swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 20:03:33 GMT -5
DD was at cheering camp today and another little girl walked up to her and told her she's fat. DD is 5.
I told her next time it happens to tell the girl that she was mean and hurt her feelings and then tell the adult in charge. I wanted to tell her to say "i can lose weight, but you'll always be ugly and stupid" or to just hit her
What would you do?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 20:08:44 GMT -5
Oh, I hate mean girls.
I'd be more concerned with DD not getting the impression she is fat, or feeling bad. For that reason, even though its a good comeback, I wouldn't introduce the idea of losing weight to a 5 year old at all, you might inadvertently reinforce the wrong message.
I might let the teacher know.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 17, 2013 20:10:44 GMT -5
I'm with MM...the bitch needs a smack down :-(
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 20:13:34 GMT -5
Oh, I hate mean girls. I'd be more concerned with DD not getting the impression she is fat, or feeling bad. For hat reason, even though its a old comeback, I won't introduce the idea of losing weight o a 5 year old at all, you might inadvertently reinforce the wrong message. I might let the teacher know. Here's the problem. DD is fat. She obsesses about food and loooooves to eat. I have 2 kids one is skinny and doesn't care about food and one wants to eat all the time. I try to not make a bug deal about food, talk about food as fuel for the body and being healthy, but it's a daily battle.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 20:16:50 GMT -5
Well, then... I don't know I guess...
My dd is 12 and has put on some weight in the last year and I've been equipped, if one of her skinny fiends comes out with something to say 'yes, that sometimes happens to Girls who, you know, actually get boobs'...
She is 12 though. So hard at 5.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jul 17, 2013 20:28:02 GMT -5
Okay the bug thing made me laugh, because it made me think of crickets on top of a salad. That is a hard one swamp. I think treating food as fuel is a great idea. I would want a come back too, but can't think of one for a 5 year old. I would think something like we all grow differnt.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jul 17, 2013 20:33:00 GMT -5
see ..at age 5, the mean girl intentions I highly doubt were said out of caring for the health of your daughter. so ...sure - I agree with your response I can lose weight but you'll always be ugly!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 17, 2013 20:33:00 GMT -5
OK, can we all go back to the "oh daddy, he made me feel like a slut" thread ?
This is EXACTLY what I was talking about when I said - you can't pay attention to stupid shit people say.
Whether you are 5, 55 or 105 - there will always be morons in your life who say all kinds of nasty crap.
So, if it was my kid - I would care less about how she should have responded and more about how it REALLY affected her.
But of course, secretly, I would want to punch that little shit in a face if she is mean to my baby
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 20:33:02 GMT -5
Bill Cosby has a kid's book about being bullied. What he teaches is to say "So?" and not give the comment any power at all. He has schooling as a teacher or something before he got into show biz. I always thought it was the best response I ever heard for kids.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 17, 2013 20:35:46 GMT -5
BTW, my almost 5 yr old told my FIL "you are a fat and slow like a turtle" He ADORES his grandfather, so any chance the kid wasn't trying to be mean?
As you know - I don't have girls so have NO experience with girls and their meaniness.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 20:42:57 GMT -5
BTW, my almost 5 yr old told my FIL "you are a fat and slow like a turtle" He ADORES his grandfather, so any chance the kid wasn't trying to be mean? As you know - I don't have girls so have NO experience with girls and their meaniness. I have no idea why the kid said it to her. I wasn't there, my MIL was, but she didn't see or hear it.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jul 17, 2013 20:43:01 GMT -5
Speaking as a large person who has always been awkward and never what was considered attractive, I finally found a snappy comeback that worked for me (still does as there are mean people in every age group).
"I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. Something really awful must have happened to make you want to be so hateful to someone who's doing you no harm. I hope things get better for you."
The trick is to say it with a straight face and a look of concern. I have found that that sort of response generally makes the mean person go away. It is especially effective if there is an audience.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 17, 2013 20:46:20 GMT -5
Speaking as a large person who has always been awkward and never what was considered attractive, I finally found a snappy comeback that worked for me (still does as there are mean people in every age group).
"I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. Something really awful must have happened to make you want to be so hateful to someone who's doing you no harm. I hope things get better for you."
The trick is to say it with a straight face and a look of concern. I have found that that sort of response generally makes the mean person go away. It is especially effective if there is an audience. I don't think that would have the same impact on a 5 year old girl. I would probably have her point the girl out and figure out what her weakness was....lazy eye, shitty teeth, frizzy hair, etc....then if have my kid give it back to her. But I'm mean...no really, I'm mean!lol. One little fucker made fun if my youngest because she didn't talk right. I told that ugly fucker that someday she will talk right but he will always be mean...kids got know if you can dish it out you had better be able to take it Probably not one of my best mommy moments....sadly not one of my worst, either :-p
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 17, 2013 20:47:08 GMT -5
She could always come back with judge Judy's line "looks fade but stupid is forever"
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Regis
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Post by Regis on Jul 17, 2013 20:48:47 GMT -5
Bill Cosby has a kid's book about being bullied. What he teaches is to say "So?" and not give the comment any power at all. He has schooling as a teacher or something before he got into show biz. I always thought it was the best response I ever heard for kids. I believe Bill Cosby has a doctorate in Education.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 20:49:47 GMT -5
Ok. Swamp, if I ask about her, uh, we'll, intestinal cycles, is that asking for TMI ? ...
I know, I'm almost like a religious convert with this food thing, but if only I'd known about intolerances earlier... Sometimes intolerances can cause intense cravings for the foods you are eating that are not good for your body...
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 17, 2013 20:51:57 GMT -5
No advice, just sending some sympathy for your DD having to deal with that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2013 20:57:12 GMT -5
What does DDs doctor say? It's very hard to lose weight and the older you get, the harder it gets. I had a very large little boy in class and it was so hard for him to play like the other kids. I felt sorry for him. No one in your family is large except for her?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 20:59:26 GMT -5
Ok. Swamp, if I ask about her, uh, we'll, intestinal cycles, is that asking for TMI ? ... I know, I'm almost like a religious convert with this food thing, but if only I'd known about intolerances earlier... Sometimes intolerances can cause intense cravings for the foods you are eating that are not good for your body... She doesn't carve specific foods, she just wants to eat whatever she sees. She likes to talk about food, and portend to,cook, and pretend to eat. She remembers restaurants. She wants to try new foods.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2013 21:02:20 GMT -5
Well, she is five and can't shop for herself so she will eat or not, what you provide. If you're providing fruits and vegetables, that's what she will eat but if no one in the family is fat except for her, I'd think something medical.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 21:03:05 GMT -5
What does DDs doctor say? It's very hard to lose weight and the older you get, the harder it gets. I had a very large little boy in class and it was so hard for him to play like the other kids. I felt sorry for him. No one in your family is large except for her? Doc says she's heavy but healthy and just doesn't want her to get bigger. Her size does not hinder her activity. It happened at Cheer camp, so she's in activities. DH is normal. I'm chubby, but not obese, but I've always been bigger. I still walk, bike, swim, kayak, zumba, spin, etc.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2013 21:06:55 GMT -5
Well, as I recall, cheer camp is very active. If she eats healthy, she should lose weight anyway this summer.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 17, 2013 21:09:20 GMT -5
OK, zipping up flame retardant suit here. ZZZZIP!
Let's get honest. I have boys so have managed to avoid this whole disaster, but around here there is no way in Hades I'd put my daughter into cheer activities. That has got to be the cattiest, nastiest, fakest, cliquiest group around - from the mothers to the daughters. And that's saying something given some of the social circles I intersect with. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help your daughter defend herself against mean girls, or that you shouldn't keep working with her on the weight issues, or that every cheerleader and her parent is a flaming bitch, or that every cheer group across the nation is as bad as the ones around here, but if the groups up there act the way they do down here, your efforts to reform those mean girls are going to be just about as effective as Don Quixote's efforts to joust with a windmill. If you don't like mean girls and don't want to play that game, get her into sports where the mean girl ethos isn't an integral part of the culture.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 17, 2013 21:12:59 GMT -5
I am worried about the same thing with my youngest. He is a big boy, HUGE as a matter of fact. I don't think it's medical or his love of food, just the way he is build
I've never been fat until I had my second kid, so never really worried about any food choices. My DH comes from a "fat" family, so I will have to watch out for DS
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 21:14:52 GMT -5
I don't want her in cheering. <br><br>The city rec dept runs a series of week long sports summer camps and I let the kids pick whatever ones they wanted. <br><br>DS chose swim, lax, hockey, and baseball. <br><br>DD chose swim, cheering, and gymnastics. I tried to get her to do soccer, basketball, softball, or lax. No go. <br><br>I have found myself with a girlie girl who does not want to play lax or softball, or basketball or hockey. She wants to play soccer in the fall though. That gives me hope.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 17, 2013 21:16:43 GMT -5
I don't want her in cheering. The city rec dept runs a series of week long sports summer camps and I let the kids pick whatever ones they wanted. DS chose swim, lax, hockey, and baseball. DD chose swim, cheering, and gymnastics. I tried to get her to do soccer, basketball, softball, or lax. No go. I have found myself with a girlie girl who does not want to play lax or softball, or basketball or hockey. She wants to play soccer in the fall though. That gives me hope. Yeah, I know it's tough. Especially when kids want to do something that you suspect will end with them getting hurt but you have no way to explain that to them without hurting them yourself. Next year, maybe the cheer camp will be "full" when you go to register?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2013 21:21:08 GMT -5
No kidding. When did cheerleading become something you could buy your way onto? In elementary school even? I was always having to tell girls to knock off the mounts and stuff during class. It was always the girls who no way in hell would ever make real cheerleading so what was the point? I did it because it was that or basketball and I'm bloody short but it sucked even then.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 21:24:11 GMT -5
Zib. Sometimes when you post i'm glad you aren't standing close to my circle of reach.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 17, 2013 21:24:48 GMT -5
No kidding. When did cheerleading become something you could buy your way onto? In elementary school even? I was always having to tell girls to knock off the mounts and stuff during class. It was always the girls who no way in hell would ever make real cheerleading so what was the point? I did it because it was that or basketball and I'm bloody short but it sucked even then. I can't even follow what you just said....what the hell is real cheerleading?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 17, 2013 21:28:11 GMT -5
OK, zipping up flame retardant suit here. ZZZZIP! Let's get honest. I have boys so have managed to avoid this whole disaster, but around here there is no way in Hades I'd put my daughter into cheer activities. That has got to be the cattiest, nastiest, fakest, cliquiest group around - from the mothers to the daughters. And that's saying something given some of the social circles I intersect with. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help your daughter defend herself against mean girls, or that you shouldn't keep working with her on the weight issues, or that every cheerleader and her parent is a flaming bitch, or that every cheer group across the nation is as bad as the ones around here, but if the groups up there act the way they do down here, your efforts to reform those mean girls are going to be just about as effective as Don Quixote's efforts to joust with a windmill. If you don't like mean girls and don't want to play that game, get her into sports where the mean girl ethos isn't an integral part of the culture. Say what?? My daughter is a cheerleader and I'm not a bitc.....yeah, I couldn't even type that with a straight face:-p
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