Why is breaking up so hard to do

[Chocolate Lover]

Hi there Z! Happy New Year to you too!

Yes, yes and yes. Chocolate in all it's wonderful forms. Cake, with ice cream and hot fudge on top. And then a great big dose of "think of anything else at all, even if it's color coding my socks"

[ZaireinHD]

color coding socks ??
Laughing ;D

oh my I needed a laugh - Thanks CL

I'm going grocery shopping this afternoon and will pick up marble pound cake and some ice cream!
YUM!!
;D

[Chocolate Lover]

Hey, it's not hard work, you can do it on auto pilot and it'll give you something to direct your thoughts to if they wander too far in the broken heart direction.

Save me some cake! And ice cream. ;D

Thanks!

[ZaireinHD]

Sure CL - But I'll have to put some to the side cause it's movie watch'n time with some cake holding the tub of ice cream
;D

Kill Bill Vol 1

[ZaireinHD]

In the end you will decide whether it is easier EASIER!!! I am not that good guy to go for EASIER, quick fix! to drop her out of your life or whether you are willing to compromise did that already on your idea of what friendship, close, long or whatever should be. I have had close male friends but only a former BF feels all that close at the moment. In my life that is more because of the situations and stages of life my friends and I are in. Part of it is time as well.
I don't call and keep up with everyone this is NOT about everyone out of state and even in state. agreed here as well Nevertheless I do have a male friend from my college days who is trying to help me in my job search. If you don't burn bridges it can be a pleasant surprise to see who starts using them later in your life. FWIW. THANKS for your thought

I ALMOST ran back to her with a text to her last night! this is the very thing / portion of the problem I've been fighting myself NOT to contact her any more! I'm so FN happy I didn't listen to this MOB answer! it made so much since - It's my fault, what am I doing, don't give up on her, I need to fix things! NO - as usual MOB tactics to keep me in agony and pain to stay in a close friendship that has gone horrible!

I guess it never will occur that my xbf is NOT some chick I just met a few months ago or 2, 3 years ago. WE have established a level of communicating of EVERYDAY phone, text, email, communication at LEAST 4 out of seven days every week - since we first met - and continued this level of contact for YEARS! throughout these YEARS we have gotten VERY close, comfortable, shared without pause, honesty and trust between us.

I can not figure out mmhmm intentions? she is a mystery to me?
BUT ok lets just say m is right I'm can not force people! FINE
Lets say I was forcing to stay in my x-close friends life - I realized that as a possibility I was forcing her!
sure she can change her mind, and suddenly want to be private, don't want to include me in on details, don't want me to know what's going on with her. fine I backed off and she still pushed me away! and TOLD her I'm not fighting anymore! next time she decided to push me away I'm NOT fighting to stay in her life. she has established that I can not change her mind no matter what I do! and what did she say to that? what was her response?

it was her that said "I Love You" first to me - it was us that participated with constant everyday keeping in touch for years - it was her that brought me in closer to her, upgrading our friendship showing ME how much better we can be! now she decides to downgrade me to some guy she just met! to some stupid ass small talk "oh hows the weather?" I can look outside my FN window to see hows the weather! "xbf have you noticed gas prices has gone down? should be easy on our pockets LOL!" what Bullshit! of course I will want to know how is she doing personally! so what you're saying is back off - I already did that! and what happens she continued to tell me very personal shit! I even said whooa - you sure you want to tell me this? cause the way you have been treating me - I though I don't get this access to you anymore? she said we've been friends for years you're my best friend of course I can tell you!

so she wants me out then fuck that chick I'm gone! Thanks for the comment to get me to cross over into anger phase of break up
I couldn't go to work today cause I just couldn't fake the everyday I doing great! nothing is wrong

I feel much better now! had to vent this is just ridiculous and the ice cream keeps my cool on the inside!

[weltschmerz]

What? So much for your "excellent communication skills"!
You think there's a MOB here whose primary goal is to keep you in agony and in pain, and you're glad you didn't listen to us?
She's downgraded you to small talk, but continues to tell you "personal shit"?
Now it's "fuck that chick; you're gone"? You're not making a whole lot of sense.

[mmhmm]

Heh. You can't figure out my intentions? Maybe that's because I don't have any intentions when it comes to you. You brought a problem to the boards. I gave you my opinion concerning the problem as you've stated it. That's it. That's all. No ulterior motives, and no intentions. You'll do what you do, and it's not going to impact my life in any way.

If you don't want answers to your questions from the people here on the message board, perhaps it's better not to ask said questions. That should work out beautifully.

[Jaguar]

Jan 21, 2013 0:25:06 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

What? So much for your "excellent communication skills"!
You think there's a MOB here whose primary goal is to keep you in agomy and in pain, and you're glad you didn't listen to us?
She's downgraded you to small talk, but continues to tell you "personal shit"?
Now it's "fuck that chick; you're gone"? You're not making a whole lot of sense.

Jan 21, 2013 0:33:24 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Heh. You can't figure out my intentions? Maybe that's because I don't have any intentions when it comes to you. You brought a problem to the boards. I gave you my opinion concerning the problem as you've stated it. That's it. That's all. No ulterior motives, and no intentions. You'll do what you do, and it's not going to impact my life in any way.

If you don't want answers to your questions from the people here on the message board, perhaps it's better not to ask said questions. That should work out beautifully.

If you don't want peeps to comment, then don't post about it, simples.

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 21, 2013 0:33:24 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Heh.  You can't figure out my intentions?  Maybe that's because I don't have any intentions when it comes to you.  You brought a problem to the boards.  I gave you my opinion concerning the problem as you've stated it.  That's it.  That's all.  No ulterior motives, and no intentions.  You'll do what you do, and it's not going to impact my life in any way.

If you don't want answers to your questions from the people here on the message board, perhaps it's better not to ask said questions.  That should work out beautifully.

Hmmm... mmhmm
I have no problem receiving answers. and I know you have posted that members can post comments to be intentionally mean. I think the term here is "snarky" or members intentionally post comments to be mean or less helpful. If we didn't change formats I would do a search for a comment where you have said members can post say less than colorful comments to take jabs at other members. I'm sure you have changed memebrs comments and have given warning of members intentionally starting fights, arguments, or disagreements.

When I post a question I do want a answer and I get what I get. Can't figure out your intentions if you are one of the members that prefer to take jabs with smart ass comments or actually a member that wants to provide help. Well provide help towards me. In addition to letting those MOB members comments just slide and let them post what ever the hell they want. But if it were another member you would step in and say something. I've seen post where you would step in and post stop the bickering and it was just two members playing around NOTHING serious. That is what I mean by confused over your intentions.

However I understand your answer, point of view. Thanks for your kind words and I see and again your point of view as you have said this to me before. Makes no fucking difference to you what I do. I can take and use the advise you and others provided or leave it alone. I have chosen to both times and listened to your advise.
appreciated and Thanks

[ZaireinHD]

anger is not a personality trait I can keep. But it's better than sorrow and sadness.

not a good feeling waking up angry, and still having to maintain a good face like nothing is wrong and things are just peachy and wonderful. How the normal stupid shit of work routine and customers questions irritate so much easier, straight to my nerves.

[ZaireinHD]

however I was thinking over and over and over thinking my breakup, why breaking up is difficult to do.

My answer:
Breaking up is not logical - it's emotional.
then I provided myself with an example, like how a son and father can NOT get along or a daughter and mother can't seem to get along. Child is just so disrespectful and moves out on their own as soon as possible and raises themselves with very little communication with the parent if any at all. But then that said parent gets sick, or that said parent dies. the child, well adult, is now hit with grief and sadness and crying, how they could be so mean and wish actions can be taken back.
Logically that makes no fucking since to have those feelings!
emotionally, as the good guy that I am now I so understand.

[mmhmm]

Let's put it this way, Zaire ... you've chosen to bring highly personal matters to this board. Nobody made that choice for you. You made it. I've read the entire thread and haven't seen anyone being purposefully "mean" to you. I've seen people question some of your viewpoints, and I've seen people offer advice you didn't happen to like; however, I haven't seen anything anyone posted that appeared to be posted strictly for the purpose of giving hurt to another.

If you bring highly emotional and personal matters onto this board, you're going to take what others post emotionally, and personally. That's a given. Otherwise, you wouldn't be dragging that stuff in here. It's not others who are causing your discomfort, Zaire. It's you.

[ZaireinHD]

I understand that M. I agree with what you have said. what I don't understand - I'm not posting questions. I'm posting what's going on. I have no problem getting feed back. what I don't understand is when members, give their opinion and I am the one that gets the slap on the hand for responding to their comment. if members what to give me their comments then I should be allowed to let said members know my reaction to that comment.

I've taken your warning(s) about my reaction to their comment/post, and how direct I can be. someone lets me know something - I feel I can post my reaction to what they posted and how I didn't like it. but you and other members are telling me that is wrong for me to do? Why? I view it as a conversation, we're having. it's a disagreement. that's it.

are you and others say'n I can't disagree with what I'm being told? I stopped telling members not to post within the thread if they don't like what they are reading - as you mentioned before in other threads. OK I can admit I am wrong for posting that.

I want to clear up where members can be intentionally mean. I'm sure you have seen this as you are a moderator. that is my point. members are intentionally mean within our community. This thread - pfft...no problems here!

and I thank you again for taking the time to explain
we are simply having a conversation m - no one is getting offended, upset, or angry

[mmhmm]

Who has slapped you on the hand? I haven't seen any of that. I've seen people disagree with what you've said, and I've seen people offer you suggestions. I haven't seen anyone slap you on the hand; nor, have I seen anyone tell you you cannot disagree. Yes, I've seen posters be "intentionally mean", but it has nothing to do with this thread and really doesn't fit here. If you start mixing up your topics, confusion is going to result.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

I'm going to back mmhmm up on this one, Zaire. YOU bring your personal business here - people have TRIED to give you good advice. You continue to chase after someone who is NOT your live-in girlfriend - she's made it very clear to you to back off - yet you continue to obsess about her.


And as much GOOD advice as you've received, you keep calling other posters here the MOB and get mad at them. If you don't want the comments then don't post so much about your private life. It's nobody's business but yours.

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 21, 2013 23:44:35 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Who has slapped you on the hand? I haven't seen any of that. I've seen people disagree with what you've said, and I've seen people offer you suggestions. I haven't seen anyone slap you on the hand; nor, have I seen anyone tell you you cannot disagree. Yes, I've seen posters be "intentionally mean", but it has nothing to do with this thread and really doesn't fit here. If you start mixing up your topics, confusion is going to result.

true MMhMM - I am mixing up several other threads by me and other members, attempting to provide examples. This thread is emotional as you just said you understand it's emotional for me. no one has slapped me on the hand telling me to stop something within this thread. However I do feel that you are warning me about "suggestions" being posted. now that I am clear on no one is advising me to stop posting it's cool, I'm cool, we're all good.

[weltschmerz]

Zaire, there is no MOB after you, trying to cause you pain and trying to be mean to you. You really should try to get over this paranoia.
People DO get fed up with you. It's been years, literally years, of the same thing. "Oh, I don't know what to do about my girlfriend. Wait, she's not my girlfriend, we're just roommates and I want to meet other women. No, I should speak up and tell her what I want. It's working! Wait, I'm going to move out and I've been pricing furniture....it's so expensive. No, wait, she is my girlfriend and she made me breakfast today, so everything is fine. No wait, she's only here until she could stand on her own two feet, then she's out! Don't you think we'd make really good parents? My best friend is pushing me away, what should I do? No, I don't like that advice, I'm going to do the opposite. I'm going after her. No, I'm not, fuck her if she's going to be like that! Should I text her?"

Surely you can see the problem.

[cheapgenes]

I'm really nervous.  I'm planning to kick my husband out of the house tomorrow.  He's been a real asshole to my 14 year old son since the kid was 6.  I've tried and tried with him, but now he says if the kid is in the house he will verbally abuse him.  My son has lived with friends before, and he wants to go back and live with the friends permanently.  It looks like this is an option.  I am planning on letting my son go, but I just want to put my jerk of a husband in his place.  Also, I need him out of the house so that I can take inventory.  If I take my son back to his friends (in another state) everything of value will simply disappear.  Pathetically, I'm planning on taking the jerk back after my son has been moved.  I don't know, maybe this is the end.  Happy, sad, I don't know.  Just nervous.  Wish me luck

[vonna]

cheapgenes,

Sorry, but I would NEVER put my husband before my son.  Any man that treated my son as an "asshole" (as you stated) would be cut out of our lives IMMEDIATELY.

[swamp]

Feb 3, 2013 19:34:40 GMT -5 cheapgenes said:

I'm really nervous.  I'm planning to kick my husband out of the house tomorrow.  He's been a real asshole to my 14 year old son since the kid was 6.  I've tried and tried with him, but now he says if the kid is in the house he will verbally abuse him.  My son has lived with friends before, and he wants to go back and live with the friends permanently.  It looks like this is an option.  I am planning on letting my son go, but I just want to put my jerk of a husband in his place.  Also, I need him out of the house so that I can take inventory.  If I take my son back to his friends (in another state) everything of value will simply disappear.  Pathetically, I'm planning on taking the jerk back after my son has been moved.  I don't know, maybe this is the end.  Happy, sad, I don't know.  Just nervous.  Wish me luck

So you're going to put you life on hold for several years to get back together with some dude who abuses your kid?!  WTF?  

[mmhmm]

Feb 3, 2013 19:34:40 GMT -5 cheapgenes said:

I'm really nervous.  I'm planning to kick my husband out of the house tomorrow.  He's been a real asshole to my 14 year old son since the kid was 6.  I've tried and tried with him, but now he says if the kid is in the house he will verbally abuse him.  My son has lived with friends before, and he wants to go back and live with the friends permanently.  It looks like this is an option.  I am planning on letting my son go, but I just want to put my jerk of a husband in his place.  Also, I need him out of the house so that I can take inventory.  If I take my son back to his friends (in another state) everything of value will simply disappear.  Pathetically, I'm planning on taking the jerk back after my son has been moved.  I don't know, maybe this is the end.  Happy, sad, I don't know.  Just nervous.  Wish me luck

Wait!  What?!?  I'm not wishing you a lack of luck, but what in the hell are you DOING?  You're going to let some dude drive your son out of your home and into someone else's home, then you're going to throw the dude out to "put him in his place", and then you're going to take him back?  Is that really what you just posted?

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Holy Sh*t - what are you THINKING?? You're going to ship your son off to live with some other family in another state (Again!)and this loser you're keeping?

Ditto to what everyone else above has said to you already !!


.

[zibazinski]

No need to resort to name-calling, zib. - mmhmm, Administrator

[Jaguar]

This is the stepfather that she's planning on kicking out. What I can't understand is why does the SON have to move and whatsisface gets to stay, this baffles me.

[ZaireinHD]

MOB members - LOL

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

There is no Mob, Zaire - and never has been - you've been told that before, so why don't you drop it once and for all?

This isn't even about you.

[mmhmm]

Like you, Zaire, cheapgenes has decided to share a very personal part of her life here.  Nobody asked.  She decided to share this publicly.  The "public" she's chosen to share with, quite obviously, has opinions on that which has been shared.  If you, or cheapgenes, expect something different, perhaps you need to assess your readiness for message board posting.

[ZaireinHD]

This post contained a message that would do well in a PM, Zaire.  I'll be glad to discuss this with you in that venue.  Now, I'll direct you to our CoC - specifically, the following:

Update Feb 9, 2011

Public "mod bashing", defined here as complaints made in threads regarding how a mod does (or doesn't) do their job, will not be continued. This board is not here to be a complaint forum. If you have a concern, you may PM the mod of your choice for that board. Alternatively, you may PM myself, or email me at my board email address: [e-mail]. Preference is that you work with your board mods first. 

Posts and/or threads complaining about mod performance will be deleted, period. Furthermore, action will be taken as follows:

* 1st 5 deletions due mod bashing will result in a 24 hr ban
* 3 more deletes after that = 3 day ban
* next delete = 7 day ban and a "Strike" against the poster.

These are special rules pertaining to this type of infraction ONLY. 

Regular CoC rules still apply for personal attacks, racial slurs, etc. 




mmhmm, Administrator

[Reckless Roselia]

Believe me but time is a healer. Give it time and the person whom you've loved the most can be nothing ... not even a memory when you break up. I guess I sound cold here. 

[zibazinski]

I just didn't believe it. I'm so shocked that anyone would even admit they'd do something like that. Sorry.