Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 20:22:34 GMT -5
...:::"...barring any future drug use...":::...
Is this a concern?
No, it was just a reference to an occasion about something that she could be fired for.
Something was said earlier about how the kids may be leveraging naggie's desire not to see the baby hurt in order to coax her into concessions. That may very well be true.
I have thought about this. I am going to stay positive as though this isn't the case. She has not done anything so far that has lead me to believe this but I have thought about it.
I am very curious how your DD would react if you stopped agreeing to be the one to break her fall. Its hard to judge this far into the thread -- it did seem like she'd done a good amount of planning and leg work herself. I assume you can't just renege on whatever you've pledged to do.
One thing I can say about this is that I KNOW my daughter very well, yes I am sure she has her teenage secrets, don't we all but I am only helping with stuff that she ALLOWS and WANTS me to do. SHE wanted to start school in June instead of Aug and asked me to help her, SHE asked me to go to the OB appointments, SHE has taken the lead and I have volunteered my help. I told both my kids quite early on that I would love to babysit them for the first few years if I could. She asked me if this still was the case and I said yes.
I guess I just don't see why you say that. I don't think I am doing anything much different than a parent would do for a teen going off to college ie helping navigate. I had no intention of them both hitting 18 and telling them "right you are on your own". My philosophy was to gently ease them into adulthood as there was no reason to demand it at 18. They were doing there own laundry from early teens, making their own dinner when needed, they weren't asking for much from me the last couple of years they were home and then they moved out. They both had full time jobs when they moved and chose and budgeted where they could live. Neither one has moved back but they are only on their second lease, I didn't co-sign for them.
I wonder if you tried the opposite: stop trying to turn everything into an "opportunity to talk" and let her talk to you when/if she is ready. At least then you are getting "quality" talk (in that she must want to if she is initiating it) vs. being more tolerated or handled because you are trying to brooch all these subjects.
Oh dear Aunt Mary where did that come from, I don't want to bloody talk all the time either, that doesn't happen I can tell you right now. HAhahah if you knew her (or teens girls for that matter) you KNOW when they won't or don't want to talk, I have been screeched at enough over the years...
I love your posts WWBG, you are sensitive but make good points, I like that. I hope I have answered any questions you may have.
My kids may not be rocket scientists and very average but I think they are doing just fine, mostly polite, kind and have respect for others,with full time jobs, just doing their own thing with their own life.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 20:29:51 GMT -5
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 14, 2013 20:30:40 GMT -5
...:::"Oh dear Aunt Mary where did that come from, I don't want to bloody talk all the time either, that doesn't happen I can tell you right now. HAhahah if you knew her (or teens girls for that matter) you KNOW when they won't or don't want to talk, I have been screeched at enough over the years...":::...
Perhaps I overestimated the quantity of "talks" from the posts in the course of the thread. Earlier, it sounded like you were trying to find just the right way and time to brooch certain subjects. Thats when I posted that I didn't believe there was any way to encode a message without her hearing bias.
...:::"...mostly polite, kind and have respect for others...":::...
Do you think the DD and bf respect each other? I'm convinced that some people just communicate by shouting. They don't know any other way. I'm not being snarky with this question. You did say they are going to a communication strategy class. Hopefully that will help.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 21:01:22 GMT -5
Uhuh, you may have got that impression because as she doesn't love with me and work full time it's not like I can catch her in her room so we can chat.
We talk about real life stuff and other stuff just in general, I won't go back but I may have been referring to being able to get a real quantity and quality talk about this particular (post) subject. I do have be careful and it does have to be the right time for me to broach certain subjects because she may just pop in on her dinner break, well that is 30 mins so no big discussion going on there. Went to the beach last week and we just wanted to have fun so no big discussion there either. So yes we do need to discuss things and sometimes time is of the essence but I do have to guage her mood .....
I know they argue, not sure about the respect, they both have stubborn streak and have to be right. They have A LOT of growing up to do in that regard. Not to go into it much but he grew a little differently than he and might be exhibiting learned behaviour.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on May 15, 2013 6:14:49 GMT -5
Boy if this isn't a situation for 'tough love', I don't know what is. However, a baby is involved. Naggie, if you could just step back for a few days. Not be there 24/7. As a parent I know how hard that would be. But your DD KNOWS you are going to be there and she isn't going to step out on her own.
As a grandmother, I know how fun and exciting it was to watch my son/daughter in law talk about their pregnancy, books they were reading, stories they told us, etc... I am sorry that you are not able to experience any of those things right now.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 15, 2013 12:55:54 GMT -5
Just keep in mind how much stress they're both under. We all know how much more is coming with a new baby, but right now this is the single most life changing thing that's ever happened to either of them. It's normal to freak out over something like this. They're young and need to learn to deal with it better, but at least the emotion you're seeing shows that they're taking this seriously. You'd need to be more worried if they were all smiles and unicorn farts while talking about how happy their little family is going to be and gushing over baby clothes.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 15, 2013 13:11:34 GMT -5
People can grow and learn with life's challenges. She didn't play it safe and she got pregnant. So, now this can can challenge her and him to grow up and take responsibility. We often don't change until something propels us too.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 16, 2013 14:46:50 GMT -5
Hello everyone, DD had her first interview today, one more to go.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 17, 2013 10:48:20 GMT -5
We had a hiccup today. On Tuesday DD put in her letter of resignation to continue to work through the end of the month, classes start on the 2nd of June. They terminated her employment yesterday. So I guess being polite and giving a two week (or more) notice doesn't mean anything in that business.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on May 17, 2013 11:40:32 GMT -5
Oh no! Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm surprised they did that. While disheartening, at least she DID try to do the right thing and it sounds like she can move forward with her other plans. Keep us posted! I continue to wish you all the best with this.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 17, 2013 14:57:58 GMT -5
We had a hiccup today. On Tuesday DD put in her letter of resignation to continue to work through the end of the month, classes start on the 2nd of June. They terminated her employment yesterday. So I guess being polite and giving a two week (or more) notice doesn't mean anything in that business. Unfortunately nowadays, the day you turn in your resignation is the day they escort you out the door. I think the 2 week thing has come and gone.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 17, 2013 14:58:47 GMT -5
What will she do for health insurance? Is she still covered under you naggie? (if i missed that already, my apologies).
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 17, 2013 15:11:57 GMT -5
She didn't get anything from McDonalds, she was a hourly shift manager and is on our insurance. It sucks because she is now out of 2 weeks pay, so much for trying to be polite and give a two week notice.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on May 17, 2013 18:20:44 GMT -5
Dark does make a good point about these two. They're just kids, haven't been with each other too terribly long, haven't gotten careers launched, and now they are expecting a child. Anyone who has a firm grip on reality is going to be stressed out to the point of acting a little crazy with all this. Hopefully, things will calm down and they'll learn how to deal with their emotions better.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2013 20:19:17 GMT -5
That sucks, I'm sorry they screwed her like that. My guess is they want to start training her replacement right away, and in an environment like that they aren't going to pay for two people to be shift manager at the same time, so they let your daughter go instead of using her to do the training.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 17, 2013 21:09:29 GMT -5
If they already knew she was pregnant, this was going to happen.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 17, 2013 22:25:26 GMT -5
Yes, but it is sucky that she did it, yanno, the preferred way and they said "No thanks". Kind of hard for kids to learn to do it that way if the get screwed out of the two weeks.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on May 18, 2013 6:16:35 GMT -5
I can understand if someone was leaving a bank teller job to go to another bank or leaving a hospital job to go to another hospital job. But I never understood if someone was in college to become a nurse and they graduate and get offered a job, why can't they finish out their job at a store, say Macys or Target. What kind of secrets are they stealing from a grocery store to tell them on their new HVAC technician job
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 18, 2013 7:18:52 GMT -5
Didn't want the liability, I'm thinking.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 7:28:28 GMT -5
To me, it makes much more sense to leave immediately. Why drag it out? The final weeks are very uncomfortable for everyone. So, it seems now that one should just walk in and give notice on the day they really want to terminate.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 18, 2013 7:57:18 GMT -5
Because we are all taught that two weeks notice is the right thing to do. Seems like it only goes one way.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 8:04:02 GMT -5
Well, when it only goes one way, then it is time to rethink the practice. It isn't written in stone.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 18, 2013 11:31:48 GMT -5
In my experience, if you are dealing with money and have access to office keys, access codes, etc. the company does not want to take a chance that you will clean them out. It's great that she gave a two weeks notice, but no company has to accept it. I know many, many years when I managed a retail chain and gave my two weeks notice, I also turned in my keys at the same time; it was expected. The company also had all the locks changed along with the safe combo with in hours. I left on good terms and they knew it was coming, we just weren't sure of the exact date.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 18, 2013 12:41:57 GMT -5
Nah, he did because he could. She had no keys. He did it because he wanted to be a douchebag. Let the girl do her two weeks so she could get another paycheck. She really couldn't have one this one. If she knew the guy was going to be a dick she would have not given her two weeks. We know he can do it, but jeez if she hadn't given her two weeks and just left that would have been bad as well. She worked there for two years, she wanted to leave on good terms, he just wanted to assert some power I suppose.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 18, 2013 13:37:31 GMT -5
In my experience, if you are dealing with money and have access to office keys, access codes, etc. the company does not want to take a chance that you will clean them out. It's great that she gave a two weeks notice, but no company has to accept it. I know many, many years when I managed a retail chain and gave my two weeks notice, I also turned in my keys at the same time; it was expected. The company also had all the locks changed along with the safe combo with in hours. I left on good terms and they knew it was coming, we just weren't sure of the exact date. This is so stupid. Let's face it, if you wanted to do something, you would have done it BEFORE you gave your notice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 14:25:13 GMT -5
In my experience, if you are dealing with money and have access to office keys, access codes, etc. the company does not want to take a chance that you will clean them out. It's great that she gave a two weeks notice, but no company has to accept it. I know many, many years when I managed a retail chain and gave my two weeks notice, I also turned in my keys at the same time; it was expected. The company also had all the locks changed along with the safe combo with in hours. I left on good terms and they knew it was coming, we just weren't sure of the exact date. Same here! I will still get paid for the two weeks but am expected to leave the moment I give my two weeks notice.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on May 18, 2013 17:54:58 GMT -5
I have not got the full story yet but apparently when he was 16 I think their was a domestic violence incident with his mother. I think he was arrested. Pregnant DD is involved in an abusive relationship where HIS parents want to know how much you're going to pony up each month to support them? Breathe deep. Talk to a therapist re: how to proceed. Tell her straight up that you will always have an open door for her but cannot tolerate your grandchild living in an abusive home (you DID say you witnessed it)
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 18, 2013 18:21:02 GMT -5
It's not the same Cawai, you would get paid for your two weeks, she thought she was doing the right thing and got screwed out of two weeks pay.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 18, 2013 18:50:54 GMT -5
Anyway back to the topic at hand. So far they have not freaked out about the loss of two weeks pay, that's good.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 18, 2013 18:57:39 GMT -5
OMG that sounded maniacal. The only thing I will say is that why I was not surprised that this would be her journey. Naggie, if I were in your position, I'd be talking my head off about now, trying to get my daughter to understand she's running out of time to make a decision. Kids her age are very, very poor at decision-making under the best circumstances. Under her circumstances, she's in waaaay over her head. She needs help and support, and she needs direction, preferably from a professional. Her future is on the line here.
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