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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 17:21:20 GMT -5
I don't get why she let him stay home from school, if she wants him out of the house so bad.
Because it's easier than getting him to school on time ("on time" being the key phrase here)?
That's my guess.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 17:37:00 GMT -5
Wrong, we had a SLIGHTLY similar issue with DD's best friend. They became best friends in 4th grade, so they were about 9?. The mom was divorced, like me, she had a DS1, a DS2 and a DD. The dad had ZERO to do with any of the three kids.
My DD was LD. Her friend is very, very bright and helped my DD immensely. When my DD was 15, she was accepted into mainstream MS, thanks to her friend. We took her friend out to dinner with us to celebrate. The next day DD told us her friend M had NEVER EVER been to a restaurant before, IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. (We couldn't tell based on her friend's behavior.)
Her mom was busy trying to make a living. She went back to school too. Then the mom got into an abusive relationship, total drama, and the girl never wanted to go home, because her mom's boyfriend would try to break down the door, and sometimes he managed. So she stayed here. Many nights a week, for YEARS. Then the mom got into another lousy relationship, got pregnant, and had a baby at 42, with 3 adult kids. There was plenty of drama there too. At some point during the "glory days", she took my DD away for a week. Last summer when my DD did an internship, they actually went down south near her internship, took her away for a few days too, and gave her a birthday party. (We were in NY).
The mom broke up with the guy, moved far out, and DD's friend has to help babysit. When she's not babysitting, she's still here, several nights a month. She's almost done with college now, I am SO PROUD of both of them!!!
So, it doesn't have to be even, but it has to be SOMEWHAT reciprocal, IMO. Or at least you have to at least FAKE interest in the person that is taking care of your child so much.
I always had a MINIMAL relationship with M's mom. But, we had each other's phone numbers, and we knew we could get in touch with each other if we needed to. Sometimes we'd run into each other at the train station in the morning and "catch up" on the way into town.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 17:50:24 GMT -5
Again, Wrong, to me, that's off. I get that not everybody's house is at it's best all the time, but you keep the kid for 3 hours, 5 days a week, and your kid isn't even allowed into the other kid's house?!
You can take this kid on, or not, or set limits, or not. But, this situation is obviously causing you anxiety (as it would me).
So, I feel compelled to ask you, what is it you want? What exactly are you asking us for?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 9, 2013 17:55:09 GMT -5
You're free daycare. If she has that many kids, getting rid of one must feel like a blessing. I don't get why she let him stay home from school, if she wants him out of the house so bad. Who says she let him?
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 9, 2013 18:00:45 GMT -5
My guess would be substance abuse (mom) and that is why there is major neglect of Jordan. Hopefully not full on abuse although I'm sure neglect is a form of it. But I'd rather be neglected than abused - as I've been there. But maybe those neglected would say opposite.
Honeybbq - I was wondering that too. If she is passed out or has substance abuse to the point of being oblivious Jordan knows she's not going to know the difference and just said that she knew.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 18:02:00 GMT -5
Who says she let him?
If at nine she didn't "let him" (because like Shooby I am a bad mom that occasionally lets my kids take a day off if they are feeling overwhelmed), then he's just skipping school.
The VERY rare times I let my kids "take a day off / skip school" they are NOT allowed to go online or visit other friends. They can sleep late, hang out in pjs, I help them with a school project, and then we bake something or cook dinner together.
This kid just showed up, yet again ... not at Wrong's house, but at her mom's house!!!
ETA: I had not considered that (the substance abuse) but I'm glad you mentioned it if you think that's a factor. It makes sense.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2013 19:30:24 GMT -5
Call the kids school and talk to the counselor. She or he can talk to kids teacher. There's procedures to follow and they will follow them. If you're concerned and don't wish to get CPS involved, go see the principal.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 9, 2013 21:38:50 GMT -5
He did. He told my kids he can skip whenever he wants. Meh, I don't know I'd really believe that.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 9, 2013 23:21:53 GMT -5
@wrongsideof30 - did you talk to him tonight?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 23:22:37 GMT -5
He did. He told my kids he can skip whenever he wants. Meh, I don't know I'd really believe that. Maybe I wouldn't believe it before... But after he ditched and showed up at wrong's mom's ![???](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 10, 2013 6:18:13 GMT -5
Neither of my kids have been inside Jordan's home. I'm pretty sure I don't want them over there anyway. A few times when my son has walked over to pick Jordan up, my son asked Jordan if he could come inside (ds is a little bit nosy and wanted to check out Jordan's house). Jordan's mom said no that the house was too messy for guests.
Maybe she is a Hoarder!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 10, 2013 6:20:38 GMT -5
LOL. My "adopted" son was here for dinner last night. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 11, 2013 5:47:17 GMT -5
And, he was here last night for supper too. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 5:57:52 GMT -5
Hope, your supper was a good one!! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/cool.png) I bet, it was. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/hug.gif)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 11, 2013 5:59:50 GMT -5
Yes, i made parmesan chicken and baked potatoes, bread and salad.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 6:02:05 GMT -5
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 11, 2013 6:04:54 GMT -5
I am gonna do some BBQ ribs today in the crockpot. I better get those going. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 6:39:37 GMT -5
I am gonna do some BBQ ribs today in the crockpot. I better get those going. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) Can we come for dinner at your house. Shooby. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/cool.png) Usually my Husband cook it on the grill in our deck. And my Mother and law gave us an family secret recipe for the sauce..... ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Apr 11, 2013 7:01:49 GMT -5
In the county I live in, if a child misses a certain amount of school days, they are visited by the following-school principal, guidance counselor, school board member and a county sheriff. The sheriff is needed if the parent is going to jail for contributing to the deliquency of a minor.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 11, 2013 7:19:05 GMT -5
wrong - I find the best approach is just to put out the welcome mat if you want to be a positive influence in this child's life. That doesn't mean you can't set boundaries and so forth. But, that is your choice. Some of my kids friends don't come from the best home. I just hope later in life they remember me as the mom who made them some homecooked meals. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 11, 2013 7:41:42 GMT -5
This is true, if you WANT to be the parent that does this. I took in a child, well, a teenager, a senior in HS, because he had nowhere else to go. But this was a functioning adult, I had no daycare issues, and it was basically extra food and some utilities. He slept on a sleeping bag in DSs room. This was my choice and I made it gladly. When I had small children of my own, no way would I have been someone's daycare because they had too many kids and felt overwhelmed. Especially if he's not a good kid. Usually those kids realize that in order to be able to get in someone's home, they have to be extra sweet, this one hasn't learned that lesson.
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Post by Opti on Apr 11, 2013 7:44:27 GMT -5
But is there food in the house? I can't imagine my kids just hanging around gettin hungrier and hungrier and not going in the kitchen to get something themselves. It might just be crackers or a PB&J sandwich but they would get something. If this child was told he wasn't allowed to eat though I would seriously think of calling CPS. I know she doesn't have to be mother of the year but not feeding your child, on purpose, to me is black letter abuse. This has always been one of my thoughts reading this thread. Maybe Mom having never lived on her own before bought too much house and doesn't have enough money for all the kids. Perhaps the inside of her house looks as sparse and sad as people in the 'hood living off government assistance. I suspected when Jordan told the story about the horseradish sandwhich that he may have made it himself with what happened to be left in the frig. I've read some horrifying stories of what kids have eaten in homes with inadequate food. Four kids and one very young. I wonder if she got kicked out of Grandma's because she wouldn't stop having kids? It could be a substance abuse issue but it also could be the issue of someone who has no clue about finances and how to survive in the real world. It's not ideal, but if you get CPS to check it out you'd have a clue what the issue is. If its a food/finance issue not complicated with gambling, drugs, or alcohol, Mom should learn of the local food pantries and start getting at least something to feed those kids.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 8:36:41 GMT -5
This family may already be CPS clients.. The unknowns appears sad nevertheless. I wish the kid well. The entire family as well. Outsiders never really know what goes on behind the closed doors of adverse circumstances.. If that be this family's case -We see the symptoms of something maybe gone awry, and unless someone speaks or cries out from the inside we just never really know..
I do believe this child is crying out..
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 11, 2013 8:54:45 GMT -5
Not every parent is a child beater or abuser just because they seem a bit more lax on how they live their life.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 11, 2013 9:34:51 GMT -5
No, but foisting your child on others is bad manners, let alone bad parenting.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 12, 2013 6:04:58 GMT -5
You can't control other people or even understand their motives. The only person you control is yourself. I have said numerous times that she can and should set boundaries. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 12, 2013 8:51:36 GMT -5
True enough but the child in question concerns me and I think she should report it to authorities.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 12, 2013 10:20:33 GMT -5
What is it she should report? Call the police and tell them the boy comes over too often to play? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 12, 2013 10:58:09 GMT -5
No, she should call the school or CPS and tell them what's going on. He missed school for no good reason and his mom didn't care. The idea that I would foist my child on another family for hours at a time and never reciprocate or even try to be social is bizarre. This mother seems to have questionable priorities. I'm sure wrongside would never feel right if something serious was going on. If she reports it and nothing is done and something does happen to that kid, at least she has a clear conscious. If I knew the area/details, I'd report it but I'd go up to the kids school first.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 12, 2013 11:00:00 GMT -5
Missing a few days of school isn't child neglect.
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