Fair Weather Friends

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 11, 2012 7:08:10 GMT -5 @shooby said:

One thing i can't abide is when a friend starts telling me i can't talk to another person because they don't like them. If someone has an issue with someone else, take it up with them, but dont' involve me in the drama. I will talk to whom i choose to talk too.

[Reckless Roselia]

I have had a friend that would accuse me of using him as my crutch ...maybe there was some truth to it but now...another soul is using him as a crutch yet he's fine with it. In fact he's humouring the craziness. It just hurts I guess when people are like that.

[Deleted]

[mrsdutt]

I call few 'friend'. It takes a long time to know if someone is a true friend. I'm kind to everyone I meet. Then make my choices according to what I observe. It's also true that not everyone will get along. That's just part of life. And so one must move on and not dwell on it. I've had friends for 25 years and longer. I have recently made 3 friends. I say recently, but it has been 3 years since I met them. The 'friends' lesson is a difficult one to learn, but I think it's the same lesson for all of us.

[Reckless Roselia]

I've made a mistake in both real and cyber life of calling some people my friends when they were only acquaintances.

[ZaireinHD]

fortunately I've known the difference between having an acquaintance and a friend.
at this point all but one friend remain from the friend pool over the years
but all my acquaintances remain / are still around

[Reckless Roselia]

[Deleted]

Rose,

[ZaireinHD]

True friends are around even when they think you're fool

what about when that fool knows they are a fool and really embarrassed and pushes people away?

[Deleted]

Zaire, a real friend is walking IN when the rest of the world is walking out. You are among friends here!

[ZaireinHD]

Hello Shooby!
I don't get your statement?
I would think a real friend is always there, even when other are walking out.
A person is not a real friend just because they have known each other for over a decade.

[ZaireinHD]

I guess at this point I had a close friend like this - where we were comfortable with each other, and were able to be ourselves towards each other. She was different person around her boyfriend as I am different around my parents, as we are different around our co-workers.

[Deleted]

Yes Zaire but NOW that is OVER@! This person no longer cares about you but only herself.

[ZaireinHD]

not completely over yet Shooby
her words don't say what her actions are saying

[Opti]

Dec 11, 2012 11:27:34 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

I have had a friend that would accuse me of using him as my crutch ...maybe there was some truth to it but now...another soul is using him as a crutch yet he's fine with it. In fact he's humouring the craziness. It just hurts I guess when people are like that.

I've learned not to expect people to be consistent in part because sometimes it is about degrees of whatever it is and what they are looking for in that moment. He may feel more empowered by the person who is using him as a crutch now as opposed to when you were leaning on him.

Plus he might like being a crutch for people for reason A but not for one of the reasons you leaned on him then.

[grits]

A lot of what people call a friendship is just a friendly acquaintance. True friendships are hard to come by, and require time to build. I remember Lee Iaccoca making some statement about if you look back at your life, and find you had 3 or 4 true friends, you were blessed. I can say I've had at least 8 real friends. I have been truly blessed.

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 0:11:27 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

not completely over yet Shooby
her words don't say what her actions are saying

It doesn't matter what her words say. What are her actions saying to you? Maybe you had a great friendship in the past but not all friendships last forever. What are her actions saying NOW? But, btw, when do you think things changed?

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 30, 2012 9:57:41 GMT -5 Opti said:

Dec 11, 2012 11:27:34 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

I have had a friend that would accuse me of using him as my crutch ...maybe there was some truth to it but now...another soul is using him as a crutch yet he's fine with it. In fact he's humouring the craziness. It just hurts I guess when people are like that.

I've learned not to expect people to be consistent in part because sometimes it is about degrees of whatever it is and what they are looking for in that moment. He may feel more empowered by the person who is using him as a crutch now as opposed to when you were leaning on him.

Plus he might like being a crutch for people for reason A but not for one of the reasons you leaned on him then.

You're right Optimist but it was slightly annoying to see it happen and especially when you know that the friend has left you for another woman and that he is now being used (by the other person who he has bad reputation too). Perhaps I didn't serve up to his desires?

[mmhmm]

So what if you didn't, Roselia? You weren't put on this earth to meet someone else's expectations. Set your goals, put your plans into effect, and meet your own expectations. Never, never let anyone else define who, or what you should be. That's a recipe for disaster.

[Jaguar]

Dec 30, 2012 11:53:42 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

So what if you didn't, Roselia? You weren't put on this earth to meet someone else's expectations. Set your goals, put your plans into effect, and meet your own expectations. Never, never let anyone else define who, or what you should be. That's a recipe for disaster.

SO DAMN FREAKING TRU DAT ! Be Your Own Best Friend FIRST

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 11:09:56 GMT -5 Reckless Roselia said:

Dec 30, 2012 9:57:41 GMT -5 Opti said:

I've learned not to expect people to be consistent in part because sometimes it is about degrees of whatever it is and what they are looking for in that moment. He may feel more empowered by the person who is using him as a crutch now as opposed to when you were leaning on him.

Plus he might like being a crutch for people for reason A but not for one of the reasons you leaned on him then.

You're right Optimist but it was slightly annoying to see it happen and especially when you know that the friend has left you for another woman and that he is now being used (by the other person who he has bad reputation too). Perhaps I didn't serve up to his desires?

I agree with mmhmm. Be who you are. There are people that will love you and people that will hate you. Just be yourself and the chips fall where the fall. Focus on the people around you that love and care about you and forget about the ones who don't.

[Jaguar]

Don't fixate on what you don't have. People always want what they can't have, instead of appreciating what they do have already.

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 30, 2012 12:32:25 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I agree with mmhmm. Be who you are. There are people that will love you and people that will hate you. Just be yourself and the chips fall where the fall. Focus on the people around you that love and care about you and forget about the ones who don't.

but it's the one's that love and care that cause the hurt and pain.

[Reckless Roselia]

Dec 30, 2012 11:53:42 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

So what if you didn't, Roselia? You weren't put on this earth to meet someone else's expectations. Set your goals, put your plans into effect, and meet your own expectations. Never, never let anyone else define who, or what you should be. That's a recipe for disaster.

Thank you for your kind words, mmhmm (and Sugi and Shooby). You are right and my failings have been forming expectations from people. I have allowed people to put me down and lower my self esteem but not anymore.

[mmhmm]

Good for you, Roselia! The only one who can decide whether, or not, you're living up to your potential is you. As long as you're striving to be the best you can be, and living your life in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, you know you're heading down the right track. Just keep on keepin' on!

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 14:36:25 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

one who can decide whether, or not, you're living up to your potential is you. As long as you're striving to be the best you can be, and living your life in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, you know you're heading down the right track. Just keep on keepin' on!

mmhmm,

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 14:09:41 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Dec 30, 2012 12:32:25 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I agree with mmhmm. Be who you are. There are people that will love you and people that will hate you. Just be yourself and the chips fall where the fall. Focus on the people around you that love and care about you and forget about the ones who don't.

but it's the one's that love and care that cause the hurt and pain.

How does she show you that she either loves or cares about? Not merely says it by what actions say she cares or loves you?

[ZaireinHD]

Dec 30, 2012 16:00:39 GMT -5 @shooby said:

How does she show you that she either loves or cares about? Not merely says it by what actions say she cares or loves you?

oh shit - bad timing I guess to answer that question! normally I can shoot off plenty of answers and examples. but currently I can not right now this second / minute because of the hurt and pain I'm in. Can't see through the tears.
However once this...phase of our friendship is over I can bounce back with glee to answer.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Just wondering if you could clear something up Zaire. This woman you're pining over is a different woman than the girlfriend you're currently living with and supposedly in a romantic relationship with, right? She's the one you meet away from home - usually at your office and without your girlfriend present?

Why are you obsessing about the other woman and whether she loves you or not - I thought she'd told there's no mutual feeling on her side. And is your live-in girlfriend aware of you seeing her and how you feel about her?

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 16:13:16 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Dec 30, 2012 16:00:39 GMT -5 @shooby said:

oh shit - bad timing I guess to answer that question! normally I can shoot off plenty of answers and examples. but currently I can not right now this second / minute because of the hurt and pain I'm in. Can't see through the tears.
However once this...phase of our friendship is over I can bounce back with glee to answer.

Znew,

I am really sorry that you are in such a pain.
Tear can be great way get lid of your pain. But,we always have Tomorrow and it will pass in times. I really can't say much, not knowing your full pictures..... Only thing I can be sure of, time heals all the wound. Look at it as your learning experience. Try not to dwell on it too much.