Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Aug 1, 2013 12:54:37 GMT -5
I think there is a lot of truth to this. Boys tend to roughhouse/taunt/etc each other as friends and DH sees that aspect of the situation. My point (and I'm a woman so I'm biased differently) is that DS isn't friends with these boys and doesn't dish it back. The dynamic is totally different. It isn't an autism thing, any kid can be "weaker" and get bullied. I used the autism angle in my letter because A) I felt the troop should know something so basic about DS, and B) because I genuinely think the other boys could benefit from regular exposure with someone who is different. There's nothing more illuminating for a person than experiencing something different and growing to appreciate the differences. I truly did not mean to shame the parents. But perhaps that is one of those "real world" consequences I didn't foresee. Miss Tequilla - if I had been there (vs DH) believe me things would have been handled very differently from the first moment. I probably would have made them all lay in the urine "to see how it felt." And then I probably would have been banned from all scouting events.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 12:55:13 GMT -5
I would just like to say that the last thing I would have wanted when I was a kid was to have a playdate with my tormentor. You would have rather been subjected to worse torment at school when no one is there to protect you? Cause make no mistake after that punishment this kid is going to be seriously pissed by the time school starts. In my case, I didn't tell my parents what was going on, so I did not have to worry about it. Exactly. I don't know what would be the answer for a kid with autism.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 12:55:51 GMT -5
I knew the difference between who were my friends and who weren't. Kids with autism don't know as easily. Whether they would feel it was terrible to have a playdate would depend on their perception though, not necessarily whether a kid was doing it out of friendship or to be mean. So the kid could be a jerk who was doing mean things out of spite, but DS could still really enjoy a playdate with him if his perception is that they're friends. I agree that kids with autism aren't likely to know the difference as easily though.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 1, 2013 12:56:45 GMT -5
I knew the difference between who were my friends and who weren't. Kids with autism don't know as easily. No, they don't which is why I think SK handled the situation the right way. Her child is specifically being targeted because of his autism. It's not horseplay among friends.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 1, 2013 12:59:10 GMT -5
::My point (and I'm a woman so I'm biased differently) is that DS isn't friends with these boys and doesn't dish it back.::
He can be friends with them without dishing it back.
::It isn't an autism thing, any kid can be "weaker" and get bullied.::
Agree, but by mentioning autism at the same time as the bullying, you kind of made it an autism thing. I guarantee the parents didn't read it as "my kid is being a jerk to another kid", they read it as "she's saying my kid is abusing the retarded kid" (yes I know "retarded" is offensive, but that's how I think they're probably taking it).
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 1, 2013 13:05:52 GMT -5
I would just like to say that the last thing I would have wanted when I was a kid was to have a playdate with my tormentor. You would have rather been subjected to worse torment at school when no one is there to protect you? Cause make no mistake after that punishment this kid is going to be seriously pissed by the time school starts. I agree but I don't know that inviting this kid over for a play date is going to make it any better at school. I guess it could but if he is truly a little jerk then it probably won't make a difference.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:08:14 GMT -5
Why does everyone think that taking away electronics for a month is so severe? Seriously? I must be a super mean mom... my kids don't even have any electronics. It sounds like it is a bigger punishment for the mom more than the kid. My wife would go crazy if she didn't have some electronic babysitter time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:09:27 GMT -5
She still has a TV. (you do, don't you MM?)
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Aug 1, 2013 13:11:11 GMT -5
Why does everyone think that taking away electronics for a month is so severe? Seriously? I must be a super mean mom... my kids don't even have any electronics. I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:15:27 GMT -5
Why does everyone think that taking away electronics for a month is so severe? Seriously? I must be a super mean mom... my kids don't even have any electronics. I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. um, how about play outside? Read a book? Draw/paint? Geez, I hope kids today realize that there are ways to entertain themselves without technology.... and how about getting mad at his own douchebag ass for pulling the prank in the first place?!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:21:03 GMT -5
I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. Seriously? If a kid doesn't have electronics he has nothing else to do? Ummm.. that's a huge problem IMHO. My kids are too busy participating in the real world to even worry too much about whether or not they have electronics. My wife wouldn't be able to handle it. (I get to say that because I don't watch them all day long. I am sure I wouldn't be able to handle it either)
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 1, 2013 13:22:01 GMT -5
I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. um, how about play outside? Read a book? Draw/paint? Geez, I hope kids today realize that there are ways to entertain themselves without technology.... and how about getting mad at his own douchebag ass for pulling the prank in the first place?! If the kid doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior- he doesn't belong in scouts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:23:53 GMT -5
Or, he will develop some empathy and become a more caring individual! Yeah...I couldn't get that out with a straight face. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. It just starts hanging out in the shadows more often. The best scenario is to get that kid and his lackeys to leave your kid alone.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Aug 1, 2013 13:25:24 GMT -5
Of course they will have choices but not the one they want. You guys want this to have the effect you want it to and I promise you it won't. It will literaly have the exact opposite effect. If it was my kid doing the bulllying I would want to teach them a lesson. But as the parent of the child who was bullied, I would want it not to happen again.
This isn't about getting back at the offender. This is, or at least it is with me, doing what is my child's best interest. Nothing about punishing this boy for a month is going to make him be anything but more hostile to SK's son.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Aug 1, 2013 13:26:08 GMT -5
I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. um, how about play outside? Read a book? Draw/paint? Geez, I hope kids today realize that there are ways to entertain themselves without technology....and how about getting mad at his own douchebag ass for pulling the prank in the first place?! You don't know many school-aged kids, do you? I would guess that since this was the punishment she chose, that electronics are pretty important to the boy. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. I can't undo anything so we'll just move forward with any potential unintended consequences of my behavior. Hopefully things will go smoother, but if not hopefully I'll figure out the best way to handle it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:27:31 GMT -5
um, how about play outside? Read a book? Draw/paint? Geez, I hope kids today realize that there are ways to entertain themselves without technology.... and how about getting mad at his own douchebag ass for pulling the prank in the first place?! If the kid doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior- he doesn't belong in scouts. agreed. There are a lot of kids in Scouts that have no business being there. From what I've heard it is a relatively inexpensive way to get your kid of the house and do some type of organized physical activity.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:29:32 GMT -5
If the kid doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior- he doesn't belong in scouts. agreed. There are a lot of kids in Scouts that have no business being there. I hear they even let kids in who like musical theater.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:30:22 GMT -5
Just the kids, not adults. Sorry to tell ya, Arch.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:30:26 GMT -5
Of course they will have choices but not the one they want. You guys want this to have the effect you want it to and I promise you it won't. It will literaly have the exact opposite effect. If it was my kid doing the bulllying I would want to teach them a lesson. But as the parent of the child who was bullied, I would want it not to happen again. This isn't about getting back at the offender. This is, or at least it is with me, doing what is my child's best interest. Nothing about punishing this boy for a month is going to make him be anything but more hostile to SK's son. I'm pretty sure SK wants the bullying to stop - I don't think she's seeking retribution. And what else should she do to get the bullying to stop if she can't tell the parents what's going on?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 1, 2013 13:30:37 GMT -5
I think there is a lot of truth to this. Boys tend to roughhouse/taunt/etc each other as friends and DH sees that aspect of the situation. My point (and I'm a woman so I'm biased differently) is that DS isn't friends with these boys and doesn't dish it back. The dynamic is totally different. It isn't an autism thing, any kid can be "weaker" and get bullied. I used the autism angle in my letter because A) I felt the troop should know something so basic about DS, and B) because I genuinely think the other boys could benefit from regular exposure with someone who is different. There's nothing more illuminating for a person than experiencing something different and growing to appreciate the differences. I truly did not mean to shame the parents. But perhaps that is one of those "real world" consequences I didn't foresee. Miss Tequilla - if I had been there (vs DH) believe me things would have been handled very differently from the first moment. I probably would have made them all lay in the urine "to see how it felt." And then I probably would have been banned from all scouting events. LOL!! I was thinking the same thing..it would have taken all I had in me not to drop kid those little bastards into the piss! I have ZERO tolerance for bullies, let alone bullies of special needs kids...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 1, 2013 13:31:40 GMT -5
Why does everyone think that taking away electronics for a month is so severe? Seriously? I must be a super mean mom... my kids don't even have any electronics. I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. but somebody has to call this kid on his behavior. You can't keep running from him.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 1, 2013 13:32:03 GMT -5
I don't think it matters if it is too harsh or not. The child who bullied SK's son is going to have nothing else to do until school starts except get madder and madder at SK's son. By then they will be in school together with no one to protect him. Ofcourse as a parent I want to protect my kids. I have learned though that there are times, when in my attempt to fix things, I end up making them much much worse. um, how about play outside? Read a book? Draw/paint? Geez, I hope kids today realize that there are ways to entertain themselves without technology.... and how about getting mad at his own douchebag ass for pulling the prank in the first place?! My electronically addicted kids are all just fine when they have to do without. It's annoying how fast they adapt to not having it and find a way to keep busy instead of feeling so tortured by the loss!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 1, 2013 13:33:22 GMT -5
I would just like to say that the last thing I would have wanted when I was a kid was to have a playdate with my tormentor. You would have rather been subjected to worse torment at school when no one is there to protect you? Cause make no mistake after that punishment this kid is going to be seriously pissed by the time school starts. You can't seriously think that bullies should have no punishment because it will make them worse...guess what, my dd's ass has been grounded all summer...sure she is pissed and upset but I can guarantee you she will never do what got her grounded in the first place again...because she knows next time her grounding is 6 months, instead of one. And I can also guarantee you if this little son of a bitch bullied my dd at school over this that I would be in the principal's office threatening a lawsuit. And if that didn't work, I would go to the superintendent...and after that I would bring in my attorney. Bullying is not ok
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:34:19 GMT -5
Don't mess with Tequilla!
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 1, 2013 13:36:34 GMT -5
The only thing I will say in the leaders defense- is that it is a bit like herding cats. It's very hard to pay attention to what they all are doing. Which is why parent involvement is so important.
We had a rough time in our den our first year. New leader and she just couldn't get control of the kids. I finally talked with her and ask her if she wanted help, or if I would be stepping on her toes. She said she would love help. Her kid was actually one of the worst and she had a hard time looking like the bad guy. I remember one time he got out of hand and I looked him straight in the eye and said " SIT QUIET NOW" like I was talking to my dog. I nearly busted up afterwords, but it worked.
After that the kids realized it wasn't a free for all and they had multiple people watching their behavior.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 1, 2013 13:38:34 GMT -5
Of course they will have choices but not the one they want. You guys want this to have the effect you want it to and I promise you it won't. It will literaly have the exact opposite effect. If it was my kid doing the bulllying I would want to teach them a lesson. But as the parent of the child who was bullied, I would want it not to happen again. This isn't about getting back at the offender. This is, or at least it is with me, doing what is my child's best interest. Nothing about punishing this boy for a month is going to make him be anything but more hostile to SK's son. And, again, SK gets absolutely ZERO say in the offender's punishment. For all any of us know that is the "publicly announced/enforced" punishment and he'll have them back in the privacy of his home where no one can see him with it. (and therefore not judge mom for being such a wuss of a parent)
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 1, 2013 13:38:38 GMT -5
It's ok Archie- us atheists still aren't allowed.
*ETA- my comment is in response to Archie saying they'll let musical theater kids in scouting now
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 1, 2013 13:41:21 GMT -5
It's ok Archie- us atheists still aren't allowed. *ETA- my comment is in response to Archie saying they'll let musical theater kids in scouting now Yes, they do want the boys to believe in something larger than themselves. They just don't dictate what that is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:43:15 GMT -5
It's ok Archie- us atheists still aren't allowed. *ETA- my comment is in response to Archie saying they'll let musical theater kids in scouting now Thank Allah.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2013 13:46:27 GMT -5
I thought it was the flying spaghetti dude. He is not controversial enough.
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