TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on May 17, 2015 7:19:56 GMT -5
Wow Kara, a lot have happened since I've read this thread (when husband returned boat).
Wishing you nothing but the best, take the time at your mom as some time to clear your head and maybe bring your son with you...
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 17, 2015 9:22:28 GMT -5
I had a really long post that I just accidentally deleted. Something tells me that I wasn't meant to post it. It wasn't hateful or anything, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be released out into the universe at this point. So....instead of trying to recreate the post, I'm just going to say this: Thank you. Thank you to my wonderful internet family. Because of you, because of this wonderful board and caring people and what everyone has taught me over the years, I was able to be there for my mom yesterday. If my grandmother had pasted 10 years ago, the amount of support I was able to give my mom would have been far less and might have completely ruined our relationship. Thank you for being here. You mean more to me (and probably each other) more than you may realize.
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 17, 2015 9:37:23 GMT -5
Hun and I did talk yesterday as well. It was a couple of different points in the day (both times away from my mom, so I was completely focused on her while I was with her).
I have never seen my husband cry over our relationship, but he did yesterday. He apologized to both me and Buddy for posting and tagging us in that video on FB. He talked about how he doesn't know why I stay with him and admitted that I'm the one that has been there for him and his children far more than their mom or he has been. He admitted that he's allowed his son to get away with way too much and that he only has himself to blame.
He stated, "I'm not going to allow my son to ruin our marriage." I commented back, "Your son is not ruining our marriage. I am married to you, not him." He stopped me, "It's how I respond to my son and how I leave all of the heavy lifting to you that is ruining our marriage. That stops now. I am going to tell him he's not allowed to come back and to go pack his sh*t."
He asked my opinion on this. My response, "I will only tell you my opinion. This is your son, I have no say in what you are or are not willing to do regarding him. I will not make that decision for you. I will not be involved with that conversation. You have to make this decision and I will support your right to make the decision either way (to let him stay or make him leave - I will not ask him to chose me or his son -that's not fair). My only opinion is this - if you decide that he needs to leave, you need to pack his things and have them ready when his mom drops him off. I will not help you pack those things. But they need to be packed and you need to let him know that this is 100% your decision."
His response - "I guess I have a lot of thinking to do."
We have not talked since that conversation. But Hun's actions will tell me what my next step needs to be.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,940
|
Post by taz157 on May 17, 2015 12:15:09 GMT -5
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on May 17, 2015 12:15:47 GMT -5
In the meantime, take Buddy and go to your Mom's. You need to think on why you have let yourself be treated this way and how best you can fix you. Of course he's going to say these things. No way does he want to grow up. As long as you do it all, it's all good. If you leave, he has to man up. It'll still be your fault that Rowdy leaves because he had to get rid of him to keep you. That's the way it looks. To everyone and you can bet that's what he'll say. At some point.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 12:26:37 GMT -5
Has he deleted the FB posting garbage? Sorry, not impressed with tears or promises. Actions are the only thing that counts & I think you have been here before. Financial irresponsibility + weak parenting + leaving you with heavy lifting + disrespecting you as a person = Heave-ho. I hope you land on your feet & hope Buddy doesn't adopt the attitudes and behaviors that are being modeled to him. for your mother's loss. I am glad you were able to go to her and provide some support for her emotional upheaval. Best wishes to both of you.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 17, 2015 12:27:47 GMT -5
Hun and I did talk yesterday as well. It was a couple of different points in the day (both times away from my mom, so I was completely focused on her while I was with her). I have never seen my husband cry over our relationship, but he did yesterday. He apologized to both me and Buddy for posting and tagging us in that video on FB. He talked about how he doesn't know why I stay with him and admitted that I'm the one that has been there for him and his children far more than their mom or he has been. He admitted that he's allowed his son to get away with way too much and that he only has himself to blame. He stated, "I'm not going to allow my son to ruin our marriage." I commented back, "Your son is not ruining our marriage. I am married to you, not him." He stopped me, "It's how I respond to my son and how I leave all of the heavy lifting to you that is ruining our marriage. That stops now. I am going to tell him he's not allowed to come back and to go pack his sh*t." He asked my opinion on this. My response, "I will only tell you my opinion. This is your son, I have no say in what you are or are not willing to do regarding him. I will not make that decision for you. I will not be involved with that conversation. You have to make this decision and I will support your right to make the decision either way (to let him stay or make him leave - I will not ask him to chose me or his son -that's not fair). My only opinion is this - if you decide that he needs to leave, you need to pack his things and have them ready when his mom drops him off. I will not help you pack those things. But they need to be packed and you need to let him know that this is 100% your decision." His response - "I guess I have a lot of thinking to do." We have not talked since that conversation. But Hun's actions will tell me what my next step needs to be. KaraBoo....here's my problem with this. This is not the first time you and your DH have had this conversation. He says something, toes the line for a bit and then backslides. Let me ask you this. If your husband was sleeping with someone else, you caught him, gave him another chance and a year later he did it again, would you give him another chance? Because this is essentially what he is doing to your self respect. He loves you, but because you are so willing to work on making things right, his attempts only go so far and he backslides. Lather, rinse, repeat. The players may be different, and the situations are different, but he takes you to the end of your rope and then throws himself on your mercy and you fold. How much more are you going to fold? How much longer CAN you fold? At this point, you have totally lost respect for yourself by chewing and swallowing so much. I know that you think that you are doing the right thing - and you very well may be. But you need to look at what it is taking out of YOU. At the very least, your DH needs to be seeing a therapist so he can understand that this is a repeated pattern and he needs to find a way to break it. And I really think that YOU need to be seeing a therapist too, to make you understand that what he's doing is having a huge impact upon you, your self respect and esteem. The fact that he had absolutely no response to his son calling you a c&%t is totally unacceptable. The fact that his son is still living under YOUR roof after calling you this, says a lot. Yes, he is between a rock and a hard place but he needs to be defending his wife when his son was so far out of line. I'm sorry......this really isn't good, and it's not because YOU have not tried hard enough. It's because your DH is not trying enough.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,244
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on May 17, 2015 12:39:47 GMT -5
I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say I am glad you were able to be there for your mother. I hope you continue to spend time over there with her and use that to give yourself a little more space.
I also have my doubts about your husband turning a new leaf; he fostered the situation where his kids feel comfortable cursing you and I think I saw earlier that one of them even hit you. That just isn't tolerable.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,332
|
Post by andi9899 on May 17, 2015 14:15:21 GMT -5
I hope it all works out for you.
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 17, 2015 14:24:47 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice and perspective.
It's not going to work out right now. It's going to be a long hard trip these next few months on our relationship - whether we stay together or go our separate ways. Nothing has been decided yet.
I've been gone from the house most of the day. Took buddy for driving practice and about to go shopping for groceries. Just because of schedules, I won't be back at moms till next weekend, but I'll be talking to her daily.
If it wasn't for school and work, I'd disappear for a while. Can't do that easily though, so no use trying at this point.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 17, 2015 15:37:09 GMT -5
This whole scenario reminds of the classic tale of the Dutch boy with his finger in the dike, trying to save the town by holding back the flood waters. In this case, however, the waters are rising so fast and pushing so hard, no amount of patching up the dike will keep the inevitable from happening at some point.
Kara, it's good that you tossed the decision about Rowdy onto Hun. It's is his problem. Well, his and Flotsam's, but bio-babymama is useless. And frankly, Rowdy likely learned to call you names from her; I would not be surprised if he heard her doing it for years. Your life sounds like hand-to-hand combat, with each side retreating to their respective trenches after an incident, feeling each other out and waiting for the next volley of gunfire. You can retreat from all this, cutting your losses, knowing you did far beyond your best for Hun's kids, whom you called your own, loved as your own, helped raise as your own. What little support system you may have had in Hun went to pieces when he posted that FB video. That undercuts everything the two of you are supposed to be doing as a unit. He can cry and apologize and swear he does not want to lose the marriage. But he had time to consider that before posting the video. The fact that, as a grown man, he did not consider the consequences, is indicative of someone who does not fully understand his role in all of this and can use his wife as a dumping ground, the same way his son does.
Can you stay? Should you stay? It's all in how much longer you can handle being the center of the target where everyone seems to be shooting. Will things get better? Sure they will, and for how long, or how long this time, no one knows.
I've worked around domestic abuse victims. It's not always about someone getting physically beaten. Abuse is psychological, verbal, emotional and/or physical. You sound like you've taken abuse in at least the first three forms. If you have to spend your life tippytoeing around the family, wondering when the next fuse will be lit, when the next round will hit or when the next fight will begin, you are way past being able to stick your finger in the proverbial dike and stop the flood. The water has already come over the wall.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 17, 2015 16:29:47 GMT -5
One more comment, and I'll leave you to think.
Do you want Buddy to learn to be the sort of man your DH is? That's who is role model is right now. And quite frankly, I think he's better without any, than a man who uses his spouse as a dumping ground. He is teaching Buddy that it's ok to be a shit, and the wife needs to chew and swallow.
Is that what you want for YOUR son?
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on May 17, 2015 16:51:00 GMT -5
Ok I went back 10 pages and let me just say : "DDDDAAMMMMNNNN GGGGIIIIRRRRLLLLL" You need a drink, make that plural and a vacation.... You've been dealing with that kind of drama for what? Geesh, you are a SAINT or a glutton for punishment... I cannot decide! Let me share with you one thing my momma thought me and I will teach my children: you do not get disrespected in your own house. Make sure that the first time is the last time... Since you lost that opportunity (c8nt seriously? My step brother would have been dead over and over if he called my mom that word and there is nothing his mama or daddy would have been able To do about it), make sure the next is the last. Second you husband need to grow a serious pair so he can start disciplining his own kids or for the Love of God start backing you up. Holy mother! Now I need a drink! And that good for nothing bio mom... lord I better not, I will get banned from this board! JJJEESSSUUUSSS! Heifer is all I will say! Girl another thing my momma thought me: in this world you need a hand "UP" not a hand "down". you can do bad on your own, you do not need any help with that. So if the man you call a husband is not ready and willing to give you a hand "UP", I suggest you find someone that will or just be on your own. Girl I know you love the man but you need to understand that the kind of atmosphere that has been created is one that will last way past the kids are 18... And Lord forbid they reproduce, imagine that! R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care... TCB Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me. By Aretha Franklin Girl you need to take back control! *your internet friend
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 17, 2015 17:00:21 GMT -5
Ok I went back 10 pages and let me just say : "DDDDAAMMMMNNNN GGGGIIIIRRRRLLLLL" You need a drink, make that plural and a vacation.... You've been dealing with that kind of drama for what? Geesh, you are a SAINT or a glutton for punishment... I cannot decide! Let me share with you one thing my momma thought me and I will teach my children: you do not get disrespected in your own house. Make sure that the first time is the last time... Since you lost that opportunity (c8nt seriously? My step brother would have been dead over and over if he called my mom that word and there is nothing his mama or daddy would have been able To do about it), make sure the next is the last. Second you husband need to grow a serious pair so he can start disciplining his own kids or for the Love of God start backing you up. Holy mother! Now I need a drink! And that good for nothing bio mom... lord I better not, I will get banned from this board! JJJEESSSUUUSSS! Heifer is all I will say! Girl another thing my momma thought me: in this world you need a hand "UP" not a hand "down". you can do bad on your own, you do not need any help with that. So if the man you call a husband is not ready and willing to give you a hand "UP", I suggest you find someone that will or just be on your own. Girl I know you love the man but you need to understand that the kind of atmosphere that has been created is one that will last way past the kids are 18... And Lord forbid they reproduce, imagine that! R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care... TCB Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me. By Aretha Franklin Girl you need to take back control! *your internet friend Off topic: I hope you plan to make it to NJ in September, Carl. Meeting you would be a highlight, especially after reading that. You've spoken as someone who has certainly seen the consequences of family out of control.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 17:07:40 GMT -5
The situation is not funny at all, but TheHaitian, man did you make me laugh with your outrage. Calling on Jesus and needing a drink all in the same post.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,617
|
Post by debthaven on May 17, 2015 17:07:40 GMT -5
Karaboo I'm really sorry to "butt in" but I've read every page of this thread.
It started about bankruptcy and the boat ... I've never seen an update on any of that. Not the bankruptcy, not the finances, not the boat. So I'm guessing you're still treading water financially (at best)
Your DH has sometimes indeed sort of come through, but only occasionally, and only under GREAT duress, ie when you're halfway out the door. And then it's the same old, same old, and you stay, and it starts up again.
Except now, the kids are older, and it keeps getting worse.
The others have raised great points about what your Buddy is learning from all of this, about how to treat a partner, a woman, a wife, a stepmom.
But personally I'm absolutely terrified that one of your stepkids will do something to Buddy, to get back at you. If he's autistic, and comfortable with living with them, he's probably MUCH too trusting of them. He's the perfect target for them, and the perfect revenge.
PLEASE KEEP YOURSELVES SAFE!!!
ETA: I do know I have issues of my own, I am NOT claiming to be perfect, by any means! But you've given too much for FAR too long, and FAR too little in exchange.
You need to take care of yourself, and Buddy now. The rest will either fall into place, or it won't. You, and Buddy, need to be your first concern. If their own parents (AND YOUR "HUN" can't be assed to do what's right for them, at this point, you get a pass. You tried your best. But don't be delusional!!!)
I'm sorry to say this but my guess is that if you're not there for "Hun", he'll go to his ex. He's a weakling and a coward. You deserve so much better, but for some reason, you stay, and get kicked and stay again, and get kicked some more. WHY DO YOU ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR?!
I'm so sorry about your Grandma, and kudos to you for finding the strength for your mom.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on May 17, 2015 17:10:04 GMT -5
I feel bad that you have zero friends that can take you and Buddy in while you decide the next step. Abusers do isolate their victims. If you had girlfriends, this shit would not have happened as long as it did already.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,617
|
Post by debthaven on May 17, 2015 17:15:49 GMT -5
Sadly, I think that Karaboo is her own worst enemy.
There comes a point where basically ANYBODY would give up in the face of SO MUCH adversity!
The fact that she refuses to says more about her than about the rest of them. I'm truly sorry if that seems harsh.
ETA: Karaboo, there is NOTHING wrong with saying, I gave my all, I tried my best, and I'm so sorry/sad, but it didn't work out. PLEASE don't continue to be a glutton for punishment! You care TOO MUCH about these kids, WAY more than they care about themselves, and WAY more than their parents care about them. That's just not normal, I don't see how you can ever win in this situation, whatever you do. I think you're hoping that one day they'll all realize you're "the hero" in this story, but sadly, I don't think that's ever going to happen.
I think you really need to move on.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on May 17, 2015 17:19:30 GMT -5
Ok I went back 10 pages and let me just say : "DDDDAAMMMMNNNN GGGGIIIIRRRRLLLLL" You need a drink, make that plural and a vacation.... You've been dealing with that kind of drama for what? Geesh, you are a SAINT or a glutton for punishment... I cannot decide! Let me share with you one thing my momma thought me and I will teach my children: you do not get disrespected in your own house. Make sure that the first time is the last time... Since you lost that opportunity (c8nt seriously? My step brother would have been dead over and over if he called my mom that word and there is nothing his mama or daddy would have been able To do about it), make sure the next is the last. Second you husband need to grow a serious pair so he can start disciplining his own kids or for the Love of God start backing you up. Holy mother! Now I need a drink! And that good for nothing bio mom... lord I better not, I will get banned from this board! JJJEESSSUUUSSS! Heifer is all I will say! Girl another thing my momma thought me: in this world you need a hand "UP" not a hand "down". you can do bad on your own, you do not need any help with that. So if the man you call a husband is not ready and willing to give you a hand "UP", I suggest you find someone that will or just be on your own. Girl I know you love the man but you need to understand that the kind of atmosphere that has been created is one that will last way past the kids are 18... And Lord forbid they reproduce, imagine that! R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care... TCB Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me. By Aretha Franklin Girl you need to take back control! *your internet friend Off topic: I hope you plan to make it to NJ in September, Carl. Meeting you would be a highlight, especially after reading that. You've spoken as someone who has certainly seen the consequences of family out of control. Sorry for not responding, only saw your email last night and fell asleep before I could. As of today we are 100% planning to be there on September and looking forward to meeting you.
|
|
Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,555
|
Post by Works4me on May 17, 2015 17:30:01 GMT -5
IIRC, the house is yours from before the marriage?
One option would be for Hun to move elsewhere with Monkey. Because LaLa is 18+, because she is respectful while working and going to school to build her own future, I would consider letting her stay. I also think that it is best for them to leave because they are the ones refusing to get along with you. You may need to file for BK protection, secure Soc Sec for Buddy and do something to reverse your recent pay cut, but how long until you break in two from this?
No no matter what else happens, it is time for Rowdy to be out of your house. Home is supposed to be a refuge and he is destroying that for you. Actions have consequences and this is where his actions have led him - he is no longer able to live in your home - where he goes and what he does is now his problem, not yours.
IIRC, you and Hun we're seeing a counselor and his untreated ADHD, etc were finally being addressed - what is the status there? Also, are you still seeing your therapist? The reason I ask is because you may need to explore the idea that things like his recent FB post are caused by his excessive impulsivity and that they will not simply go away without a major, sustained effort on his part - the question is will he do that?
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this but you can do it! Sending love, hugs and prayers for your strength and wisdom.
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 17, 2015 18:36:18 GMT -5
I'm getting on periodically and reading. Not much to say at the moment except I really appreciate your perspectives and insights.
Right now, I'm just watching and waiting IRL. We'll see what we see....
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 18:50:27 GMT -5
Even though we mean well and want the best for you, we only know what you're telling us and all of our opinions and thoughts are really just us trying to be supportive while you deal with this. I think you still need to talk to a professional that's trained to help people sort out what's happening within them and with their lives. Even if you're pretty open with us, there are probably some pertinent things you wouldn't want to put on a message board, but would discuss with a professional that's bound by confidentiality. Even with our collective wisdom, we don't know everything and we're not trained professionals. Please give it some thought.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,955
|
Post by tcu2003 on May 17, 2015 20:29:12 GMT -5
The situation is not funny at all, but TheHaitian, man did you make me laugh with your outrage. Calling on Jesus and needing a drink all in the same post. Ditto this.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 0:18:04 GMT -5
karaboo....I've followed your blog for a few years, as much as time allows...(but pretty busy leading my own life..) but have checked on how you're doing and I'm truly sorry for your current situation. You are a good person and I commend you for what you have done for your family. I am a biomom (kids are 33yrs., 30 yrs.) and a stepmom (who is 30yrs) for the past 18 yrs. and I know it isn't always easy. There is HOPE, as far as the kids are concerned. They grow up and create their own lives and nine times out of ten are respectful, thoughtful, caring human beings, as full fledged adults. The one pact that my dh and I discussed (and always remembered when times were tough...) was that we would act as ONE UNIT, and back one another up NO MATTER WHAT. That our marriage to each other, and life together, was Paramount. Was it easy? Not always, but our bond was (is) about as solid as marital bonds go, in part, to that pact we made to put our marriage FIRST. Was that 'pact' ever tested? You better believe it... Just breathe. You're in the eye of the ongoing 'storm'...calm waters are to follow. They always do...let whatever feelings come, acknowledge them and let them take residence for the moment, the hour or the day....but remember the way you feel today most likely won't be the way you feel later on down the line. Whether you choose to remain with your dh, or not.....feelings change, hearts can be mended, bonds can be strengthened and nothing good or bad lasts forever.... So you're quiet for awhile or not plugged in completely (or at all)...just go about your business wherever and however you decide. It's time for you, as others have said. Be kind to Karaboo right now, decisions will come when enough time and thought has been allowed to take place. Then and only then decide what you want and from whom. Now's not the time to make life long permanent decisions that involve something like ending your marriage, and I know you know this... Thoughts, Hugs, and HOPE (always HOPE...) for a better tomorrow are sent to you...
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,617
|
Post by debthaven on May 18, 2015 1:58:35 GMT -5
Good luck Kara. We only want you to be happy, and nobody can be happy in the current environment.
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 18, 2015 8:37:04 GMT -5
I appreciate everything - more than you know.
I have seen all of their posts and there are a couple I want to respond to, just haven't been in a good mental place. I'm going into work now, but I'll try to get back to those tonight.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday.
|
|
Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,555
|
Post by Works4me on May 18, 2015 8:51:17 GMT -5
Take your time and take care of yourself as best you can. You are doing the right thing and please know that we support you in making your best decision possible.
|
|
Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,992
|
Post by Peace77 on May 18, 2015 9:35:09 GMT -5
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 18, 2015 21:42:02 GMT -5
Well that is going to be interesting. You have a family court order that requires him to be resident with you. If he's thinking he can get emancipated, he needs a full time job, show he's self supporting and to have your permission. Judge might or might not sign the order, but it costs somewhere around $5K to do that. Doubt he's got that kind of pocket change. Doesn't the 'run-away' status change when they turn 17? I know they are still legally a minor, but I thought at 17 they no longer got treated as a run-away. What happens with dropping out of school? Is he truant since he's still a minor? I don't know about your courts, but here the judges bust-a-gut over derogatory name calling. I think it is a gateway to physical abuse based on how they reacted. What he called you in front of his friends is a serious issue. It is more than disrespectful. I hope that you can get this resolved. Although I hate to say it, it sounds like this kid needs to be out of your house ASAP. OKay - back to start replying to things I've been meaning to address since Friday. In the state of Texas, we can report him as a run-away at age 17. However, the police/authorities will not do anything if they find him except to tell the kid they were reported as a run-away and inform the child's custodian where the child is located. The police/authorities will not take the child back if the child does not want to go - HOWEVER - the police also will not stand in the way of the parent dragging the kid back home either (I'm sure there's a limit to this, but I can't find the original website where I found this information now - Of course! ). What is on our side is the police reports that we do have that nothing we have been reported for is considered abuse, but rather a child and bio-mom overstepping their bounds in our home. If anything were to go to court, I doubt that we would be charged with anything - other than spending a whole lot of money and time attempting to defend ourselves. You better believe that if either is dumb enough to take us, I'd be asking for our attorney and court costs to be paid by them if we prevail! (If we're even allowed to do this....I think sometimes it's not - depending on the case.)
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 18, 2015 21:55:35 GMT -5
Yup, he or whomever he thinks he's going to live with may be counting on child support from you. Disabuse him or them of that notion. We were just informed last night that Rowdy's plan is now to move in with his mom. Not sure what happened to him moving in with another family member or what the actual status is....just going by what we're told by a kid and bio-mom who are both known liars. Hun and I talked way before this - and unless something changes - the plan at that point was "no to child support". What we actually discussed at the time was Rowdy moving in with his mom and her wanting CS to be changed. If that happened, and if we were to go by the state mandated CS, we'd probably end up owing Jetsam CS because Hun makes way more money than she does. Our idea/suggestion was to say - you have one (Rowdy) kid, we have one (Monkey) kid, we'll have that one kid much longer than you will - we'll still keep the insurance on all kids, but CS is zero for everyone involved. Don't like those terms - take us to court to settle this, we're not signing without having a chance to speak with the judge. Of course - that conversation happened several weeks ago. Not sure if Hun even remembers it or if he'd still agree to that now since things have changed in our relationship at this point.....
|
|