zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2013 8:49:10 GMT -5
Women do care more because regardless of whether we work or not, we still do the lions share of raising children. To feel that your hard work was meaningless is a slap in the face. My kids are as upset as I am that we aren't together and this makes me even more angry at DF.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 11, 2013 8:51:21 GMT -5
We have drama with my inlaws for every holiday. But drama with them just means its a day that ends in y.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on May 11, 2013 8:59:34 GMT -5
I would like to put a different spin on this thread. My story is meant to help people see how short life is as well as to see that there will be a time when we regret the time we took (wasted) on worry about the details of who, what, when, and how. DD2 married a man who is a wonderful father, husband, and provider. There's no doubt that he adores his family. His dad was older the Christmas before my husband passed. So he said we'll concentrate on my dad, then when he is gone we'll pay attention to your dad. So no Christmas invite that year for us. I understood, not liking it, but they were adults and were trying to make their way with family traditions. DH was heartbroken. He was so sad it tore my heart in half. But, I told him not to let them know. They were young and they'd get it sooner or later. Let them grow. SIL was right in the fact that his dad passed the following May. He was wrong in that DH passed the following July. (Seven months past Christmas.) Now there was a daughter that was racked with guilt. Her dad wouldn't want her to live like that, and I told her so. Will she ever come to terms with it? I'm not sure. But I know it has impacted their way of thinking in a tremendous way. So just love your parents and family, accepting all the quirks and glitches. That's the best gift anyone could receive. And Happy Mother's day to all the great moms on this board!
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 11, 2013 9:28:13 GMT -5
I'm sorry for those of you that are having a hard time without you mother this weekend and wish that I could feel the same. I was never close to my mom because she chose to stay with a man (father) instead of removing her children from a bad situation. I do send cards and call, well use to, she has been in a nursing home for the last 3 years and doesn't remember her own name. So I feel the point is moot.
When my siblings and I moved out and started our own family, my parents were welcome to spend time with us, but we all made it clear that we were not hauling our kids all over creation just to see them. The same with any inlaws. We would get together about 1 or 2 times a year when our kids were younger, but as a family we are not close.
This is my oldest DD's first mother's day and I told her to spend the day enjoying it and that we would get together next weekend if she's available. She has been having an open house for the major holidays, and it's always "come if you want". This way she can spend the time at home, everyone is welcome and there is plenty of food. It takes a lot of pressure off of everyone.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 11, 2013 9:30:33 GMT -5
Again, I didn't really mean anything by my question, I just often wonder if women in general pay much more attention to such things than men do. I didn' think you meant anything by it. I just tend to go off on a tangent about holidays since going home is not enjoyable to me. I am sorry You can always come to my house, our "only" drama is about me not going to my IL's and it "only" lasts for days and days
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 11, 2013 9:36:40 GMT -5
I wonder if any of you who has Mother's day drama have the same one for Father's day ? Don't mean anything by it, just curious. Well, since I have not seen or heard from him in 65 years, not an issue.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on May 11, 2013 16:56:07 GMT -5
I didn't read every response, but I don't think you're wrong susana, especially given the totality of the circumstances regarding other holidays.
Maybe in some ways. My perspective is based on growing up in a family where I was very close to my grandparents and my grandparents were friendly with each other and we all lived in fairly close proximity. Spending time with our grandparents, cousins, aunts/uncles on the holidays is our tradition. It's the same way for our kids. Most holidays we spend the early part of the day with my family and the later part of the day with DH's family.
But I'm someone who is very sentimental and traditional when it comes to family.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 17:24:04 GMT -5
I wonder if any of you who has Mother's day drama have the same one for Father's day ? Don't mean anything by it, just curious. My dad gets exactly jack shit from me on Father's Day. I'm pretty sure that day is supposed to celebrate men who actually make it a point to be involved in their kids' lives.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 17:34:51 GMT -5
a day is a day regardless of when it occurs. have your event day when you are ready for it.
I can't imagine even wanting to do 3 'quickies' on a day to satisfy the extended families. How to make daughter's day horrific!!
As you can see, I've always been the flexible one. We'll do events weeks after the fact (except for July 4th since you can only set off the fireworks on the day per city rules). I don't need/want to put extra stress on the adult kids. Doing things on the Hallmark defined date holds no interest for me!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 18:33:56 GMT -5
Update: My daughter emailed and asked if I was working today. If not, would I like to go out to lunch? I did have some final stuff that needs doing (seniors need to know if they can exempt by Monday), but I appreciated the effort. Then she called this morning to say her brother (my son) and his family could come if we made it 12:30. So we did Mother's Day today, which was perfect. We still went to a restaurant, and it was sad, however, that we can't sit at one table. There are 12 of us. Next year there will be fourteen of us. It was the perfect Mother's Day. The presents were nice, too. They are absolutely optional; I just want to spend time with them, and they know that. My daughter gave me a book she had finished reading that she thought I would really like. My daughter-in-law gave me updated pictures (a family one plus the kids' school pictures) and even remembered to give me copies for my aunt. Thanks for letting me vent. All's well that ends well . . .
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 19:10:35 GMT -5
DD did the grocery shopping today. There's a pork loin in my fridge that wasn't there this morning. DD rarely cooks, and when she doesn't want to she either "doesn't know how" to cook whatever it is that's on the menu or she "worked all day"...so I sort of think that the pork loin is meant for tomorrow's dinner. Since she's never cooked one (!) it looks like I'm doing dinner duty. Oh, well, it beats drive-thru. Right? I guess I can cook a pork tenderloin for Mother's Day. She's a mother, too.
And she took me to the garden centers at Lowe's and Home Depot this morning, handed me a wad of cash and said "Knock yourself out." So I did, then spent the rest of the day in the garden. If I could see DS again, that would be icing on the cake. He lives 1200 miles away.
And if I could have just one wish, even if I could never have another, I'd wish that DS2 could come back to life for Mother's Day and waltz through the door carrying the yellow roses that he knew I loved and gave me every year.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on May 11, 2013 19:15:11 GMT -5
susana, I'm glad things turned out well and you got to spend some time with your family.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 11, 2013 19:17:30 GMT -5
You guys realize that some of these are nice problems to have? My Mom has passed. MIL is 500 miles away. DS and DD are in school, a 4 hour drive away. We did see them recently, so not expecting another trip. I will be spending Mothers Day working in the yard. You aren't the only one. My DH (who works part time) has been falling way behind with his share of the household stuff. So, my weekend is going to be spent catching everyone and everything up, especially since the kids are going to be super busy with end of the year stuff. I'm also guessing my husband has not yet gotten me a card. Since I haven't had time to put together a list of gifts, there will be no small tokens of appreciation. So, yeah, I get to deal with everyone's laundry, work, oversee final school projects, and clean on mother's day. And since my night to do baby duty is Saturday night, it means I'll have the pleasure of doing that on 3-5 hours of sleep, in two chunks. My MIL is out of town and my mom is mentally ill. Working on my yard without fishing dirt out of anyone's mouth sounds like heaven to me. That would be the day that I would allow my spouse to only work part-time AND still get stu I doing housework. Tell him to get a job if he can't keep the house up! I am reading this thread and I can't help but think a lot of you bring this on yourselves. I am no martyr and I am much happier for it. If you all aren't happy with the holidays, stop putting everyone else's wants a I e your own.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 11, 2013 19:23:14 GMT -5
Oh, Ima, we could be sisters. I feel nothing on Mother's Day except wanting to be with MY kids. I lost my mom way before she died. The nicest she ever was to me was when I was going through my divorce and that was only because she loved to see me suffering. Plus, could "tell me so" not to marry that bum from that trash family. She was right, which made it more awful. Which is why I tell my kids to look carefully at the family they marry into, that shit follows them. I don't thi k it is fair to blackball the kids of trash. My mom surely qualified as white trash during my teenage years (an alcoholic who never turned down a government hand out)....I am not my mother, in fact I despise people who rely on the government to support them and their children
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 5:04:16 GMT -5
You aren't the only one. My DH (who works part time) has been falling way behind with his share of the household stuff. So, my weekend is going to be spent catching everyone and everything up, especially since the kids are going to be super busy with end of the year stuff. I'm also guessing my husband has not yet gotten me a card. Since I haven't had time to put together a list of gifts, there will be no small tokens of appreciation. So, yeah, I get to deal with everyone's laundry, work, oversee final school projects, and clean on mother's day. And since my night to do baby duty is Saturday night, it means I'll have the pleasure of doing that on 3-5 hours of sleep, in two chunks. My MIL is out of town and my mom is mentally ill. Working on my yard without fishing dirt out of anyone's mouth sounds like heaven to me. What is your husband's excuse for falling behind? If he didn't have a really really good excuse, I wouldn't do jack around the house. I would help the kids because it isn't their fault their dad is being lazy, but I wouldn't clean. I would go find a quiet bookstore or something and leave for several hours.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 5:33:53 GMT -5
And if I could have just one wish, even if I could never have another, I'd wish that DS2 could come back to life for Mother's Day and waltz through the door carrying the yellow roses that he knew I loved and gave me every year.Happy Mother's day to missrigby and to all of the mothers on board.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on May 12, 2013 6:22:35 GMT -5
as a general rule of thumb I have ALWAYS been the one to give in when it comes to ANY celebratory day be it Christmas, Mother's day or my bday. In fact, last year I was......ticked off because it was also my bday and AGAIN I had to give up MY day since it was also Fathers Day. The ONLY inviolate holiday in our family is my cousin's Thanksgiving (40+ years) and DD2 dropped out this past year. I am honestly thinking of just going every other. It has become SOOO big & crazy. NOT enjoyable.
When I vented here about being ignored for my bday on Father's Day, I was lamblasted!!!
It is, however, better now that I am a widow. Late DH bday, Fathers Day & my bday were generally in a 7-10 day timeframe. We would 'celebrate' all 3 in 1 day w/the choice of menu/activity/resturant going to late DH since he hit 2 of the 3.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 7:14:42 GMT -5
Snowbird! Thank you. Did I mention that I love yellow roses?
And DD told me that the tenderloin is for whenever I feel like cooking, not today. Yay.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 7:27:24 GMT -5
Snowbird! Thank you. Did I mention that I love yellow roses? And DD told me that the tenderloin is for whenever I feel like cooking, not today. Yay. Have a wonderful Mother's day. missrigby "Yay" for you don't have to cook tenderloin.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 12, 2013 7:39:04 GMT -5
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on May 12, 2013 7:39:20 GMT -5
Stopped by to see both of my sons/daughter in laws yesterday. We don't drop in on a regular basis, but we needed to go by their houses for specific reasons. They all hugged my neck, wished me Happy Mothers Day and apologized that I will be 'alone' today. DH will be here but I'm not his mother.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on May 12, 2013 10:15:37 GMT -5
I won't be seeing my mother today because we live in different parts of the world. She's coming next month and she'll spend four months here with me. Living far away from family means we celebrate when we can. We always call for birthdays, Mother's Day, etc. And then we celebrate everything at once when we meet. I always call once a week, and I call for special days (birthdays, etc.) and I buy a gift. When I travel back home I carry all my gifts with me and give them to my family, telling them; this is for your birthday, this is for Christmas, etc.
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milee
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Post by milee on May 12, 2013 10:23:37 GMT -5
For Mother's Day, my 13 year old took pictures of my 8 year old. The 8 year old was holding signs with loving Mother's Day messages. Sounds lovely right? It was, except the 8 year old was doing all those awful funny things that I've been trying to teach them better manners about, such as... DS holding a big sign saying "I love MOM!" while picking his nose DS holding a sign saying "Happy Mother's Day!" while sitting on the toilet DS holding a sign saying "I [heart] mom" while assuming the (there really is no delicate way to say this) position that we all know is his "Drive By Farting" pose They are so classy. I'm still laughing.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 12, 2013 10:27:46 GMT -5
For Mother's Day, my 13 year old took pictures of my 8 year old. The 8 year old was holding signs with loving Mother's Day messages. Sounds lovely right? It was, except the 8 year old was doing all those awful funny things that I've been trying to teach them better manners about, such as... DS holding a big sign saying "I love MOM!" while picking his nose DS holding a sign saying "Happy Mother's Day!" while sitting on the toilet DS holding a sign saying "I [heart] mom" while assuming the (there really is no delicate way to say this) position that we all know is his "Drive By Farting" pose They are so classy. I'm still laughing. Oh to be a kid today. Happy Mother's Day mom. And Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers here and around the world.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 12, 2013 10:56:03 GMT -5
DD did the grocery shopping today. There's a pork loin in my fridge that wasn't there this morning. DD rarely cooks, and when she doesn't want to she either "doesn't know how" to cook whatever it is that's on the menu or she "worked all day"...so I sort of think that the pork loin is meant for tomorrow's dinner. Since she's never cooked one (!) it looks like I'm doing dinner duty. Oh, well, it beats drive-thru. Right? I guess I can cook a pork tenderloin for Mother's Day. She's a mother, too. And she took me to the garden centers at Lowe's and Home Depot this morning, handed me a wad of cash and said "Knock yourself out." So I did, then spent the rest of the day in the garden. If I could see DS again, that would be icing on the cake. He lives 1200 miles away. And if I could have just one wish, even if I could never have another, I'd wish that DS2 could come back to life for Mother's Day and waltz through the door carrying the yellow roses that he knew I loved and gave me every year. DS2 is there, MissR, and so are the yellow roses.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on May 12, 2013 11:15:36 GMT -5
DD did the grocery shopping today. There's a pork loin in my fridge that wasn't there this morning. DD rarely cooks, and when she doesn't want to she either "doesn't know how" to cook whatever it is that's on the menu or she "worked all day"...so I sort of think that the pork loin is meant for tomorrow's dinner. Since she's never cooked one (!) it looks like I'm doing dinner duty. Oh, well, it beats drive-thru. Right? I guess I can cook a pork tenderloin for Mother's Day. She's a mother, too. And she took me to the garden centers at Lowe's and Home Depot this morning, handed me a wad of cash and said "Knock yourself out." So I did, then spent the rest of the day in the garden. If I could see DS again, that would be icing on the cake. He lives 1200 miles away. And if I could have just one wish, even if I could never have another, I'd wish that DS2 could come back to life for Mother's Day and waltz through the door carrying the yellow roses that he knew I loved and gave me every year. [img]http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/hug.gif[/img]Happy Mother's Day A.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on May 12, 2013 11:18:01 GMT -5
For Mother's Day, my 13 year old took pictures of my 8 year old. The 8 year old was holding signs with loving Mother's Day messages. Sounds lovely right? It was, except the 8 year old was doing all those awful funny things that I've been trying to teach them better manners about, such as... DS holding a big sign saying "I love MOM!" while picking his nose DS holding a sign saying "Happy Mother's Day!" while sitting on the toilet DS holding a sign saying "I [heart] mom" while assuming the (there really is no delicate way to say this) position that we all know is his "Drive By Farting" pose They are so classy. I'm still laughing. Even when dementia hits, you'll remember this Mother's Day. And I'm still laughing too!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 12, 2013 12:54:33 GMT -5
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 13, 2013 10:52:56 GMT -5
Well, as Mothers Days go, yesterday turned out all right. I received a card from one son and a phone call from the other. DH and I had brunch with a friend whose wife was out of town. He'd invited his bro, sil and 95 year old mother. It was a pleasant visit with all.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 13, 2013 11:11:47 GMT -5
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