happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 27, 2013 8:17:54 GMT -5
I was that person. I was not having problems at home, my parents were nice and we had food. But I always stayed at my best friends house, her mom was a single parent and it was just a fun place to be. In the late 60s. Friend never went to her dad's house and her mom didn't have boyfriends over so we could play all we wanted.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Mar 27, 2013 9:00:35 GMT -5
The parents who will let their elementary aged children stay at your home until bedtime are enjoying free daycare. They are more than happy to take advantage of your time, groceries and good nature.
When our children were small we had the same problem. I solved it by requiring that the children take turns playing at each others homes. When little Johnny would show up day after day, I would meet him at the door and ask who's turn is it to have someone over? Usually there was no reason why they couldn't play at the other house, other than the children involved preferred our home.
When the boys were middle school and high school I encouraged the time spent at our house. A friend of mine told me that a bag of chips and a 12 pack of drinks were pretty cheap insurance for keeping your teens out of trouble.
I did have to set limits for one teenage boy. His parents were divorced and he would like to hang at our house and sleep over. Not a problem, we have a big house. The problem was he would not tell his mother where he was and would not answer his cell phone, so I would get these panicked calls at 2 and 3 am at which point I would roam the house looking for him and send him home.
I solved the problem by requiring him to leave the house at 10 pm when I went to bed. No more frantic late night phone calls.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 27, 2013 9:12:08 GMT -5
bookkeeper, we had the house that all of the kids liked to come to. our kids were in jr high and high school. we had a pool table and juke box. we supplied drinks and popcorn, cookies, sometimes ice cream. had a few hotdog cookouts. i too had parents who would send drinks and chips sometimes. we never really had a problem with random kids. our sons knew the rules, told their friends the rules and ALL of them knew DH and I would enforce them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 27, 2013 9:15:45 GMT -5
I think I'm inclined to use "Dinner won't stretch tonight. So home you go. We will see you tomorrow (so they don't come back after dinner.)"
But, yeah, I want to know what's going on in that kid's homelife, get the parent's phone #s, so I can call as needed, etc.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 27, 2013 9:18:48 GMT -5
bookkeeper, we had the house that all of the kids liked to come to. our kids were in jr high and high school. we had a pool table and juke box. we supplied drinks and popcorn, cookies, sometimes ice cream. had a few hotdog cookouts. i too had parents who would send drinks and chips sometimes. we never really had a problem with random kids. our sons knew the rules, told their friends the rules and ALL of them knew DH and I would enforce them. And I think that's the important thing - the rules are there, known and it's also know they will be enforced.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Mar 27, 2013 9:41:42 GMT -5
I was never so big on rule enforcement as this: Personal freedom/personal responsibility. This can be taught to visiting children at an early age.
You have the freedom to do whatever you like, but you are responsible for the outcome. If you join us for a meal, you help clean up said meal. If you hauled out a bunch of games or crafts, you were the one to put it all away.
I kept a bed in the basement where the kids hung out. Many mornings I would wake up to a fuzzy head in that bed. High school kids drinking is obviously against the rules and I NEVER gave alcohol to teenagers, but I felt it was more important to keep them safe than kick them out for breaking the rules. I would like to think we helped raise a dozen teenage boys into adulthood.
That being said, some visitors were bad actors and were shown the door pronto. One 2nd grade boy I took to a parade came back to my house and unwrapped his entire grocery bag of candy all over my family room. When I told him it was time to clean up his mess, he bolted for the door. Next time he wanted to come over, I explained he was banned for two months for his behavior. He tried to come over every week and was told no. He knew when the two months were up and was perfectly behaved after my little intervention.
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moosmommy
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Post by moosmommy on Mar 27, 2013 13:47:22 GMT -5
Wrongsideof30, how old is your oldest? It is kind of strange for him to holler he has to go pee in a restaurant. Are you sure there is nothing wrong with him?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 27, 2013 15:38:00 GMT -5
Uh, oh, this is even a worse problem than I thought. Enoughs enough. Keep your kid away from this kid.
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moosmommy
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Post by moosmommy on Mar 28, 2013 8:25:46 GMT -5
Wongsideof30, I knew it wasn't your DS. I think the other boy may have some kind of problem. I mean to yell and act like that in a restaurant. I would not want a child like that rubbing off on my kids.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 28, 2013 10:01:26 GMT -5
Wrongsideof30, how old is your oldest? It is kind of strange for him to holler he has to go pee in a restaurant. Are you sure there is nothing wrong with him? My oldest just turned 9 this month. You know it wasn't my kid that yelled that, right? It was *the friend*. He's 9, also. It WAS a weird thing to do. And embarrassing. It really got under my skin. Also, before that happened, I had asked our waitress if she could break a $20. I gave her the $20 and she left to go get change. She took awhile, the place was pretty busy, but after a few minutes *the friend* yelled across the restaurant to the waitress "hey waitress. stop trying to rip us off and give us our money". I could feel how red my face was. The reason I was breaking the twenty is because the restaurant had video games and I was giving the kids a few bucks to play. *The friend* kept track of every penny from that twenty and wouldn't stop asking me for more money. I told him that was enough, and he says "don't be cheap. there's still $5 left". ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png) MY KIDS have never asked me for money. They are the type that you have to force them to accept something. This kid just helps himself to everything. I ended up getting into a big fight with dh last night. *The friend* was not supposed to be at our house yesterday. I specifically said "No Jordan tomorrow", but when I came home from work, guess who was there? Dh claimed he didn't hear me say that. I would have just asked him to leave right then and left it at that. Tell your son no Jordan for a few days and put it in writing, with a a big black Sharpie, on the Fridge if you have to! I would also NEVER take that child anywhere again. There is a difference between kids friends who just have so much fun that they never want to leave, so you don't want to make your kids sad, and not wanting an obnoxious rude kid in your house giving you a migrane 24/7. IMO this is clearly the latter. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2013 10:36:46 GMT -5
This is probably why his parents don't want him around. Not your job to do their job.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2013 11:23:44 GMT -5
Unbelievable![/span]
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Mar 28, 2013 11:42:25 GMT -5
Oh, that is definitely a problem! His ("friend") behavior is shocking! Either there is trouble at home (not too many kids that age are that aware of money and 2 comments at the restaurant seem to indicate that) or his parents just never discipline him. Must be money troubles at home, though, but you really can't be sure unless you talk to the parents. Not sure if I'd want to get even more involved if I were you.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Mar 28, 2013 12:08:38 GMT -5
Never let your kids near a kid named Jordan.
His parents are either smarmy designer-name-naming douchebags, or closet N.K.O.T.B fans.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 13:03:06 GMT -5
OMG ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png) On post about $ and video games...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2013 13:04:28 GMT -5
Never let your kids near a kid named Jordan. His parents are either smarmy designer-name-naming douchebags, or closet N.K.O.T.B fans. LOL - just the other day we got a political flyer for a candidate named "Cody." How the hell did that happen? Isn't that a 10 year old's name?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 14:00:52 GMT -5
Wow that's unbelievable! Did you say something to the kid? I certainly would have.
That would be it for me, at least for quite a while. And I would DEFINITELY stop inviting him out ANYWHERE.
ETA: I wouldn't be surprised if this kid "latches on" to a family, totally outwears his welcome, the parents get fed up, tell him that's it, and then the kid finds another one. This kid isn't properly "socialized". I wouldn't want my kids around him.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2013 14:05:42 GMT -5
Send him over to my house. I'll kick his butt.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Mar 28, 2013 15:19:18 GMT -5
That kid is very ill behaved & sounds like a bully. Yelling at the waitress & then calling you cheap?? I'd keep my kids away from him. He sounds like trouble.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2013 16:08:14 GMT -5
This kid is seriously messed up. I think you tell him to not come around anymore and I think you do it in front of his parents. A nine year old whose parents I haven't met isn't coming into my house at all. That's way too young to not know what kind of family he is from and I think you already know what kind it is. I knew the parents of my kids friends until they got to high school. Even then, those kids only came to my house, my kid was not allowed to theirs unless they were friends whose parents I knew from elem and middle.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Mar 28, 2013 16:19:37 GMT -5
bookkeeper, we had the house that all of the kids liked to come to. our kids were in jr high and high school. we had a pool table and juke box. we supplied drinks and popcorn, cookies, sometimes ice cream. had a few hotdog cookouts. i too had parents who would send drinks and chips sometimes. we never really had a problem with random kids. our sons knew the rules, told their friends the rules and ALL of them knew DH and I would enforce them. I want to hang out at your house too! I'll even do the dishes. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png) I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you'll not like the parents at all. This kid is projecting the type of people they all are if he's doing stuff like that. They sound very ignorant and low class. I hope your kids don't pick up this kids behaviors. Good Lord!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 17:17:23 GMT -5
The first part of this thread (before we got to the bad behavior) reminded me of a friend of mine. Her son latches onto families. She moved out of state late last year, and he's found a new family to latch onto. A few weeks ago my friend was frustrated because she had to go pick her son up at around 9pm on a school/work night and the whole story came out. Her son goes to visit his friend and she doesn't tell him when she expects him home. So he stays until the parents bring him home, sometimes several hours, sometimes a couple days or a few days. They feed him dinner and he stays late on school nights, sometimes overnight. It seems like she ends up calling him, asking him when is he coming home. It's just my opinion, but I think that's backwards. When my kids left the house, they had a time I expected them to be back. They certainly didn't just stay over people's house for days at a time unless it was something agreed upon beforehand (although I can't recall that happening for days at a time), and I was mean, I had to talk to parents. Actually for overnight stays, I had to know the parents. Even then, it wouldn't be a constant thing. She's never mentioned the friend visiting at her house, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. The night my friend was telling me about it, she was frustrated because her son's friend had called her and asked if she could come get her son, his parents were tired and didn't feel like driving him home. I would've felt all kinds of weird getting a call like that. She was actually upset that SHE had to go get him. I felt like it was her responsibility. I think being so lax is asking for trouble. Her son is 14 and I don't think he's necessarily a bad kid, but he's a liar and his Mom knows it. He's also gotten himself in some not so good situations before. So I think she needs to pay more attention. I don't think she lets him stay so long because she doesn't want to deal with him or anything like that. I think she's just clueless. Or maybe it's me and there's nothing wrong with any of it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2013 17:26:58 GMT -5
No, it isn't just you. She's sick and tired of being a single parent and is looking for village to raise her child.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 17:52:35 GMT -5
I don't think she lets him stay so long because she doesn't want to deal with him or anything like that.
Sorry, Pink, but I do. Maybe your friend thinks this family is a "good influence" on her son, and she'd be quicker to react if she didn't think that. But like you said, most people expect their kid home at a certain time, unless there are other arrangements in place (like I'll call you when we get home / finish dinner / finish homework / whatever).
The other thing that struck me was that your friend's son's FRIEND called your friend. Not the parents, not her son, but her son's friend. Why didn't her own son call and say please mom can you pick me up now?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2013 18:04:05 GMT -5
Probably because he didn't want to go home. You know when you're a burden.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 28, 2013 18:25:04 GMT -5
OMG ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png) On post about $ and video games... Agreed. While my guess is he's parroting behavior from home, this would have permanently crossed the line for me. I hope you get DH and your son on board and either totally cut this kid out of your life or greatly reduce his presence.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 18:52:08 GMT -5
Wrong I may be totally wrong here (no pun intended lol) but my guess is that it's easier for your DH to let this kid come than to tell him that he can't.
I'm guessing that when this kid comes over, your kids tend to "entertain themselves", and that on some level, that suits your DH on the days you're not home.
IF that's the case (and I may well be wrong) I think you have to be the witch with the b and tell the kid he's not welcome anymore. But only if your DH is willing to enforce that.
At this point, I'd go a step further. I'd accompany the kid home, and kindly explain to his parents WHY he's not welcome anymore. My guess is that they've heard it before, but who knows, at some point, it might sink in.
I am still floored at the fact that the kid yelled at the waitress and knew exactly how much of the $20 was left. You think he's never been to a restaurant before (and I trust your judgement) but this 9YO is calling YOU cheap because you're not forking out the entire $20 for video games?!
Your kids may initially be upset, but I'm guessing they will be more relieved than upset at this point, since this kid is causing you strife. My guess is that although they initially thought he was the greatest thing since sliced cheese, they now want to be rid of him as much as you do, but at their ages, obviously they don't have the slightest clue as to how to make that happen.
I'm also guessing that if this kid is hanging around as much as he is, some of their regular playmates are suddenly absent. Have you considered asking some of your friends and / or neighbors what the story with this kid is?
Also, I can't see what on earth is this kid doing for YOUR kids? I know it's hard but you probably need to cut him loose at this point, at least for a while. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he behaves, if you feel you need to.
My guess is that YOU think this boy will be traumatized, but he'll just find another victim family to hang with.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 19:08:25 GMT -5
I've been knowing my friend for over 10 years. She doesn't have very good boundaries in some social aspects, so I really think she's just clueless. For example, it's only been within the last couple of years that she's started to learn to not invite herself along with other people. Honestly, some things that most of us know from experience or how we were raised, don't even occur to her. I'm not going to tell ALL her business lol, but I think part of this situation with her son may be laziness, and the rest of it is really just being clueless.
And yes, I would've had a problem with the friend calling me instead of my own child. My rule was that, barring an emergency where it wasn't possible, my children had to talk to me, not their friends.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 28, 2013 19:16:00 GMT -5
Wow. Yeah, I think Jordan needs to not come over at least for a few weeks. I don't think I'd take him out to a restaurant every again either. Not fun!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 19:16:08 GMT -5
Pink, if your friend was clueless, it's not surprising that her son was too. Hopefully as she learns these unspoken "rules", she will teach them to her son, and things will get easier for both of them.
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