muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 30, 2013 15:34:06 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. For free to the guests.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 15:35:46 GMT -5
I spent just as much, if not more time, dancing and visiting with other people than my dates at the weddings I've gone to. The only weddings I've been to where I was bored, I'd be bored whether I had a date or not...the wedding was just boring. Oh, and my point was to someone who stated exactly that - why invite neighbors you'll forget in 10 years or cousins you haven't seen in 5 when you could invite a perfect stranger you'll never see again as the date of someone you know.To make the someone you do know and care enough to invite happy and comfortable at your wedding. I thought that's what I said above? There is a logical reason to include a plus one, assuming you do care whether your guests are comfortable and happy. That's what I said a few pages back...everyone ignored it...
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Sept 30, 2013 15:36:22 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. For free to the guests. thought that was implied.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 15:37:46 GMT -5
Agreed. I just don't "get" parents who get offended and pissy about not being able to bring (drag) their young children to an evening event that is clearly structured as an adult party - when their kids are supposed to be in bed. Can't find or hire a babysitter? Stay home. And when your kids get married, it's your option to plan a "child-friendly" wedding . . . just don't go off imposing your desires on others planning their parties. You're the guest, not the host. So, I never bitched to my cousin, but yes it upset me that her wedding and reception was no kids. We use to be close. So, I desperately wanted to go to her wedding. My DH and I with our then 10 month old drove for 3 days (ok it could have been done in 2, but our car wasn't really up to going that far, so we detoured to my parent's house and borrowed my Grandma's car and caravanned with my parents, Grandma, and Great Aunt and Uncle). Then we were asked not to stay at the hotel where the wedding was going to be at because they didn't have "enough rooms" and the grooms family needed more of the rooms (our entourage took up 3). So, we stayed at a hotel 15 miles away. The night of the wedding, my DH and I brought DS's pack-n-play to my aunt and uncle's room (which was suppose to be a suite, but wasn't really). DH was going to stay with DS during the ceremony and my mom was going to relieve him at some point so we could party a little... yeah, we never made it that long. DS screamed the whole time. Just after dinner, DH came to me and said he was headed back to our hotel with DS and stormed out. So, I ran after him and the 3 of us went back to our hotel. To my cousin's credit, she did have babysitting available since this place was a ways from everything. But DS had never stayed with anyone else and I wasn't about to leave him with strangers. We wouldn't have brought him to the ceremony if he had been invited, but it would have been nice to have him at the reception and felt more like a family. We were invited to 5 weddings between DS being 10 months old and 27 months old. We went to 4. All of them out of state for us. DS was only not invited to one of them....we did not make him sit through the ceremony of any of them. The wedding that I was in, DH and DS stayed at the hotel until the reception. DH's cousin's wedding we were staying at the hotel on site and DS fell asleep about 20 minutes before the ceremony was about to begin. The last one was in my hometown, we left him with my parent's who were already babysitting my brother's girls that weekend. The wedding I was in sort of stunk because DH and I only danced once and it was with DS between us since we had no one to watch him while we danced. I did have a blast after DH and DS left and got a ride back to the hotel with the bride's parents. The last one was the most fun because DH and I could relax and have fun just the 2 of us. Sorry...kids don't belong at formal weddings. I had an "adults only" reception so the only kids at my reception were the two flower girls and two ring bearers. The church is one thing but not at a reception
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 15:38:21 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. For free to the guests. Exactly!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 30, 2013 15:40:25 GMT -5
You are not INVITING "guest you don't know". You are inviting your good friends Sarah and Jennifer and Joe, who you have known forever and care deeply about despite the dreaded fact they happen to be single. And then you are affording your dear friends with the courtesy to decide for themselves whether they would be more comfortable with a date. Unless you have space or financial limitations, so then your only choice is to snub "your good friends Sarah and Jennifer and Joe" and not send them an invite because they might be "uncomfortable" coming alone? Do you have "uncomfortable" in quotation marks because you think it's not a real thing? Like there are no people who have ever had a miserable time at a wedding because they are not a super social butterfly, make friends with everyone type who wants to talk to all their friend's old, unknown to them relatives all night? Or who feel like a 5th wheel or spinster while all the couples are dancing to a slow song and they are standing around alone? Who have their feelings hurt because their friend didn't think enough of them to let them decide whether they wanted to bring a date? See, I don't think I'm making up that that happens.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 30, 2013 15:41:49 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. For free to the guests. Yes!! Why the hell else does anyone go to weddings?? I'm pretty sure that's why weddings were invented!
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 15:45:47 GMT -5
Unless you have space or financial limitations, so then your only choice is to snub your good friends Sarah and Jennifer and Joe and not send them an invite because they might be "uncomfortable"? Of course not. You have all sorts of options. You can choose to not invite a plus one if that's your thing (I was really disagreeing with the notion that a plus one was the same thing as just ramdomly sending invites to neighbors and cousins you don't talk to). You could scale back a few bucks a head. Or you could suck it up and spend a bit more. Personally, I would never not include plus ones. In terms of financial impact, how many would there even be? Everyone here has agreed that anyone in a known relationship is invited as a couple. So think of everyone you are close enough to invite to your wedding who is not in any sort of known relationship, how many is it? And of those, would every one of them bring a plus one? We have people here arguing that going to a wedding solo is awesome, so presumably of your list of completely unattached people you'd have some people who declined to bring a date. To have stretched myself to the point that a couple of plus ones is a financial diaster, ruin-the-wedding situation is unimaginable to me. Well FWIW, I agree with the first part of your reply. I think where I differ is the definition of "plus 1." I would NEVER send a "single invite" to anyone who was in a known relationship, even if it is an early or "young stage" relationship - both would be invited and both would have their names on the envelope. I think what I struggle with is this notion that the guest somehow has the "right" to decide whether or not to bring some friend/random person. I guess I'm in the camp of "It's my party and I'll invite who I choose. You are the guest and your either accept or decline." Funny, I've paid for three weddings in my life (mine and both DN's) and this issue never came up. So I'm either lucky or weird (or both, lol).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 15:45:58 GMT -5
And reunions! Reunions should also have alcohol...
I think non walking infants who are not crying are not really 'kids'... I mean, if they are still extensions of the boob, I can't see leaving them home, ie. I probably wouldn't have had issue with the 10 month old...
What am I saying? We Did the JP for lots of reasons, not the least of which is you can't please everyone...
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 30, 2013 15:47:12 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. Isn't that the whole point of a wedding? :-)
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 30, 2013 15:48:41 GMT -5
So, I never bitched to my cousin, but yes it upset me that her wedding and reception was no kids. We use to be close. So, I desperately wanted to go to her wedding. My DH and I with our then 10 month old drove for 3 days (ok it could have been done in 2, but our car wasn't really up to going that far, so we detoured to my parent's house and borrowed my Grandma's car and caravanned with my parents, Grandma, and Great Aunt and Uncle). Then we were asked not to stay at the hotel where the wedding was going to be at because they didn't have "enough rooms" and the grooms family needed more of the rooms (our entourage took up 3). So, we stayed at a hotel 15 miles away. The night of the wedding, my DH and I brought DS's pack-n-play to my aunt and uncle's room (which was suppose to be a suite, but wasn't really). DH was going to stay with DS during the ceremony and my mom was going to relieve him at some point so we could party a little... yeah, we never made it that long. DS screamed the whole time. Just after dinner, DH came to me and said he was headed back to our hotel with DS and stormed out. So, I ran after him and the 3 of us went back to our hotel. To my cousin's credit, she did have babysitting available since this place was a ways from everything. But DS had never stayed with anyone else and I wasn't about to leave him with strangers. We wouldn't have brought him to the ceremony if he had been invited, but it would have been nice to have him at the reception and felt more like a family. We were invited to 5 weddings between DS being 10 months old and 27 months old. We went to 4. All of them out of state for us. DS was only not invited to one of them....we did not make him sit through the ceremony of any of them. The wedding that I was in, DH and DS stayed at the hotel until the reception. DH's cousin's wedding we were staying at the hotel on site and DS fell asleep about 20 minutes before the ceremony was about to begin. The last one was in my hometown, we left him with my parent's who were already babysitting my brother's girls that weekend. The wedding I was in sort of stunk because DH and I only danced once and it was with DS between us since we had no one to watch him while we danced. I did have a blast after DH and DS left and got a ride back to the hotel with the bride's parents. The last one was the most fun because DH and I could relax and have fun just the 2 of us. Sorry...kids don't belong at formal weddings. I had an "adults only" reception so the only kids at my reception were the two flower girls and two ring bearers. The church is one thing but not at a reception I have never been to a truly formal wedding. Most are semi-formal, but I don't think I would classify any of them as formal. A couple might have been close, but they all include children (except my cousin's). There seems to be a lot of regional differences - like cash bars, children at weddings, etc. Heck - DH's cousin's wedding allowed children at the afterparty at the hotel bar! (They are Wisconsinites).
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 30, 2013 15:51:50 GMT -5
And reunions! Reunions should also have alcohol... I think non walking infants who are not crying are not really 'kids'... I mean, if they are still extensions of the boo, I can't see leaving them home, ie. I probably wouldn't have had issue with the 10 month old... What am I saying? We I'd the JP for lots of reasons, not the least of which is you can't please everyone... LOL. I eloped on the beach and no one we knew at all was there. I have sinced divorced, skipped the wedding and live in sin with my sweetie for the last several years. So I have not exactly done things in any traditional way. But I can say for certain that no guest at any party or potential future wedding I host would ever have to pony up for booze!
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 15:52:11 GMT -5
Sorry...kids don't belong at formal weddings. I had an "adults only" reception so the only kids at my reception were the two flower girls and two ring bearers. The church is one thing but not at a reception I have never been to a truly formal wedding. Most are semi-formal, but I don't think I would classify any of them as formal. A couple might have been close, but they all include children (except my cousin's). There seems to be a lot of regional differences - like cash bars, children at weddings, etc. Heck - DH's cousin's wedding allowed children at the afterparty at the hotel bar! (They are Wisconsinites). << kittensaver puts on judgemental hat >> This is not some sort of wedding etiquette. This is bad parenting. Children do not belong in hotel bars after hours << kittensaver removes judgemental hat >>
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 30, 2013 15:54:00 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. Yes we can all agree on that. And if I get drunk enough you can call me MRS., MS, Miss, or Mr.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 15:54:36 GMT -5
So the only thing everyone on YM can agree on, is there should be booze at a wedding, lots and lots of booze. Yes we can all agree on that. And if I get drunk enough you can call me MRS., MS, Miss, or Mr. . . . or "late for breakfast."
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 30, 2013 15:57:23 GMT -5
Of course not. You have all sorts of options. You can choose to not invite a plus one if that's your thing (I was really disagreeing with the notion that a plus one was the same thing as just ramdomly sending invites to neighbors and cousins you don't talk to). You could scale back a few bucks a head. Or you could suck it up and spend a bit more. Personally, I would never not include plus ones. In terms of financial impact, how many would there even be? Everyone here has agreed that anyone in a known relationship is invited as a couple. So think of everyone you are close enough to invite to your wedding who is not in any sort of known relationship, how many is it? And of those, would every one of them bring a plus one? We have people here arguing that going to a wedding solo is awesome, so presumably of your list of completely unattached people you'd have some people who declined to bring a date. To have stretched myself to the point that a couple of plus ones is a financial diaster, ruin-the-wedding situation is unimaginable to me. Well FWIW, I agree with the first part of your reply. I think where I differ is the definition of "plus 1." I would NEVER send a "single invite" to anyone who was in a known relationship, even if it is an early or "young stage" relationship - both would be invited and both would have their names on the envelope. I think what I struggle with is this notion that the guest somehow has the "right" to decide whether or not to bring some friend/random person. I guess I'm in the camp of "It's my party and I'll invite who I choose. You are the guest and your either accept or decline." Funny, I've paid for three weddings in my life (mine and both DN's) and this issue never came up. So I'm either lucky or weird (or both, lol). I agree that guests should not feel they have a right to decide things about a function they are invited to. I am not advocating that the guests get demanding or bossy. But if I'm the one doing the inviting to a special day to share with cherished friends and whatnot - I actually do want the cherished friends to be happy and have a good time. If that means a few plus ones, so be it. I can't see taking an attitude of "take it or leave it" with close friends whose presence I actually care about. It seems mean spirited, and for what?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Sept 30, 2013 15:57:46 GMT -5
Since when are weddings kid free? They used to be mostly close family, and families used to be larger on average so most people had siblings and close cousins with kids. I've only been to one reception that was kid free and it emptied out really early because half the guests had to leave early to get the kids from the sitter. Great food, but cash bar, and pretty dull reception.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 30, 2013 16:04:45 GMT -5
Since when are weddings kid free? They used to be mostly close family, and families used to be larger on average so most people had siblings and close cousins with kids. I've only been to one reception that was kid free and it emptied out really early because half the guests had to leave early to get the kids from the sitter. Great food, but cash bar, and pretty dull reception. Since they got fun? Are you sure everyone didn't leave early because it was a cash bar?? I would have.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Sept 30, 2013 16:05:08 GMT -5
This thread is confusing to me for the regional things. What I thought were regional I now think are personal or family. I had never seen a dry wedding or a cash bar until I met DH's family. they all live in Columbia-ish county PA. The last three weddings were what I would call dry. Two still had cash "bars" though.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 30, 2013 16:13:28 GMT -5
Since when are weddings kid free? They used to be mostly close family, and families used to be larger on average so most people had siblings and close cousins with kids. I've only been to one reception that was kid free and it emptied out really early because half the guests had to leave early to get the kids from the sitter. Great food, but cash bar, and pretty dull reception. That's why the reception cleared out early.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 30, 2013 16:14:32 GMT -5
I have never been to a truly formal wedding. Most are semi-formal, but I don't think I would classify any of them as formal. A couple might have been close, but they all include children (except my cousin's). There seems to be a lot of regional differences - like cash bars, children at weddings, etc. Heck - DH's cousin's wedding allowed children at the afterparty at the hotel bar! (They are Wisconsinites). << kittensaver puts on judgemental hat >> This is not some sort of wedding etiquette. This is bad parenting. Children do not belong in hotel bars after hours << kittensaver removes judgemental hat >> Well, my child wasn't in the bar, so judge away. He was tucked away in bed as soon as he got tired. Yeah, I didn't get it since pretty much everyone was staying at the resort. So go, put the kid to bed (and the kid I remember screaming was like 5) and come back and party.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 16:17:35 GMT -5
<< kittensaver puts on judgemental hat >> This is not some sort of wedding etiquette. This is bad parenting. Children do not belong in hotel bars after hours << kittensaver removes judgemental hat >> Well, my child wasn't in the bar, so judge away. He was tucked away in bed as soon as he got tired. Yeah, I didn't get it since pretty much everyone was staying at the resort. So go, put the kid to bed (and the kid I remember screaming was like 5) and come back and party. << kittensaver applauds muttleynfelix for good parenting >>
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 30, 2013 16:45:47 GMT -5
Well, my child wasn't in the bar, so judge away. He was tucked away in bed as soon as he got tired. Yeah, I didn't get it since pretty much everyone was staying at the resort. So go, put the kid to bed (and the kid I remember screaming was like 5) and come back and party. << kittensaver applauds muttleynfelix for good parenting >> Unless she put him to bed with a bottle filled with Vodka
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Sept 30, 2013 16:48:24 GMT -5
To make the someone you do know and care enough to invite happy and comfortable at your wedding. I thought that's what I said above? There is a logical reason to include a plus one, assuming you do care whether your guests are comfortable and happy. But the bride and groom DO currently know their neighbor and DO know their cousins. They don't know "and guest". I can't speak for your family, but there are some "and guest" options that my dear friends might bring to my wedding whose company I would vastly prefer to some of my own family. I think that's the point that many posters are trying to make.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 16:51:31 GMT -5
For free to the guests. Exactly! But only if it's decent stuff
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 30, 2013 16:54:59 GMT -5
<< kittensaver applauds muttleynfelix for good parenting >> Unless she put him to bed with a bottle filled with Vodka Damn it!! You weren't suppose to guess my secret.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Sept 30, 2013 17:41:08 GMT -5
I had never seen a dry wedding or a cash bar until I met DH's family. I've seen dry weddings, cash bars, fist fights, screaming kids in the middle of the ceremony and the dreaded "dollar dance".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 17:45:48 GMT -5
Dollar dance, shot dance, chicken dance...
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 17:52:13 GMT -5
Dollar dance, shot dance, chicken dance... Macarena, Hora, Time Warp (!!), Conga Line, Limbo Line, YMCA . . . .
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Sept 30, 2013 18:35:02 GMT -5
Maybe it's a people without kids thing. I drink socially in front of mine. A wedding reception isn't an appropriate place to get hammered, but it is an occasion where it's appropriate to tie a few on, and I have no problem with my kids learning that. Seems less healthy to hide drinking from them. I want them learning from me where, when, and how much is acceptable.
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