zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 12, 2013 16:06:14 GMT -5
It CAN be and coupled with the other things she has said, there's something wrong in that house. If she was okay with it, she wouldn't have come here, but she knows something isn't right, as do most of us.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Apr 15, 2013 9:36:49 GMT -5
What happens if this kid gets hurt while at your house? I had a friend with a similar situation. One day the kid was playing at their house (as always) and then just disappeared. Everyone searched frantically for hours on their rural property. When they called the cops, the kid was found at home, his mother unexpectedly picked him up and didn't tell anyone.
My friend required the slack mom to sign a document stating that only she was responsible for the child and anything that happened to him while he was visiting the other family. Some people need their responsibilities spelled out. In this case the mother spent lots more time and attention on her horses than on her children.
This is simply slack parenting. I have seen it many times, often from people who work in the public school system.
I once had a neighbor who was a school teacher that would lock her children out of the house. She was also dieting to lose weight and therefore didn't keep ANY food in the house for the 4 kids. The husband was home every night, but was just a slack of parent as the mom.
Bottom line is that many children are left to parent themselves. If you want to help this kid, show him some love as well as a sandwich and some boundries.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2013 9:39:16 GMT -5
Missing a few days of school isn't child neglect. It is if you then proceed to neglect your child ...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 15, 2013 10:15:33 GMT -5
Missing a few days of school isn't child neglect. No, it is truancy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2013 10:23:00 GMT -5
Missing a few days of school isn't child neglect. No, it is truancy. no it's not! It's probably [insert excuse # 578]!!! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) wrongside - I think the gift card and the call to child services is a good idea. And if there's nothing wrong, then at least you know you checked up on the family.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 15, 2013 10:25:54 GMT -5
I wouldn't call CPS, but I would try to get a closer eye on the situation. Although, it is kind of weird that the other mom blew wrongside off - I would give her another chance to have a more reasonable interaction, and I would try to get more info out of the kid. There are some kids who come to my house and eat like their parents have never fed them before. But I know they aren't being neglected. They are just growing boys.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 15, 2013 11:16:01 GMT -5
Make the call TODAY. This has gone on long enough and there are other children in that house. Why was that kid at your house ALL day and then your mother had to drive him home?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 15, 2013 11:23:44 GMT -5
You are at high risk for being the target of someone's anger if you call without asking a few more questions. Your choice, but if someone called on me without having a conversation with me - I would not think highly of them.[/span]
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 15, 2013 11:27:23 GMT -5
She's tried to talk to the mom. The kid is always at her house or her mothers even. How much more does she have to do? So if the mom is pissed? A mom like that needs a huge wake up call on responsible parenting.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Apr 15, 2013 11:53:57 GMT -5
I'd definitely try to talk to the Mom again. Give her another chance. You'll get a much better "feel" for what is really going on if you can talk to her again. The kid mentioning that dad is having work troubles could be a conversation starter. Not in a nosy, intrusive way, but in a "hey, I care because our kids are together so much, maybe I have some suggestions for you" type of thing? Just a thought.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 15, 2013 11:54:56 GMT -5
Once.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 15, 2013 14:32:56 GMT -5
Wrongside - I don't remember how long they've lived there but have you "welcomed" them to the neighborhood yet? I ask because around here it's common to bring a pie, flowers, gift basket, etc. to a new family that has moved in. The polite thing is usually to invite that person in who brings the gift. Maybe you can bring some kind of food (casserole?) to welcome them and maybe she'll be more open to talking to you. You are smart thinking this through carefully and I really hope something gives soon so you don't have to keep worrying so much about this poor kid or that you at least know what is going on. Good luck! I'm LMAO at you freaking out at that phone call and then realizing they were solicitating a donation! ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/rofl.gif)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 17, 2013 6:06:21 GMT -5
What happens if this kid gets hurt while at your house? I had a friend with a similar situation. One day the kid was playing at their house (as always) and then just disappeared. Everyone searched frantically for hours on their rural property. When they called the cops, the kid was found at home, his mother unexpectedly picked him up and didn't tell anyone. My friend required the slack mom to sign a document stating that only she was responsible for the child and anything that happened to him while he was visiting the other family. Some people need their responsibilities spelled out. In this case the mother spent lots more time and attention on her horses than on her children. This is simply slack parenting. I have seen it many times, often from people who work in the public school system. I once had a neighbor who was a school teacher that would lock her children out of the house. She was also dieting to lose weight and therefore didn't keep ANY food in the house for the 4 kids. The husband was home every night, but was just a slack of parent as the mom. Bottom line is that many children are left to parent themselves. If you want to help this kid, show him some love as well as a sandwich and some boundries. I don't have very many sleepovers at my house because there are risks to kids getting hurt at your house. I don't want to be responsible for someone else's kid all night at my house. Maybe once i awhile but i usually stay up pretty late and sleep with one ear open so they don't decide to get into trouble or something. As for making the "slack" mom sign something, um, i think a better response would be to realize she isn't going to supervise your child and not send your child over there. So what if you have a signed document and an injured child?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 17, 2013 6:57:05 GMT -5
Either make the call that you should have made weeks ago or adopt the damn kid.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 17, 2013 7:38:57 GMT -5
Hm. When I was involved with foster care in Phoenix, it sure wasn't perfect, but there were definitely cases where it was needed and a good thing. But I don't think you really have enough information to know if such a call is needed. Yes, you've seen some things that might be red flags... or might be just different ideas that are well within the broad range of "normal" as far as CPS would be concerned. If some of the things you suspect (little food, allowing truancy) do turn out to be true, then you should call CPS. But until you have a little more information, I think such a call would be premature.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 17, 2013 7:42:13 GMT -5
Theoretically, a CPS agent could work with the mom - maybe help get assistance, food stamps, suggest counseling. But, the mom would have to be open to help. As I hear this story, and from my understanding of CPS, - the situation is not bad enough to remove a child.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 17, 2013 8:10:30 GMT -5
I believe that a Mom could be pushing for a certain type of eating plan, and the kid does not agree. Maybe they are just having a stand-off over food choices. I mean - that isn't totally unheard of.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 17, 2013 8:14:59 GMT -5
PB comes in 4lb jars? Ok, so now you've got her texting info. Save/bookmark that. And use it to let her know you're sending the kid home, days he can't come over, whatever. Or when/if he skips school again.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 17, 2013 8:25:57 GMT -5
Lol. We are PB&J freaks over here. Especially for breakfast. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/shucks2.png) And that's a good way to open the dialogue with her. She may be avoiding you because she feels you're judging her (or not, no way to know.) Text her back something friendly. "Kids sure can be picky about their food choices. My kids are such PB&J freaks, they just felt the need to share the love. They'd eat a shoe if it were covered in PB&J!" Open up some conversation that lets her feel like you're trying to be friends and maybe she'll feel more comfy talking to you.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 17, 2013 8:46:15 GMT -5
Perfect! Keep that level of dialogue up and hopefully over the next few weeks, you can get a little rapport going and figure out what's really going on.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 17, 2013 8:55:20 GMT -5
Or contact his school if you're concerned about CPS. Of course now if you call CPS, she will know its you that did it. Sorry, I don't have the paranoia about CPS that some do because I've only seen it used for good things. I think they don't have ENOUGH power.
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