Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 9:26:23 GMT -5
One of the reasons is because I thought I prepared them to deal with the outside world, like to be respectful of others, don't just throw your trash on the ground, no-one wants to hear you screaming etc etc. It seems like it all goes out the window and if she is acting like a toddler (which "I" think she is) then I think I am warranted to ask/tell her to be quiet, I don't think that is wrong, even the nurse read her the riot act last night, so I don't think I am the only one that is aware and concerned about this pissyness she gets into. It's just cool to act like an ass in public. Plus it is very embarrasing.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:27:37 GMT -5
btw, when my DD gets dumped, which she will, by this very nice guy she is dating, because she likes to pull drama shit like her father, it will start, I hope, to hit home. Nice guys don't put up with shit, period.
|
|
Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 9:28:02 GMT -5
Ok will get those books an kindle, and look into the CBT, not sure where they will send me but I will keep that in my head if I get a choice. Thanks.
|
|
Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 9:30:31 GMT -5
Gira, when I see her again should I tell her that is what I am going to (have no problems with that at all) or do I just wait until it happens again.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:32:20 GMT -5
Why is she with a loser? Because only a loser would put up with her shit. Until she gets her life together, and maybe she will and maybe she won't, she will attract nothing but losers. THAT you have no control over but you do have control over yourself. Tell your DD she is only welcome in your home when and if she behaves and apologizes. It isn't YOUR fault, she dropped out, got s loser job and a loser boyfriend and now chooses to have a baby. Don't make it your business or your issue/fault. I'm telling you how this ends in advance. A friend of mines DD pulled this same stunt except she did graduate from high school. Proceeded to get pregnant by a jail bird. Now baby and momma are living with her. Her husband and the daughters father has left the family home because of the issues. So now she is going to end up divorced with a low paying job, she's a receptionist in a skin care salon, with a daughter who's uses her love for her grandchild to manipulate her.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:33:39 GMT -5
Don't see her or talk to her until she apologizes for her behavior. But you need to look at yours as well. I'm sorry but as hard as it is to do so-BUTT OUT!
|
|
Opti
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 10:45:38 GMT -5
Posts: 42,242
Location: New Jersey
Mini-Profile Name Color: c28523
Mini-Profile Text Color: 990033
|
Post by Opti on May 24, 2013 9:48:05 GMT -5
I feel that I missed out on that stuff, one they were toddlers I ignored it, but obviously for some reason she feels she can do it and I don't know why. She knows she will pay for it sooner or later, one day last year I was seriously thinking of getting her in for an 72 hour stay she seemed so out of control. I can deal with a lot of stuff I think but fuxxing pitching a bitch fit in MY house, no way, but she still does. That is a common mistake parents make today which is letting toddlers and even older children have fits without doing something. I know my Mom was the kind to leave the store or wherever immediately if her kids acted up. I think its harder now for parents who both work and have limited time to do things, but still necessary. She's obviously learned there aren't enough consequences to pitching fits. I think if you at least want to cure her of it in your home you need to be hard line every time. When she starts up let her know your home is a bitch free zone and if she has to rant and rave she needs to do it outside. Immediately escort her outside. I wouldn't call the police unless she's on the verge of harming you though because its a waste of police time. Only call the police if you are willing to throw her out of the house and change the locks. If she is partially sensible you should be able to get her to walk to the door and out of the house. Sounds like she isn't much different than BF.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,133
|
Post by giramomma on May 24, 2013 10:14:05 GMT -5
Gira, when I see her again should I tell her that is what I am going to (have no problems with that at all) or do I just wait until it happens again. I don't know. I have behavior boundaries with my DH. I have told him what I'm going to do if he starts up some behaviors I won't tolerate. I can't wait till it happens. My DH may decide he doesn't like the "terms" of our marriage and want out. That's his right, too. Now, with extended family, they are pretty dysfunctional and raised me to believe boundaries were bad and that I was responsible for their emotions/emotional health. So, I don't announce my boundaries, because they won't be acknowledged or respected. I'd just open up myself to more drama.so really, I'd be doing this So for extended family, I just know what my boundaries are in my head, and remove myself from the situation once they have been crossed. I don't give warning or excuses, I'm just done.
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,199
|
Post by bean29 on May 24, 2013 10:16:46 GMT -5
Naggie, I urge you to set up an appointment to deal with your suicidal feelings. If dealing with DD's issues is too much for you then you need to disengage. We have talked about Co-dependent no more here before. It is an old book. I If you buy it for kindle try to get it cheap like a couple of $. If it is not that cheap try half price books or goodwill. Remember if you have it in paperback version you can offer to borrow it to DD when you are done reading it. That's what happend to my copy - I gave it to a co-worker. Swamp or someone else mentioned another book that I wanted to read too, it was something about dealing with men with anger issues. If anyone knows the title I would appreciate it.
|
|
Opti
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 10:45:38 GMT -5
Posts: 42,242
Location: New Jersey
Mini-Profile Name Color: c28523
Mini-Profile Text Color: 990033
|
Post by Opti on May 24, 2013 10:46:19 GMT -5
WTE? Did I miss something? I think Naggie only typed about the Psych ward IMO basically implying the situation she feels is driving her crazy. I think she just needs to learn some other behaviors like the cognitive therapy discussed.
Naggie, I agree with those who said I wouldn't have pushed the ER visit. The one time I had a very painful stress fracture I didn't go to the doctor right away because it took me awhile to be convinced it probably was broken. In the end, all he could do is bind it up and given me a ball park of how long it would take to heal.
|
|
nogooddeed
Established Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:45:06 GMT -5
Posts: 358
|
Post by nogooddeed on May 24, 2013 10:46:45 GMT -5
She acts like a child because in many ways, you continue to treat her as a child. Since you are now contemplating hurting yourself and since she's tried to harm a pet, you need to distance yourself. If that means you have to change the locks, do it. Tell her she's not welcome until she can behave like an adult and deal with issues without throwing a tantrum. Will it be difficult? Damn right it will. I saw my favorite aunt and uncle go through this with my cousin. In one way, my aunt and uncle hurt deeply while doing this. In another way, it was a relief to get rid of so much drama. Sometimes Naggie, we have to limit the presence of people in our lives who are bad for us. Right now, your daughter isn't good for you. I know you feel you need to be her mother and you are thinking of the coming baby, but you need to put yourself first and that might mean they are a much smaller presence in your life for a while. Your daughter has a lot facing her, but only she can determine how she'll deal with it. Right now, she's not. Maybe she never will, but that's her choice. Best of luck with the therapy. Keep an open mind and I think it will help you.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2013 10:49:24 GMT -5
WTE? Did I miss something? I think Naggie only typed about the Psych ward IMO basically implying the situation she feels is driving her crazy. I think she just needs to learn some other behaviors like the cognitive therapy discussed. Naggie, I agree with those who said I wouldn't have pushed the ER visit. The one time I had a very painful stress fracture I didn't go to the doctor right away because it took me awhile to be convinced it probably was broken. In the end, all he could do is bind it up and given me a ball park of how long it would take to heal. You missed the part where she had a piece of broken glass in her hand and was considering cutting her wrists.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
|
Post by greeniis10 on May 24, 2013 12:10:38 GMT -5
Naggie, so sorry you are feeling this way. Her behaviour is unacceptable and I agree that you need to continue to disengage. However, I can't help but feeling that her escalated behaviour with the extreme drama is a cry for help. She knows the BF is a jerk. The pregnancy is scary AND she's starting school.
I know that you actually cannot help her break away from him until she makes some decisions and changes for herself, but I see her young, 19-year-old brain screaming out for help and not just attention. You know better than we do. That is just a thought.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 13:03:16 GMT -5
Thanks Shooby, I apreciate it. What would you do when she pulls a bitch fit? Should I leave the room, house, should I say something to her. It really makes me angry that she pulls that shit, in my house, like I am a piece of shit. You treat it like you do any other tantrum. When it is going on, the best course of action is to simply walk away and remove yourself. There is no "reasoning" with someone who is having a full blown hissy feet. I would do as i said before. Tell her, that you are not going to be around her if she wants to pitch a fit and that when she can resume acting like an adult, then you can re engage. And, while she is in your house doing it, the best thing to do would be to just leave. If she breaks anything or destroys your property, then call the Police. If you come back and she is rational, then that is fine but the next time she wants to come over to YOUR house, you make it very clear that she may come over if she is going to act like an adult. Then if she does it again, respond the same way, but the next time she wants to come over, you say NO. And, maybe you don't allow her in your home for the next month or whatever and you do that UNTIL she gets the message. Make her OWN her own behavior.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 24, 2013 13:03:44 GMT -5
She acts like a child because in many ways, you continue to treat her as a child. Since you are now contemplating hurting yourself and since she's tried to harm a pet, you need to distance yourself. If that means you have to change the locks, do it. Tell her she's not welcome until she can behave like an adult and deal with issues without throwing a tantrum. Will it be difficult? Damn right it will. I saw my favorite aunt and uncle go through this with my cousin. In one way, my aunt and uncle hurt deeply while doing this. In another way, it was a relief to get rid of so much drama. Sometimes Naggie, we have to limit the presence of people in our lives who are bad for us. Right now, your daughter isn't good for you. I know you feel you need to be her mother and you are thinking of the coming baby, but you need to put yourself first and that might mean they are a much smaller presence in your life for a while. Your daughter has a lot facing her, but only she can determine how she'll deal with it. Right now, she's not. Maybe she never will, but that's her choice. Best of luck with the therapy. Keep an open mind and I think it will help you. You have tried to do a lot to help your daughter, perhaps it is time for her to learn to do for herself. I honestly think you need to back off and let her either sink or swim. She got herself into this situation and she needs to figure out a way of getting herself out. I know that you are worried about your grandchild, but there is NOTHING you can do about this. Control the things you CAN control, like your behavior and your response to your daughter. You cannot control your daughter, her b/f or either of their actions.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 13:05:20 GMT -5
One of the reasons is because I thought I prepared them to deal with the outside world, like to be respectful of others, don't just throw your trash on the ground, no-one wants to hear you screaming etc etc. It seems like it all goes out the window and if she is acting like a toddler (which "I" think she is) then I think I am warranted to ask/tell her to be quiet, I don't think that is wrong, even the nurse read her the riot act last night, so I don't think I am the only one that is aware and concerned about this pissyness she gets into. It's just cool to act like an ass in public. Plus it is very embarrasing. Well, again, you dont' control HER. You only control YOU. If she starts that bullcrap, you remove yourself from the situation. And, if she keeps pitching a fit the hospital will deal with it by either calling in Security or calling the Police and having her removed. Again, she must OWN her own behavior, it isn't up to you to modify it or own it for her.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 13:31:20 GMT -5
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,069
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2013 13:35:48 GMT -5
And, if she keeps pitching a fit the hospital will deal with it by either calling in Security or calling the Police and having her removed.
Maybe the embarassment of being hauled out the front door of a hospital will knock some sense into her.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 13:45:29 GMT -5
Are you married? What does your husband say to these shenanigans? Does he bury head in sand? Does he tell you to stay out of it? My friends husband left her because he was sick of the mother not setting any boundaries. She's 19 with a history of poor decision making. I don't know what happened or why it happened but it isn't your life and you need to stay out of it. My DD was making me ill with her. Behavior. I had to cut strings or die myself and self preservation is very high on my list. Once I actually did it, and I even told her I was doing it, well, it hasn't been a bed of roses but its been a whole lot better than it ever was. I enabled her bad behavior. When I stopped, she mostly stopped. When she starts her crap, I get off the phone or I simply leave. When she stops, I return. Much better for our relationship because, trust me, I didn't fair well with her father acting like a banshee so my chances of making her be a reasonable person weren't going to go well.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on May 24, 2013 13:54:06 GMT -5
She acts like a child because in many ways, you continue to treat her as a child. Since you are now contemplating hurting yourself and since she's tried to harm a pet, you need to distance yourself. If that means you have to change the locks, do it. Tell her she's not welcome until she can behave like an adult and deal with issues without throwing a tantrum. Will it be difficult? Damn right it will. I saw my favorite aunt and uncle go through this with my cousin. In one way, my aunt and uncle hurt deeply while doing this. In another way, it was a relief to get rid of so much drama. Sometimes Naggie, we have to limit the presence of people in our lives who are bad for us. Right now, your daughter isn't good for you. I know you feel you need to be her mother and you are thinking of the coming baby, but you need to put yourself first and that might mean they are a much smaller presence in your life for a while. Your daughter has a lot facing her, but only she can determine how she'll deal with it. Right now, she's not. Maybe she never will, but that's her choice. Best of luck with the therapy. Keep an open mind and I think it will help you. You have tried to do a lot to help your daughter, perhaps it is time for her to learn to do for herself. I honestly think you need to back off and let her either sink or swim. She got herself into this situation and she needs to figure out a way of getting herself out. I know that you are worried about your grandchild, but there is NOTHING you can do about this. Control the things you CAN control, like your behavior and your response to your daughter. You cannot control your daughter, her b/f or either of their actions. Your DD needs to face the consequences of her behavior. I can see why her employer escorted her out the door when she gave her notice.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 24, 2013 14:41:29 GMT -5
I can see why her employer escorted her out the door when she gave her notice.
Very good point. If Naggie's daughter goes ballistic when something doesn't go her way, then this is a very good explanation as to why McDonald's gave her her walking papers when she turned in her resignation. Had they kept her on for those last 2 weeks, if something went wrong she would have no incentive to hold onto her temper and who knows how destructive it could be to that business.
|
|
Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 24, 2013 15:07:40 GMT -5
Hey now SK, this is why I don't put crap on here, because you've gone from my crap to somehow associating your hatred of me to why her employer, which I have said nothing about apart from the truth "escorting her out the door" utter BS, SK, you know nothing about that. This is why I knew I would regret saying anything. She has had nothing but good reviews in her job, she was there two years, she was the youngest and quickest to make shift manager. They like her and they didn't escort her out the door..how rude.. I didn't read any of the other replies since page 9 because I just happened to read SK post first and that person is totally out of line, totally out of line with what he/she said about DD work. She put in her two weeks (plus) notice, she put her notice in on a Tues, had wed off work and worked Thurs. Have no idea why they didn't want her to finish it out, they are cutting hours because of the health care act. Because she was shift manager she also knew they had been going over their labor every week, probably had something to do with that, they had an opportunity to keep labor numbers down for a few weeks. It had NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT SK SAID IN HIS/HER POST, and how Sk deduced that I don't know apart from just being bitchy, yeah just what I need right now. How very incredibly rude. So if you just want to be bitchy keep posting here, if you are sincere and care to know PM me and I will give you my email address. This is real life not really a time to beat someone down because you don't like someone on a message board. Deal with the REAL people in your life that you want to be a bitch too, so you don't have to be a bitch on a message board just to show how bad ass you are . Stop alluding to crap that you think happened and deal with the truth of what I said. Thanks all. I am going to get those books, distance myself, take some time off to heal myself and get through the next few days. I am very sorry and humiliated that I posted anything, very sorry and very embarrassed. Thank you to all that at least tried to understand, I guess it is one of those things that unless you are going through the exact same thing with the exact same personalities involved it is difficult to understand why the person is doing what they are doing. I am trying to do the best I can, I am still going to try to be positive and I love all the great ideas here, they will not go to waste I promise. Anyhoo as I said if you are concerned or care I will send you my email address away from here and we can go from there if you care to. Good grief when will I ever learn.
|
|
Opti
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 10:45:38 GMT -5
Posts: 42,242
Location: New Jersey
Mini-Profile Name Color: c28523
Mini-Profile Text Color: 990033
|
Post by Opti on May 24, 2013 15:30:20 GMT -5
Swamp, I did miss that first sentence the first time I skimmed that post. Spending your time diffusing drama or trying to is partly what got you into this mess from my point of view. I can see how this can be very stressful, but to consider slitting your wrists even in passing over it seems like melodrama and taking all of this way way too seriously. In the end you cannot run DD's life for her nor should you. Even though you and her friends want this situation to be the way you like it, it is DD's show to run or not as it is her life. I don't think I would have taken someone to the ER who was constantly carrying on unless I really really cared for them and bones were sticking out or it was obvious the issue couldn't wait. I know you meant well, but this was a great opportunity to step back and let her deal with it. I can understand her being angry that you've let your Corgi bounce into the door and close it. It might be a good time to train him out of the behavior before he does the same to a guest or causes more damage next time. She may be hormonal. She may not be thinking clearly but as an adult its time to let her steer her ship. Its time for you to disappear and not diffuse situations when they get bad. Walk away, run away, don't be there. Whatever will work for you. Diffusing is really enabling the person you think you are trying to help. It probably gives her a sense of power to have you try to placate her and by continually doing so you are helping create the monster of behavior you say you don't want. You need to not want it enough to do the things that will starve it. Given you did take her to the ER I think you made a mistake not walking out of the room when she told you to. I do wish you luck. I do think you shouldn't drag her kicking and screaming anywhere. I think spending any more time scaring yourself silly over BF is counter-productive. Until she sees the problems nothing is going to happen on her end so let it go. I know it will be very hard, but its her issue to address or not. Don't be drawn in by her GFs or others either. Tell them its her decision/life not mine. Fix yourself so you can watch and not feel the need to fix her. I think you will do better if you tell yourself it will all work out. Dialing down the drama needs to start and end with you. Your behavior is the only behavior you can fully control.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on May 24, 2013 15:51:06 GMT -5
She put in her two weeks (plus) notice, she put her notice in on a Tues, had wed off work and worked Thurs. Have no idea why they didn't want her to finish it out, they are cutting hours because of the health care act. Because she was shift manager she also knew they had been going over their labor every week, probably had something to do with that, they had an opportunity to keep labor numbers down for a few weeks. It had NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT SK SAID IN HIS/HER POST, and how Sk deduced that I don't know apart from just being bitchy, yeah just what I need right now. How very incredibly rude. Naggie, I made the same assumption that SK did. Many of us are information workers, and in many of our fields employment being terminated = being escorted out no matter how good of a worker you are. If you have access to things like databases and finances, most companies just have a policy to escort you out the door. Also, it seems as though you escalate pretty quickly. You keep saying you are calm, but the behaviors you report from RL on this board and the behavior you demonstrate here is not very calm. Therapy is a great idea. For too many years of my life, the only way I knew how to deal with stress was by doing something destructive, such as yelling or smoking. Learning how to take a walk or meditate or even just watch a funny movie when I feel overwhelmed has really helped. Finally, I don't know your story, but get the sense that you are not working or volunteering. Getting out of the house and flexing your social muscles can be very theraputic. One of the great things about working is it gives me a break from thinking about myself/my problems. Volunteering can do the same thing.
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,199
|
Post by bean29 on May 24, 2013 15:59:53 GMT -5
Naggie,
I was glad to see you back recently. You also got ripped apart last year over something you posted. You have gotten a lot of support here, and some pointed advice.
I hope you don't go away. You just have to learn to ignore the ones that annoy you and just say to yourself "don't engage" very similar to what you need to learn to do to deal with DD.
I wish you well. You are not alone in doing too much for your kids. I am asking myself if I do too much. I don't think I do, but Wed morning I was looking for news paper ads and articles for DD's business class, and then I came here and you were discussing the issues of helping your DD get her transcripts.
My DD is 16. She wanted to take HS Biology on line from the local community college. She was doing really well but missed a week of labs, which caused her grade to be posted as final fail. I told her to contact the teacher and ask if she could make up the work. She is also signed up for Chemistry as a summer class and she asked me about Biology being a prereq. I said yes it was--well she was doing her homework/quizes for that class last week so I guess the teacher let her make it up. Sometimes the consequences are enough to motivate them to seek a resolution on their own.
Today she wanted to go to an amusement park, I mentioned she could get a discounted ticket at city hall. She did the research for how much it cost and what their hours were today. I do plenty for my kids but I know I need to force them to do as much as possible.
I hope you stick around.
|
|
Sammy
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:01:55 GMT -5
Posts: 3,335
|
Post by Sammy on May 24, 2013 19:55:27 GMT -5
Naggie: Good grief when will I ever learn.
I wonder the same thing. See you whenever you decide to show up... again.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on May 25, 2013 0:27:23 GMT -5
Hey now SK, this is why I don't put crap on here, because you've gone from my crap to somehow associating your hatred of me to why her employer, which I have said nothing about apart from the truth "escorting her out the door" utter BS, SK, you know nothing about that. This is why I knew I would regret saying anything. She has had nothing but good reviews in her job, she was there two years, she was the youngest and quickest to make shift manager. They like her and they didn't escort her out the door..how rude.. I didn't read any of the other replies since page 9 because I just happened to read SK post first and that person is totally out of line, totally out of line with what he/she said about DD work. She put in her two weeks (plus) notice, she put her notice in on a Tues, had wed off work and worked Thurs. Have no idea why they didn't want her to finish it out, they are cutting hours because of the health care act. Because she was shift manager she also knew they had been going over their labor every week, probably had something to do with that, they had an opportunity to keep labor numbers down for a few weeks. It had NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT SK SAID IN HIS/HER POST, and how Sk deduced that I don't know apart from just being bitchy, yeah just what I need right now. How very incredibly rude. So if you just want to be bitchy keep posting here, if you are sincere and care to know PM me and I will give you my email address. This is real life not really a time to beat someone down because you don't like someone on a message board. Deal with the REAL people in your life that you want to be a bitch too, so you don't have to be a bitch on a message board just to show how bad ass you are . Stop alluding to crap that you think happened and deal with the truth of what I said. Thanks all. I am going to get those books, distance myself, take some time off to heal myself and get through the next few days. I am very sorry and humiliated that I posted anything, very sorry and very embarrassed. Thank you to all that at least tried to understand, I guess it is one of those things that unless you are going through the exact same thing with the exact same personalities involved it is difficult to understand why the person is doing what they are doing. I am trying to do the best I can, I am still going to try to be positive and I love all the great ideas here, they will not go to waste I promise. Anyhoo as I said if you are concerned or care I will send you my email address away from here and we can go from there if you care to. Good grief when will I ever learn. I don't have any hatred of you. I have no idea who you are. Honestly I'm perplexed by your emotion towards me. You've repeatedly posted about how out of control your DD is, about how emotional and abusive she is to you and you are her MOTHER. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out if she is rude to her mother she is rude to her boss/customers. But, if you want to blame me for everything, go right ahead.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2013 5:31:29 GMT -5
This group means to help but like all people, when the person you are trying to help doesn't want to hear it, there's no use. Reminds me of Doxie. Naggie can't help herself, yet. She sees its bad and unhealthy for her but isn't ready to stop, yet. When she's ready, she will.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on May 25, 2013 7:07:02 GMT -5
This group means to help but like all people, when the person you are trying to help doesn't want to hear it, there's no use. Reminds me of Doxie. Naggie can't help herself, yet. She sees its bad and unhealthy for her but isn't ready to stop, yet. When she's ready, she will. She may need to learn how to do a 180 yet. Switching gears is difficult at the get go.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:21:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2013 11:48:11 GMT -5
I'm sensitive about what people say about my children. They don't have their stuff together, but it's still hard to hear people criticize me or them, even if what people are saying is true. Compounding that, unless you give every detail of your life story, people make assumptions and say things that aren't necessarily true. That's why I only post here about problems with my children if I feel that I can handle what's coming without getting overly upset.
naggie, I finally figured out that I had to step back from my daughter's problems for the sake of my own well-being. If I hadn't, I was going to end up in a hospital or dead, and my daughter was probably still going to be making the same kinds of decisions. Or maybe she would've grown up because she had no choice because her safety net was gone. Either way, I want to live and enjoy my life so I had to let go. I realized that I'm part of her problem and what might truly be help for someone else isn't help for DD.
I've made some very tough decisions regarding my children these last few years. Last year I made my son leave my house and cried and cried cried some more because I didn't know where he would go. But I had to accept that it was his choices that led us there. He CHOSE to do things he knew I wouldn't tolerate in my house. That story is still unfolding, and all I can do is wait and pray.
So both my children are a mess. Of course people will say it's my fault. Talk about feeling like a failure. I look back all the time and wonder where I went wrong. But in my heart, I know I tried to raise them right, teach them good values and prepare them to go out and make their own way in the world. Regardless of what I did right or wrong, it's on them now. They do know right from wrong, and they do know that there are opportunities out there for anybody that's willing to work to make things happen. They'll always be my children, but I have to let them be adults now. They get to make their own choices and I get to make mine based on what's best for ME.
If your daughter is stressing you out so badly that it even occurs to you to cut yourself with some glass, you really need to examine what's going on. You want to help her and your grandbaby and you won't be able to do that if you're dead or unhealthy. Don't let her problems consume you. Figure out how much you can give (financially, emotionally, whatever) without wrecking your own peace of mind and stick to that. It's not going to be easy but it's necessary for you and for her.
|
|