Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 18, 2013 19:11:56 GMT -5
We have all the resources in place mmhmm, with their shifts at McAssholes it was difficult to get them together at the same time to do things together and separetly as she never knew her upcoming week shift until sunday so we were waiting for her to start school so her schedule is set and we can set things up. So she starts school the 2nd, We have a few more school related things to get out of the way then we are starting on our resource list.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 18, 2013 20:44:32 GMT -5
Sounds good, naggie. I'm sorry about the DD's job, but that's often how it works with the lower echelon jobs, sadly. Those who need the most often get the least, it seems. I'm really glad to hear the two of them are going to get involved in communications training. It sounds like they can really use what they'll learn there. Now's the time to learn, that's for sure!
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kristinkle
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Post by kristinkle on May 20, 2013 15:17:21 GMT -5
"We had a hiccup today. On Tuesday DD put in her letter of resignation to continue to work through the end of the month, classes start on the 2nd of June. They terminated her employment yesterday. So I guess being polite and giving a two week (or more) notice doesn't mean anything in that business."
If they let her go immediately, she may be eligible for unemployment - Technically that could be considered termination as opposed to resignation because they are not paying or allowing her to work thru her notice period.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2013 22:46:49 GMT -5
A refusal to accept notice is not equal to job termination. No at will employer is required to accept notice in the US.
What giving notice should give her is a payout of any accrued vacation time (unless their policy is no vaca payout on a voluntary leaving).
On the plus side, she is now an unwed, unemployed mother to be. She can get on the WIC and health programs immediately, so she'll hopefully have a healthy pregnancy.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 21, 2013 5:37:37 GMT -5
Most employment is "at will". They aren't required to allow you to finish out any notice you give. And, i am sure most of the fast food employers are quite knowledgeable about the laws pertaining to hiring and firing. So, at this point, i would just keep moving forward.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 22, 2013 18:19:00 GMT -5
Yeah I have no idea, but he did accept (??) it. She also worked one day, I guess to find out if he could let her go I imagine ... yanno gots to make sure you all is legal McAssholes. She isn't getting anything, no PTO or anything like that. She was a shift manager, hourly wage and nothing else. OOHH wait I think they did pay for her pretty scarves. It has helped her get some things done a little quicker so that's good.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 22, 2013 18:27:24 GMT -5
Why? LOL It's all in relation to how much I have been drinking .....
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 23, 2013 18:23:55 GMT -5
Had a nice conversation with two of DD friends and found out a little more about the BF, NO BUENO.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 23, 2013 20:04:31 GMT -5
Well let's say you heard it here first folks.
In my 40 years on this earth I have been through a lot and I thought I was unbreakable.
I have never been in a psych ward.
This is going to or already is breaking me.
Not worth writing about what happened today, I am just too numb, tired and angry.
I AM NOT UNBREAKABLE it seems.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 23, 2013 20:06:37 GMT -5
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 23, 2013 20:44:56 GMT -5
Well let's say you heard it here first folks. In my 40 years on this earth I have been through a lot and I thought I was unbreakable. I have never been in a psych ward. This is going to or already is breaking me. Not worth writing about what happened today, I am just too numb, tired and angry. I AM NOT UNBREAKABLE it seems. This is unacceptable. (((Hugs))) and Now spill it! I'm listening... And I hope your DD is ok.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 23, 2013 22:11:28 GMT -5
Think Farrah from teen mom, but take it down a notch to about 75%.
I say think Farrah because I only know that one there maybe another on one that teen mom show that might be more the same as DD.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 23, 2013 22:30:28 GMT -5
I'm not familiar with Farrah (except the one that died) or the teen mom show.
Are you doing better now?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 23, 2013 22:46:03 GMT -5
I'm really sorry, naggie. It sounds like you're going through some awfully difficult "stuff". We're here to help, if we can, or just to be here if we can't help.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 4:45:57 GMT -5
Can't sleep more than 4 hours at night, starting to think about doing behaviour that is not good for me, highly embarrassed at her outbursts (in public no less), especially what I did yesterday, crying in public bathrooms, not eating, it's me or her that is going to end up on a 72 hour psych eval I promise.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 5:06:56 GMT -5
When the friends really want to make sure to talk to you and they (felt like a mini intervention to ME!!) do, now I am super worried.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 6:15:24 GMT -5
I think everyone just needs to take a big deep breath. Take one day at a time naggie. It will work out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 6:29:18 GMT -5
I'm really confused. If you want to talk, please tell us what happened. I hate drive by posting, here, Facebook, anywhere that says, esentially, look at me, but don't ask me what's wrong.
I think you need to ask yourself if you are adding to the drama? A pregnant teen can be forgiven some drama. You are the adult. If you want to be viewed as the voice of reason, you need to act in a manner which exudes reason, not over emotional.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on May 24, 2013 7:29:15 GMT -5
What do you mean the BF is 'no good' or is it 'not good'? Sorry, I took French in school.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 7:37:31 GMT -5
Oh it would just take too long to type out really, just feelings and intuitions and nuances. But yesterday she slammed her fingers in the front door. Actually my little corgi likes to jump on the door to shut it and that is what he did except her fingers were in the way.
She went ballistic, I swear I DO NOT know where she gets that from. She was still screaming and cussing walking into the ER.
She probably didn't need to go the ER but I insisted because I wanted to make sure none of the fingers were broken. As it was her right hand I wanted to make sure that they if any were broken they could be splinted or whatever as to make sure her hand/fingers were usable in the future.
Long story short, she told me to leave the room when I told her she was probably pissing off everyone there with her attitude, good grief, she wasn't dying.
It started earlier at my house when she had a bitch fit at me. I knew something had happened earlier. When she gets pissed at something or someone she sure knows how to make everyone else miserable.
So I went outside with her two friends she had with her and had a long talk with and sure enough the BF had been an ass to her earlier in the day. Pretty fuxxing sad that her friends don't like him. BIG RED FLAG.
I am done being reasonable with her, thought that would be the way to help but she WILL NOT scream at me in my own house. Then totally embarrass me in public with her childish over reaction.
Very seriously thinking now that this is BAD, very BAD. I was trying to be positive but I am NOT taking bullshit from her like that.
It is also the anniversary of my baby's death on May 27th so that is adding to the stress for me.
I broke a glass outside and held a big piece in my hand and thought about just slitting my wrists to get away from this pain.
So there you go, pretty much everything. At 9am I will calling DH home health/work assistance where they can set you up with counseling, I will be going and so will she even if I have to take her kicking and screaming.
No the drama comes from her and the BF, but she wants to make everyone as miserable as she is. 95 % of the time I can diffuse it.
I am really not that kind of person to say "look at me" "look at me" It really was just going to take a while to type that is all, I would rather the whole story come out then people question things in later posts because I missed something that I said to her, or she said to me, or what I done.
That and I am going to get some BS anyway I suppose, I am trying to do what I and her dad (with her agreement) is the best thing. I am trying, I can't do anything else but try to do my best. It is wearing on me when these bitch fits occur.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 24, 2013 7:49:36 GMT -5
Naggie, I'm usually pretty even keel. When pregnant, I was a fucking nut case drama queen and totally hormonal. She's also 19 and immature. You posted before about her liking to push buttons and stir up trouble. Multiply her personality issues with the hormones and you get someone who flips out.
And if I slammed my fingers in a door and you insisted I go to the hospital, I'd wig out on you too.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 7:57:40 GMT -5
Naggie, the way you deal with drama from your DD is not NOT also engage in drama. If she is having a tantrum, you simply tell her, " I will not engage with you while you are acting like that. When you wish to have a reasonable conversation and are ready to do so then let me know". THEN you simply walk away and if she wants to continue to gnash her teeth, that is her problem. Don't treat her like a child. If she slammed her hand, you could have just offered to take her to the ER. Give her a bag of ice. If she wants to go, fine. If not, then if it hurts enough, she can go later. It isn't a 911 emergency. And, for someone low on funds, going to the ER isn't always the smartest thing to do. You could have iced it and called her personal doctor in the morning or gone to an Urgicare type clinic for less money. If her BF is a jerk, well she will either wise up to that fact eventually or not. Most woman do eventually. No amount of you trying to convince her is going to change that. She has to come to the conclusion on her own. She has to sort out her OWN life. And, she will in some fashion and most likely it isn't going to be the way that you would.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 24, 2013 7:59:57 GMT -5
Naggie, I'm not trying to pile on here, and I know you love your family. But from your own posts about your family (your mom, dad, sibs, etc.) I don't think you know what a non drama looks like. It's not what you are describing.
Please get some help.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 8:08:09 GMT -5
Yes, she couldn't decide whether she wanted to go or not, I felt like she wanted to (with the fuxxing noise she was making, yeah better not try to kick my corgi again) Dad got her some ice and she freaking went on like a banshee for 20 minutes, in the end she asked me to take her as obviously she couldn't drive. AHH Shooby, I do it ALL THE TIME, I DO NOT ENGAGE, I left the hospital when she told me to leave the room. SO I shouldn't tell her to please quiet down, there ARE other people in these other rooms. BTW the she pulled the same thing at the OB visit, the medical assistant had to come to the room and ask her to be quiet, this was when the BF got lost and couldn't find the practice and was blaming her , how that happened to be ok in his mind is beyond me. I know I know I know you guys are trying to help, I really do, I had a frustrating day, I lost my cool a little. Even when I lose my cool I try not to let her know, I still try to speak in a reasonable tone I really do. When she was having a bitch fit in my kitchen I asked her to go outside to cool down, that her behaviour was not acceptable, of course she didn't so I just sat at my desk and ignored here. I now feel very embarrased that I have posted this. But I thank you all for at least listening to me, it is good when you can write stuff out. Still embarrassed though, actually more like humiliated. The nurse read her the riot act at the ER.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 8:12:59 GMT -5
Naggie - Don't be embarrassed. We all go through hard times. And, seriously, we all want to help you get through it and want the best for you.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 8:16:20 GMT -5
My point about not engaging doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your feelings. You absolutely are. And, you do not have to allow her to manipulate you with her drama and shouldn't . My point is to just find that level where you can keep your peace within yourself, not get pulled in and also be productive. Let her OWN her own behavior. You are only responsible for you not her or how she feels or acts. She is an adult. It is time for her to own the consequences of her own behavior.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 24, 2013 9:18:13 GMT -5
When she was having a bitch fit in my kitchen I asked her to go outside to cool down, that her behaviour was not acceptable, of course she didn't so I just sat at my desk and ignored here. Not to get you while you are down, but this isn't enforcing a boundary. It's your daughter not respecting your wishes and doing whatever the hell she feels like. You need to get some teeth behind your boundaries. While I'm sure I'll get flamed for it, if your daughter refused to go outside, I'd give her one more chance to leave and then have the police number dialed on my phone such that all I have to do is hit send. See, then she knows you mean business. What you did above shows her your words are worthless. It's not a knock on you. It's how boundaries work. You are also trying to control her behavior by telling her to be quiet, etc. I do try to control my minor child's behavior in public, because that's what I'm supposed to do. If my child is making their way to adulthood by being a parent themselves, it's time for me to let go. Why do you feel compelled to control another adult? Have you read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend? What about "Codependent No More." If not, these are great books to have in your library. If you have read them, read them again. I also think it's great that you are looking to see someone. In your situation, I would also consider a therapist that is a CBT- cognitive based therapist, that is, it's not just you talking for 45 minutes, it's a therapist working with you to change your behaviors.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 9:19:43 GMT -5
Thanks Shooby, I apreciate it. What would you do when she pulls a bitch fit? Should I leave the room, house, should I say something to her. It really makes me angry that she pulls that shit, in my house, like I am a piece of shit.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 9:22:51 GMT -5
I feel that I missed out on that stuff, one they were toddlers I ignored it, but obviously for some reason she feels she can do it and I don't know why. She knows she will pay for it sooner or later, one day last year I was seriously thinking of getting her in for an 72 hour stay she seemed so out of control.
I can deal with a lot of stuff I think but fuxxing pitching a bitch fit in MY house, no way, but she still does.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:25:01 GMT -5
You need to step away, period. She's made one bad decision after another and sucking you into it by using your love for her against you. I had a DD just like her, minus the drop out and pregnancy. When I told her ENOUGH, that's when things changed. She still likes to pull shit but I don't get sucked into it anymore. Our relationship and her maturity have both vastly improved.
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