Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 8, 2013 10:33:14 GMT -5
You people dust?
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 8, 2013 11:09:52 GMT -5
Not if the kids are parked in front of the TV or computer, which is precicely what happens to a lot of kids. either I'm playing with my kid 24/7 or meals don't get made and the house goes to shit. So when DH isn't home and I have to get things done, what else can I do? That's kinda the point. People act like having their kids under the same roof as them automatically means they're spending hours and hours interacting with them. But that isn't necessairly the case. If your DS went to boarding school and you called him every night and talk for a half hour and he came home on the weekends, then you wouldn't necessiarly be getting that much less interaction with him than you would get if he were living at home. And there are plenty of parents who are just so spent after their workday that they don't interact much with their kids at all. In those cases, the kid may very well get more direction at boarding school and the kid would be better off. But any parent in that situation would have to face being looked down upon by other parents because there is this stigma against boarding school. Considering how busy many parents are, this stigma both silly and harmful.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 12:46:11 GMT -5
You people dust? Ain't nobody got time for that!
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thyme4change
Community Leader
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 14:01:05 GMT -5
Yes, but I like to have an eyeball on my children. Even when I'm ignoring them.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 8, 2013 14:44:54 GMT -5
either I'm playing with my kid 24/7 or meals don't get made and the house goes to shit. So when DH isn't home and I have to get things done, what else can I do? That's kinda the point. People act like having their kids under the same roof as them automatically means they're spending hours and hours interacting with them. But that isn't necessairly the case. If your DS went to boarding school and you called him every night and talk for a half hour and he came home on the weekends, then you wouldn't necessiarly be getting that much less interaction with him than you would get if he were living at home. And there are plenty of parents who are just so spent after their workday that they don't interact much with their kids at all. In those cases, the kid may very well get more direction at boarding school and the kid would be better off. But any parent in that situation would have to face being looked down upon by other parents because there is this stigma against boarding school. Considering how busy many parents are, this stigma both silly and harmful. So, in other words, just them off in boarding school and be done with them?
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thyme4change
Community Leader
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 14:47:12 GMT -5
I think everyone here agrees that there is no "one-size fits all" recommendation for parenting.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 8, 2013 14:49:36 GMT -5
So, because some days we come home tired and let our kids watch TV or play video games, then they might as well just not live with us? LOL!
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 8, 2013 15:18:38 GMT -5
When the boarding school my dad attended became co-ed I begged my parents to send me but they said no. If I could afford to send my kid to that boarding school I'd do it in a heartbeat if it's what he wanted to do. He wants to go out of the country for college and signed up to spend a month in Germany as an exchange student. I'll miss him like crazy but I'm not going to force him to sit at home where I can keep an eye on him.
I was talking to my friend on the way back from our girls weekend and she said she had read a statistic that said that the average American family only eats 3 meals together a week. What's up with that? I'll try to google that to see if that's a real statistic and find a source.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 8, 2013 15:20:44 GMT -5
Every parent should do what they think is the right thing for their kids. If you think that boarding school might give them opportunities they can't get at home and you think that is important then do it. Your kids, your decision.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2013 9:23:18 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2013 9:49:23 GMT -5
Great article! anne It is a pleasure to remember that it is not a form of abandonment but an expression of a job well done — and is something to keep in mind as we move back into the center of our own lives, in ways that will make our children proud.
This is another great phase that arthur used and it make a lot of sense to me.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on May 13, 2013 10:53:16 GMT -5
So, because some days we come home tired and let our kids watch TV or play video games, then they might as well just not live with us? LOL! Sometimes, parental attention isn't positive. Our mom was overly critical of her oldest 3 kids, and used verbal and physical abuse to try to force us to be the kinds of kids she wanted. She was a SAHM and refused to get a job because she thought only poor women worked and she didn't want people to think our family was poor. There were plenty of times I wished our mom had a job, so she had something else to focus her critical attention on. Or that they would send me to boarding school, but we didn't have the money for that. So what works best pretty much depends on the parents and kids.
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mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 13, 2013 11:36:18 GMT -5
Tskeeter, yours (Reply #15) was, IMO, an excellent evaluation of the woman featured in the OP. I'd agree, based on what I've seen over the years. This woman's children masked her depression for many years. When they were gone, the mask fell and the truth of her emotional condition became obvious. Hopefully, treatment will allow her to overcome her depression and discover herself as an individual. Those of you with little children, I can understand how you can't imagine life without them. Thing is, barring tragedy, you'll not be without them. The teenage years serve an important purpose. It's during those years both children and their parents learn how to be independent. It's a trying time for most, but it's during those years we grow to understand our kids as budding adults who will move on to live their own lives independently. It's our job, as parents, to render them capable of making that transition with confidence and gusto. I think most of us succeed pretty darned well, overall. I know I see mine often, and hear from them even more often. All called yesterday to wish mother and I a happy Mother's Day. They're considerate of the reality that having a bunch of people here tires mother, so they make do with a telephone call rather than all piling up in here like we used to do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2013 11:43:20 GMT -5
So, because some days we come home tired and let our kids watch TV or play video games, then they might as well just not live with us? LOL! Sometimes, parental attention isn't positive. Our mom was overly critical of her oldest 3 kids, and used verbal and physical abuse to try to force us to be the kinds of kids she wanted. She was a SAHM and refused to get a job because she thought only poor women worked and she didn't want people to think our family was poor. There were plenty of times I wished our mom had a job, so she had something else to focus her critical attention on. Or that they would send me to boarding school, but we didn't have the money for that. So what works best pretty much depends on the parents and kids. I can understand it why it's such an issues in your household. It doesn't matter that you are staying home Mom or working Mom if you are not happy in your own situation it can be toxic to rest of the family. We as women we must overcome other' expectation our society pressed upon us.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 13, 2013 14:36:23 GMT -5
So, because some days we come home tired and let our kids watch TV or play video games, then they might as well just not live with us? LOL! Sometimes, parental attention isn't positive. Our mom was overly critical of her oldest 3 kids, and used verbal and physical abuse to try to force us to be the kinds of kids she wanted. She was a SAHM and refused to get a job because she thought only poor women worked and she didn't want people to think our family was poor. There were plenty of times I wished our mom had a job, so she had something else to focus her critical attention on. Or that they would send me to boarding school, but we didn't have the money for that. So what works best pretty much depends on the parents and kids. A nasty parent can be a nasty parent whether they work or not. Not sure what that has to do with anything. Sorry but if my kids expect my full undivided attention 24/7, then they are going to have to go and cry to Oprah cuz some days i am gonna zone out and watch Dance Moms.
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