thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 24, 2013 17:27:49 GMT -5
Haven't we fixed this family yet? Sheesh. This board is useless.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 24, 2013 17:35:09 GMT -5
WB don't forget these are also the people who tried to talk her husband out of marrying her. Who think she isn't good enough for him, don't approve of her staying home and think it is not fair that DB can't get a bigger tent, since they are remolding, but if only she worked they could do both.
Believe that she happy that she is high risk because she doesn't have to work, I mean who wouldn't want their baby at risk if it means they get out of working.
And because it needs repeating this.....
Seriously, DB needs to be sticking up for his wife to his family. He needs to make it clear that disrespect and, talking bad about his wife will not be tolerated to him.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 24, 2013 17:37:48 GMT -5
I like the blue dress on the right - bottom photo! Can I just help pick out the clothes for this shin dig? The SIL does sound annoying and I think Kara is just venting so she doesn't lose her cool in the heat. Maybe she should wear the blue dress and drink lots of wine. She'll look the best and be the happiest. Problems fixed! I really am a miracle worker.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 24, 2013 17:37:50 GMT -5
And to be clear I don't know this woman, but OP sounds very bias in her descriptions and I am kind of taking everything she said with a grain of salt, because I do believe that op is at a "Bitch eating crackers" stage with her SIL, and I think SIL may be right there with the rest of the family as well. My guess is SIL knows that DB family is important to him, but wants to make it work, but sooner or later she is just going to give up.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 24, 2013 17:39:39 GMT -5
My point was more that you can dress cool and nice casual at the same time with the pictures.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 24, 2013 17:41:23 GMT -5
I'm guessing that once the baby is born, the parents can just go into hunker-down mode. Either intentionally or as a matter of practicality, they will be too busy with the baby to be involved in any family events. Although it will just piss the family off more - as they will feel they are being cut out of the baby's life, it may bring some peace to the brother and SIL, as they won't have to hear about anyone's petty complaints about them.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 24, 2013 17:44:44 GMT -5
I just wore this to a summer outside wedding I am thinking of wearing it again to my SIL wedding, which is outside in August.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 24, 2013 17:47:40 GMT -5
Well, Lena - according to this board, you brought it on yourself. You did everything wrong. And everyone else in the family did everything perfect. And there is absolutely no room for the other side of the story. Clearly, she (and you) are outrageous bitches. Oh Thyme, according to this board I've yet to find anything that I do right. Must really suck to be me.....
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 24, 2013 17:52:57 GMT -5
But tyme the family will have to save that baby, I mean the baby can't grow up without knowing everything wrong it's mom is doing/does can it. I mean really are they sure they want SIL even raising a niece/nephew/cousin of theirs? Maybe they need to talk to DB about how to make sure SIL is a good mother. (please catch the sarcasm there)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 24, 2013 17:54:17 GMT -5
LOL - I'm glad my family is nice to me, even if they think I'm a total jackalope.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 24, 2013 21:13:22 GMT -5
THIS! This is the board I know and love! It's been way too quiet around here lately! I'm glad I could provide you guys some fodder. Guys - I totally understand how I come across as a total witch on my end. I really do get that. That's the nature of hearing only one side and trying to tell a several year story in only a few sentences (as is - I'm already too wordy for most on this board!). There is also no way to account for body language or tone of voice in text. There are a couple of things some of you guys missed in my earlier posts (again, because I'm so wordy...sorry about that!): 1. My mom is hosting the shower because she wants to - her mom is only here for however many weeks (several at the minimum). My mom offered to host it in September, SIL insisted it happen when her mom is in town, which was decided by SIL would be July 20th - done. 2. SIL's mom told her that SHE wasn't comfortable being around a large group of people she doesn't know and would prefer not to attend the shower - SIL told her own mom, "Tough, I want you there, you're attending anyway." (SIL told me this personally) 3. SIL has gone so far as to tell me that she wants my mom to have nothing to do with the baby once its here because SIL doesn't believe my mom knows how to take care of children. But yet, she's fine dictating to my mom when my mom is supposed to host the shower. Ummm......I have a huge problem with that! Leaving the wedding and anything else aside before the pregnancy came up - the three points above have all happened within the last 8 weeks. #1 - I'm fine with, that's a reasonable request. #2 - Seems kind of demanding, but the lady isn't my mom, so whatever. #3 - Is down-right insulting considering the lady raised two independent, mature adults, one of which is married to SIL.
My mom was NOT the best mom in the world by any stretch of the imagination. However, she did the best she knew how with what she was given to work with (this board actually helped me to see that many, many years ago on a thread ranting about parents). She was never abusive, but because of her own upbringing, she struggled raising us. She's learned over the years and was fine with helping with my own son (who's now 16).
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 24, 2013 21:47:21 GMT -5
Kara, just so you know I am not saying you are a bitch at all!!
I don't have any siblings, so was very excited when my DH (then BF) told me he had a sister. I was so not prepared for almost immediate dislike from her. So, the whole sister-brother-wife dynamic is very interesting to me, that's all
Lena
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 24, 2013 22:14:36 GMT -5
Lena - I appreciate that. Not having any sisters myself, I was excited for my DB to be in a serious relationship - I couldn't wait to have some girl time! In the early months of my DB dating her, before I even met her, he brought some comments and concerns to me for my opinion regarding his relationship. Based on what he told me, I told him my opinion. The details he gave me were less than encouraging that she would be a compliment to his personality and I gave him my opinion on that as well. He acknowledged my concerns as valid and red flags, but stated I didn't know the whole story. I told him it wasn't fair to me or her to only hear the negatives. I've tried very hard to get to know her for herself and not from those early conversations. However, there are details that are proving those early conversations correct. Maybe I am only focusing on those traits - I am mature enough to admit to the possibility and will definitely think about it some more. Right now, I do have a hard time accepting that though when I have other people commenting the same things I'm thinking when I know they didn't have the same conversations that I did. Like I said - I'm venting here. In person, I try very hard to be supportive and bite my tongue on many levels. I think I'm hiding it pretty good - she still wants me to raise the child if anything ever happens to her and DB.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 24, 2013 22:38:02 GMT -5
Maybe I'm the only one that had no confidence in my brother's abilities at choosing a girl. After the second bitch I gave up hope, but whoa buddy did the one he married take the cake! Luckily (ok, well ridiculously shitty and unlucky for my brother) she cheated on him repeatedly so they divorced and have no kids so she's out of my life. He got a new one though before the divorce was final. (Yet I'm still single. Sigh, I should just be crazy, then I'll get a man.) While I have to say I want to punch her in the face less, there's still a few reasons why I want to punch her in the face. Though I want to punch his dumb ass in the face often so maybe they're a match made in heaven. After 9 months I finally stopped calling her 2.0, good thing I never said it to her face. You're not alone in the SIL hate.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 24, 2013 23:26:03 GMT -5
3. SIL has gone so far as to tell me that she wants my mom to have nothing to do with the baby once its here because SIL doesn't believe my mom knows how to take care of children. But yet, she's fine dictating to my mom when my mom is supposed to host the shower. Ummm......I have a huge problem with that! #3 - Is down-right insulting considering the lady raised two independent, mature adults, one of which is married to SIL.
It sounds like you need to put some boundaries in with your SIL. I'm kinda shocked at how much you all share with each other. But, I don't have any sibs and I have a iffy relationship with my folks. What happened if you told your SIL "I will not listen to you badmouth my mom anymore. If you do, I will (leave the room, hang up the phone, stop the conversation." And followed through? What would happen if you told other folks "I will not listen to you complain/bad mouth/vent about SIL. If you do I will (leave the room, hang up the phone, stop the conversation)" and followed through? That should take you out of the middle of everything, no?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 24, 2013 23:37:31 GMT -5
Kara, you can be my adopted SIL
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 25, 2013 3:26:57 GMT -5
Kara I don't think you are a bitch either. I think people are trying to force a relationship where there isn't one, that is leading to resentment, that is building up, that no one want to acknowledge.
It sounds like your DB likes drama some. Why else would he come to you with a list of complaints, and when you acknowledge them turn around and say hey wait you don't know the whole picture. Sorry that was an ass thing for him to do, to you and his SIL. If your brother wants you all to have a good relationship he needs to start it by showing his wife respect, family is going to take his lead, and him complaining about her isn't going to do that.
I can say I love my SIL. She is in no way a person that I would have picked to be friends with. We have differnt personalities, we like differnt things, and have differnt beliefs about things. But I can respect her, acknowledge that in her own way she is a wonderful person, even if she into fashion, going to clubs, and more of a social scene and I would rather go fishing. She doesn't invite me to go to clubs and I don't ask her to go fishing. When we are together at a family event we may both talk about it to the other. I think if we tried to force a more hang out/be sister relationship we would both get annoyed and have resentment start to build up between us. She is a great aunt to the girls, and takes ODD (and right now only ODD because YDD is still to young) to things that would have me pulling my hair out.
So now that I am done with being over dramatic to get a point across....
I think you need to spend a little less time with SIL, when you are with her look for the good. And for gods sake, if your DB comes to you to complain about his wife, tell him he needs to talk to his wife about it and leave you out of their marriage. You would like to have a respectful relationship with her and he is sabotaging it. And if anyone else wants to trash talk her about being differnt, having differnt beliefs, ect... walk away.
AS far as your mom and the baby goes. Do you think that could be coming from a place of worrying, specially with your brother as the golden child, about mom trying to be a third parent to the baby. Sounds like your mom might have issues with boundaries, and if she tried to take over the wedding I could see SIL being concerned about mom trying to take over raising the baby. Having someone throw you a baby shower but want no relationship with that person and baby seems odd, have someone do your shower and start to see some red flags that, that person wants to be more involved in parenting choices then you are comfortable with not so odd.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 25, 2013 3:27:12 GMT -5
And I tend to be wordy too.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jun 25, 2013 6:15:14 GMT -5
It's hard marrying into a family where you are the last one coming in. Everyone already has their traditions and their way of doing things. They have already bonded, you haven't. And if 2 sisters are close, they aren't going to let a brothers wife come in and join their group. And mother/daughter won't accept the new wife either.
And yes the husband should be sticking up for the wife. But, AND I AM NOT SAYING THIS APPLIES HERE, maybe the husband hasn't heard the wife be a witch. Or maybe the sister has cried wolf one too many times.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2013 8:19:18 GMT -5
My mom was NOT the best mom in the world by any stretch of the imagination. However, she did the best she knew how with what she was given to work with (this board actually helped me to see that many, many years ago on a thread ranting about parents). She was never abusive, but because of her own upbringing, she struggled raising us. She's learned over the years and was fine with helping with my own son (who's now 16). You might be over it, but your brother is not. He still harbors ill feelings and has been dumping his pain and grief onto his wife. His wife wants to protect her child from that pain.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 25, 2013 10:50:03 GMT -5
This is a good point. No good can come from a newly married couple talking about their marriage to family members. This is what you have friends for. A couple can have a fight and forgive each other, but it is much more difficult to forgive someone you feel has wronged someone you love.
KB, you need to tell SIL to stop talking to you about her marriage and the issues with the rest of the family, that you just can't bear it, that it will poison your relationship.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2013 10:59:10 GMT -5
This thread has given me great anxiety.
I expect that when my kids are older, I will chew off my arm to continue a relationship with them. But, if my daughter doesn't like my son's wife, this could be a real messy litter box.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 25, 2013 11:07:21 GMT -5
This thread has given me great anxiety. I expect that when my kids are older, I will chew off my arm to continue a relationship with them. But, if my daughter doesn't like my son's wife, this could be a real messy litter box. Meh, siblings are over-rated. My husband has 4 and I have 3. Out of the 7, all are adults some with families of their own. We see our parents more than our siblings and it's fine. You can continue a relationship with your adult kids even without them being close to their siblings.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 25, 2013 11:14:43 GMT -5
This thread has given me great anxiety. I expect that when my kids are older, I will chew off my arm to continue a relationship with them. But, if my daughter doesn't like my son's wife, this could be a real messy litter box. Most of my friends have kids in the 20-30 age range. Most (85%) have some sort of beef with their kids choice of mate whether they are just dating or married. Some have no contact due to the new spouse being a psycho. My youngest (21) has been chasing a girl that I already don't like. She's dated half the town and was "hanging out" with my son while her abusive "fiance" was elsewhere. I've told him several times she is on my shit list and he needs to move on because I can already see what kind of drama and trouble follows her around. He agrees but he keeps getting sucked in. I don't think he would ever ultimately end up with her but I'm also not sure based on what I've seen from other parents with kids my age, that there are a whole lot better choices out there.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2013 11:17:38 GMT -5
I was watching reruns of the Roseanne show. Becky broke up with Mark and was going out with a boy named Dean. Dean was on the high school football team and Dean and Dan loved each other. Dan was very excited about Dean. Roseanne and Jackie informed Dan to not get attached because he was the rebound boy. They said "The next boy that comes around that you hate, that will be the one that will stick around." LOL and
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2013 11:19:59 GMT -5
Most of my friends have kids in the 20-30 age range. Most (85%) have some sort of beef with their kids choice of mate whether they are just dating or married. Some have no contact due to the new spouse being a psycho. Do you think that 85% of your friends' children are really that bad at picking spouses, or do you think that your friends are being a little controlling?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 25, 2013 11:27:13 GMT -5
I was watching reruns of the Roseanne show. Becky broke up with Mark and was going out with a boy named Dean. Dean was on the high school football team and Dean and Dan loved each other. Dan was very excited about Dean. Roseanne and Jackie informed Dan to not get attached because he was the rebound boy. They said "The next boy that comes around that you hate, that will be the one that will stick around." LOL and That is so funny because I too was reminded of an episode of Roseanne where Dan was talking to Roseanne about Mark. Roseanne was complaining about Mark being the wrong guy for Becky. Dan reminded Roseanne that her parents hated him too for all the reasons Roseanne hated Mark. I guess that's just the way it goes and you have to let adult kids live their lives and figure it out on their own. Support them along the way and try to get along with the ones they choose to love.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 25, 2013 11:34:24 GMT -5
My Mom was pretty careful to not express opinions on anyone we brought home. She figured if she approved, it was the kiss of death and if she disapproved, it was the seal of approval.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 25, 2013 11:35:58 GMT -5
Most of my friends have kids in the 20-30 age range. Most (85%) have some sort of beef with their kids choice of mate whether they are just dating or married. Some have no contact due to the new spouse being a psycho. Do you think that 85% of your friends' children are really that bad at picking spouses, or do you think that your friends are being a little controlling? I think its a mix. The psycho spouse really is a psycho. I've seen some of her behaviors play out in front of me and I would have ended the relationship with both of them long before she actually did. The son and wife's behavior were appalling. I can put another friend into the somewhat controlling category. She was very close to her son but when he hooked up with this girl, their relationship pretty much went to hell. She went out of her way for the girlfriend as well when it came to Christmas, birthdays etc. Her son switched colleges to follow this girl (which I never would have agreed to because there were serious financial implications). They broke up this year after maybe 4 years of dating. I guess she is hooked up with some cult now so while I can say my friend's expectations were a bit out of kilter when it came to how much involvement she was supposed to have with a college aged kid who didnt live at home, the fact that the gf ended up in some sort of whackadoodle group tells me that all her concerned weren't unfounded. I thought the gf was a spoiled brat just based on the shenanigans I saw going on but it was more the manipulative pick me over mom sort of stuff. Those two are pretty much the glaring examples but as I said, it seems like a majority of parents I know have issues....including me.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2013 11:38:24 GMT -5
2 friends = 85%? The other .3 friend is good with her kid?
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