NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 15, 2015 9:21:34 GMT -5
First I think I'd send HUN and his offspring somewhere else until they both straighten up. This is complete and utter bull. I'd be sending both of them to the frEEzer at this point. After a severe beat-down.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 15, 2015 9:55:48 GMT -5
In for an interesting evening. We're supposed to be talking to Rowdy about what his plans are going forward. He gave tons of attitude with us just asking when he'd like to talk. Then, when I got home tonight, friends were dropping him off, so I went up to introduce myself while Rowdy walked away. I was nice and respectful to them. One of them was wearing an ROTC shirt, so I asked if they knew about his plans to drop out. They both said yes, but then re one with the ROTC shirt said...well I do now (know the other one knew, just because of who he is.) Rowdy walked up and said to his friends, "just so you know, she's a c*nt." and walked off. The look on their faces was stunned silence. I commented, "I'm telling you about his plans to drop out because what he tells everyone isn't always the truth. Would your parents approve of you saying anything like that to them? Just think about how much help you're willing to give someone. I want everyone on the same page. Have a good evening!" And walked off. Should be an interesting evening! drop out? Why would you want to get his friends involved? Having that kind of conversation with them was pretty out of line actually. As far as what he said, he needs a good old fashioned ass kicking. How old is he? I think I might just let him be his mom's problem or kick him out if he's 18. He has to learn responsibility and accountability. Let him sink or swim. I would have probably kicked my own kid out by now.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 15, 2015 12:16:00 GMT -5
In for an interesting evening. We're supposed to be talking to Rowdy about what his plans are going forward. He gave tons of attitude with us just asking when he'd like to talk. Then, when I got home tonight, friends were dropping him off, so I went up to introduce myself while Rowdy walked away. I was nice and respectful to them. One of them was wearing an ROTC shirt, so I asked if they knew about his plans to drop out. They both said yes, but then re one with the ROTC shirt said...well I do now (know the other one knew, just because of who he is.) Rowdy walked up and said to his friends, "just so you know, she's a c*nt." and walked off. The look on their faces was stunned silence. I commented, "I'm telling you about his plans to drop out because what he tells everyone isn't always the truth. Would your parents approve of you saying anything like that to them? Just think about how much help you're willing to give someone. I want everyone on the same page. Have a good evening!" And walked off. Should be an interesting evening! drop out? Why would you want to get his friends involved? Having that kind of conversation with them was pretty out of line actually. As far as what he said, he needs a good old fashioned ass kicking. How old is he? I think I might just let him be his mom's problem or kick him out if he's 18. He has to learn responsibility and accountability. Let him sink or swim. I would have probably kicked my own kid out by now. (Shrug). I'm not worried about being out of line with his friends at this point. That ship sailed long ago. I'm, quite frankly, tired of being treated like a nobody by him, and his response to me informing them of his plans showed them a side of him that he'd rather have kept hidden. If he wants to call the cops on me for being "abusive", then I don't have any problem speaking the truth to his friends. It might wake him up quicker if his peers talk to him. He'll be 17 on Wednesday. He informed us his plans last night. I'm going to lay out everything on the next post, but I'm at lunch and on my phone so it might be garbled.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 15, 2015 12:30:35 GMT -5
Ok...last night.
Wonder of wonders, no one got into a screaming match.
He plans on moving in with someone on his moms side of the family (not her - there's no room for him to move in full time). But he hasn't talked to any of them yet, he plans on doing that this weekend. We asked him what his plan was if they all refused - he had no backup plan, except he wasn't staying with us. Tentative move out date is June 3rd (last day of school).
We told him that due to his age, we were still legally responsible for him and that if he was determined to do this, there are steps we have to follow to protect ourselves legally. We were to know, and discuss, the situation with whoever agrees to take him in. If he doesn't communicate this with us, we will be reporting him as a runaway which will make his plan of getting a job that much harder.
We informed him that as our kid, we love him, but by choosing to move out under these circumstances, the dynamics have changed and he will not be allowed to just come "home" whenever he wants. That he was welcome for dinner whenever he wants, but he'd have to call first to let us know he was coming.
We brought up questions that he hadn't thought about (insurance, the other family having conditions of him living there, and transportation). He had no answers for a lot of things we asked. We pointed out that, "we realize you think you are mature, but these are the things that parents and adults think about."
There's more, but I've got to go. BBL!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2015 12:58:19 GMT -5
Well that is going to be interesting. You have a family court order that requires him to be resident with you.
If he's thinking he can get emancipated, he needs a full time job, show he's self supporting and to have your permission. Judge might or might not sign the order, but it costs somewhere around $5K to do that. Doubt he's got that kind of pocket change.
Doesn't the 'run-away' status change when they turn 17? I know they are still legally a minor, but I thought at 17 they no longer got treated as a run-away. What happens with dropping out of school? Is he truant since he's still a minor?
I don't know about your courts, but here the judges bust-a-gut over derogatory name calling. I think it is a gateway to physical abuse based on how they reacted. What he called you in front of his friends is a serious issue. It is more than disrespectful.
I hope that you can get this resolved. Although I hate to say it, it sounds like this kid needs to be out of your house ASAP.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 15, 2015 13:18:36 GMT -5
-thumbsup-Could not agree more. I'd like to see a miracle happen and Rowdy change his ways, but that ship sailed so long ago that it's in international waters at this point, with no hope of ever seeing the dock.
And in Texas (which if, I recall correctly, is where Karaboo is), the legal emancipation age is 16, the court or the parents must OK the deal and the minor must be able to fully support themselves (joining the military counts and supporting oneself). Failure to support yourself or committing a crime means the emancipation can be revoked.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 15, 2015 18:13:46 GMT -5
Yup, he or whomever he thinks he's going to live with may be counting on child support from you. Disabuse him or them of that notion.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 15, 2015 20:58:30 GMT -5
I hate my life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2015 21:35:49 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 15, 2015 22:10:15 GMT -5
YOU have not failed Rowdy. His parents have and you've tried desperately to save him. He has to want to save himself and he doesn't. YOU can't fix stupid.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 15, 2015 23:09:47 GMT -5
I'm just really angry at Hun right now.
He tagged me and Buddy in a FB video post that was totally inappropriate. It was a video showing a father holding his ~10 year old son accountable for his bad choices. Hun asked/posted if Buddy needed the "tough-love". I'm sure he meant it in a joking way, but I didn't take it that way and called him out on it, pointing out that his own son needed it far more than mine. He's now pissed at me for calling him out on FB.
I get home with the intent to mow the grass...missing a band concert of Buddy's to do this (we've had rain for the past week and more rain forecasted for the next 7 days, today was the only day the grass has been dry enough to mow!). Hun had told me that he had asked Rowdy to start edging the grass. Wonder of wonders, he did, but only a small part, and half assed to boot. Refused to help more when I asked. Come to find out, Hun only asked him to do the little he actually did....which was next to nothing!!!
I lost it! I'm missing a concert my rule following son is performing in, but asking Rowdy to actually help and be held accountable is asking too much? Plus you think it's funny to dis on my son while your heathen calls me names?
I'm ready to walk and not look back.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 15, 2015 23:38:24 GMT -5
I'm so sorry your dealing with this.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on May 15, 2015 23:45:39 GMT -5
First of all, to you. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Second of all, why the heck are you missing your child's events to cut the grass when you have a gaggle of other able-bodied people in the household? Third of all, I'm woefully unqualified to give relationship advice, but is it really worth staying? It seems overall the kids don't respect you and your husband doesn't respect you. I know you don't want to give up and you want to take care of everyone, but who takes care of you? The step kid(s) are hellbent on going down the paths they've chosen, and it seems you care more about them than their birth parents do. No matter what you do you're going to get unending crap from everyone and you'll be blamed for whatever bad outcomes happen and get no credit, if by a miracle, there are any good outcomes. Are your efforts really going to make any difference in the end when you're fighting against the sabotaging of the ex and a husband who refuses to step up and be a parent? I could see hanging in there if you truly had a partner. But everything indicates you don't, you just have another older petulant child to take care of who briefly carries his own weight when absolutely forced to.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on May 16, 2015 7:17:30 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, KaraBoo . Hoping that things calm down and get easier for you.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 16, 2015 7:25:15 GMT -5
First of all, to you. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Second of all, why the heck are you missing your child's events to cut the grass when you have a gaggle of other able-bodied people in the household? Third of all, I'm woefully unqualified to give relationship advice, but is it really worth staying? It seems overall the kids don't respect you and your husband doesn't respect you. I know you don't want to give up and you want to take care of everyone, but who takes care of you? The step kid(s) are hellbent on going down the paths they've chosen, and it seems you care more about them than their birth parents do. No matter what you do you're going to get unending crap from everyone and you'll be blamed for whatever bad outcomes happen and get no credit, if by a miracle, there are any good outcomes. Are your efforts really going to make any difference in the end when you're fighting against the sabotaging of the ex and a husband who refuses to step up and be a parent? I could see hanging in there if you truly had a partner. But everything indicates you don't, you just have another older petulant child to take care of who briefly carries his own weight when absolutely forced to. This! I couldn't have said it better! Something is going to give soon and it's not going to be pretty.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 16, 2015 10:20:11 GMT -5
I started to comment, but I just can't right now. Thank you for your support.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 16, 2015 10:37:08 GMT -5
I'm just really angry at Hun right now. He tagged me and Buddy in a FB video post that was totally inappropriate. It was a video showing a father holding his ~10 year old son accountable for his bad choices. Hun asked/posted if Buddy needed the "tough-love". I'm sure he meant it in a joking way, but I didn't take it that way and called him out on it, pointing out that his own son needed it far more than mine. He's now pissed at me for calling him out on FB. I get home with the intent to mow the grass...missing a band concert of Buddy's to do this (we've had rain for the past week and more rain forecasted for the next 7 days, today was the only day the grass has been dry enough to mow!). Hun had told me that he had asked Rowdy to start edging the grass. Wonder of wonders, he did, but only a small part, and half assed to boot. Refused to help more when I asked. Come to find out, Hun only asked him to do the little he actually did....which was next to nothing!!! I lost it! I'm missing a concert my rule following son is performing in, but asking Rowdy to actually help and be held accountable is asking too much? Plus you think it's funny to dis on my son while your heathen calls me names? I'm ready to walk and not look back. Long overdue. I'm sorry.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2015 10:51:32 GMT -5
I'd be livid too. Any way you can step out of the situation & take you and Buddy somewhere for a week?
Hun just moved this into "war zone" by publicly dissing your child. Aside from the fact that it is totally unwarranted, how dare he do that on a public forum?
Fuming on your behalf!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 16, 2015 10:56:34 GMT -5
I started to comment, but I just can't right now. Thank you for your support. Kara, I'm so darned sorry I've got tears in my eyes! You've tried so hard. You've given more of yourself than most people would even consider giving. You're an amazing woman, sweetheart, and you've got every reason to feel hurt and angry. I'd give anything if I could just hold you and let you cry. Your pain is my pain right now. I hope you've let DH know how hurtful his attitude is to you. If he can't see that, he needs to put on his big boy britches and his big boy glasses and take a good, long look at himself and at Rowdy. Rowdy is in deep trouble and Rowdy is his son! His way hasn't worked very well, at all. Flotsam's way hasn't worked, either. You're the only strong, steady hand that boy knows and he doesn't know how to make good use of what you're offering him. Nobody ever taught him how. Your DH should be ashamed of himself and his selfish attitude! If I could reach him, it would be a 2X4 upside the damned head! Hang in there, love, and do what's right for you. You've given all you can. There comes a time when we have to recognize reality no matter how ugly it might be. Don't let yourself, and your son, be dragged into the muck DH, Flotsam and Rowdy are creating for themselves. We're here for you. Know that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2015 11:37:07 GMT -5
This story just gets worser and worser. I know it's asking for trouble to say what you wouldn't deal with, but I have an absolute line where my own kids call me a bitch, ****, or anything remotely close to that within my hearing. My kids aren't angels and I'm pretty sure they've called me some horrible names before, but thank God they never said it to me, because that would have ended very badly and we wouldn't have been able to live together anymore. Some things I'm just not going to tolerate or deal with in my home. That's the reason I made my son move out and it was still the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It was because of something different than the above, but it was on the short list of what's absolutely not gonna happen here.
I think that when kids think it's ok to say such disrespectful things to their parents and raise their hand to them, you've entered a whole new territory where anything might happen. I'd not only be afraid that they might get the guts to try to fight or hurt me one day, I'd also be afraid of what I might do if they actually went there. I never want to see my child as my enemy, but that's how I'd feel if things were that bad. I'd rather we live apart, even if it cost me money, than risk something happening so bad that our relationship can't recover from it.
There are much deeper issues here than Rowdy dropping out of school and wanting to move out and Monkey's behavior. Those are symptoms. Just like the money problems were really symptoms of deeper issues in your marriage.
I think you need to get some counseling Kara. There's a reason why you're having issues in 2 major areas of your life, work and home. It seems odd to say you're the one that needs counseling when it seems like it's everyone around you that's acting crazy, not you. But 1. you can't change anyone but yourself and 2. there's something about you that's allowing so much chaos in your life.
And I usually try to refrain from speaking negatively of people's loved ones, but your Hun sounds like a jackass. From the beginning when you talked about the financial troubles, to how he helps run the household (doesn't), to how he deals with his children (doesn't), he just doesn't sound like a good partner. Just my opinion.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on May 16, 2015 14:58:57 GMT -5
I'm reading and will respond more later.
My mom called last night, my grandmother passed away last night. I had no relationship with her, so while I appreciate any sentiments, it's not affecting me any. I'm spending time with my mom, though, cause this is hitting her hard.
So Hun is left to deal with the kids and house, so I can help my mom. I'll be back later, but it may be tomorrow or later.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 16, 2015 15:13:06 GMT -5
Oh geez when it rains, it fucking well pours and this shit is called life. UGH. My condolences to you and your family.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 16, 2015 15:19:34 GMT -5
Oh geez when it rains, it fucking well pours and this shit is called life. UGH. My condolences to you and your family.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 16, 2015 17:48:59 GMT -5
I'm sorry Kara Boo......things have really been the pits for you recently and it sounds like you are reaching the end of your rope.
As sad as it may seem, going to your mom to help her might be the best thing for everyone. It doesn't sound like anyone is stepping up to the plate in your house, your DH is being an ass and this situation with Rowdy has gone from bad to worse. This break may make you think a bit more objectively.
I'm just floored at Rowdy calling you a c&^t. That is totally unacceptable and shows a phenomenal lack of respect for you. I'm not sure what to say about this, but maybe it's a good thing that he's going. You've done nothing to deserve this treatment.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 16, 2015 20:37:49 GMT -5
It may be time to remove yourself and yours from this situation. I'm sure it's worse than what you've even shared and that's bad enough. I am so sorry but at a certain point you need to do what's best for your and yours. Time to leave this toxic situation.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 16, 2015 20:43:03 GMT -5
Oh everyone if your post di.ck it comes out as Richard, okay, so ass is what we use instead. Just your friendly reminder.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on May 16, 2015 20:52:33 GMT -5
1. Committed to each other. 2. Committed to our kids (4 total - 1 mine, 3 his, they all live with us full time) 3. House 4. Utilities - electric, water and gas at our house 5. Food 6. Gas for work (this is an important distinction in our house) 7. Vehicle insurance
_______________________________
You two have it right.
Depending on how much money you two are making, it can be difficult...I love that you are committed to each other and your kids. That is the most important thing. The rest, be an adult and do your best...be wise.
Sorry, I'm not a numbers guy.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 16, 2015 20:58:25 GMT -5
If possible, it might not hurt to stay at your mom's for a few days - let Hun start picking up the slack around the house AND the dealing with HIS kid for a change.
I'd also leave strict demands that the house be put back in order (both in neatness & attitude adjustments) before you get back - to make it worth you returning (or not).
Leave the ball in their court to set things straight - you've done more than your fair share of being patient, and unfortunately you're the one being taken advantage of and treated like crap.
As for Rowdy, if he's so hell-bent on destroying his future, both you and Hun may need to let him fall on his face out there in the big bad world.
His buddies (and their families) aren't going to be willing to step up and "save" plus support him.
You've already gone above and beyond.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 16, 2015 21:57:34 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your family's loss, Kara; especially, for your mom.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 17, 2015 4:34:22 GMT -5
I feel sorry for Buddy the most. He has zero choice.
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