NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Aug 1, 2013 15:14:28 GMT -5
SK I think your response was totally appropriate and quite restraint. I don't think that I would have had that in me. I once had to lock myself into a cabin at a national park after an 8 yo pushed my then 3yo off a 5ft high stage. DS was fine but I saw red. If I had not gotten away from that situation I would have done serious harm to the other kid. As it was I left it to xH to deal with (I was a tad hormonal at the time and found out a few weeks later that I was pg). My self control greatly improved over the years, but I am sure that many would not agree how I handled the results of the reaction of DS2 to being bullied. We had just moved a few months before and some kids had decided that DS2 was a great target for them. Then one day in class they took all his pencils (the kid liked to have at least half a dozen) and broke them one by one. DS claimed that the teacher saw what happened and nothing. This time DS was fed up and decided that again asking them to stop wasn't going to work so at lunch he waked up to those kids and knocked their heads together. DS got expelled for 2 days which included a day the class was going on a field trip. After I talked to the adminstrators. The teacher had one of those "yea but ... boys will be boys" and "DS should not have resorted to violence, yada yada" reactions. So I told them they better make sure it did not happen again and accepted their decision of punishmnet for DS. And now for the debatable part of what I did, at home I told DS not to get physical again, but I was going to make up for his lost field trip. He got to chose and we had a blast! and to this day I don't regret it one bit; the bullies got what they deserved and never bothered DS again. It did probably not hurt that DS was tall for his age and quite strong. He just was not naturally an agressive person
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Aug 1, 2013 15:14:38 GMT -5
You guys can go back and reread the thread but most of the comments were about how people would have had to restrain themselves from beating the boy up or he should be banned from things like scouts for life. As the parent of the kid who was picked on all I care about is that my kid isn't picked on again. It isn't my job to worry about the other kid learning a lesson. I have totally BTDT and got the tshirt with mean kids picking on my kids. I can't think of one time where the parent confronting the parent of the "bully" actually made things better though. Untended consequences can be a bitch, and since those unentended consequences would roll down hill onto my kid I do care about that. I can give you a prime example...my daughter came home from school crying a few months ago. She always loved school up until this point. The next morning she didn't want to go to school and started crying again. Turns out some little kid on her bus was tormenting her. I called the school, spoke to the guidance counselor, principal and director of special ed. I gave them two choices; remove this kid from my daughter's bus or put my daughter on a new bus. I recited their anti-bullying policy back to them (zero tolerance) and told them I expected the situation resolved before the end of the day. Within hours this kid was no longer on my daughter's bus and my daughter went back to loving school. It also gave my daughter confidence to talk to me in these kinds of situations because she now knows that mommy will take care of it. I said from the beginning that my biggest concern is that these kids can't be seperated. Once school starts they are together in school. Since when is trying to resolve the conflict wihtout a big show down a bad thing?
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 1, 2013 15:16:35 GMT -5
MPL- I just get annoyed with all the hypocrisy. People see my family as being evil because we are atheists. Seriously- a kid my son's age (15 now, but this was when he was 12) asked him something about did he have to go to church on Sunday. DS said "No, we are atheists" Kid asked him if we worshiped satan. DS said "Nope, we worship the fuzzy bunny in the sky" thinking the kid was joking. Kid was serious- his parents told him that non-Christians were all devil worshipers.
Regardless- those kids too an oath and made a promise. This is from their official web page. I think that scout leader needs to remind the kids of this:
Boy Scout Oath or Promise
On my honor, I will do my best To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
DUTY TO OTHER PEOPLE: Many people need help. A cheery smile and a helping hand make life easier for others. By doing a Good Turn daily and helping when you're needed, you prove yourself a Scout and do your part to make this a better world.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 1, 2013 15:21:03 GMT -5
I don't know if this is allowed, but now that I think about it - I would have talked to the kid himself. Here is the message I would have tried to send: I KNOW what you are doing, you can lie all your want, I am not your mother, I am not going to punish you, but I do want you to stop this kind of BS before it does get to your mother, the Scout people or principal (when in school). Just bc my son doesn't see how mean you are, doesn't mean I don't, so before your consequences get too harsh - STOP! As a mom, I understand the desire to talk to the other kid, but you have to be very careful about that. It's always best to let the other parent handle their own kid - and in this case, the mom seemed to step up and do so - or you can be perceived as being a bully parent. My older son (the one that struggled for a while with impulse control) once had an issue where he was clearly at fault. He was rude to a girl in his second grade class. Don't remember what he said, but it was wrong. The teacher talked to him and made him miss the rest of recess. I also talked to him. The next day, the girl's mother - who was a pretty large woman and made a big deal about being a black belt in karate - found my 40 pound kid on the playground, physically pulled him aside and screamed in his face that she would "kill" him if he was ever mean to her daughter again. He was terrified. I'm not at all defending my son's actions just like it wouldn't be appropriate to defend the actions of the scout leader's son, but talking in an inappropriate way to someone else's kid is wrong as well. Let the parent or the organization handle it. If the parent or the organization won't handle it, go somewhere else, but don't do a DIY intervention.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 15:21:28 GMT -5
::ITA that SK needed to speak up. Silent bystanders are even more damaging, IMHO, than the bullies themselves. The silent bystanders give the bullies license to step up the bullying. Bravo, SK. I think you handled it really well. The fact that no one has disagreed with the facts as you stated them (in writing, wise woman) speaks volumes.::
There are ways to speak up other than passive-aggressively sending emails out to everyone. And yes this is incredibly passive-aggressive when you look at it from a parenting team perspective. Parent ignores it when it happens even while parent is right there, once home parent sends an email out telling everyone their kids are harassing someone with a disability. It doesn't matter that the 2 parents are different. Sending emails out telling people they can use it as a parenting opportunity sounds slightly crazy. Most of the problem is DH's for not speaking up at the time, but given that, the email tops off the passive-aggressive duet.
::Anybody who picks on a kid with special needs, or is smaller, etc. is nothing but a coward IMO.::
At the time, for all we know, they were picking on him for any of millions of reasons. They didn't know he was autistic according to SK.
I think it's kind of interesting it's the women getting all up in arms here. I feel like maybe you don't understand what boys actually do to one another. This doesn't rank in the top 100 of things we did to each other as kids. If everyone hates your kid, maybe your kid shouldn't be there. What's he really getting out of being in a social group where everyone hates him this much? It's one or the other, either they all hate him, or they're razzing him like boys do.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 1, 2013 15:26:55 GMT -5
You guys can go back and reread the thread but most of the comments were about how people would have had to restrain themselves from beating the boy up
And everyone said they wouldn't actually do it. I didn't know there was a thought police. Yeah my first reaction would be push the kid's face into the pee and see how he likes it, even if it was my own kid. But since I'm an adult I recognize that's not the proper way to handle things or the message I want to send. I'd keep that to myself. More than electronics would disappear in my house though. I get kids can be jackasses but you don't do that to a kid who is "different" and doesn't understand. You want to push a kid in pee you take your chances pushing one in that will push your ass in right back. The key is that we all said that we would restrain ourselves...I would want to drop kick the kid but obviouslly I wouldn't....
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 1, 2013 15:32:18 GMT -5
SK I think your response was totally appropriate and quite restraint. I don't think that I would have had that in me. I once had to lock myself into a cabin at a national park after an 8 yo pushed my then 3yo off a 5ft high stage. DS was fine but I saw red. If I had not gotten away from that situation I would have done serious harm to the other kid. As it was I left it to xH to deal with (I was a tad hormonal at the time and found out a few weeks later that I was pg). My self control greatly improved over the years, but I am sure that many would not agree how I handled the results of the reaction of DS2 to being bullied. We had just moved a few months before and some kids had decided that DS2 was a great target for them. Then one day in class they took all his pencils (the kid liked to have at least half a dozen) and broke them one by one. DS claimed that the teacher saw what happened and nothing. This time DS was fed up and decided that again asking them to stop wasn't going to work so at lunch he waked up to those kids and knocked their heads together. DS got expelled for 2 days which included a day the class was going on a field trip. After I talked to the adminstrators. The teacher had one of those "yea but ... boys will be boys" and "DS should not have resorted to violence, yada yada" reactions. So I told them they better make sure it did not happen again and accepted their decision of punishmnet for DS. And now for the debatable part of what I did, at home I told DS not to get physical again, but I was going to make up for his lost field trip. He got to chose and we had a blast! and to this day I don't regret it one bit; the bullies got what they deserved and never bothered DS again. It did probably not hurt that DS was tall for his age and quite strong. He just was not naturally an agressive person I would have done what you did. Had a day better than the field trip. My one time dealing with brats was outside school so I just told DS to ignore them and walk away. I knew he'd get his fill sooner or later. And when he did, he gave the kid giving him a hard time a beat down. Parents got offended but I couldn't have cared less. They should have taught their kid to behave before my son did.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Aug 1, 2013 15:33:46 GMT -5
::ITA that SK needed to speak up. Silent bystanders are even more damaging, IMHO, than the bullies themselves. The silent bystanders give the bullies license to step up the bullying. Bravo, SK. I think you handled it really well. The fact that no one has disagreed with the facts as you stated them (in writing, wise woman) speaks volumes.:: There are ways to speak up other than passive-aggressively sending emails out to everyone. And yes this is incredibly passive-aggressive when you look at it from a parenting team perspective. Parent ignores it when it happens even while parent is right there, once home parent sends an email out telling everyone their kids are harassing someone with a disability. It doesn't matter that the 2 parents are different. Sending emails out telling people they can use it as a parenting opportunity sounds slightly crazy. Most of the problem is DH's for not speaking up at the time, but given that, the email tops off the passive-aggressive duet. ::Anybody who picks on a kid with special needs, or is smaller, etc. is nothing but a coward IMO.:: At the time, for all we know, they were picking on him for any of millions of reasons. They didn't know he was autistic according to SK. I think it's kind of interesting it's the women getting all up in arms here. I feel like maybe you don't understand what boys actually do to one another. This doesn't rank in the top 100 of things we did to each other as kids. If everyone hates your kid, maybe your kid shouldn't be there. What's he really getting out of being in a social group where everyone hates him this much? It's one or the other, either they all hate him, or they're razzing him like boys do. Psst I'm a woman.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 15:34:33 GMT -5
::SK I think your response was totally appropriate and quite restraint.::
Really? What else would she have possibly done? She didn't know who the boys were. Was she going to go knock on the door of the leader and punch his 8 year old in the face? What's restrained about firing off an email to an entire troop where she tells people she's giving them a parenting opportunity and telling them all for the first time that her kid has a disability? It doesn't seem restrained to me at all. Restrained is going and talking to the troop leader. And making excuses of "I don't think they'll do anything about it" when you've never actually said anything to them, is nothing but a cop-out.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 1, 2013 15:38:10 GMT -5
::ITA that SK needed to speak up. Silent bystanders are even more damaging, IMHO, than the bullies themselves. The silent bystanders give the bullies license to step up the bullying. Bravo, SK. I think you handled it really well. The fact that no one has disagreed with the facts as you stated them (in writing, wise woman) speaks volumes.:: There are ways to speak up other than passive-aggressively sending emails out to everyone. And yes this is incredibly passive-aggressive when you look at it from a parenting team perspective. Parent ignores it when it happens even while parent is right there, once home parent sends an email out telling everyone their kids are harassing someone with a disability. It doesn't matter that the 2 parents are different. Sending emails out telling people they can use it as a parenting opportunity sounds slightly crazy. Most of the problem is DH's for not speaking up at the time, but given that, the email tops off the passive-aggressive duet. ::Anybody who picks on a kid with special needs, or is smaller, etc. is nothing but a coward IMO.:: At the time, for all we know, they were picking on him for any of millions of reasons. They didn't know he was autistic according to SK. I think it's kind of interesting it's the women getting all up in arms here. I feel like maybe you don't understand what boys actually do to one another. This doesn't rank in the top 100 of things we did to each other as kids. If everyone hates your kid, maybe your kid shouldn't be there. What's he really getting out of being in a social group where everyone hates him this much? It's one or the other, either they all hate him, or they're razzing him like boys do. And your parents taught you, after years and years of effort, that civilized people don't behave like that. You didn't learn it by hearing it once, now did you?
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 1, 2013 15:40:31 GMT -5
Yes, they do want the boys to believe in something larger than themselves. They just don't dictate what that is. Ok- but these kids that are in scouts and supposed to be all "Christian" are the ones tossing an 8 year old autistic kid in a puddle of urine. They do dictate what that is in their own subtle way- if they had their way every kid in scouting would be a good little Christian kid (the right kind whatever that means). They only let gay scouts in because they were looking like asshats and corporations were pulling funding. To quote my husband- my imaginary bunny in the sky is just as valid as your imaginary man in heaven. Scouts does not require kids to be christian. Many of the charter organizations are churches which is probably why you think this. The BSA doesn't care which religion. There is a difference. But they do want the kids to be respectful and courteous, which is not happening in this case.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 1, 2013 15:44:07 GMT -5
Was she going to go knock on the door of the leader and punch his 8 year old in the face?
That's a Family Guy episode.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 15:44:44 GMT -5
::Ok- but these kids that are in scouts and supposed to be all "Christian" are the ones tossing an 8 year old autistic kid in a puddle of urine. ::
And according to his own mother, they didn't know he was autistic. Being "Christian" doesn't mean kids can't screw around.
::And your parents taught you, after years and years of effort, that civilized people don't behave like that. You didn't learn it by hearing it once, now did you?::
They taught me that if my friends and I were going to shove each other into piles of cowshit that we'd better hook up the hose and clean off before we came into the house. They didn't freak out about stuff that didn't really harm anyone.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 1, 2013 15:46:22 GMT -5
We had just moved a few months before and some kids had decided that DS2 was a great target for them. Then one day in class they took all his pencils (the kid liked to have at least half a dozen) and broke them one by one. DS claimed that the teacher saw what happened and nothing. This time DS was fed up and decided that again asking them to stop wasn't going to work so at lunch he waked up to those kids and knocked their heads together. DS got expelled for 2 days which included a day the class was going on a field trip. After I talked to the adminstrators. The teacher had one of those "yea but ... boys will be boys" and "DS should not have resorted to violence, yada yada" reactions. So I told them they better make sure it did not happen again and accepted their decision of punishmnet for DS. And now for the debatable part of what I did, at home I told DS not to get physical again, but I was going to make up for his lost field trip. He got to chose and we had a blast! and to this day I don't regret it one bit; the bullies got what they deserved and never bothered DS again. It did probably not hurt that DS was tall for his age and quite strong. He just was not naturally an agressive person There was another thread where I stated that sometimes you have to stand up to a bully. I think this is a good example and I think it was fine you backed your DS on his behavior. If teachers are not going to stand up for him, then he is going to need to learn to do it himself. Physical violence probably wasn't the best answer, but continually being bullied isn't a solution either. I want my son to learn to stand up for himself and I do worry because I have a feeling he could easily be the target of bullies as he gets older.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Aug 1, 2013 16:00:16 GMT -5
I'm trying to understand your viewpoint, but I guess I don't see how what we did was passive-aggressive. 5-6 boys were involved in the incident, which is about half the kids that were at camp. DH doesn't know the names of all the boys, and when he yelled at them about it half of the kids ran away ignoring him (and one lied to him). The troop leader was not at camp that week - the only authority were the parent volunteers or maybe a camp leader (which IMO seems inappropriate since we'd be escalating the incident above our troop leader's head). DH did not think the parents should know, but given the numbers (and the pattern of incidences) I thought they should. We still don't agree.
Since scouts is primarily a "growing boys into men" activity where they are constantly learning citizenship and charity, yes I think it's appropriate to discuss with parents themes like character and compassion. I wouldn't have done this if it was a soccer team or chess club, but scouts is absolutely about those qualities. Or at least it is supposed to be. As I said in my email to the parents, what's the point of collecting food for the poor or maintaining trails in a park (things the troop did recently) if we don't address this incident with the boys?
Anyway, I do see weaknesses in the email strategy and I'm trying to think it through to figure out the best option for the potential next situation. But honestly if *I* hadn't sent the mass email the troop leader would have had to since there were other unknown boys involved. IMO it's better for me to do it since I had the facts. We specifically haven't named any names except to direct parents of specific kids. We weren't gossipy.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 1, 2013 16:04:20 GMT -5
Hoops- screwing around is one thing, tossing a kid in a puddle of urine is another thing. They knew when they did it they were being assholes. They knew on some level that they were picking on a kid that wasn't in a position to stand up for himself. It's not like he laughed it off and they went on down the line and at the end of the day everyone ended up in the puddle of urine. Nope- it was one kid and that makes it bullying not "screwing around".
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Aug 1, 2013 16:06:46 GMT -5
::Ok- but these kids that are in scouts and supposed to be all "Christian" are the ones tossing an 8 year old autistic kid in a puddle of urine. :: And according to his own mother, they didn't know he was autistic. Being "Christian" doesn't mean kids can't screw around. ::And your parents taught you, after years and years of effort, that civilized people don't behave like that. You didn't learn it by hearing it once, now did you?:: They taught me that if my friends and I were going to shove each other into piles of cowshit that we'd better hook up the hose and clean off before we came into the house. They didn't freak out about stuff that didn't really harm anyone. Now you're just being a troll. I don't believe for an instant that you can't tell the difference between some friends messing around in piles of cowshit and a random guy suddenly grabbing you and shoving your face in it. There's a huge difference between a cafeteria food fight and someone throwing a tomato at you while you give a speech. But, I know you know that. Your motives for making these points though are beyond me.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 1, 2013 16:09:57 GMT -5
MM, I expect my younger DS to have the experience of his mouth writing a check his body can't cash. I keep trying to teach him, but I think someone his age is going to have to help me make my point. Even my DH sees it coming.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Aug 1, 2013 16:16:55 GMT -5
In some ways, taking away electronics is a very appropriate response to asshole behavior, since an awful lot of kids programming geared towards that age seems to outright encourage being a jerk.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 16:18:12 GMT -5
::I'm trying to understand your viewpoint, but I guess I don't see how what we did was passive-aggressive. 5-6 boys were involved in the incident, which is about half the kids that were at camp. DH doesn't know the names of all the boys, and when he yelled at them about it half of the kids ran away ignoring him (and one lied to him). The troop leader was not at camp that week - the only authority were the parent volunteers or maybe a camp leader (which IMO seems inappropriate since we'd be escalating the incident above our troop leader's head). DH did not think the parents should know, but given the numbers (and the pattern of incidences) I thought they should. We still don't agree.::
It's not really that hard to figure out in a group of 10-12 who did it. I say passive-aggressive because really, he didn't do anything at the time. Saying he tried to talk to them but they ran away sounds like a completely bogus excuse to me. He's the authority figure over those kids at the time from the sounds of it. It sounds like "I tried to discipline them, but they ran away so I just left it" doesn't sound like an adult. I think the real issue is kind of what you've said, he didn't want to get the parents involved. That's waht leads to the passive aggressiveness. He basically blows it off because he doesn't think it's serious enough to get parents involved, then you send a mass email to ALL the parents.
You weren't even there. Your spouse was there and chose to basically ignore the entire thing (regardless of claims that he "tried"...he didn't try). Either it's a big deal or it's not. If it is, he handled it poorly, if it's not, you handled it poorly. But that's what makes it passive aggressive, he was passive you were aggressive.
I think as a parenting team, who is apparently sometimes in charge of other people's kids, he can't just let things slide and then have you firing off troop-wide emails about the incident later because he didn't feel like dealing with it. Particularly when you weren't there and in charge when it happened.
The part I think is really odd is the claim that you think the troop leader would minimize the "bullying" so you don't take it to him, but your husband was standing right there and knew all about it and he completely dismissed the entire thing.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 16:21:54 GMT -5
::I don't believe for an instant that you can't tell the difference between some friends messing around in piles of cowshit and a random guy suddenly grabbing you and shoving your face in it. ::
Of course I know the difference. And I fully agree there's a huge difference. So the question is: were these random strangers who picked DS up?
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Aug 1, 2013 16:39:16 GMT -5
Instead of fretting about this, I'd use this as a teaching moment to illustrate the fact that one of the risks you take when you mess with someone is that they might have bigger, crazier friends who will strike back.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 1, 2013 17:51:01 GMT -5
Instead of fretting about this, I'd use this as a teaching moment to illustrate the fact that one of the risks you take when you mess with someone is that they might have bigger, crazier friends who will strike back. Yeah, there's really no way it's remotely appropriate for an adult to bully a small child on a playground. Especially inappropriate when the adult knows the kid's parent isn't there to protect him. If you think the dynamic of having a full grown adult physically intimidate a 40 pound seven year old is more of a teaching moment and nothing a parent should "fret" about, we're on different parenting wavelengths. You don't stop bullies by bullying them. In fact, many kids who bully and mistreat others do so because they were bullied or mistreated. It's not appropriate or effective to use bullying to stop bad behavior in children.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Aug 1, 2013 17:59:38 GMT -5
I only read your message. I think you did fine. I don't "announce" it when I have my son participate in things, but usually wear an autism button because I generally stay for things instead of dropping him off and coming back and I'm sure other parents wonder about that. I've signed him up for many activities that are "mainstream" simply because he's interested in them, the kids have always been nice to him and work hard to include him. I am sorry for your experience and can't imagine how that felt. I wouldn't worry about the 1 month punishment, kids today aren't punished enough--and he probably wasn't punished because of your email, your email was probably the last straw and his parents had had enough.
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naturallyfrugal
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Post by naturallyfrugal on Aug 1, 2013 18:20:50 GMT -5
I don't think you over-reacted, but I do think it should have been handled at that time despite your husband's non-confrontational personality. My husband is the same way, but putting our son in pee would have pissed him off to no end. I would also worry about retaliation and try to find out what happens at school, particularly if they happen to be in the same class. If they are in the same grade, would it be worth it to contact the school and ask if they would make sure they're in different classes? Our school sends out a form at the end of the school year asking parents what type of environment our child works best in, if there's anyone you would rather they not be in class with, etc... They use the form when placing the kids for the new school year. My son (age 7) is in Cub Scouts, but this past year was his first (Tiger Cub, 1st grade) so I don't have years of experience with it but our Pack is "sponsored" by the elementary school and there is never a mention of G--, Christianity, or any other religion. I also don't hear a lot of talk about being a good person, but that may be handled in the den meetings (it is in my son's den - my husband is asst. den leader so I never go to them and don't know exactly what they discuss). The Pack meetings are crazy, boys running around before and after, and I can see how it would be hard to catch something if you're not looking for it. From what I've seen of the other boys in our pack, there are a lot of nerdy boys (which I like) and only a couple act "cool" and they're older so my son doesn't have a lot of interaction with them. At camp-outs, the dens camp together so my son is mostly around the other boys his age unless the older boys are teaching them knot tying. So, overall, I have very little to contribute to your original post - I just wanted to let you know not all Packs are like that and maybe you should look at a different pack if your son is interested in staying in.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 1, 2013 21:20:21 GMT -5
I definitely would have been annoyed with the kids and with DH for not addressing it at the time. I would be curious if this is/will be DH's general reaction when his child gets picked on in front of him or if he will alter his reaction next time.
I do agree with sending the email to everyone with the purpose of making it a whole group discussion and to avoid talking behind people's backs and the perception of "tattling" to the troop leader.
While I do feel bad for you, SK, that it seems like hoops is being argumentitive, I will say there are numerous parents who have his perspective. They don't think horseplay is inappropriate. They believe that kids must work things out between themselves without parental involvement regardless of any physicality because boys are physical creatures and that trait should not be corralled. It's difficult for me to wrap my brain around, but there are many out there raising their boys that way.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 1, 2013 21:41:15 GMT -5
I would be very leary to leave my child at unsupervised or minimally supervised activities . The reality is no one is going to watch your child as well as you.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 1, 2013 21:48:07 GMT -5
Every time I stepped in to defend my children except for two times, it was a major mistake and my kids were less than appreciative. I sure don't know the answer but its hard to do nothing, that's what makes us parents and not someone who just popped out a kid.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Aug 2, 2013 6:35:46 GMT -5
I agree with Sheila. It's one thing to joke around, but they put him in a puddle of urine. Degrading, nasty and smelly.
And if Dad isn't going to speak up, Mom needs to volunteer as a leader, committee member, merit badge counselor, etc...
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Aug 2, 2013 11:01:58 GMT -5
Instead of fretting about this, I'd use this as a teaching moment to illustrate the fact that one of the risks you take when you mess with someone is that they might have bigger, crazier friends who will strike back. Yeah, there's really no way it's remotely appropriate for an adult to bully a small child on a playground. Especially inappropriate when the adult knows the kid's parent isn't there to protect him. If you think the dynamic of having a full grown adult physically intimidate a 40 pound seven year old is more of a teaching moment and nothing a parent should "fret" about, we're on different parenting wavelengths. You don't stop bullies by bullying them. In fact, many kids who bully and mistreat others do so because they were bullied or mistreated. It's not appropriate or effective to use bullying to stop bad behavior in children. No, I don't think it is appropriate for an adult to act this way. I certainly wouldn't do something like this. And if I saw something like this going on, I'd certainly be heading over there to see what's happening, because someone who acts this way clearly has a screw loose. But after it happened, instead of consoling him, I'd be telling him that he brought this on himself and that one of the risks you take when you pick on someone is that they may have bigger, crazier friends that will strike back. Natural consequences are often a more effective teaching tool than a parent harping on a subject, and I wouldn't want to undermine such an opportunity. We live in a world where nutbars like this woman are far from rare, and the sooner my kid learns not to needlessly provoke other people, the safer he'll be.
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