mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 4, 2013 17:46:01 GMT -5
For what it's worth, I have trouble believing it, too, zib. Sometimes, I really wonder if there might not be a parallel universe. Then, I get to wondering who's in it ... me, or the person who has left me gawking.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 4, 2013 17:54:54 GMT -5
Sounds trollish to me. I doubt that it's real.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 4, 2013 19:17:30 GMT -5
One can only hope and pray.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Feb 10, 2013 23:44:08 GMT -5
well now two months in and I guess it's acceptance phase. so what to do about the thoughts of so much around me reminds me of my x-best friend. I put in her resume for a job that posted at work. I look everyday to see if she will interview. Then I would see her. but nothing.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 11, 2013 0:04:49 GMT -5
I thought you had a live-in girlfriend, Zaire. Why the heck are you still dwelling on this other person who cut you out of her life ages ago (it must be getting close to almost a year now). Is your relationship with your live-in so much less important to you or has she finally left too?
Your fixation on this past friend is beyond obsessive. And why the heck are YOU putting in her resume for the opening without her asking you to? That's beyond strange.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 11, 2013 0:44:07 GMT -5
What to do about it? Why not try putting it behind you. Just hush about it and go on with your life.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 11, 2013 17:05:56 GMT -5
Believe me but time is a healer. Give it time and the person whom you've loved the most can be nothing ... not even a memory when you break up. I guess I sound cold here. I always find it fascinating how people can experience similar things so differently. My experience is nothing like RRs even with people who have hurt me deeply. I remember what I loved most about them and what I disliked most about them usually with less intensity as the years pass, but not always. Some experiences are so strong and powerful ... decades have barely taken the edge off. Of course it may be my actorish personality or why I am so into films and understanding people and their motivations. There are somethings and possibly some breakups ... that if I chose to relive them I'm not sure it would be that much different from many years ago from the emotional side. The plus really would be knowing I survived it all and I didn't have to relive the aftermath if I didn't want to. (Guess I have an emotional memory or something. )
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Reckless Roselia
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Post by Reckless Roselia on Feb 12, 2013 16:50:23 GMT -5
Believe me but time is a healer. Give it time and the person whom you've loved the most can be nothing ... not even a memory when you break up. I guess I sound cold here. I always find it fascinating how people can experience similar things so differently. My experience is nothing like RRs even with people who have hurt me deeply. I remember what I loved most about them and what I disliked most about them usually with less intensity as the years pass, but not always. Some experiences are so strong and powerful ... decades have barely taken the edge off. Of course it may be my actorish personality or why I am so into films and understanding people and their motivations. There are somethings and possibly some breakups ... that if I chose to relive them I'm not sure it would be that much different from many years ago from the emotional side. The plus really would be knowing I survived it all and I didn't have to relive the aftermath if I didn't want to. (Guess I have an emotional memory or something. ) I've kinda lost the fine and detailed memory of my first crush and love etc. My childhood sweetheart is no longer what I think of him to be. We both have moved on ... how much do I hold him and of his memories in my memory bank? I do live in the past but if I only give importance to those past relationships then what about the one I am currently in?
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Feb 14, 2013 2:22:24 GMT -5
This post contained a message that would do well in a PM, Zaire. I'll be glad to discuss this with you in that venue. Now, I'll direct you to our CoC - specifically, the following: Update Feb 9, 2011Public "mod bashing", defined here as complaints made in threads regarding how a mod does (or doesn't) do their job, will not be continued. This board is not here to be a complaint forum. If you have a concern, you may PM the mod of your choice for that board. Alternatively, you may PM myself, or email me at my board email address: notmsnmoney@live.com. Preference is that you work with your board mods first. Posts and/or threads complaining about mod performance will be deleted, period. Furthermore, action will be taken as follows:* 1st 5 deletions due mod bashing will result in a 24 hr ban* 3 more deletes after that = 3 day ban* next delete = 7 day ban and a "Strike" against the poster.These are special rules pertaining to this type of infraction ONLY. Regular CoC rules still apply for personal attacks, racial slurs, etc.
mmhmm, Administrator WOW!! at least I've been warned before being banned!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 14, 2013 8:14:35 GMT -5
Reply is kind of funky for me right now RR, so I'll try the quick reply which won't color the entire post with your avatar image! What I was trying to emphasize is that everyone's reality was different. Whether you think yours is close to mine in any way really depends on how you perceive it. I really didn't date until college and don't feel I had a childhood sweetheart, etc. per the definitions I've heard. Very young, I had mutual male friends and I make pacts about getting married, etc. but promises of five year olds are made on what they know at the time. So I guess for me I only need to remember or more accurately not actively try to forget about 30 years or so of my life. I'm rather picky in some sense and tend to the buy and hold philosphy in my personal life, i.e. I don't need new stuff all the time, so there aren't that many people as in SO status I have in my memory banks anyway. Some people date many people. Some don't. I'm in the latter category. I have owned about 4 cars in my lifetime so far as well. I go for the best that seems reasonable at the time. Right now, for example, I need to replace my wine bottle openers. Mine are all about 20 to 25 years old and I've discovered do not work all that well on the current bottles as the bottle necks have been downsized due to the cork shortages and how manufacturers have handled it. Pelletized cork for example really doesn't soften any when you lay the bottle down so many of my old tricks from when I regularly bought wine don't work. (I've bought a few cheaper bottles recently as a sleep aid and killer of bacteria in my throat...) <<OT, but probably bringing yet another wine bottle back to Wegman's I'm having problems opening. If I had some nice guy taking me out to decent dinners where I could observe the waiter's technique for opening a bottle of wine perhaps I wouldn't be so ... in the past ... >>
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 14, 2013 9:47:52 GMT -5
LOL, Zaire! Everyone is warned before being banned. It's not like you're here one moment and gone the next without having been warned to cease and desist. Then again, you already know that.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 14, 2013 10:13:40 GMT -5
well now two months in and I guess it's acceptance phase. so what to do about the thoughts of so much around me reminds me of my x-best friend. I put in her resume for a job that posted at work. I look everyday to see if she will interview. Then I would see her. but nothing. You put in her resume? Did she ask you to do that?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2013 10:16:26 GMT -5
Every time I read the title of this thread I think of this commercial:
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 14, 2013 10:35:08 GMT -5
well now two months in and I guess it's acceptance phase. so what to do about the thoughts of so much around me reminds me of my x-best friend. I put in her resume for a job that posted at work. I look everyday to see if she will interview. Then I would see her. but nothing. You put in her resume? Did she ask you to do that? I thought the same thing, shoobs. I can't think of many things that would make me as angry as someone I considered a friend presenting my resume to a company without my knowledge. That's just plain stepping over the line. I wouldn't do that to anyone, including a spouse. Where someone applies for work is their business, and if they're looking for work they're not doing so in order for someone they know to "see them". It's just wrong in too many ways to count.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Feb 14, 2013 10:38:53 GMT -5
You put in her resume? Did she ask you to do that? I thought the same thing, shoobs. I can't think of many things that would make me as angry as someone I considered a friend presenting my resume to a company without my knowledge. That's just plain stepping over the line. I wouldn't do that to anyone, including a spouse. Where someone applies for work is their business, and if they're looking for work they're not doing so in order for someone they know to "see them". It's just wrong in too many ways to count.
I so absolutely agree with what your saying mmhmm.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 14, 2013 10:39:03 GMT -5
Yes. I mean no offense to Zaire, but i would find it highly presumptous for ANYONE to submit my resume to someone. I would be very angry with that person. And, i don't know if the Ex BF will take kindly to that if she finds out.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 14, 2013 10:51:45 GMT -5
I said the same thing about 4 days ago.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 14, 2013 10:58:22 GMT -5
Hopefully, Zaire will take note of some of the things said here. He's been "angsting" over the loss of this friendship for some time now. If this kind of thing is his way of showing friendship, I think I understand why this particular friend is running like the wind in the opposite direction. Most people don't want someone else controlling their life. It's resented, and it's certainly not an indication of friendship. Friends aren't pets, they're people with minds, wishes, and capabilities of their own. Anyone who doesn't recognize that will probably not have, and keep many friends.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Feb 14, 2013 11:05:21 GMT -5
Hopefully, Zaire will take note of some of the things said here. He's been "angsting" over the loss of this friendship for some time now. If this kind of thing is his way of showing friendship, I think I understand why this particular friend is running like the wind in the opposite direction. Most people don't want someone else controlling their life. It's resented, and it's certainly not an indication of friendship. Friends aren't pets, they're people with minds, wishes, and capabilities of their own. Anyone who doesn't recognize that will probably not have, and keep many friends.
This is exactly why I left former relationships. I'm not a pet to be mollycoddled and most certainly not controlled. Respect me or watch me walk.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Feb 14, 2013 14:03:16 GMT -5
Yes. I mean no offense to Zaire, but i would find it highly presumptous for ANYONE to submit my resume to someone. I would be very angry with that person. And, i don't know if the Ex BF will take kindly to that if she finds out. WOW! Shooby that you went in that direction of the MOB! of course she knew I put in her resume. I don't see how I could make a move without her knowing and permission in the first place. this was during a time when we were talking and I told her of a new opening that was here at work. the thought didn't occur to you I guess that she sent me her resume? the thought didn't occur to you that she was / is looking for a job and asking her friends to see what's up? that we worked on updating her resume together? it's obvious other members think negative first for my actions but ok as you said no offense taken
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 14, 2013 14:18:21 GMT -5
Not at all Zaire. I don't think "negatively" of you at all. I think you are a very nice person. When reading boards the whole story doesn't always translate. BTW, i am glad to see ya! It took me awhile to make it over here!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 14, 2013 14:18:55 GMT -5
BTW, i like your avatar. Pretty cute.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 14, 2013 14:42:03 GMT -5
Zaire, once and for all - there is no MOB.
You posted MONTHS ago - that your friendship with this ex-BFF is over. That's why she's an Ex.
You have a live-in relationship - focus your attention on HER - not your ex-friend. It's time to put the past in the past once and for all and get on with your life.
If this ex-BFF of yours had really wanted to work at the same place as you, she would be submitting her resume on her own - not asking you to do it. You took it upon yourself submit it - and then checked the bulletins daily for weeks to see if she was scheduled for an interview. Cant you see that's just a tad obsessive?
If I'd severed a friendship with someone, I'd find it beyond creepy if they kept trying to hang onto me by constantly texting me or trying to get me a job at their place of employment just so they could see me every day.
ETA: As long as you bring your personal life to this board, you're bound to get opinions - and they're not always all going to agree with yours. You can't get mad at someone else for commenting when you make your life public.
If you feel you have to "talk" about this past relationship to get things off your chest, may I suggest that you write your thoughts out onto a document on your computer - like a personal diary. That way you can vent away privately - and then either save the document and update on your own privately as needed, or delete the document once you've finished venting.
Just my 2 cents.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Feb 14, 2013 15:21:29 GMT -5
Zaire, once and for all - there is no MOB.
You posted MONTHS ago - that your friendship with this ex-BFF is over. That's why she's an Ex.
You have a live-in relationship - focus your attention on HER - not your ex-friend. It's time to put the past in the past once and for all and get on with your life.
If this ex-BFF of yours had really wanted to work at the same place as you, she would be submitting her resume on her own - not asking you to do it. You took it upon yourself submit it - and then checked the bulletins daily for weeks to see if she was scheduled for an interview. Cant you see that's just a tad obsessive?
If I'd severed a friendship with someone, I'd find it beyond creepy if they kept trying to hang onto me by constantly texting me or trying to get me a job at their place of employment just so they could see me every day.
ETA: As long as you bring your personal life to this board, you're bound to get opinions - and they're not always all going to agree with yours. You can't get mad at someone else for commenting when you make your life public.
If you feel you have to "talk" about this past relationship to get things off your chest, may I suggest that you write your thoughts out onto a document on your computer - like a personal diary. That way you can vent away privately - and then either save the document and update on your own privately as needed, or delete the document once you've finished venting.
Just my 2 cents.
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Extremely well said SL, I completely agree.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 14, 2013 15:52:55 GMT -5
I used the document-as-vent-method once; my former BFF, a gal I trusted and was close to for well over a decade (she was in my wedding party), deceived me, and pretty much everyone around her, including her own family, with some pretty awful behavior. I was angry for years, and formed no close personal relationships with other women, thinking the deception would happen again. I'm still good friends with her ex-DH, and he was the one to suggest the letter. He made no suggestion as to whether or not I should send it; he left that up to me, figuring I'd use good judgement. He did say that she really would not care how I felt or thought at this stage; her past actions just meant nothing to her. But I did write it, and I read it to him. Got it out of my system, and told him how sorry I was that she had done him far more wrong than she had done to me. I admitted to some deeply painful things in that letter; things that were so bad, only my husband, my mother and now her ex-DH know about them. And of those three, one has died and the other hates her guts. Oddly, her ex found he had to forgive her in order to move forward. Then I shredded the letter. I had to forgive and let go too, if I ever had the hope of moving on. Bottom line: SL has a good idea here.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Feb 14, 2013 16:49:10 GMT -5
I agree, Nancy. There's nothing to be gained by beating a personal subject to death in a public setting. If one has baggage to offload, the way you suggest is as good as any, I'd think. The important thing is to get it out of your head and get on with your life.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 14, 2013 16:57:27 GMT -5
Indeed, mmhmm. I only wish I'd done the letter thing sooner than I did. I kept it all inside, as opposed to making it public, for a decade. Lost a lot of time and probably the chance at some friendships I could have benefited from in my later years, to say nothing of losing faith and trust. And all for the "sake" of someone for whom it all meant zilch.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Feb 14, 2013 20:11:43 GMT -5
Hello Nancy - nice to see a friend on this side of the community. Thanks for sharing as well. 10 years is a very long time to think someone didn't care how you felt. there could be all sorts of personal reasons why she flipped out - jealousy most likely the main reason?
once the actions have come out there is no turning back ...and....welll then egos kick in and no communication to talk things out on either end..... and it just gets worse. without communication and talking things out friendships and relationships die.
but I'm in the same boat of fear of being hurt again. I refuse to let someone get that close to me again. not that it will not happen, but I think I will try to prevent someone getting that close as xbf was to me.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Feb 14, 2013 20:33:00 GMT -5
Not at all Zaire. I don't think "negatively" of you at all. I think you are a very nice person. When reading boards the whole story doesn't always translate. BTW, i am glad to see ya! It took me awhile to make it over here! I like your avatar as well Shooby - very cute. well I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be allowed to post as the MOB or specific group of members are going to start accusing me of breaking unwritten rules and reporting me, and bang before I know it I'm banned. but I would like to say that I was just surprised that you felt I went that route of upsetting her? how many times I've said we used to be such close friends and talked about everything. it's MOB members job to think negatively towards me and my actions. post comments that are intentionally mean in nature not to be a yes-man and hand holding towards me. at this point I don't expect the MOB to first say something supportive as they treat 97% of all the other members here, like oh Zaire it will be ok, XBF is the one losing out on a great friendship, maybe xbf is going through something as she wants to figure out on her own, and maybe I'm not the only person she is shutting out....
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 14, 2013 20:47:24 GMT -5
Zaire - there is no MOB - and you continuing to call members here who offer advice you don't agree with as a MOB is not acceptable.
Nobody's out to hurt you. As I said before, when you bring your personal life here to talk about - people are going to have opinions. They're not all going to pat you on the head and tell you what you want to hear.
You said months ago that the friendship with your ex-BFF was over and you were going to put it behind you - and get on with your life. So do it - you can't move forward until you close that chapter of your life.
I posted earlier that it would probably be better if you typed out your thoughts privately onto a document on your computer to get your thoguhts out and deal with them - rather than posting them on a public message board. Then you could update that document or delete it after you'd vented privately.
But you will NOT come here and call other members here names if their opinions aren't what YOU want to hear.
SL ~ Mod
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