zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 11:57:53 GMT -5
Is Gramma heavy? Because if she is, you will get sabotaged there. DDs dad was aways bitching to me about her being fat, like it was my fault. Thank GOD DD self regulates now.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 18, 2013 11:58:26 GMT -5
I agree, about a 12 year old being forced to join weight watchers. Her diet should be somewhat controlled by the kind of food she's getting in the house anyway...the better solution is to prepare healthier meals at home. Here's my problem. I generally cook healthy meals. DS will eat a half serving and DD will want seconds and thirds. Grilled chicken is fattening if you have too much of it. She's missing the "full" cue. DD was fast becoming obese. I decided I wanted her to be heathy more than I wanted the foods we love so I cleaned out the house of everything that could be eaten quickly or was fattening. She only made things like grilled chicken breasts and brocolli and salads, egg white omlets for breakfast and tunaish things for lunch and lite bread. Six months later DS has lost 9 lbs when he started out under weight. I don't know if she was actually getting seconds and thirds, or just getting candy and other crap at school, but DD managed to gain 5 lbs. If anyone has an actual answers on how to help a teen lose weight without giving them issues please let me know. Lord knows I haven't figured it out!
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 18, 2013 12:00:00 GMT -5
One thing to look into in the future is hypoglycemia. It is one of the most underdiagnosed issues out there.
But I wouldn't want to subject a 5 year old to a full blown glucose tolerance test. It's pretty brutal and she's far too young to understand.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 12:00:36 GMT -5
Is Gramma heavy? Because if she is, you will get sabotaged there. DDs dad was aways bitching to me about her being fat, like it was my fault. Thank GOD DD self regulates now. no, not really. She's normal sized. she just spoils the kids.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:02:05 GMT -5
High school is too late. You have so little control. I always say check with doctor first but if they want to be fat, they will find a way. After DD lost her weight, she left WW and put it right back on. By that time I just washed my hands of her and she finally a few years later decided she had had enough of being fat and she lost it on her own.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:03:58 GMT -5
Mc Donald's every once in a while is no big deal. I think their kids meals are healthier now or you can make healthier choices than the fries and soft drink.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:05:54 GMT -5
I'm really surprised someone 5 even thinks "fat." Not normal vocab for that age.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:08:57 GMT -5
If I found out grandma was not following my rules, that'd be the end of visiting until she did. My MIL was big on no sunscreen. I don't care what she does to her own skin but my kids wear it or they didn't go with her to the beach. I was very clear about that.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2013 12:10:45 GMT -5
I'm really surprised someone 5 even thinks "fat." Not normal vocab for that age. DD was asking me about my weight a few days ago. So I answered her. I don't know where the questions came from, I was rather surprised she was asking in the first place. But DH and I have both been discussing exercise, eating better and weight more lately so it's probably something she heard from us.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:17:09 GMT -5
I'd be now concerned as to who else is calling your kid fat. One other kid is just a kid but my kids at 5 were pretty clueless to life still so this is something a bit more complex.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 18, 2013 12:27:41 GMT -5
I'm really surprised someone 5 even thinks "fat." Not normal vocab for that age. When my DD was 3 yo and in prechool, she announced very loudly "Mommy, look that nice fat mommy has a baby." The woman was obese, probably morbidly. My DD wasn't malicious. Just making an observation. I can't remember the Dr. Suess Book, but there's references to "thin" and "fat" (the particular line is "The fat one has a yellow hat", I believe). OK, so I'm a complete nerd. That was from One Fish, Two Fish. My DS had that memorized by like 3, because he liked it so much. I got so sick of Drs Suess, I barely read it to my middle child. My point is, kids learn concepts about being fat/thin even if the parents don't talk about it at all. (Which, we don't infront of the kids.)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:31:34 GMT -5
Ah.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 12:34:07 GMT -5
Fat and skinny is very prevalent in Disney movies. The greedy, stupid and evil characters are fat. The heroes and heroines are all slim.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 12:36:45 GMT -5
Geez, I am clueless too. Ill have to look next time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 12:45:41 GMT -5
You know what, not all 12 year olds have size c cups. Certainly not my flat chested stepmother. Kids develop at different rates, some pack it on and then shoot up, we hold weight differently, and its not always unhealthy.
I'll tell you what, the weight I carried around with me since I have had kids didn't have a negative impact on my health. Even though i'm not a big believer in medical metrics, I passed everyone one with flying colors. Cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar... etc. I didn't eat badly at all. I exercised more then than I have in the past six months. I just gained weight.
I was a heck of a lot healthier at my heaviest weight then when I was compulsively, and not at all subtly, 'getting back' at my stepmother through secret gorging from 12-16. I was a whole lot healthier at my heaviest weight than in college, where I balanced never eating fat, 900 calorie days and routine 6 hours exercise (2 miles and 300 crunches were my 'off' days) I was skinny all right and every vitamin deficient in the book, my hair wouldn't grow, my nails flaked off... i'm sure the vomiting didn't help either.
Would have been much better to let someone just grow up without a complex and focus on health.
I also will say one more time. I think that there have always been things I shouldn't have eaten. Things my body didn't process well. I know this isn't the issue with everyone, but I do think that, If you have one kid that seems to eat the same things and responds differently, its something to explore. Also, when i'm eating those things I shouldn't eat I am much hungrier and less likely to notice when I am full.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 18, 2013 13:00:51 GMT -5
Not to diminsh your experience with your stepmother, but plenty of kids whose parents don't do anything to change their weight end up with various types of eating disorders, or find even more destructive ways to get back at their parents. My mother never hounded me about weight, but I still went out and bought diet pills when I was 9.
This is something Swamp should explore when the child is older.
From my experience, when you're hypoglycemic, you develop an unconscious desire to overeat as often as you can, because if you get hungry and your blood sugar drops, the consequences are extremely unpleasant and mostly invisible to others. You also intensely crave carbs, which cause the blood sugar to spike and then crash. Stomach problems can also give you the same symptoms as being hungry when you're really not hungry. I lost weight when I went on my first stomach medicine.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 13:12:37 GMT -5
also, Mean Girls don't stop being mean once you lose the baby fat. When I hit puberty and slimmed down, I still got teased plenty because I didn't wear the "right" clothes or speak the "right" way.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2013 13:20:09 GMT -5
Fat and skinny is very prevalent in modern Disney movies. The greedy, stupid and evil characters are fat. The heroes and heroines are all slim. Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty don't. Granted the king in SB is fat and stupid though. No one except Belle's Dad is fat in Beauty and the Beast, as far as I recall. Well, Cogsworth and Mrs. Potts are but we don't see their shapes until later. Gaston is much taller and muscular than the rest of the village though.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 13:23:51 GMT -5
Great post Oped! An old friend of ours is a personal trainer, so she is always putting these motivational sayings and crap on facebook. One the other day was really good though, basically it went something like "Eat and exercise to be healthy, not skinny." I thought that was absolutely brilliant!! And there really is a big difference between healthy and skinny. I'm constantly surprised by poeple who don't fit the stereotype of being skinny - one great example is a lady at work who is a very competitive runner, and has actually won triathlons and was the "Air Force Athlete of the Year" blah blah blah... and she's "average" build. I don't think anybody would guess it at first glance though, in fact I've known her for over four years and only found that out a couple weeks ago! I went to law school with a former aerobics instructor who is now a talking head on Fox News. She made all sorts of snide comments to me about my size and how I should come to her aerobics classes so I can get thin. When I spoke about being on the swim team in college, she looked me up and down and said "I never would have guessed." Even fitness professionals get confused between healthy and skinny. Anyone remember the poster fitqueen? Nobody will love you if you're fat?
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jul 18, 2013 13:43:38 GMT -5
Fat and skinny is very prevalent in modern Disney movies. The greedy, stupid and evil characters are fat. The heroes and heroines are all slim. Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty don't. Granted the king in SB is fat and stupid though. No one except Belle's Dad is fat in Beauty and the Beast, as far as I recall. Well, Cogsworth and Mrs. Potts are but we don't see their shapes until later. Gaston is much taller and muscular than the rest of the village though. Granted, I'm older now so don't watch every Disney movie, but I can't believe this is the case. Aladdin - not exactly modern, but Jafar is tall and thin. Tangled - Mother Gothel was skinny and actually fairly pretty. Princess and the Frog - Doctor Facilier was tall and thin. Really the only fat one I can think of is Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jul 18, 2013 13:43:48 GMT -5
This is a timely thread. We have a 17 year old German Exchange student that will be staying with us for a month this fall. We've been emailing and facebook-ing back and forth with him. I asked him if he had any concerns or stereotypes he wanted to ask about. After asking if all American teenagers had house parties like in the movie Project X. The next two questions he asked were "Does everyone really eat fast food every day" and "do the kids really bully each other as much as I see on the news?"
I had to tell him that A. He wouldn't be likely to attend a Project X style house party, B. some Americans do eat fast food nearly every day but that we didn't. and C. Yes, sadly bullying is a big problem in some schools.
Fortunately it doesn't seem to be a huge problem at DS' high school but my co-workers has a daughter DS' age and they live 30 minutes away and their is a huge bullying problem at her school. Mostly over what clothes you wear. Which I totally don't understand since all the girls at DS' school wear leggings, Ugg boots and t-shirts every day. It's like a uniform.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jul 18, 2013 13:44:08 GMT -5
So, getting back to the original post and mean girl comments: I was raised with the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule. Oh, and the "don't stoop to his/her level" rule.
While on their face and in general practice these are good rules, they can also hold one back from sticking up for oneself/defending oneself.
I don't advocate being a "mean girl" -- heck, I AM "GRG", LOL -- but there has to be a balance so kids can lay a mean comment on someone who truly deserves it, kwim? Because, sadly, the world IS full of mean people -- kids need tools to deal with them.
I guess I am suggesting that we raise our girls with strong self esteem, deep self worth, and the knowledge of how and when to put mean people in their place.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 13:49:22 GMT -5
and the ability to throw a good punch.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 18, 2013 13:55:22 GMT -5
I guess I am suggesting that we raise our girls with strong self esteem, deep self worth, and the knowledge of how and when to put mean people in their place. And boys, too. It's not just girls that have self-esteem issues. Poor self-esteem/ self confidence is one of the underlying reasons my husband was an addict by the time he started college.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2013 13:56:50 GMT -5
Yes but the bank brothers (forget their names) are fat, stupid and greedy.
In Incredibles, Syndrome is fat and greedy.
In Monsters Inc, Waternoose is fat and greedy.
I haven't seen Brave or Monsters U, so can't comment on those.
In Aladdin, the king is fat and stupid. The guards tend to be larger and stupid too. Genii is fat but not stupid or greedy.
Lion King and Cars movies don't count, they're not close enough to people shapes.
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steff
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Post by steff on Jul 18, 2013 14:01:37 GMT -5
My kiddo was teased & bullied relentlessly starting in elementary school & thru Middle school. He has a form of childhood baldness & the treatment was steriods. So he was balding & fat. He was active in sports, but years of steriod treatments just made him blow up like a balloon for several years.
It made me very angry. I fought the school system to allow him to wear a baseball cap (and I had to FIGHT for that). I was always too angry about the situation to deal with it in a reasonable way. Hubby literally pulled me away from a teacher that I was going off on when she said "he needs to just get tougher & deal with his issues". Issue this bitch!
Anyway....one of my brothers is the ultimate smart ass. He also happens to have a stutter that when he's angry it gets worse. He was also bullied in Elementary & Middle School. I finally turned kiddo over to him & he taught kiddo a slew of "put them in their place" comments & coached kiddo on how to do it with a straight face & without anger. It was the best thing I ever did. When kiddo rolled into High School, he was ready & able to shut down any bullshit that was thrown his way. We also went out of our way (and in some cases over the top) to constantly build up kiddo's self esteem.
I'll also add that kiddo ended up in a special Math, Science, Tech High School that just happened to have another kid the year before that had the same form of childhood baldness. The school was MUCH better to deal with than Elementary & Middle School were when it came to the baseball cap & realizing how much it had to do with kiddo's self esteem & how important that was. I felt in some ways, that Elementary & MS were crowd control/conform rather than being willing to look at the individual case & need.
I would find the best cut down/smart ass person you know & take notes. LoL
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 18, 2013 14:05:16 GMT -5
Ok... I've tried not to post on this thread but after reading zibs posts and I just have to...and I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.....how the hell can any mom tell her kid that she has to lose weight or she will get picked on worse in high school than she did in middle school? Wow...
It is t the fact that you tried to get her to lose weight, it was how you approached it. It is no secret that people can be cruel to people that are overweight but not a parent :-(
My daughter was airtime chunky when she was 3-5. Not heavy enough that anyone ever made comments but enough that it worried me. Instead of being mean to her, I only brought healthy food into the house (treats were just that...very occasional treats) and I made sure she got a ton of exercise...but not in a "move your fat ass" kind of way...it was done in a "lets to play tag, lets play chase, etx" kind of way. My dd thinned out and has never had a weight problem.
Am I the only one who is sad for zibs daughter???
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 14:05:20 GMT -5
In Brave it's about the princess and her relationship with her Mom, and neither are fat (well, Mom is pretty big when she get turned into a bear).
I guess the "bad guy" in Monster's U is either the dean, who is a cross between a bug and a dragon, or the president of one of the Fraternities, and he is big like a football player moreso than fat.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 18, 2013 14:07:58 GMT -5
Just some comments about kids and weight from my family. I have 2 boys. One was ADD and skinny. He is 21 and still too skinny (IMO). My other son is anit-ADD - never heard a work but he pays attention to everything. They are 2 years apart so basically raised together.
The older kid with ADD - it was like he never paid attention to the fact that he was hungry. He would eat if you put food in front of him, but never asked for snacks or any other food. My other boy would always ask about his next meal. If you fed him breakfast, as soon as he finished he would ask "What's for dinner". He went through periods of being "chunky", then would grow be thinner, then get chunky again. I don't think it was anything other than he was just programmed to eat, and the other son wasn't. My younger son got up to about 240 lbs (6'1") just prior to senior year football. He was down to 215 at the end of football. Thankfully decided not to pursue college football where the first thing they would do is put weight on him. After first year of college he is down to 205 (and now 6'3") so he is a good weight.
best thing to when they are that young is to keep them active as much as possible.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2013 14:08:18 GMT -5
Completely agree. (Yes the world is ending, I'm agreeing with Miss T).
No. Every time she talks about her daughter and how "Thank god she isn't like that now" it makes me sad.
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