muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 3, 2013 15:34:54 GMT -5
I had no problem wearing DS at 1.5 with a good a carrier (back carries mostly, but I used a ring sling for my Grandma's funeral) - I actually carried him on my front for about 30 min when he was 20 months, but like I said a really good carrier - he was 26lb and 33" at that point, I think). I would have worn him at 2.5 if I hadn't been pregnant. I am paranoid about hurting my back (I have sciatic nerve issues) so I really try(tried) not to overdo it with holding DS. I'm also one of those "you are able-bodied enough to walk, but Mommy will hold your hand" mommies. DS mainly walks, but we were hiking last summer which was why I really needed to use the carrier on him. But he is worse about walking now than he was at 18 months (just FYI, it seems to be a common thing, like the novelty wears off and then they don't want to do it). I understand about the back issues. I developed sciatic nerve problems the last month of my pregnancy with DD and my favorite carrier with DS isn't as comfortable with her. Fortunately, she is great in the sling right now. Hopefully, once she is on my back it won't cause as many problems, but I need to wait until she can sit up on her own before we try that. We actually got a double stroller last weekend. With hubby recovering from surgery, he can't carry DS hardly at all and can only carry DD for a limited basis and I'm still trying to recover upper body and core strength from being pregnant and not being able to do anything basically the entire time I was pregnant. Now DH can hopefully take both kids out this summer and go to the park or the zoo.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 3, 2013 15:35:41 GMT -5
corn husk diapers
Sounds itchy, but would make an awesome state fair contest. Wonder who I would proprose that too? Home Extension or 4-H!!
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cottoncandyclouds
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Post by cottoncandyclouds on Apr 3, 2013 15:54:36 GMT -5
Would they win metals, or ribbons for the best made corn husk diaper? I honestly think that would be awesome!!!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 3, 2013 15:59:11 GMT -5
ribbons are given out at the fair.
Thanks, now I have something to do when I have writer's block. I can figure out who to propose that idea to for next year's state fair.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 3, 2013 16:00:41 GMT -5
HBBQ, wow - you wear your 16 month old? I couldn't wear DS at 16 months if I wanted to... he was over 30" tall and over 20 lbs at that point! Yeah, she's about 22lbs or so - I have a sling and an Ergo. For long walks we do the Ergo (hiking). Short walks, like walking the dogs or whatever, I just put her in the sling. I also have one of those real backpack carrier things for long (2+ hr) hikes. We're hiking folks so I'm used to wearing her or other random weight on my back. I consider it my exercise for the day!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 3, 2013 16:04:01 GMT -5
We love the double stroller. Even though ds can walk, it doesn't always mean we want to go at his pace. Plus I can bring all our crap when we have the stroller.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 3, 2013 16:09:39 GMT -5
HBBQ, wow - you wear your 16 month old? I couldn't wear DS at 16 months if I wanted to... he was over 30" tall and over 20 lbs at that point! ha ha haaaaa haaaa - my youngest is EXACTLY same age as yours and he is 30lbs!!! and in 99% for height. yep, you read that right. I am 5'1 and if I tried to wear him, I am pretty sure he would be banging on my knees.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 3, 2013 16:20:30 GMT -5
Why do we have to put labels on how we parent? I couldn't label my parenting style if I wanted to. So, maybe you would call my parenting style bipolar. I guess I am like Mutt and Drama. I have a lot of sympathy for the lady in the OP and I am a working Mom. My oldest went off to college this fall too. I find it both hard and liberating. He was home this weekend and I was more worried about what he was up to than when he is away at college. I am sure that when my youngest goes off to college in 3 years I will find it both liberating and extremely difficult. My youngest is a girl and I consider her a high maintenance challenge, so I will feel a lot of freedom when I get her graduated from HS and off to college. My Brother's kids are 23, 21 and 20. They still get their kids to take family vacations with them (except for the oldest). They just took their 21 year old to vegas. My 19 year old thinks he is too grown up to go on a family vacation. He just broke up with the long term GF and I told my Brother's wife I should hurry up and plan a family vacay before DS getts back with the GF or gets another GF. My Brother's wife was a stay at home mom, but as her kids got older she started to work PT. She now has had surgery on her arm and is in rehab and can not work. I know she had some minor depression but am sure it is harder on her now than before. But my SIL's goal was always being a good parent. Part of being a good parent is to let go when it is time. My SIL told her kids they could not leave the state for college. I think she was serious, but if they had insisted she would have dealt with it. My brother was talking about work opportunities he has this weekend and I laughed at him and told him after his wife told their kids they could not leave the state, and now he and the wife migh end up moving out of state. He did not deny it. My brother is a high earner and the kids look like they will do well, so they will be able to afford airline tickets - why limit yourself?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 3, 2013 16:26:24 GMT -5
I miss that "new baby" smell, though. Buy a new car and call it 'baby'?
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 3, 2013 16:34:33 GMT -5
I miss that "new baby" smell, though. Buy a new car and call it 'baby'? Maybe they have a baby smell air freshener. They have new car smell air fresheners.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 3, 2013 16:37:14 GMT -5
What smell are you all talking about? Because I can assure this morning, DD did not smell good at all as she woke up with poop up to her shoulders! (Which meant poop was on MY sheets). Actually I do love the way she smells after a bath, but the hospital had DH shower with baby bath soap before his back surgery and he smelled the same way.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 3, 2013 16:52:46 GMT -5
I have to say, sometimes I like labels. It gives me a quick, may be not 100% accurate, but at least some idea of where a person is. Gira, I did pretty much everything you describe when my kiddos were infants. I never considered that AP, I considered that "lazy and disorganized parenting". I couldn't keep a schedule if my life depended on it. I couldn't let them cry bc it was MUCH easier for me to nurse and put them back to sleep. Kids slept in the same room with me until they started sleeping through the night, again, bc I was too lazy and tired to go to a different room. I never did baby-wearing bc I was pregnant 5 seconds later with the next kid, but I also didn't use strollers much, once they walked, they walked. Oh and I did BFed all 3, although I exclusively pumped with my 3rd. And I only used cloth diapers with my 1st - then it was way too much laundry for my taste bc there was a time when I had 3 kids in diapers. Things I would NOT do that I've seen AP do - have a "family" bed with 3-4-5-6 yr olds. I would not BFeed until kid is 3-4 yrs old. I would not "wear" 2-3-4 yr old. So, again, I can understand AP with infants, but not much beyond that, if it makes sense
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 3, 2013 16:54:25 GMT -5
Thank you!!
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 3, 2013 17:02:52 GMT -5
HBBQ, wow - you wear your 16 month old? I couldn't wear DS at 16 months if I wanted to... he was over 30" tall and over 20 lbs at that point! ha ha haaaaa haaaa - my youngest is EXACTLY same age as yours and he is 30lbs!!! and in 99% for height. yep, you read that right. I am 5'1 and if I tried to wear him, I am pretty sure he would be banging on my knees. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand at the other end of the spectrum, my DD is 6.75yo and 35lbs.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 3, 2013 17:05:16 GMT -5
SK, so is my almost 5 yr old and my 3 yr old. So, all three of my boys are pretty much the same weight
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 3, 2013 17:23:33 GMT -5
Instances where wore DS as a toddler were instances where he had to stay still/out of the way - Grandma's funeral, cleaning out Grandma's house (ok that was a hope that he would actually nap) after her funeral, around a bonfire, at zoo. Cleaning Grandma's house, I don't know what we would have done if I hadn't had him on my back. There were dead mice in the house and it was probably the last time all 5 of us Grandkids were going to be together to look at things and decide how we were splitting things. Last summer, I would have worn him hiking several times. Not for the entire hike, but for portions of it. As it was, he road on DH's shoulders for one of our hikes and we alternated DH's shoulders and me giving him a piggyback ride for another one. Of course for the first one, my 8 year old niece and 4.5 year old niece were getting piggyback rides at some point.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 3, 2013 17:35:42 GMT -5
Instances where wore DS as a toddler were instances where he had to stay still/out of the way - Grandma's funeral, cleaning out Grandma's house (ok that was a hope that he would actually nap) after her funeral, around a bonfire, at zoo. Cleaning Grandma's house, I don't know what we would have done if I hadn't had him on my back. There were dead mice in the house and it was probably the last time all 5 of us Grandkids were going to be together to look at things and decide how we were splitting things. Last summer, I would have worn him hiking several times. Not for the entire hike, but for portions of it. As it was, he road on DH's shoulders for one of our hikes and we alternated DH's shoulders and me giving him a piggyback ride for another one. Of course for the first one, my 8 year old niece and 4.5 year old niece were getting piggyback rides at some point. You are right, I should have specified "I would not wear 2-3-4 yr old unless it was a special circumstances" I am just too jaded from hanging out with women who are taking this to, what I consider, extreme. And what I find interesting? (can't pick the right word) is that the kids don't seem too comfortable either, especially on short women
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 3, 2013 18:52:35 GMT -5
I look at how my MIL was and I vow I will never do that to my children. When my husband moved out she went into a severe depression. She would call him in tears ever fucking day saying shit like "she has nothing to live for"....major f'n guilt trip she laid on him. I honestly can't imagine being that wrapped up in my kids that I have nothing to live for when they leave. Granted, she was being a drama queen but the tears were real. I have a career, I have friends and I have hobbies. I love my kids to death and I will miss them terribly when they move out (well, I don't think my youngest ever will) but part of being a good parent is preparing them to fly the nest. I would feel like a major failure as a parent if my oldest never left....I already have plenty of other ways I'm failing as a parent, she can't add to it
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2013 19:37:50 GMT -5
Gira, I was only commenting on what I saw - family bed, homeschooling, baby-wearing, extended breasfeeding is all part of what those women preach and practice. And the CONSTANT conversation about how they never crave to be away from their children, and they find ways to recharge while still being with their children. "I" think it's incredibly unhealthy. If that type of "you're my everything and I never want to be separated from you" devotion were applied to a spouse we'd all see it as unhealthy. Why is it healthy for a child? No one should have that burden. I think the best thing I ever did for DS when I got divorced was start dating the man who is now DH. It left DS free to do his own thing, go away to school, and not feel like he was depriving poor Mom of her only reason for existence.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2013 20:31:37 GMT -5
I look at how my MIL was and I vow I will never do that to my children. When my husband moved out she went into a severe depression. She would call him in tears ever fucking day saying shit like "she has nothing to live for"....major f'n guilt trip she laid on him. I honestly can't imagine being that wrapped up in my kids that I have nothing to live for when they leave. Granted, she was being a drama queen but the tears were real. I have a career, I have friends and I have hobbies. I love my kids to death and I will miss them terribly when they move out (well, I don't think my youngest ever will) but part of being a good parent is preparing them to fly the nest. I would feel like a major failure as a parent if my oldest never left....I already have plenty of other ways I'm failing as a parent, she can't add to it Sweetie, drinking isn't a hobby...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2013 20:32:17 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2013 20:35:16 GMT -5
Gira, I was only commenting on what I saw - family bed, homeschooling, baby-wearing, extended breasfeeding is all part of what those women preach and practice. And the CONSTANT conversation about how they never crave to be away from their children, and they find ways to recharge while still being with their children. "I" think it's incredibly unhealthy. If that type of "you're my everything and I never want to be separated from you" devotion were applied to a spouse we'd all see it as unhealthy. Why is it healthy for a child? No one should have that burden. I think the best thing I ever did for DS when I got divorced was start dating the man who is now DH. It left DS free to do his own thing, go away to school, and not feel like he was depriving poor Mom of her only reason for existence. I also think about the husband in these situations.... Like if his wife is getting all her fulfillment from her kids, I imagine he must feel left out and extremely unimportant to her. I made a vow to myself that I would not become one of those wives that, after their kids move out, looks at her husband like "well what do we do now?"
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 4, 2013 7:08:37 GMT -5
I look at how my MIL was and I vow I will never do that to my children. When my husband moved out she went into a severe depression. She would call him in tears ever fucking day saying shit like "she has nothing to live for"....major f'n guilt trip she laid on him. I honestly can't imagine being that wrapped up in my kids that I have nothing to live for when they leave. Granted, she was being a drama queen but the tears were real. I have a career, I have friends and I have hobbies. I love my kids to death and I will miss them terribly when they move out (well, I don't think my youngest ever will) but part of being a good parent is preparing them to fly the nest. I would feel like a major failure as a parent if my oldest never left....I already have plenty of other ways I'm failing as a parent, she can't add to it Sweetie, drinking isn't a hobby... You take that back!
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Otto the Orange
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Go Orange!
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Post by Otto the Orange on Apr 4, 2013 7:25:55 GMT -5
Sweetie, drinking isn't a hobby... You take that back! Catfight?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 4, 2013 7:34:28 GMT -5
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Apr 4, 2013 8:00:31 GMT -5
Did you see the author on tv who wrote the book and the blog called, " STFU Parents?" I wish some people on my FB would do just that. I love my kids but am glad I had a life as well. Yes. I have what I consider a well developed sense of selfishness. It has caused me besides making my kids and husband a priority to make myself a priority as well. Some people believe that selfishness is a bad thing. Nope.....guess I read too much Ayn Rand?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 8:04:18 GMT -5
I have one woman on my FB that is a mom to a 1-year-old, and she has IMO been playing Martyr Mom the whole time. When he was 9 months old, she whined on FB about how she hadn't gotten her hair done or eyebrows threaded in months. My comment: Tell Daddy that you need a Mommy day and go get it done! I don't understand these women who treat the fathers of their children like they're completely incapable of caring for them. EVERYONE is capable of caring for a child when they have to.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 4, 2013 8:17:06 GMT -5
Your friend does sound like she's whining Jenny, but I know I find myself in that boat not because Dh is lazy but because of our schedules.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Apr 4, 2013 8:39:05 GMT -5
My mom fits that bill, to some extent - "luckily" she has always worked for a living (single mom) so at least had something to fill her time after we left the house. But for 25 years, her life consisted of: get up, get kids dressed and off to school, go to work, run errands at lunch, get off work, pick up kids, cook dinner, help with homework, get kids to bed, go to bed. Weekends were spent at t-ball/gymnastics practice or doing stuff around the house. She really didn't have much time for hobbies or a personal life. Now that we're all living independently, I don't think she knows what to do with her downtime. I feel badly for her because she was a great, involved mom, and did a good job raising all of us - but she deserves to enjoy herself now. She was divorced for more than 10 years before she ever went on a date, because she didn't want to take time away from us. It seems like a very difficult balance to strike. That sounds a lot like my life for many years and that was when I most depressed and felt the most lonely. A lot of my friends didn't have kids and it was hard to do things with them that didn't create a financial burden on me (babysitter, finding money for lunch or a movie or just to cover gas to go visit them, etc) Whenever I tried to talk to friends about my feelings, I'd get the line "but you shouldn't feel lonely, you'll always have your kids" which only served to frustrate me even more. Whenever I was told that, I'd snap and using much stronger language tell them "No, I won't always have my kids because they will grow up to build their own lives and that is what I want them to do. Those people just didn't get it. Living alone after the last one moved out was an adjustment but I survived. I think it took me about six months to really get comfortable with being "alone". I tried not to make my kids the sole focus of my life, but looking back, they pretty much were. Now DD2 and her baby live with me and despite how much I love them both, I'd almost kill to have my house to myself for a week or two.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 4, 2013 9:17:41 GMT -5
Can you take turns with another mom? Does your church or whatever have a MOMS MORNING OUT?
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