put quite that bluntly before. I feel somewhat like a failure because my whole goal in life was to become a professor. Once I got into academia I decided it wasn't for me. So now I'm drifting because I'm about as far as I can go in academia unless I accumulate more degrees and I'm having a hard time breaking into private. So I feel like a failure because I didn't rapidly climb the ladder and I'm not a PI like I planned. But I get paid decent enough, I have great benefits and the job is flexible so I can't really complain. It's a good family job. I don't think you are a failure. Sometimes when we grow up and actually get into the field, it isn't what we thought it would be. Things change and goals change as we grow up, its part of life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 13:47:28 GMT -5
<<decides to hang out here a bit>> <<seems like a good place to pick up chicks>>
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 14, 2013 13:51:53 GMT -5
So I feel like a failure because I didn't rapidly climb the ladder and I'm not a PI like I planned. But I get paid decent enough, I have great benefits and the job is flexible so I can't really complain. It's a good family job. See, but no one ever talks goals in terms of trade offs. My BIL is going to be a tenured professor before he hits 40. His trade off is that he had no personal life. He's in his first long term relationship (they've been dating for 10 months now) at the age of 35. He's dating a women in her 40s. He used to talk about having kids. Unless he adopts or does the Tony Randall thing , I think that he's going to have to be content with being uncle. One of my friends has two sons. One was looking into monastic life, and the other is in the army. She told me she NEVER talked about having a family/parenting as being an important, legitimate goals to have in life. She wished she would have. As it turned out, her son declined being a monk in the 11th hour. I was never told that having a family was a good goal to have. It was all college and good paying job. It was assumed that I would get married and have kids (even when I did not make such assumptions.) But we never talked about it. We never talked about what that meant, in terms of making career decisions.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 14, 2013 13:53:00 GMT -5
Drama, every time you (and Mich) post about PIs I keep thinking of private investigators like Magnum PI.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 13:53:50 GMT -5
coc precludes me answering this
it would have to be in book form.....and way too many pages
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 14:01:23 GMT -5
It was all college and good paying job.
Same here. It was all about getting a super high paying glamorous job and doing so ASAP.
To be fair to my professors in college they did warn me about my career path but I didn't listen. I started paying attention once I worked for a lab and you know what? Being a professor SUCKS. I don't want to wait for somebody to die/retire and drag DH all over the country. I don't want to make 40% of my salary till I generate enough grants to be able to draw a full salary. Average age of that happen is 42, that's a long time!
It's a vocation/calling, IMO. It's always been a sucky path to take but with funding and budget slashes it's even worse. As my former PI said I want to do this I'd have to dedicate my whole life to it. I don't want to dedicate my entire life to it.
Why do that when I can consider private industry which has boomed since I graduated? Much better deal to start thinking of how I can transition out of academia instead of climbing the ladder here.
I think in general giving up on the idea of becoming a professor has been a smart one and I prefer what I got in the trade-off but it's sacrilege to suggest I'm all right with where I'm at.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 14, 2013 14:03:28 GMT -5
There are people from high school and from early on in my career that I meet with who wonder why I'm still doing what I'm doing, and not full of money and accomplishments. And they say so out loud, which is a bit of a blow
You mean llike when you tell your MIL about what you do for a living and she exclaims "You went to college and paid all that money to play with rats?" I felt two inches tall. DH laid into her over that one. You must love your husband very much to not have hurried him on his way to being an orphan. Sheesh!
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 14, 2013 14:05:48 GMT -5
1. Rather than go straight through 4 years of college I dropped out after two and joined the Air Force. 2. I was not a successful Airman. I was way too opinionated and didn't not work well under a chain of command- but I did make it through my 4 years and was honorably discharged. 3. After 4 years I came back home and DH and I both got jobs working for my dad. 4. Finally graduated and DH and I moved to California. Investors put me in charge of a company that ended up closing in the shitty 2008/2009 economy. Spent nearly all of 2009 unemployed (DH was unemployed too). Lost the house to foreclosure. 5. Used the last money we had to rent a U-Haul and move back to MN again and now I work for my dad (again).
I do a real job for two of my dad's companies and I do my job very well. I just hate having to admit that I work for my dad. Makes me feel like a bit of a loser.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 14, 2013 14:06:09 GMT -5
I feel like a failure because I didn't go to grad school like I planned and now I have no idea how to go back and get my Masters.
I feel like a failure because I can't seem to balance being a mom and my job. It feels like they both get the shaft.
I feel like a failure because my husband is still in constant pain and everything we've gone through and he still hurts - that in itself doesn't really make me a failure, but the fact that I like my husband better when he takes narcotic pain meds (prescription) or smokes pot does. The fact that I go back to the $$ we've spent and wonder if it has been worth it.
I feel like a failure because I have a contentious relationship with my only living grandparent.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 14, 2013 14:08:28 GMT -5
I just hate having to admit that I work for my dad. Makes me feel like a bit of a loser.
If it makes you feel better I've worked for my great uncle off/on for almost a decade. Knowing I can get a server job at any time has its perks.
I also rent from my parents. My grandmother died and they offered to rent her house to me when I graduate college. I'm surprised YM hasn't stoned me to death over that one.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2013 14:08:43 GMT -5
My major lifetime goal was to be the best wife, mother and grandmother I could possibly be, this I have accomplished. My minor goal was to learn to be compassionate to those I've viewed as the downfall and dregs of society. I have failed at that.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Nov 14, 2013 14:12:29 GMT -5
Depends on the day and/or my mood as to whether I classify things as "failures" or a change of plans. Money-wise I'm no where near where I would like to be so I absolutely cannot compare myself to others either at work or here or I would be depressed all the time. I know the reasons I'm lacking in that area; some things I can change (and are a work in progress) and some things I cannot.
Relationship-wise I do not consider divorce a failure unless YOU just completely disrespected the marriage and didn't try at all. Otherwise, relationships take constant work; people change and circumstances change. You do your best until a change for the better is needed.
My kids are all grown and there is not a day that goes by that I don't see something I could or should have done differently. Live and learn. Try not to repeat mistakes. It's all I can do.
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Nov 14, 2013 14:15:48 GMT -5
I failed at school. I dropped out of college almost 14 years ago. I started making money at my two part-time jobs, which decreased my financial aid, which meant I needed to work more hours to pay for school, which made my grades suffer. I started getting incompletes, which turned into F's when I couldn't finish. My GPA tanked, and then I lost my aid completely. So I left school and accepted the offer at one position to go full-time.
It's been okay. I started at $9.50/hour, and now I am at $62,050 yearly. I went back a few years ago and took 24 credits at another school (all A's) until I freaked out when they told me I had to apply for matriculation in order to keep taking classes. I just didn't want to be rejected when they saw my old transcript.
My plan is to work here until they fire me, and then go back to school to complete my bachelor's. I'm comfortable enough with what I am making, but know that if I had finished my degree it would add another $15-$20K minimum to my salary. And I wouldn't be so afraid to apply/job hop to other companies.
I have failed at my health. I was raised vegan, but managed to avoid vegetables in favor of starches, and was diagnosed with diabetes last year. So now I am on a few different expensive prescriptions, and have to worry about keeping my job/health insurance, and also if I'll live to enjoy the money I am saving for retirement.
I completely failed at 'relationships,' and haven't really dated since high school. So, now I've pretty much given up on ever getting married or having kids. So I spoil my nieces instead.
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