Remember the thread about the wedding invites with no dates?

[Deleted]

"And that is great for you. I'm in the other camp where I would want to bring someone with me to a wedding. as I've said throughout the thread, I would just send my regrets...and save a lot of money!lol"

Well I was thinking from the perspective that if it is a new date, would you really want to take him to a serious event like a wedding where you could have friends/family so soon?

[Deleted]

Tina, my parents were paying for the wedding.  I wanted to elope. OMG how I wanted to, but my dad asked me not to.  He said this wedding was a big deal to my mom and he always dreamed of walking me down the aisle.  So...I let her run the show and do it her way so that my dad could get his dream of walking me down the aisle.  

Anyway...it was horrible, but a funny story to tell.  The only thing that truly matters is that I got an awesome husband out of the deal.  I don't remember most of the people that came.  I remember some of the family crashed it because they didn't get an invite....I don't remember who all did though.  I was pretty drunk at the reception just trying to numb the pain of cousin Suzy and cousin E. kissing in the corner...yes, they were cousins too.

Sorry to derail the thready with my Honey Boo Boo wedding story!

[NancysSummerSip]

Oct 1, 2013 14:19:53 GMT -5 imanangel said:

Tina, my parents were paying for the wedding.  I wanted to elope. OMG how I wanted to, but my dad asked me not to.  He said this wedding was a big deal to my mom and he always dreamed of walking me down the aisle.  So...I let her run the show and do it her way so that my dad could get his dream of walking me down the aisle.  

Anyway...it was horrible, but a funny story to tell.  The only thing that truly matters is that I got an awesome husband out of the deal.  I don't remember most of the people that came.  I remember some of the family crashed it because they didn't get an invite....I don't remember who all did though.  I was pretty drunk at the reception just trying to numb the pain of cousin Suzy and cousin E. kissing in the corner...yes, they were cousins too.

Sorry to derail the thready with my Honey Boo Boo wedding story!

Did E. and Suzy get married and produce tiny-minded cretins children? Now that would be really all Honey Boo-Boo!

[kittensaver]

Oct 1, 2013 12:11:21 GMT -5 formerroomate99 said:

Sept 30, 2013 13:46:34 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Agreed. I just don't "get" parents who get offended and pissy about not being able to bring (drag) their young children to an evening event that is clearly structured as an adult party - when their kids are supposed to be in bed. Can't find or hire a babysitter? Stay home. And when your kids get married, it's your option to plan a "child-friendly" wedding . . . just don't go off imposing your desires on others planning their parties. You're the guest, not the host.

Well, it really depends on your kids.  Not all kids go to be early, and some kids are easier to supervise than others.  With our first, he could go anywhere with us pretty much anytime and not be much trouble.  But our second child has a very different temperment, and we had to curtail our activities once he got past that delightfully portable baby stage. 

Respectfully: I still don't understand why (some) parents think they're "entitled" (and then grouse about it) to bring their children to an event when their children are not invited.  You (the Big You - not you, formerroomate) either accept or decline an invitation as offered. Miss T has it right: the invitation is received and then either accepted or declined. Guests don't get to trump the host and decide what they want to do and who they want to bring. At least in my world - - YMMV.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Guests don't get to trump the host and decide what they want to do and who they want to bring

You've apparently never met my MIL.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2013 14:11:26 GMT -5 @bunnysmom said:

Well I was thinking from the perspective that if it is a new date, would you really want to take him to a serious event like a wedding where you could have friends/family so soon?

Great point-  I can picture all the relatives eyeing your date and wondering if he/she is The One and you just met a couple of months ago and thought they'd be good company for the day.

[Deleted]

They did NOT get married, but yes, they did produce a child.  I am NOT making this up.  Did I mention that they were 1st cousins?
I found out at a family reunion.  I seriously laughed so hard.  My mom got all offended over my laughing and saying "only in this inbred family do people go to family reunions to hook up!"  My dad was laughing with me.  I am so glad my mom married/reproduced outside her family!

[kittensaver]

Oct 1, 2013 14:33:29 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Guests don't get to trump the host and decide what they want to do and who they want to bring

You've apparently never met my MIL.

Thank goodness I haven't or I'd have to go all Appropriate Boundaries on her . . . .

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Thank goodness I haven't or I'd have to go all Appropriate Boundaries on her . . .

You'll need this  and this 


And I'll need this

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I really have to give credit to those who manage to pull off a decent wedding.  Right now, I'm listening to a friend of mine help plan her son (the groom) and his fiancee's wedding.  What the couple wants is not what is mandated by their position in the community and unless there is a HUGE wedding (and I'm talking 400+), there will be a lot of pissed off people.  The couple does NOT want a huge wedding.  They do not want children at the wedding because some of the kids belong to the groom's family and their parents go no where without the kids (regardless as to appropriateness).  Apparently those kids are well used to destroying occasions over the last few years.

So they've decided on a destination wedding, which knocks the guest list from 400+ to around 100.  TD and I have been invited and we'll likely go but it's not going to be an inexpensive trip.  So this has added a whole 'nuther list of problems to the event, particularly since the bride's family is not going to be able to afford to go without help.  

If the bride and groom had their way, they'd elope.  But that would go over like a turd in a punch bowl.

[kittensaver]

Oct 1, 2013 14:40:27 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I really have to give credit to those who manage to pull off a decent wedding.  Right now, I'm listening to a friend of mine help plan her son (the groom) and his fiancee's wedding.  What the couple wants is not what is mandated by their position in the community and unless there is a HUGE wedding (and I'm talking 400+), there will be a lot of pissed off people.  The couple does NOT want a huge wedding.  They do not want children at the wedding because some of the kids belong to the groom's family and their parents go no where without the kids (regardless as to appropriateness).  Apparently those kids are well used to destroying occasions over the last few years.

So they've decided on a destination wedding, which knocks the guest list from 400+ to around 100.  TD and I have been invited and we'll likely go but it's not going to be an inexpensive trip.  So this has added a whole 'nuther list of problems to the event, particularly since the bride's family is not going to be able to afford to go without help.  

If the bride and groom had their way, they'd elope.  But that would go over like a turd in a punch bowl.

 A friend of mine marrying a local politician solved this problem by eloping, then having a stand-up cocktail-and-finger food reception (with wedding cake) for 500 people after they got home. She wore her dress/he wore his tux again, the families got their pictures and if anyone in the families were unhappy, they behaved themselves and at least pretended to be happy.

[Deleted]

I had to like your post The Walk of the Penguin Mich just because you used the phrase "turd in a punch bowl"!  That is a hilarious visual!

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2013 14:47:07 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

A friend of mine marrying a local politician solved this problem by eloping, then having a stand-up cocktail-and-finger food reception (with wedding cake) for 500 people after they got home. She wore her dress/he wore his tux again, the families got their pictures and if anyone in the families were unhappy, they behaved themselves and at least pretended to be happy.

We did the same! Well, we had a sit down dinner reception with a cake.

Actually, we sent out announcement cards to everyone about 10 months before the wedding inviting anyone who wanted to join us to come to Vegas for the nuptials. We also added a live stream of the ceremony to our package and gave everyone the website so they could watch from the comfort of their homes as well. Gotta love an à la carte wedding!

[muttleynfelix]

Oct 1, 2013 14:40:27 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I really have to give credit to those who manage to pull off a decent wedding.  Right now, I'm listening to a friend of mine help plan her son (the groom) and his fiancee's wedding.  What the couple wants is not what is mandated by their position in the community and unless there is a HUGE wedding (and I'm talking 400+), there will be a lot of pissed off people.  The couple does NOT want a huge wedding.  They do not want children at the wedding because some of the kids belong to the groom's family and their parents go no where without the kids (regardless as to appropriateness).  Apparently those kids are well used to destroying occasions over the last few years.

So they've decided on a destination wedding, which knocks the guest list from 400+ to around 100.  TD and I have been invited and we'll likely go but it's not going to be an inexpensive trip.  So this has added a whole 'nuther list of problems to the event, particularly since the bride's family is not going to be able to afford to go without help.  

If the bride and groom had their way, they'd elope.  But that would go over like a turd in a punch bowl.

My coworker is doing this. He is getting married on the 26th in Jamaica.   His fiancé's parents are a business owner and the VP of HR at big manufacturing company and his parents are divorced and a wedding here was going to be a deal.... but now they have the destination wedding, the "family ceremony" on November 9 and the reception on the 23rd.  Even though my kids are invited. I am hopeful that the kids' "church Grandparents" are available to watch the kids overnight that night (ETA: the reception night, that is the only one I care to go to) (they have asked us repeatedly to watch our kids, so we are not imposing, they want to do it). 

[formerroomate99]

Oct 1, 2013 14:31:14 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Oct 1, 2013 12:11:21 GMT -5 formerroomate99 said:

Well, it really depends on your kids.  Not all kids go to be early, and some kids are easier to supervise than others.  With our first, he could go anywhere with us pretty much anytime and not be much trouble.  But our second child has a very different temperment, and we had to curtail our activities once he got past that delightfully portable baby stage. 

Respectfully: I still don't understand why (some) parents think they're "entitled" (and then grouse about it) to bring their children to an event when their children are not invited.  You (the Big You - not you, formerroomate) either accept or decline an invitation as offered. Miss T has it right: the invitation is received and then either accepted or declined. Guests don't get to trump the host and decide what they want to do and who they want to bring. At least in my world - - YMMV.

No, I fully agree that guests don't get to dictate who is invited. 

On the other hand, I think it is a bit silly to automatically assume that all children aren't able to handle a formal wedding event, or that the parents don't have enough common sense to know whether or not they can control their children in that setting.  I had kids of all ages at my wedding, and didn't have any problems.  Several other families with a bunch of small children who were invited to my wedding chose not to come, which I thought was odd at the time, but now that I have kids, I understand why they just couldn't come.  Now if you know for a fact that your guests will let their kids run wild, that is a separate issue. 

With several families, I screwed up the invitations and didn't include the kids.  Thankfully, they had enough sense to call and clarify. 

[formerroomate99]

Several of my single friends brought random guys as 'security blanket' dates to my wedding.  Although I wasn't thrilled at the thought of paying to feed and enterain strangers, I knew that they'd be miserable if I didn't let them bring dates, so I went along with it. 

[zibazinski]

Occasionally we eat dinner at a place that hosts wedding receptions. Without a doubt watching the kids either act up out of boredom or run amok because their parents aren't controlling them, just reinforces my no child at adult function rule. Even listening to both of DFs stepkids who don't go anywhere or do anything without their kids and think that makes them great parents as they relate cute stories of their offspring careening around on the dance floor running into others that are trying to dance or fast asleep under tables because its late and theyre tired. Not to mention the crying, talking, babbling, screeching during the ceremony. That's so cute, too. I get if you're having some casual shindig in the backyard, then so what if its a cluster, but a formal fancy event, how boring for kids and how annoying or others who are subjected to your little darlings. 

[formerroomate99]

Yeah, that's the other side of the coin, parents with no common sense. 

At my wedding and reception, the only one behaving like a brat was my MIL.  And the only place I saw children falling asleep was in their parent's arms.  So it is possible to have children come to an adult event without ruining it.  But only if the parents are willing to control their children, and only if the children have the right dispositions for this sort of thing.  We took DS#1 to events we would never take DS#2.  Very different personalities. 
 

[muttleynfelix]

I guess I don't see weddings so much as a fancy formal event, but a family event and to me, kids are a part of a family event. Yes it is a chance to get dressed up, but that doesn't necessarily

I thought it was adorable when my sister's middle child climbed up on the table the buffet had been on when she was upset. Yes, I had a traditional church wedding and the reception was nice, but not fancy. I thought it was hilarious when my mom's cousin's twin toddlers stuck their fingers in the frosting of the cake at my brother's wedding.  

Anyway, it is just regional differences again.  Buffets, partial open bars or cash bars, kids at weddings, are all typical and nothing to get your panties in a wad.

[muttleynfelix]

Oct 1, 2013 15:31:26 GMT -5 formerroomate99 said:

Several of my single friends brought random guys as 'security blanket' dates to my wedding.  Although I wasn't thrilled at the thought of paying to feed and enterain strangers, I knew that they'd be miserable if I didn't let them bring dates, so I went along with it. 

I've been the +1 for a couple of female friends.  Freaked the sister of the bride out when my BFF called me her "girlfriend".   The first time, I knew the bride, but was not close enough to her to be invited, but she was delighted that I was my friend's +1 (friend had moved out of town and was staying with me and my parents to come to the wedding). The second my BFF was sister of the groom and her "friends with benefits" male friend refused to make the trip because he had just started a new job.  My friend really did not want to go to the wedding by herself because she had thought she was going to get married that same month with her ex (despite the fact they had been broken up for over a year, the whole thing had her upset). Anyway, I had a blast. I knew her parents and her brother and her Uncles were hilarious. So, we had a blast and had a blast when we met up at her wedding a few years later. 

[NoNamePerson]

Damn, I think I will take up wedding crashing in my old age. Some of these weddings sound better than Saturday Morning cartoons. Should cut down on my entertainment, food and liquor expense - see I am a good YM're after all. I will be sure to carry a flask just in case of a dry reception.

[kittensaver]

Oct 1, 2013 16:21:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

I guess I don't see weddings so much as a fancy formal event, but a family event and to me, kids are a part of a family event.

Yes IF the bride/groom/host(s) choose to define the wedding that way. Some don't. Guests (including parents) are out of line if they assume their children and/or safety net date are welcomed when their name is not on the invitation. JMHO

I don't think this is a "regional" thing - it is a party planning thing. The person(s) footing the bill have the right to decide the scope and nature of the party, including whether or not THEY choose to include children.

[muttleynfelix]

Oct 1, 2013 16:28:28 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Oct 1, 2013 16:21:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

I guess I don't see weddings so much as a fancy formal event, but a family event and to me, kids are a part of a family event.

Yes IF the bride/groom/host(s) choose to define the wedding that way. Some don't. Guests (including parents) are out of line if they assume their children and/or safety net date are welcomed when their name is not on the invitation. JMHO

I don't think this is a "regional" thing - it is a party planning thing. The person(s) footing the bill have the right to decide the scope and nature of the party, including whether or not THEY choose to include children.

Well regional in that if it is cheaper in general for the wedding, then you are probably less likely to limit the guest list, so therefore more likely to include +1 and children. 

[kittensaver]

Oct 1, 2013 16:41:43 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Oct 1, 2013 16:28:28 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Yes IF the bride/groom/host(s) choose to define the wedding that way. Some don't. Guests (including parents) are out of line if they assume their children and/or safety net date are welcomed when their name is not on the invitation. JMHO

I don't think this is a "regional" thing - it is a party planning thing. The person(s) footing the bill have the right to decide the scope and nature of the party, including whether or not THEY choose to include children.

Well regional in that if it is cheaper in general for the wedding, then you are probably less likely to limit the guest list, so therefore more likely to include +1 and children. 

Very true and I agree with you, but just for the sake of being argumentative (lol!) I still contend it is inappropriate and presumptuous of guests/parents to assume their children and/or wedding wing-buddy is included because it's "a family affair" or "my children know how to behave" or "I don't feel like going alone."

ETA: all three of our immediate family weddings were structured and planned to include children and +1's. That was our choice. But I firmly believe it is and should be the CHOICE for the HOST, not an assumption on the part of the guests (who then grouse about it).  Okay, I'll shut up now - - I've made my point three or four times

[Miss Tequila]

Oct 1, 2013 16:28:28 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Oct 1, 2013 16:21:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

I guess I don't see weddings so much as a fancy formal event, but a family event and to me, kids are a part of a family event.

Yes IF the bride/groom/host(s) choose to define the wedding that way. Some don't. Guests (including parents) are out of line if they assume their children and/or safety net date are welcomed when their name is not on the invitation. JMHO

I don't think this is a "regional" thing - it is a party planning thing. The person(s) footing the bill have the right to decide the scope and nature of the party, including whether or not THEY choose to include children.

I can't remember going to a wedding that involved children, other than those in the wedding. My niece got married last year and it was a very formal, very elegant wedding. The only children invited were my two girls 11 and 13 at the time). I was surprised my kids were invited but we have a very small family (pretty much us and then on m husbands side).

I clearly put "adults only" on the invitation and would have been pissed if someone brought their kids. I paid a fortune for my cake and would not have found it funny to have some toddler stick their finger in it. I would not have been amused to hear a child screaming during dinner.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2013 14:34:04 GMT -5 imanangel said:

They did NOT get married, but yes, they did produce a child.  I am NOT making this up.  Did I mention that they were 1st cousins?
I found out at a family reunion.  I seriously laughed so hard.  My mom got all offended over my laughing and saying "only in this inbred family do people go to family reunions to hook up!"  My dad was laughing with me.  I am so glad my mom married/reproduced outside her family!

Oh, start a thread on this... I have a few stories. 

I might have told them before though... Sigh... I've been on this board too long.

[taz157]

At my and DH's wedding, kids were invited.  Our's was in the afternoon and the kids had a blast.  A couple of my favorite pictures of DH and I dancing with a couple of DH's nieces at separate occasions.

At my brother's wedding, I can't remember if kids were invited or not.  It was an evening wedding, but I can't remember either way.

Last year, DH and I were invited to 2 separate weddings.  One was no kids while the other allowed selected kids.  Both weddings were in the evening.  The no kids wedding was my co-workers.  He and his bride didn't want kids there.  The only kids there were those that were in the wedding.  The other wedding was 1 of DH's nephews.  Since we drove in from out-of-town, our DD was allowed.  There were a couple of other kids, but not too many.  A couple of DH's nieces have kids, but the niece was invited, but not her kids.  Also, her invitation was addressed to her and no guest as she was going through a divorce, but she wanted to bring a guest.  The bride and groom didn't feel it was appropriate for her to bring a guest (wouldn't have been STXH) when she was still technically married.  Needless to say, she didn't come but also didn't RSVP that she wouldn't be there.  Granted, none of niece's sister, brother, or mother actually RSVPed to say that they would not be there.    With our DD, DH and I sat in the back during the ceremony in case she started to fuss, etc. (she was great during it BTW)  (She was 14 months old at the time).  During the reception, she had a great time.  Eventually, she did get tired and my MIL enjoyed cuddling with her in the hotel's lobby (most people spent the night at the hotel the reception was in).  My MIL had a blast holding her; however, DD did great during the entire time.  Fortunately, DD was and is an easy-going kid.  If she creating issues or if we didn't think she could handle it, then we would have made other arrangements or not have gone. 


Edited due to not proof-reading it before I posted it.

[zibazinski]

Because you are a good parent. I'm of the opinion that bad parents subject their children to situations beyond the kids capability to deal with. They think they are good parents because their kids are velcroed to them.

[formerroomate99]

Oct 2, 2013 13:51:48 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Because you are a good parent. I'm of the opinion that bad parents subject their children to situations beyond the kids capability to deal with. They think they are good parents because their kids are velcroed to them.

You know, I've never gotten that mindset.  First off, good parenting means raising kids that can function without your hovering.  Secondly, it's a lot easier for two good people to be good parents if they don't damage or destroy their marriage by depriving themselves of any couple time.  Thirdly, you aren't doing yourself or your family any good if you needlessly stress yourself out, and taking kids to events they can't handle is pretty damn stressful. 

[formerroomate99]

Last year, DH and I were invited to 2 separate weddings. One was no kids while the other allowed selected kids. Both weddings were in the evening. The no kids wedding was my co-workers. He and his bride didn't want kids there. The only kids there were those that were in the wedding.

Ok, this I just don't get.  If kids being kids is going to ruin your day, then why on earth would you make children part of the ceremony?