Why is breaking up so hard to do

[ZaireinHD]

This other person keeps breaking your heart
This other person keeps making you cry
This other person is selfish and not considerate of your feelings

Then breakup! It’s time to break up and kick that person out of your life for good.
What is so difficult about breaking the other person's heart – by telling that person it's over between us?
I have always thought I do not see the difficultly with breaking up is so difficult than staying together.

[Deleted]

Why is breaking up so hard to do

We don't feel we can make it, whatever it is, without it or the person. We become acclimated to over-ridding the pain within the relationship, in hopes of gaining the others solitaire affection.

That's only one facet of why we maintain the madness. I am certain there are many reasons why one would rather remain in a broken relationship than to break away from it..

[ZaireinHD]

I have been guilty of that feeling of not being able to make it without this other person that just constantly breaks my heart not just a few times per year, but few times per week!

Funny how the brain comes up with these great plans to breakaway and get away from from the hurt. But then the feelings and heart and that horrible pain in your gut will throw out all of the logic and all very good plans, to end up staying and giving this other person another chance to change.

which is laughable because this is who the other person is. Well has become. because it was not like this in the wonderful beginning.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Is this the person the woman you always refer to as your X-best friend? Why not cut your losses and be done with her? From many of your previous posts, this person has used you to get what she can out of you, and will continue to use you as long as you keep hanging onto her for what you think is friendship. (Unless there's more going on besides "friendship").

I'm surprised your current live-in GF is putting up with it - or are you sneaking around to see this X-best friend on the side behind your GF's back, and she doesn't know about it?

[Deleted]

Because we all have conflicted feelings. Nobody is totally good or totally bad. There are still good times in your memory.

[Deleted]

Zaire - I do have to agree with SL's assessment. Might be time to move on. We LOVE YA!

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2012 7:21:44 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

I have been guilty of that feeling of not being able to make it without this other person that just constantly breaks my heart not just a few times per year, but few times per week!

Funny how the brain comes up with these great plans to breakaway and get away from from the hurt. But then the feelings and heart and that horrible pain in your gut will throw out all of the logic and all very good plans, to end up staying and giving this other person another chance to change.

w/quote]

Does SHE want to change? You may want to give her a chance to change. ANd, it sounds like you have. But does she see a problem or need to change anything?

[Reckless Roselia]

Personally, I believe that true love happens only once. Love can happen many times but there will always be that one love that stands out from the rest. It is very difficult to let go of your love especially when you're committed in the relationship. But don't ever depend on anyone even when in love. Unrequited love has to be painful.

[weltschmerz]

Dec 27, 2012 15:28:23 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

Is this the person the woman you always refer to as your X-best friend? Why not cut your losses and be done with her? From many of your previous posts, this person has used you to get what she can out of you, and will continue to use you as long as you keep hanging onto her for what you think is friendship. (Unless there's more going on besides "friendship").

I'm surprised your current live-in GF is putting up with it - or are you sneaking around to see this X-best friend on the side behind your GF's back, and she doesn't know about it?

I think it IS the girlfriend he's talking about. He's been planning to her lo these many years. It's probably just easier to stay.

[femmefatale]

From what I have experienced, it all really has to do with how much I can take and how far to my breaking point, I get. When you truly love someone, breaking up is always bittersweet, if it is true. You have given yourself a piece of yourself to that person, and then it all falls apart. It sucks, but it's life, sometimes.
I personally cannot sit and fight, bicker, bitch and moan, day in and day out, and live that way, day to day.
When it gets to that point, breaking up is no longer an option, it is a "must"....JMO~

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

According to Z's previous posts, he lives with GF, but X-best friend (female) is the one who he's talking about here - and also one he's still seeing.

[resolution]

Breaking up is kind of like taking off a band-aid. You can do it quickly and painfully or you can do it slowly and painfully.

I think a part of the pain is that you are mourning the ideal of what you thought the relationship could actually become rather than the reality of what the relationship really was. You remember the relationship at its best and the person that you hoped she would be instead of the person that she really is. It takes a long time before you can step back and see the relationship for what it really was.

It is also hard when they find someone new after the relationship is over for a while. You keep thinking that the new person got your ideal partner when they are actually stuck with the same person that you were stuck with.

[Deleted]

There are songs about this, it must be very common.

[mmhmm]

It doesn't have to be miserable. If someone makes you unhappy, it's likely that's not their intent; however, it may be something in their personality that just doesn't jibe with your needs. Two adults should be able to see this if they really try. Once it's clear a relationship is damaging, whether for one party or both, it's time to move on. That can be done without bitterness, as there was not an intent to injure. Say goodbye, wish each other well, and be on your way ... physically and emotionally.

[femmefatale]

Karma, mmhmm...I agree. A lot of times, people's personalities just don't click. You are exactly right. I like to part on good terms, regardless. (at least I try to) ;D

[Deleted]

Z - You have to ask yourself does she have HER best interests and YOUR best interests or only hers and hers alone?

[ZaireinHD]

deleted
by the sucka that fell in love with the wrong person.

[Deleted]

Major lifestyle changes are usually difficult at first.

[ZaireinHD]

I agree Femme

When it gets to that point, breaking up is no longer an option, it is a "must"....

it is so sad to have to reach that point when the option turns into a must.

I've been catching up on my Maury episodes and catching another TV Show called Cheaters and what these people are put through is horrible!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

You didn't answer my question. Are you talking about the girlfriend you're currently living with (and supposedly love with) or the woman you've been seeing on the side and fantasizing over - even though she's made it clear that's not going to happen.

[femmefatale]

Dec 27, 2012 21:20:45 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

I agree Femme

When it gets to that point, breaking up is no longer an option, it is a "must"....

it is so sad to have to reach that point when the option turns into a must.

I've been catching up on my Maury episodes and catching another TV Show called Cheaters and what these people are put through is horrible!

I used to love the show 'Cheaters"...always such drama when they got busted...geeze. lol

[ZaireinHD]

DELETED
WOW that was NOT necessary Zaire!

[ZaireinHD]

how I wish it could be that way when people can see the hurt they are causing. this other person. which makes me think of their intent. breaking up doesn't have to be miserable. but when the hurt party does continuously tell and express you are hurting me, leaving me with such pain in my heart and this person continues to do so. I think it's intentional.

It's one thing on the TV Show Cheaters to cheat on someone. but it's another thing when the hurt party has to go to the show in the first place to prove the hurt being caused. at that point I think it's intentional and intended to hurt someone, you supposed to be in love with. and that ain't right!

[weltschmerz]

Dec 27, 2012 21:51:52 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

You didn't answer my question. Are you talking about the girlfriend you're currently living with (and supposedly love with) or the woman you've been seeing on the side and fantasizing over - even though she's made it clear that's not going to happen.

Well, Zaire? Which lucky lady are you refering to?

[mmhmm]

Dec 28, 2012 4:09:24 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

how I wish it could be that way when people can see the hurt they are causing. this other person. which makes me think of their intent. breaking up doesn't have to be miserable. but when the hurt party does continuously tell and express you are hurting me, leaving me with such pain in my heart and this person continues to do so. I think it's intentional.

It's one thing on the TV Show Cheaters to cheat on someone. but it's another thing when the hurt party has to go to the show in the first place to prove the hurt being caused. at that point I think it's intentional and intended to hurt someone, you supposed to be in love with. and that ain't right!

It's not someone else's responsibility to make you happy, though. That's your responsibility. If someone's behavior, or lifestyle, is hurting you, and you tell the person, and the person continues to exhibit the same behavior, it would probably be best to make tracks, wouldn't it? To stick around whining about having your feelers hurt over, and over, and over ... well, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. That other person is living their life. You need to live yours.

[Deleted]

Message deleted by funsnowbird.

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2012 5:21:48 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

uote]

It's not someone else's responsibility to make you happy, though. That's your responsibility. If someone's behavior, or lifestyle, is hurting you, and you tell the person, and the person continues to exhibit the same behavior, it would probably be best to make tracks, wouldn't it? To stick around whining about having your feelers hurt over, and over, and over ... well, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. That other person is living their life. You need to live yours.

mmhmm

Thanks for being here.

[ZaireinHD]

funsnowbird I agree with you that true love only can happen once n a lifetime. if that were the case then people could not move on with their lives. people would not be able to remarry.

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 27, 2012 19:31:16 GMT -5 resolution said:

Breaking up is kind of like taking off a band-aid. You can do it quickly and painfully or you can do it slowly and painfully.

I think a part of the pain is that you are mourning the ideal of what you thought the relationship could actually become rather than the reality of what the relationship really was. You remember the relationship at its best and the person that you hoped she would be instead of the person that she really is. It takes a long time before you can step back and see the relationship for what it really was.

It is also hard when they find someone new after the relationship is over for a while. You keep thinking that the new person got your ideal partner when they are actually stuck with the same person that you were stuck with.

powerful - Karma for you

[Reckless Roselia]

I've been catching up on my Maury episodes

Is Maury still on air? I used to like watching that with Jerry Springer but the cheating couples and episodes of 'who's the daddy' put me off. What confused and wrecked up people I thought.