Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 21, 2013 17:30:06 GMT -5
I bet if she moved the date, the same number of people would show up. You are probably right, some people just don't want to go to these things. FWIW, at least you had a lot of people to invite. Most of my friends were out of state, I don't have too big of a family & many were busy, & I work with 3 guys. I think both my bridal shower & baby shower I had 5-7 people attend counting myself, my mom, and the host. It was embarrassing to have so few people in my life to even invite to these parties. I know I am an introvert and this is partly the result of that, but those parties really made me feel like a loser.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2013 17:34:04 GMT -5
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 21, 2013 17:55:08 GMT -5
Maybe she only has one person in her life that even offered to throw a shower, so she figured it should be a big one. All my friends had multiple showers for both weddings and babies. Their mom threw them one, and their friend threw one, etc. However, my mother told me that it was against etiquette for a mother to throw her daughter a shower. So, I had one friend throw me a shower out of obligation for my wedding, and one sweety throw me a baby shower. My sister didn't offer, my mother would horrified to do it - tacky. It doesn't sound like this gal has a lot of family, and her friends are probably done with this stage of their life. So, only one person offered, she has to include everyone in one big shot. Sounds like she picked the wrong crowd to do the 'shakedown' even on. When I got married, there was no bridal shower, but some friends brought presents when we went out to dinner and dancing. I think there were maybe 5 of us. The only baby showers I got were from work. The lack of interest in my wedding did hurt, but there were some very legitimate reasons, so I got over it. When I got pregnant, I was so delighted that my wonderful coworkers threw me a shower that I didn't care about having other showers.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2013 18:04:16 GMT -5
And this is what I hate about people on this board.
Not all showers are shakedowns. Sometimes, I know this sounds crazy, people like to get together and celebrate stuff. And if you are someone who likes to get together and celebrate stuff, you might think that others might want to get together and celebrate stuff. Maybe this particular gal thinks that everyone in the family would like to get together and be together. And maybe she thinks that possibly they will be happy for her. Granted, this lady doesn't sound quite that genuine, but I am sick to death of the attitude on this board that every bride that follows any of the normal procedures is only it for the gifts and is secretly judging who will be their friends based on the amount of money they spent. Maybe they wanted to make you feel included. Maybe they like being with you and thought you would be a fun person to be there. Maybe they thought you would have fun because so many people you know (or should know) would be there.
No matter how many times my sister tells me I'm weird for having friends and parties and hanging out with a group of people, I can't for the life of me understand how she goes through life with just her kids and her husband. No wonder she was suicidal when her kids went to college. She was so proud of herself for never needing a friend.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 21, 2013 18:30:21 GMT -5
Okay - there is no way I'm going to be able to address everything that was said while I was gone and actually make sense. So...I'm going to try and address stuff I remember reading and go from there - if I missed something one of you commented on, forgive me - I'm not purposely excluding you - I swear! SIL's mom is in town for multiple weeks (maybe even a couple of months - I'm not sure of the exact time frame). Family scheduled the camping trip a couple of weeks ago. 1. They thought I knew about it (which I knew they were talking about it, just not the weekend it was actually scheduled until I called looking for addresses). 2. While I wasn't present for the discussions on who to invite, I'm pretty sure it was the same people who went camping a few weeks ago on SIL/DB's wedding anniversary weekend. SIL absolutely refused to go camping that weekend and didn't like that the majority picked that weekend anyway. She had the attitude that she and DB were purposely excluded because of this.
Back-story on camping. Last year, we did another family camping trip before they got married that they attended. During this time frame, SIL was on a majorly restrictive diet trying to lose weight before the wedding - so restrictive, she could not eat anything that the rest of the family cooked and it had to be on a strict time schedule. Not good combinations when camping - we don't eat healthy while we're out there (think hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and smores). She was very upset that no one in the group would help her stay on-diet with her except for my DB. When she commented that she needed to eat, the others (including me) would say - well...go eat! She wanted us to stop as a group and eat together (there were like 20 of us).
She's been on one other camping trip with us since then, it was the girls' only trip and she only came because her therapist told her she needed to (she told us this). She said she had fun, but also said she refused to go camping any more until her and DB have a bigger tent. Well - she's also said they can't afford new camping equipment so part of their house can be remodeled/finished before the baby gets here. She complains that DB doesn't make enough money to do all of these things, but she also cheerfully quit her job last week.
So - yes, there is a possibility that they weren't invited, but not from my end. That would be the others "forgetting", not me.
With such a large family, we have instances all the time where something is going on that we might not know about until the last minute. I used to get really upset about it (especially when I'd find out my mom was supposed to tell me about it, but didn't), but realized that with 50+ people in my family, someone's bound to be missed occasionally.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2013 18:34:56 GMT -5
Suuuurrrreeee they did. Good cover... (Just kidding. )
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 21, 2013 18:44:32 GMT -5
As for the several smaller showers - I agree that this would make more sense, but she doesn't want that.
We live in the DFW area (Dallas/Fort Worth). My parents live south of Fort Worth, the majority of my family lives within 10 miles of them - me and DB/SIL live about 20-25 miles away. Her family that does live in the area live east of Dallas - at least 45 miles away and her friends all live east of Dallas as well.
It just doesn't make sense geographically to have one HUGE shower. To me, it especially doesn't make sense to combine it with a pool party by inviting people to a house they've never been to (speaking of her friends and family). But, that's the logical side of me speaking.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but I really do want my SIL to be happy and be the center of attention with her baby. But, I also want it to not be forced either. She's done several things already with the family where she's insisted things be her way when it goes against the grain of the extended family dynamic and it has the family frustrated with her (me more so than the others, simply because I deal with her more and have to hear about it from the others grumbling about her insisting on things).
What has she done you might ask? Just one example - Some will remember the wedding - she originally told everyone that it wasn't a formal wedding (3pm in the backyard of their house - in June - in Texas). Then she got upset when she found out that no one was planning on dressing up in the minimum of "church cloths". She expected everyone to dress up for the wedding, sit for photos, they could change after the wedding into more comfortable clothing. And oh - by the way - the cousin we all know who doesn't wear a bra, she insisted she had to wear a bra or she didn't want her to attend the wedding (she told the cousin this to her face). She told everyone this a week before the wedding when she overheard someone saying they were wearing shorts because of the 90+ degree weather that was being predicted.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 21, 2013 19:01:50 GMT -5
The comment that DB should actually be the one to feel sorry for - nope, not happening on my end.
I know the conversations I had with him before the relationship even got to the point of being serious. There were all sorts of red-flags that he was getting involved with someone who didn't/doesn't share his same core values. He's extremely conservative in all areas of his life, she's extremely liberal (not even talking politics). He's worked hard all his life, she's hardly worked at all. I know there are other areas, I'm just not remembering all of them right now.
I also know that two people who are the exact opposite can and do make it work all of the time. I'm not knocking that. All I'm saying is I cautioned him to think long and hard if these things were going to be worth working on figuring out common ground on as it wasn't going to make being married any easier. His response to my cautions were that he appreciated me bringing them up, but I didn't know her as well as he did and maybe there was more to the story that I didn't know (this was around the 3 month mark of them dating). That's fine DB - but I'm telling you now, I might actually say "told you so" if things don't work out. At this point, I won't say that if things ever go south, but DB also knows that I won't have to either.
I will say one last thing (on this post).....WWBG - if I didn't know that you AREN'T my DB, there would be days that I would swear you were him posting about SIL. The posts are eerily similar to what I see/hear happening in their lives.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2013 19:05:24 GMT -5
LOL - on another thread I was offering to call random people and explain to them how to dress. At least this girl has the crumbs to actually tell someone to their face that her wayward tits are unacceptable. Rather than just pretending it is okay and talking behind her back.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 21, 2013 19:08:37 GMT -5
yes, thyme, I get being social, wanting to celebrate, wanting to become closer to the family, wanting to be surrounded by the people you hold dear. But it doesn't sound like there's that much closeness or admiration between Karaboo's SIL and the rest of family. Parties filled with people you don't like and who don't like you generally aren't that fun, at least not when you're sober. And you're certainly not going to get any closer to everyone at some mega event. So what does Karaboo's SIL have to gain from this event other than a bunch of presents and being the center of attention?
It's one thing to be disappointed when your actual friends blow off your shower. It's something else when it is a bunch of inlaws you don't seem to have much in common with and aren't close to.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2013 19:11:25 GMT -5
She is trying to be part of their family.
And that party would be very fun for everyone that already is established as family. Assuming they all like each other and want to be together.
Plus - I was talking about the general feeling that ALL showers are gift grabs. Maybe this one is, but there are a lot of people who have absolutely nothing nice to say about any shower they have ever been to. They just say that it was a gift grab, and there couldn't possibly be any other reason that anyone would ever have a shower.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 21, 2013 19:34:54 GMT -5
Bingo. But since she isn't close to these people and doesn't have much in common with them, trying to force them to go to an event that many find tedious is a bad idea. She'd be better off having a shower with her own family and friends and having a pool party with her inlaws.
And yes, I agree that all shower aren't gift grabs. But when the invitation comes from someone you're not close to, that's how many will take it, with good reason.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 21, 2013 19:57:36 GMT -5
"I used to get really upset about it (especially when I'd find out my mom was supposed to tell me about it, but didn't), but realized that with 50+ people in my family, someone's bound to be missed occasionally." You used to get upset, and you grew up with it. She's new - so maybe she isn't used to it yet.
"she originally told everyone that it wasn't a formal wedding (3pm in the backyard of their house - in June - in Texas). Then she got upset when she found out that no one was planning on dressing up in the minimum of "church cloths". She expected everyone to dress up for the wedding, sit for photos, they could change after the wedding into more comfortable clothing... She told everyone this a week before the wedding when she overheard someone saying they were wearing shorts because of the 90+ degree weather that was being predicted." So, she told everyone it wasn't formal, and then, overhearing someone else's conversation, realized that she and the guests had different definitions of "formal" and clarified with everyone? Again, sounds like something that could happen to someone who is coming into a family and has differing expectations.
Honestly, I think you just don't like her, Kara. And that is FINE - there are lots of people I don't like, ESPECIALLY my in-laws. There are valid reasons I don't like them. There are things I get upset about that are valid. There are things I get upset about because the way they do things are different from what I'm used to and we misunderstand one another. And then there are some things I get pissed or upset about that I know aren't that big a deal - but I just don't like them, so it makes it easy to get pissed about things.
YMMV
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 21, 2013 20:08:46 GMT -5
I bet if she moved the date, the same number of people would show up. You are probably right, some people just don't want to go to these things. FWIW, at least you had a lot of people to invite. Most of my friends were out of state, I don't have too big of a family & many were busy, & I work with 3 guys. I think both my bridal shower & baby shower I had 5-7 people attend counting myself, my mom, and the host. It was embarrassing to have so few people in my life to even invite to these parties. I know I am an introvert and this is partly the result of that, but those parties really made me feel like a loser. I'm an introvert too. My mom threw me my bridal shower as she felt bad I wouldn't have one otherwise. (My MOH was my best friend (at the time) who lived out of state, no bridesmaids or flower girls, and the best man was my DH's best friend, no groomsmen or ring bearers.) At my bridal shower, there were 8 people including myself. Half was family while was a friend from college and 2 from the Legion that DH and I hung out at were the others. For a baby shower for my DD, it was a surprise shower at my job. We didn't have any games, but did have food and gifts. I was thankful for what I did have. I will say that being an introvert does make me feel like a loser periodically, but I'm hoping that when DH and I move soon, I'll work on attempting to make new friends. DH knows it bothers me and he fully supports me attempting to make new friends.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 21, 2013 20:11:08 GMT -5
So, she told everyone it wasn't formal, and then, overhearing someone else's conversation, realized that she and the guests had different definitions of "formal" and clarified with everyone? Again, sounds like something that could happen to someone who is coming into a family and has differing expectations.
Agreed, my idea of "wedding casual" is definitely not "backyard cook-out casual". I went to a backyard wedding last summer. And while there was no specific dress-code, there were a handful of people who showed up in t-shirts, shorts and flipflops. This was August and it was hot, but I thought they were tacky and disrespectful- and I'm not one to normally judge this sort of thing. The vast majority wore something closer to church attire or maybe something you'd wear to a nice restaurant. It's a wedding, you know there will be pictures- dress appropriately so you don't look like the family slob.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 21, 2013 20:20:12 GMT -5
So, she told everyone it wasn't formal, and then, overhearing someone else's conversation, realized that she and the guests had different definitions of "formal" and clarified with everyone? Again, sounds like something that could happen to someone who is coming into a family and has differing expectations.
Agreed, my idea of "wedding casual" is definitely not "backyard cook-out casual". I went to a backyard wedding last summer. And while there was no specific dress-code, there were a handful of people who showed up in t-shirts, shorts and flipflops. This was August and it was hot, but I thought they were tacky and disrespectful- and I'm not one to normally judge this sort of thing. The vast majority wore something closer to church attire or maybe something you'd wear to a nice restaurant. It's a wedding, you know there will be pictures- dress appropriately so you don't look like the family slob. While I wouldnt show up for a back yard wedding in a tube top and flip flops, I also wouldnt show up in my "church best" whatever that means either. As someone who lives in DFW, I know what 3pm in June feels like and it doesnt call for any sort of church going clothes. Its actually pretty stupid to expect people to show up in one outfit for the pictures then change into something else. Who does that?
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jun 21, 2013 20:21:37 GMT -5
thyme is right, a mother isn't supposed to give a shower. no matter how much things have changed, that hasn't.
please go to the shower. buy a gift and show up. my mil did not attend my bridal shower at my church and was an hour late to my bridal shower that DH's aunt, MY MIL'S SISTER gave me. an hour. back in the day when people came and played games and stayed the entire time and ate. DH's brother/SIL did not send a gift, she did not attend. We never got a gift from them. Ever.
mil did not attend either baby shower that my church gave for me. I don't care how bossy the sil is, please go. she will only embarrass herself with her rantings. but at least you will know that you did your part and she can't complain about you.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 21, 2013 20:24:18 GMT -5
Agreed, my idea of "wedding casual" is definitely not "backyard cook-out casual". I went to a backyard wedding last summer. And while there was no specific dress-code, there were a handful of people who showed up in t-shirts, shorts and flipflops. This was August and it was hot, but I thought they were tacky and disrespectful- and I'm not one to normally judge this sort of thing. The vast majority wore something closer to church attire or maybe something you'd wear to a nice restaurant. It's a wedding, you know there will be pictures- dress appropriately so you don't look like the family slob. While I wouldnt show up for a back yard wedding in a tube top and flip flops, I also wouldnt show up in my "church best" whatever that means either. As someone who lives in DFW, I know what 3pm in June feels like and it doesnt call for any sort of church going clothes. Its actually pretty stupid to expect people to show up in one outfit for the pictures then change into something else. Who does that? Someone who is trying to compromise with her new family who obviously already dislike her?
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 21, 2013 20:35:26 GMT -5
Hahaha!! We had Chinese for dinner tonight - my fortune? "Don't worry about the stock market. Invest in family."
While eating, I thought about something else SIL told me. Her mom hates to attend anything with large groups. Apparently her mom has already told her that she doesn't feel comfortable attending a shower with a bunch of people she doesn't know - even if it is for her only child and the very first grandchild.
SIL told me something to the effect, "I told her to get over it and I expect her to be there anyway."
Just another reason why I'm frustrated by all of this. There is a history here with the behavior. I'll freely admit that the more I see of her MeMeMe attitude, the more it rubs me wrong and I have a hard time liking her. If we were able to strip away that attitude, I can see getting along with her great, but I can't do that, so I'm left feeling frustrated at the encounters.
I've had other family members comment to me (without prompts from me), that SIL makes liking her a difficult job.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 21, 2013 20:43:38 GMT -5
thyme is right, a mother isn't supposed to give a shower. no matter how much things have changed, that hasn't. . Why? Who makes these rules and who cares? I basically threw my own baby shower. Is that worse than letting my mom do it?
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 21, 2013 20:46:33 GMT -5
Happyscooter - please don't worry about that - I will definitely be attending the shower. No matter how much she irritates me, I will not do that to anyone. She's the one my DB chose. I don't have to live with her, but I do have to make every effort to play nice and be there for her. I view that as my duty and obligation as a SIL myself.
I know it doesn't seem like it with my rantings, but I don't act like this while around her. I rant here, where she won't hear me. I supported her insistence that her mom be at the shower (that's not an unreasonable request). I supported her whims for her wedding (she nominated me her "wedding planner"). I'm helping her to pick out items for the baby - to the extent she'll let me. I've gone with her once to look at items. I offered to go with her again, but she has days off during the week, while I have to wait until the weekend - she told me she couldn't wait, so did it without me (which is fine).
It just that when I let her know that a large portion of the group she asked me to get addresses on for the shower invites, wouldn't be able to attend because of the date and prior reservations, she ranted that it was their loss because she was done making concessions for them. I'm truly baffled by this! And, admittedly, irritated since she insisted these people had to be invited. I was very gentle in how I delivered the news (at least, I thought I had been). Maybe I shouldn't have done that at all - and let her discover that at the shower....
I don't know....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2013 20:47:34 GMT -5
My Mom has two sisters and a brother so she only has to deal with one SIL. And she doesn't like her. It started during their (uncle and SIL's) wedding. They live across country and my mother was the only one on his side of the family that had the resources to go. I guess she was also the only one to make it a top priority. Anyway, while she was there I guess SIL was a major Bridezilla and ragging on my uncle constantly. My Mom ended up taking digs at her and my Mom just doesn't do that. She makes excuses for everyone. Over the years whenever any of us have had occasion to spend more than 2 days with the woman we end up disliking her too. We all have our stories of the day she pissed me off. Every few years, usually when she dings the next victim, we all get together and tell our stories. And then when uncle and her come to visit we smile and play nice for uncle's sake. They've been married about 35 years I guess.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 21, 2013 20:48:38 GMT -5
While I wouldnt show up for a back yard wedding in a tube top and flip flops, I also wouldnt show up in my "church best" whatever that means either. As someone who lives in DFW, I know what 3pm in June feels like and it doesnt call for any sort of church going clothes. Its actually pretty stupid to expect people to show up in one outfit for the pictures then change into something else. Who does that? Someone who is trying to compromise with her new family who obviously already dislike her? Sorry, but I would not want to go to a wedding in one outfit, mill around getting all sweaty and gross in my Sunday best waiting for the photographer to wrap up the picture taking only to have to wait in line with dozens of other guests waiting to change into appropriate outerwear to hang out in a backyard in Texas where its already in the upper 90s.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 21, 2013 20:56:18 GMT -5
Someone who is trying to compromise with her new family who obviously already dislike her? Sorry, but I would not want to go to a wedding in one outfit, mill around getting all sweaty and gross in my Sunday best waiting for the photographer to wrap up the picture taking only to have to wait in line with dozens of other guests waiting to change into appropriate outerwear to hang out in a backyard in Texas where its already in the upper 90s. Neither would I, but I would also never dream it was appropriate to attend a wedding in shorts unless I was specifically told to. So perhaps we are just different types of people.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 22, 2013 7:07:58 GMT -5
...:::"While I agree with WBBG that Karaboo is going to have to put her foot down with both her mother and SIL at some point, no good can come from going toe to toe with someone who is freaking out about becoming a parent and awash in pregnancy hormones.":::...
A fair point, but it also makes me worry for two reasons.
1) There are other ways to handle the situation than by going "toe to toe". For dramatic people like that, the meanest/most effective way to beat them is to not engage them. SIL WANTS drama and fighting over the shower and arguing and all that. The OP is in the "win by default" position, because she just has to "do nothing".
2) There will ALWAYS be a reason why "now" isn't a good time; and before you know it, 5 or 10 years have gone by and you wonder how the heck you have become so conditioned. Go ahead and ask me how I know this! Its the pregnancy now, then it'll be a newborn, then it'll be a toddler, then it'll be another baby, then it'll be some illness, then it'll be financial troubles, and then it'll be one of her relatives dying... "I'll confront her after she isn't dealing with <thing> anymore." Hint, there is always a <thing>.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 22, 2013 8:47:27 GMT -5
She is trying to be part of their family. And that party would be very fun for everyone that already is established as family. Assuming they all like each other and want to be together. Plus - I was talking about the general feeling that ALL showers are gift grabs. Maybe this one is, but there are a lot of people who have absolutely nothing nice to say about any shower they have ever been to. They just say that it was a gift grab, and there couldn't possibly be any other reason that anyone would ever have a shower. To me, it seems that she is trying to *run* the family. She likes to make a big fuss about things, and try to get twenty people to change their activities to suit her eating needs. She wants 50 people who don't know her to come and give her presents. I think she should be embarassed about being such a pouting brat ( at least, I'm pretty sure that's how she comes off to others ). She will reach "ghoul" status soon if she doesn't cut it out.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 22, 2013 8:47:44 GMT -5
Sorry, but I would not want to go to a wedding in one outfit, mill around getting all sweaty and gross in my Sunday best waiting for the photographer to wrap up the picture taking only to have to wait in line with dozens of other guests waiting to change into appropriate outerwear to hang out in a backyard in Texas where its already in the upper 90s. Neither would I, but I would also never dream it was appropriate to attend a wedding in shorts unless I was specifically told to. So perhaps we are just different types of people. Actually Ive never been to a wedding where the bride was too cheap to spring for an inside venue in the dead of summer in Texas. I would not show up in shorts (nice veiled attempt at an insult however) because I know how to dress appropriately. If the bride made that impossible, I would stay home. I also wouldnt expect my guests (nor can I imagine my friends) to jump through hoops to satisfy my ridiculous demands so I cant imagine either putting on or attending a wedding where multiple outfit changes were a requirement.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 22, 2013 9:09:38 GMT -5
My advice with family drama is don't make someone else's drama YOUR drama. Your brother made his bed. That is his life. And, with SIL, you deal with her on your terms. If she invites you to something and you can go, fine. If you can't, you just say, sorry i can't make it. Then go on with your life. You don't have to get sucked into the vortex if you don't want too.
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 22, 2013 9:16:20 GMT -5
I went to a wedding in June in Phoenix outside. It was always the bride's dream to get married outside. I was thinking "Seriously, bitch, there are 8 months a year that the weather in Phoenix is awesome." I wore a sundress.
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8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 22, 2013 10:34:09 GMT -5
...:::"The comment that DB should actually be the one to feel sorry for - nope, not happening on my end.
I know the conversations I had with him before the relationship even got to the point of being serious. There were all sorts of red-flags that he was getting involved with someone who didn't/doesn't share his same core values. He's extremely conservative in all areas of his life, she's extremely liberal (not even talking politics). He's worked hard all his life, she's hardly worked at all. I know there are other areas, I'm just not remembering all of them right now.
I also know that two people who are the exact opposite can and do make it work all of the time. I'm not knocking that. All I'm saying is I cautioned him to think long and hard if these things were going to be worth working on figuring out common ground on as it wasn't going to make being married any easier. His response to my cautions were that he appreciated me bringing them up, but I didn't know her as well as he did and maybe there was more to the story that I didn't know (this was around the 3 month mark of them dating). That's fine DB - but I'm telling you now, I might actually say "told you so" if things don't work out. At this point, I won't say that if things ever go south, but DB also knows that I won't have to either.":::...
You know... that may all be true. I'm sure you all told him what a mistake he was making, and how miserable he was going to be. I'm sure every single person in the family "tried to talk sense into him" and all that stuff. How much easier life is when your spouse has exact/complementary views, and how much just plain better everyone else is because they found that person.
Does that mean that when he needs a little support, his sister is going to act no better than his wife? He's already got one antagonistic woman in his life.
I'm not sure how I'd react. You are siblings for life, whereas the wife is just a divorce away from being an ex. You can cluck your tongue and have your "I told ya so" and feel great about how you knew better. I'm not saying you have to excuse him entirely, just at least let him know that you understand and are sympathetic to how difficult it is try and make these things work.
I guess the alternative is that they have a "come to jesus" talk. Unemployable single parents don't exactly have it easy.
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