Fair Weather Friends

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 30, 2012 16:57:12 GMT -5 @funsnowbird said:

Znew,

I am really sorry that you are in such a pain.
Tear can be great way get lid of your pain. But,we always have Tomorrow and it will pass in times. I really can't say much, not knowing your full pictures..... Only thing I can be sure of, time heals all the wound. Look at it as your learning experience. Try not to dwell on it too much.

that is a really tough thing to do funsnowbird- not dwell. I want to be there for support. My best friend, my close friend is going through a very bad tough spot in her life right now. I'm trying to help her but she rather push me away. She helped me in the past but I didn't push her away. and she is really pushing me away. so do I just agree with letting go or continue with being by her side during her tough time?

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

I'm trying to help her but she rather push me away. She helped me in the past but I didn't push her away. and she is really pushing me away.

If she's pushing you away, she doesn't want your help - and the more you try forcing youself on her, the harder she's going to shove back. Just leave her be. If she wanted your help, she'd ask for it.

[ZaireinHD]

now that it's 2013 it's time to make a decision:
to keep a very long time close friendship going. to continue breathing life into it even though it's killing my heart and sole. feels like I can barely function day to day. with constant thoughts of this horrible painful time will pass and get better soon, as all bad days usually do.
or
let the friendship go - let it fade into the darkness? be that guy that when the times get tough I turn and run?
thinking people do change and always not in the best interest for myself, and if this is the direction the friendship is turning I should go? Thinking all things come to an end and I guess our close friendship has reached it's end?

which is a so very difficult decision to make while being in so much pain and wanting the pain to stop.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Are you sure you're on the right thread Z? I thought you already had one or two threads going about your broken friendship.

[beags]

I don't know, I think Z is in the right spot . . at least from reading this thread from page one to four.

It looks like Z is trying to find answers like the rest of us . . . or most of us.

I don't know what happened in the friendship, nor do I know the story behind it. I do understand that for your own sanity sometimes you do have to cut off a friendship. I've had to do that. Sometimes you never get the friend back, and sometimes you do. The fact is, if the friend is causing you grief and making you miserable, do you need that in your life? I've pondered that same question, both times it took me a while to come to the conclusion that I don't need that in my life.

But this is a decision that only you can make. Only you know your mind and soul, nobody else does.

[weltschmerz]

Jan 1, 2013 12:40:49 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

now that it's 2013 it's time to make a decision:
to keep a very long time close friendship going. to continue breathing life into it even though it's killing my heart and sole. feels like I can barely function day to day. with constant thoughts of this horrible painful time will pass and get better soon, as all bad days usually do.
or
let the friendship go - let it fade into the darkness? be that guy that when the times get tough I turn and run?
thinking people do change and always not in the best interest for myself, and if this is the direction the friendship is turning I should go? Thinking all things come to an end and I guess our close friendship has reached it's end?

which is a so very difficult decision to make while being in so much pain and wanting the pain to stop.

You said it yourself, on more than one occasion. She keeps pushing you away. The more you try to intrude on this woman's life, the more she pushes you away. It looks like the decision has been made for you.

[mrsdutt]

Jan 1, 2013 12:40:49 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

now that it's 2013 it's time to make a decision:
to keep a very long time close friendship going. to continue breathing life into it even though it's killing my heart and sole. feels like I can barely function day to day. with constant thoughts of this horrible painful time will pass and get better soon, as all bad days usually do.
or
let the friendship go - let it fade into the darkness? be that guy that when the times get tough I turn and run?
thinking people do change and always not in the best interest for myself, and if this is the direction the friendship is turning I should go? Thinking all things come to an end and I guess our close friendship has reached it's end?

which is a so very difficult decision to make while being in so much pain and wanting the pain to stop.

My thoughts on this are: Times change and evolve. Someone grows in a different direction. This relationship changing could just be part of life. It's never good to hang on to something that is dead. Only you can decide if it is.

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 1, 2013 16:49:02 GMT -5 mrsdutt said:

My thoughts on this are: Times change and evolve. Someone grows in a different direction. This relationship changing could just be part of life. It's never good to hang on to something that is dead. Only you can decide if it is.

grows into a different direction you said it!!

should I let my friendship die!
I'm split right in the middle!
if I tell her - WE'RE DONE - she will not let us be done (97% sure)
if I just continue to let it fade - I'm being tortured (100% sure)

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 1, 2013 10:03:19 GMT -5 @shooby said:

And, sometimes we need to reevaluate our lives. If we can alter our situation a bit in some way, then the only thing that might be stopping us from doing so is ourselves. A friend of mine owns a condo in Costa Rica and he and his wife go from Jan to April. They aren't necessarily richer than anyone else. He makes decent money but they are the types who just "go for it" and live in the moment. I admire that. And, i have learned from him as well to take advantage of today.

Hello Shooby!
to reevaluate ones life I think is done more often than realized. of course what stops is the fear of change. the unknown.

We may have different opinions of "live in the moment"? I don't agree with that - do what you want when you want. that has consequences and most times irreversible consequences. Not saying people should not take chances opposed to having fear stop them. but take a chance that has been looked over and thought about.

[Jaguar]

Zaire cut this woman loose. It sounds like your playing sadistic obsessive mind games.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jan 1, 2013 18:36:22 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

if I tell her - WE'RE DONE - she will not let us be done (97% sure)
if I just continue to let it fade - I'm being tortured (100% sure)

...she's the boss of you?








edited the quote box

[ZaireinHD]

It sounds like your playing sadistic mind games.

sadistic? had to look this one up.

can't post the back story it's one sided. I am a good effective communicator, well to others and not my x-best friend these days.

her life is going a different direction and it could be a phase. she might come to her senses, and get back to the woman I've known for so many years. however that is difficult to see now because of change. guess you would have to have a kid that is going through a fad or something to understand.

[ZaireinHD]

is she the boss of me?
feels like it.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

You're obsessing over someone you'll never have. Aren't you already lamenting this woman on two other threads in Lifestyles? This one's about fear of actual physical death - not the death of a friendship.

[Jaguar]

This is also YET AGAIN another thread that you've taken over with this obsession. Zaire your going to end up posting all by yourself again if you keep this obsession up. Let her go or else let your GF go.

[ZaireinHD]

A lot of what people call a friendship is just a friendly acquaintance. True friendships are hard to come by, and require time to build. I remember Lee Iaccoca making some statement about if you look back at your life, and find you had 3 or 4 true friends, you were blessed. I can say I've had at least 8 real friends. I have been truly blessed.

True friends are difficult to come by - so very true. it does take years for a friendship to develop. then as the years go on like a marriage do your true friends stick by your side as the both of you change.

the part I don't get is looking back - are these 3 or 4 true friends still involved or did they fade away? so maybe I guess I had 1 good friend that ended over something seriously stupid - egos!!
1 close friend currently in limbo
1 friend currently have.
oh so I'm right on point I have 3 people I could see as being true friends.

[Deleted]

Zaire - You keep posting about how tortured you are over you best gal friend. We have all clearly said that it is TIME to end this friendship. You haven't said a single word in her favor as to WHY you shouldn't and shouldn't do so immediately.

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 10, 2012 11:17:21 GMT -5 justme said:

I had a run going for a while where I'd find a new best friend and we'd hang out a lot and then a year later they would blow up at me for inexplicable reasons. (One said I screwed up her chances with a guy - turns out I had mutual friends with the guy and ran into him a month later and he was like what happened to your friend? I asked her out and she never responded. The other I have no idea...she went on this long rant about things I said but that I actually never did and canceled a trip 3 days before we were to go. About 2 years later she apologized and said she didn't know why she did that - yeah I'm not going back to crazy town.) Another friend flipped out on me because I thought it was cool that Richie Rich had a roller coaster in his backyard and the friend was saying there were so many other better things he could do with that money, I still thought it was bad ass but apparently he took the movie too serious? He kicked me out of his house (and it was 11pm and I had been drinking and I lived an hour away) and I never talked to him again.

A lot of acquaintances fell by the wayside because they were exhausting, but then I was just left with my small core group. So now I'm out meeting new people and hoping for no repeats of crazy!

just me
Karma for you
those are some crazy days!
shame people are like that - but that one example it seems like the two of you kept in contact or unless two years later she contacted you to apologize? but that trip was just a phase she was going through at that time then time passed - 2 years unfortunately and she was like what happened?

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 1, 2013 19:41:57 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

This is also YET AGAIN another thread that you've taken over with this obsession. Zaire your going to end up posting all by yourself again if you keep this obsession up. Let her go or else let your GF go.

what does GF have to do with anything?
GF is fine and enjoying life.

now you've upset me Sugi
what does that mean I've taken over ANOTHER thread! I have like 4 or 5 posts in a 5 PAGE thread!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

what does GF have to do with anything?
GF is fine and enjoying life.

She has plenty to do with it - is she aware that you're obsessing about wanting another woman's love while living with and supposedly in love with her?

Let the one who doesn't want you go - or let your girlfriend go and keep chasing after something you'll never have.

[Jaguar]

Funny how death is a much more comfortable subject than obsession.

[swamp]

Because death isn't fucking crazy n

[ZaireinHD]

obsession - looked that up as well

to think about something unceasingly or persistently; dwell obsessively upon something.

ok I agree can't get my x-best friend off my mind
wondering if I should continue with a friendship should end? not just a friendship I've developed in a few months or 2 to 3 years.
it's a death of a friendship to me.
so now I'm the one that's going off topic? how?
the topic is DEATH....excuse me lower case death as it was mentioned eariler

[swamp]

Jan 1, 2013 20:32:34 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

obsession - looked that up as well

to think about something unceasingly or persistently; dwell obsessively upon something.

ok I agree can't get my x-best friend off my mind
wondering if I should continue with a friendship should end? not just a friendship I've developed in a few months or 2 to 3 years.
it's a death of a friendship to me.
so now I'm the one that's going off topic? how?
the topic is DEATH....excuse me lower case death as it was mentioned eariler

Whatever you do, quit whining about it.

[Jaguar]

Jan 1, 2013 20:34:13 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 1, 2013 20:32:34 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

obsession - looked that up as well

ok I agree can't get my x-best friend off my mind
wondering if I should continue with a friendship should end? not just a friendship I've developed in a few months or 2 to 3 years.
it's a death of a friendship to me.
so now I'm the one that's going off topic? how?
the topic is DEATH....excuse me lower case death as it was mentioned eariler

Whatever you do, quit whining about it.

So freaking

[ZaireinHD]

Whatever you do, quit whining about it.

wow
thanks
did you bring the cheese?

[ZaireinHD]

Jan 1, 2013 20:39:14 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm going to move Zaire's posts about his relationships, and all that responded to said posts, into his other thread talking about the same thing. There's no need to turn this thread into a further discussion of a thread that already exists.

ok then I want to report a 100% entire thread that should be in the relationship section
"Let Talk about Luv"
in EE

[swamp]

Jan 1, 2013 20:41:45 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Jan 1, 2013 20:39:14 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm going to move Zaire's posts about his relationships, and all that responded to said posts, into his other thread talking about the same thing. There's no need to turn this thread into a further discussion of a thread that already exists.

ok then I want to report a 100% entire thread that should be in the relationship section
"Let Talk about Luv"
in EE

Again knock off the whining.

[weltschmerz]

Jan 1, 2013 20:32:34 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

obsession - looked that up as well

to think about something unceasingly or persistently; dwell obsessively upon something.

ok I agree can't get my x-best friend off my mind
wondering if I should continue with a friendship should end? not just a friendship I've developed in a few months or 2 to 3 years.
it's a death of a friendship to me.
so now I'm the one that's going off topic? how?
the topic is DEATH....excuse me lower case death as it was mentioned eariler

I see a restraining order in your future. There's nothing to wonder about....it's not up to you. She doesn't want you in her life! Why is that so hard for you to understand? Leave her alone!
Perhaps you should look up "restraining order" as well.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Maybe look up "stalker" too while you're looking up "restraining order".

Nevermind - here - I'll save you the trip:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stalking

Here's just a small part of the link above:

Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person.

People characterized as stalkers may be accused of having a mistaken belief that another person loves them, or that they need rescuing.[6] Stalking can sometimes consist of an accumulation of a series of actions which in themselves can be legal, such as calling on the phone, sending gifts, or sending emails

People who complain obsessively and for years, about a perceived wrong or wrong-doer, when no one else can perceive the injury—and people who cannot or will not "let go" of a person or a place or an idea