Why is breaking up so hard to do

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 28, 2012 6:41:28 GMT -5 @funsnowbird said:

Dec 27, 2012 16:03:28 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

Personally, I believe that true love happens only once. Love can happen many times but there will always be that one love that stands out from the rest. It is very difficult to let go of your love especially when you're committed in the relationship. But don't ever depend on anyone even when in love. Unrequited love has to be painful.

Rose,

I don't believe in true love can only happen in once in life.


Just open your heart and experience it all. Don't be afraid and shy away.

I agree that one person can love more than one soul but to me only one person stands out more than others. There's a saying that all the fingers on one hand are not of the same length then that holds truth to relationships too. For example, I love all my siblings but to me I share more of a close bond with one of my sibling than with the others.

My thoughts may stem from a culture where one woman gives her life to the one man whom she is married to and considers him to be her love for life. She considers him to be her soulmate.

Love like life is more of a journey. You'll confess to being in love with the person you're currently in a relationship with but what about the love that you've left behind?

I once read a post from my posting friend how she felt and was in real and true love with one man and whom she considered her soulmate that now she's dated men thereforth but no man could make her feel like her first love.

My respects and love to you, SnowBird.

[ZaireinHD]

I was once told by other members that happiness comes from within - that no one outside can make you happy. I took that advise and see the point. However there comes a point where other people can make others happy. Just when that person enters the room. others will start smiling look who's here!

But when that fun dies out and you no longer see this person as being a comfort and makes you cry more often. i think it's time to break up. people should not have to life their life in misery. On Maury time and time again people are on stage telling how much pain they are in being caused by their significant other - not married, other. Boyfriend and girlfriend stuff should break up. Friendships people do change then fade them out. marriage? don't know

[Opti]

Happiness does come from within. Our society, wrongly IMO, preaches that happiness comes from externals. The right job, right spouse/SO, the right toothpaste, etc.

Yes it is true there are people who can brighten up a room just by walking in to it and there are those that bring a pall to wherever they enter because of their negativity. There's nothing inherently wrong with being influenced by outside conditions if it makes you happier. The bummer and danger is if you let it do so when outside conditions make you sad or angry.


The line on relationships is different for everyone so we all need to do what works for us. Things I would have broken up over when I was younger are not the big issues to me that they were then. Personally I do my best to accept someone as they are right now and hope I have the grace to let them be who they are really meant to be. I think it is poor life sportsmanship to insist someone change to make your life better unless it improves their life as well AND they agree/want the change.

[Deleted]

Message deleted by funsnowbird.

[Opti]

Dec 27, 2012 16:03:28 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

Personally, I believe that true love happens only once. Love can happen many times but there will always be that one love that stands out from the rest. It is very difficult to let go of your love especially when you're committed in the relationship. But don't ever depend on anyone even when in love. Unrequited love has to be painful.

Since I believe we are eternal beings living many lives the concept of true love only happening once isn't something I believe or feel serves me or anyone else.

If you believe true love only happens once you've pretty much picked a belief that sets you up for relationship failure for your entire life unless you marry that true love and you both stay alive and together until you grow old and transistion.

Letting go of many things is an art more than a science or at least that's how I experience it. Unrequited love can hurt and BTDT too. I don't think it has too though. I think if I or anyone was really capable of unconditional love unrequited love would neither hurt nor be less satisfying than requited love. Since we are human and steeped in human culture not soul culture we want the people we love to love us back. Culturally we find that the most important in a love/partner relationship.

I did have the experience of unconditional love once. Didn't last more than a couple hours but it was enlightening. I understood how Christ on the cross could love those on the crosses next to him AND those who tortured him and put him on the cross to die. Unconditional love is not limited by what we get back. Conditional love is the one that has expectations that most of us do experience even with our children BTW.

[Reckless Roselia]

My belief in true love, there is no demands from your love one. What they are willing to give in a true form, that is what I believe.

Yes, some of cultural can be very demanding of giving up of ones self. And I understands that very well. Loyalty and love is can be different in my opinion. For me true love has no demand.

I am in agreement with you, Fun. Love isn't and shouldn't be demanding and when it starts being so then it's controlling. Love should be spellbinding if anything.

I've come across people in love that start the ownership nonsense with their partners and some form of jealousy is bound to happen but I believe if you love someone then there should be trust. Unless your lover is a player then that's another ballgame.

You will always love them, not just of their physical form. But spirit of what it was meant to you at that time. You don't have to leave behind anyone you loved once in your prior life.

I wonder if love and spirituality are connected. To love one's physical form only is not true love. You've to love someone emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Outer beauty with age deteriorates but inner beauty stays fresh.

No one can't make you an happier person. Until you are happy with within yourself And love can be same way.

Does this mean one should be able to love themselves before loving someone else?

[Deleted]

Zaire - You have said a lot about her. But, i haven't heard anything that SHE does that is of any gesture of kindness, goodwill, etc to you. Maybe she did in the past but it doesn't sound like she cares much about you now.

[Reckless Roselia]

Since I believe we are eternal beings living many lives the concept of true love only happening once isn't something I believe or feel serves me or anyone else.

Eternal beings and many lives? Is this reincarnation? Of course my statement is for the life we're currently passing through unless we are shifted or transferred into another dimension.

If you believe true love only happens once you've pretty much picked a belief that sets you up for relationship failure for your entire life unless you marry that true love and you both stay alive and together until you grow old and transistion.

Or we can have someone that treats love as uniforms and costumes and isn't later satisfied with any of them. We do sadly have people like that in life and I don't know whether it's fate or their own actions that are to be blamed for. Love isn't some joke and even though I agree to it happening more than once, I believe one lover out from all the lovers just stands out due to whatever reason/s it be.

I've seen some people from different cultures (including the western one) not loving or marrying after their loved one leaves them from this world. A part of them dies too I think. They wish to remain loyal maybe? I don't know but I've found it sweet to adorn the memories of that someone whom you love after they're no longer living.

I did have the experience of unconditional love once. Didn't last more than a couple hours but it was enlightening.

Mine lasted for few months but I'm above it now. I feel light and relieved since the guy seemed to be a player the more I think about it.

[Deleted]

Message deleted by funsnowbird.

[Reckless Roselia]

I wish many could read into inner beauty. One can easily detect it though through the eyes, body language etc but the media sadly and annoyingly focuses on the outer beauty.

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2012 9:47:03 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

I wish many could read into inner beauty. One can easily detect it though through the eyes, body language etc but the media sadly and annoyingly focuses on the outer beauty.

Rose,

Don't worry about others or the media. The people will see your true beauty, one form or others. And That kind of people you want to meet and falling in love with. I am not saying look doesn't matter or it's wrong to do enhance your look with what you feel inside.

I read somewhere a long go. The beauty is just skin deep.

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 28, 2012 9:57:59 GMT -5 @funsnowbird said:

Dec 28, 2012 9:47:03 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

I wish many could read into inner beauty. One can easily detect it though through the eyes, body language etc but the media sadly and annoyingly focuses on the outer beauty.

Rose,

Don't worry about others or the media. The people will see your true beauty, one form or others. And That kind of people you want to meet and falling in love with. I am not saying look doesn't matter or it's wrong to do enhance your look with what you feel inside.

I read somewhere a long go. The beauty is just skin deep.

Excellent post!

SnowBird.

[mmhmm]

Dec 28, 2012 7:48:00 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

I was once told by other members that happiness comes from within - that no one outside can make you happy. I took that advise and see the point. However there comes a point where other people can make others happy. Just when that person enters the room. others will start smiling look who's here!

But when that fun dies out and you no longer see this person as being a comfort and makes you cry more often. i think it's time to break up. people should not have to life their life in misery. On Maury time and time again people are on stage telling how much pain they are in being caused by their significant other - not married, other. Boyfriend and girlfriend stuff should break up. Friendships people do change then fade them out. marriage? don't know

I hope you understand, Zaire, that "shows" like Maury, and some of the other so-called "reality shows" are really staged dark comedy. These shows appeal to the side of people that likes to revel in another's misery. The situations they present are exaggerated and are NOT reality.

[ZaireinHD]

yes - thanks mmhmm

[ZaireinHD]

Eternal beings and many lives? Is this reincarnation? Of course my statement is for the life we're currently passing through unless we are shifted or transferred into another dimension.

ok that was funny

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 28, 2012 13:49:29 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Eternal beings and many lives? Is this reincarnation? Of course my statement is for the life we're currently passing through unless we are shifted or transferred into another dimension.

ok that was funny

lol I was damn serious there.

[ZaireinHD]

LOL Rose
yea Opti sometimes goes off into these spiritual - mind out of body rants ;D
I thought the same when reading "life we are currently in"

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 27, 2012 19:31:16 GMT -5 resolution said:

It is also hard when they find someone new after the relationship is over for a while. You keep thinking that the new person got your ideal partner when they are actually stuck with the same person that you were stuck with.

I saw that in the movie 35 and ticking (good movie)
I would start thinking what was the problem with me?
why I could not accomplish what the other person is obviously into with someone else but not me? Then was it me that put the idea into this other person but wanted to share with someone else.

[ZaireinHD]

Deleted
by fooled into love

[busymom]

I don't believe in one "great love", like if a relationship doesn't work out that you could never love anyone else. You choose to obsess over someone. And yes, when you're in love, you choose to focus on that person's good points, and ignore their faults. But, if the relationship ends, that doesn't mean there is no one else out there for you. Hopefully, you learn from any mistakes made by you, and next time potential love looks your way, you'll be a little wiser...

[Opti]

Dec 28, 2012 9:30:17 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

Since I believe we are eternal beings living many lives the concept of true love only happening once isn't something I believe or feel serves me or anyone else.

Eternal beings and many lives? Is this reincarnation? Of course my statement is for the life we're currently passing through unless we are shifted or transferred into another dimension.


I'm not sure it is reincarnation. I've become a big fan of the book Dying to be Me about a near death experience a woman Anita Moorjani had. She believes everything is experienced in one moment which is where some of the physicists are concluding. In any event, I don't believe the life we are currently living is it and then dust for the rest of time.

Or we can have someone that treats love as uniforms and costumes and isn't later satisfied with any of them. We do sadly have people like that in life and I don't know whether it's fate or their own actions that are to be blamed for. Love isn't some joke and even though I agree to it happening more than once, I believe one lover out from all the lovers just stands out due to whatever reason/s it be.

I've seen some people from different cultures (including the western one) not loving or marrying after their loved one leaves them from this world. A part of them dies too I think. They wish to remain loyal maybe? I don't know but I've found it sweet to adorn the memories of that someone whom you love after they're no longer living.

True, there are people like your first paragraph. Our current culture even YM touts that you don't have to settle that magically you can always attract the perfect person into your life.

In anything, usually one stands out more than the other but if they are gone from your life physically personally I don't see any great romance in being alone for years and years. But if you or someone else does and it works for them it is fine by me. I just have no interest in having that belief.

I did have the experience of unconditional love once. Didn't last more than a couple hours but it was enlightening.

Mine lasted for few months but I'm above it now. I feel light and relieved since the guy seemed to be a player the more I think about it.

Unconditional love is about you not about them. It is not about worthiness. In most cultures people believe God loves them unconditionally. I just found it enlightening to feel I could love someone no matter what they thought or did. To be in that place was a revelation for me.

[Opti]

Jan 1, 2013 13:51:42 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

LOL Rose
yea Opti sometimes goes off into these spiritual - mind out of body rants ;D
I thought the same when reading "life we are currently in"

They aren't rants and I'm not sure how you see them that way ...

FWIW, some scientists are coming around to the idea that conciousness does not live in the body but outside it due to things that they can not explain about the mind and conciousness. I do come at it from a spiritual angle but you can come at it from the quantum mechanics angle as well.

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 27, 2012 3:20:09 GMT -5 @OP said:

This other person keeps breaking your heart
This other person keeps making you cry
This other person is selfish and not considerate of your feelings

Then breakup! It’s time to break up and kick that person out of your life for good.
What is so difficult about breaking the other person's heart – by telling that person it's over between us?
I have always thought I do not see the difficultly with breaking up is so difficult than staying together.

currently going through a break up - still doesn't make any since?
I should be happy or rejoicing finally putting an end to the hurt but instead there is so much heartache
I should be thinking of the bad things about the friendship and how I got to this point in the first place but instead I can only think of the best times and want to keep our friendship going
even trying to keep myself busy - still doesn't stop the constant thinking of our friendship.
At this point I'm hoping she will just continue to keep pushing me away out of her life - so I can move on with a faster recovery to some since of normalcy.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Zaire this other woman has been pushing you out of her life for a YEAR! You keep going after HER and obsessing about her.

Meanwhile - you have a live-in girlfriend at home. Does she know that you're cheating on her emotionally? I think you mentioned before that she's was mad at you for trying to keep this "friendship' with the other woman.

Why not live BY YOURSELF until you can figure out what the hell you want?

[ZaireinHD]

well now
can't believe I had to make a list! a reminder list of how I got to this point of the hurt she has put me through to keep from running back to her!! how screwed up is that? AND the list helps - actually helps as a reminder.
guess this is tough because this is my first breakup and this level of caring for another


but I know one day I can move past her as long as she continues to stay away as she is doing - cause I think that is my biggest fear. she'll call, text me and I'll cave! I don't want to be like those people on Cheaters were the person causing all the pain will not let the other go!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Zaire, do yourself AND your live-in girlfriend a huge favor. You obviously are not completely dedicated to your current relationship since you're still obsessing about another woman after almost a year, who's only a casual friend at best. PLUS you keep calling her your x-best friend. If she's an x, then why are you still trying to hang onto her? You come here every day to pine over her like it's the end of the world.

Be honest with your live-in girlfriend and tell her that you are not 100% dedicated to your current relationship so she can at least have a chance to move on herself and find someone who WILL love her and give her 100% of themselves emotionally.

Live by youself - until you can at least figure out what the heck you want in life - let this live-in g/f go so she can find the happiness and a future with someone that she's never going to have with you.

[Opti]

Z, if this is a friend I'm not sure why you are having such angst. From
what you've posted she wanted you to stay out of some of her business
and you felt as a longtime friend that just wasn't kosher. (I could have misread all those posts but I think that is the jist.)

If you only want her as a best friend and you still like her as a friend you
really have two main possibilities. Drop her like you seem to be doing or
learn to compromise on what your friendship looks like. Not all friends no
matter how close need to know everything. If someone wants to be private
on this issue or that IMO that should be respected instead of thinking they
are selfish for shutting you out of whatever it is.

What people do is about them. How you choose to take it is about you.
If you really aren't romantically interested in this woman there is nothing
wrong with maintaining a friendship. Just remember most people put their
friendships below in importance to whatever primary romantic relationship they have.

In the end you will decide whether it is easier to drop her out of your life or whether you are willing to compromise on your idea of what friendship, close, long or whatever should be. I have had close male friends but only a former BF feels all that close at the moment. In my life that is more because of the
situations and stages of life my friends and I are in. Part of it is time as well.
I don't call and keep up with everyone out of state and even in state. Nevertheless I do have a male friend from my college days who is trying to help me in my job search. If you don't burn bridges it can be a pleasant surprise to see who starts using them later in your life. FWIW.

[ZaireinHD]

Like a good member CL is there!
;D



in 3 inch heels and a pleated skirt!

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 14, 2013 14:42:00 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Like a good member CL is there!
;D



in 3 inch heels and a pleated skirt!

<<poof!!>> Here I am! Just like in the commercials! And cuter than usual

[ZaireinHD]

IT DOES WORK!!
;D

Hello CL and Happy New Year!

What Chocolate do you recommend for a broken heart?
Cake, Ice Cream, something else??