Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 2, 2012 14:13:17 GMT -5
We've had a lot of kid threads recently, so I'll add another one.
What's the rule in your house (or would be the rule if you had kids) about how kids should address adults.
My general rule would be to call the adult Mr. Mrs. Doctor ect unless the adult asked to be called by their first name. Though once a kid gets to be a teenager, I'd probably drop that rule.
What's your take on it?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 14:18:05 GMT -5
I've seen it done and done it both ways myself. Just 1st name or Ms. X or title so and so.
When I was a kid I called my best friend's mom by her 1st name and any time the mom spoke to me about her husband she called him Mr. (1st name). It never occurred to me she was hinting I should call her Mrs. (1st name) I went merrily on my way just calling her by her 1st name for years and that's all she ever said.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Nov 2, 2012 14:20:16 GMT -5
You're general rule isn't too bad. My parents call everyone in their generation, Mr and Mrs...so that's how I grew up.
My in-laws called everyone by their first name, so that's how my DW grew up.
We tend to call everyone by their first names, so I'll correct myself a lot when telling my DD "go ask Steve, I mean Mr. Smith, for whatever"
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 14:21:26 GMT -5
I was raised to call adults by their last name with a title unless told otherwise and I never was. DD had a huge problem with working because these stores told her to call customers by their first names to pretend friendliness. She felt it was so rude so used Ma'am and Sir instead. When someone calls me by my first name as in I'm the customer and they are the employee, I always correct them.
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Nov 2, 2012 14:22:54 GMT -5
It is either Mrs. smith or miss Mary (if the adult prefers to go by their first name).
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:23:42 GMT -5
My kids call people by their first names, except their teachers or anyone else who indicates otherwise. I was terrified of adults growing up, and I had a really, really hard transition into being an adult because I felt uncomfortable calling anyone over 30 by their first name. It was really awkward in my first job and it took me years to get over it. I think it hurt my whole reputation there because I was clearly uncomfortable. I want my kids to trust adults and feel like they add value to world, just as someone who is 10 or 20 years older than them. Most of my kids' friends call me by my first name, if they refer to me at all (I get a lot of "Hey X's Mom.") I think there is one Mom that refers to me as Mrs, but I've never heard the kid say it, so I'm not sure. I also make sure I refer to my kid's friend's parents by their first names so my kids know they are people, not just "Joe's Mom."
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:23:53 GMT -5
Hmmm I grew up calling family members by their first name, and close family friends by their first name. Other family friends and people we saw often were Mr or Miss or Mrs (First Name). So Miss Sharon or Mr. Robert or Mrs. Cindy. People we didn't know or saw rarely or had just met were Mr and Mrs Last Name.
ETA: We also address everyone as ma'am and sir, no matter the age. Older than you, younger than you, doesn't matter.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 2, 2012 14:24:05 GMT -5
Many little kids around here call me Miss POM. The older kids just call me POM. But Dr's and other adults in their professional setting should be called Dr. Smith and other adults should be called Mr. or Mrs. unless they tell you differently. Family members just use regular first names unless we are an Aunt, Uncle or Grandma, etc. But some we just call them jerk or asshole. ETA: This: "We also address everyone as ma'am and sir, no matter the age. Older than you, younger than you, doesn't matter." Too bad the younger generation is not being taught this including our family members.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 14:25:31 GMT -5
Does your daughter have anyone get in her face for using "ma'am"? I was raised to use Mr/Mrs/Ms if it was an adult besides a relative and if I don't know their name I tend to resort to "ma'am" or "sir". I had several women when I was serving get in my face and become very vocal when I used the term "ma'am" when I addressed them. I never could figure out why.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:28:13 GMT -5
Ma'am sounds like an old lady. If my kids called my 28 year old neighbor ma'am, she would freak the deak out! That would be so insulting to her. She is closer in age to my daughter than to me - so, she wants to be "Julie."
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 2, 2012 14:28:50 GMT -5
My teenage niece has a friend who came up with a very cute solution to this. She's known my DB and SIL for years, but the kid is so polite, she could not bring herself to address them by just their first names. Calling them Mr. and Mrs. (last name) seemed overly formal. She solves it by referring to them as Mr. Bruce and Mrs. Kim (title and first names).
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 14:28:56 GMT -5
Close friends and my co-workers DD calls by their first names. In her preschool they call the teachers Miss Joan or Mr. Shawn. I have her address all other adults by Mr., Mrs., Dr., or the appropriate title.
I grew up calling all of my parents' friends by their first name and strangers or parents of school friends by a title unless told otherwise.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Nov 2, 2012 14:28:58 GMT -5
We've had a lot of kid threads recently, so I'll add another one. What's the rule in your house (or would be the rule if you had kids) about how kids should address adults. My general rule would be to call the adult Mr. Mrs. Doctor ect unless the adult asked to be called by their first name. Though once a kid gets to be a teenager, I'd probably drop that rule. What's your take on it? I always insisted my three children addressed adults who were not relatives by preceding the adults name with Mr. or Miss....
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Nov 2, 2012 14:29:12 GMT -5
I grew up saying Mr FirstName and Miss FirstName ofriends of my parents and my own friends parents. Everyone seemed happy with that, so that is what we encourage in our house. Except for higher authority figures like teachers, doctors, and such.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 14:29:33 GMT -5
To each his own. In the south Ma'am and Sir are correct. Although I do tip more if a server calls me Miss!
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Nov 2, 2012 14:29:36 GMT -5
In this part of the South we have a little bit different rule, everyone tends to call women who are older than they are Miz and then the first name.
So a kid would call me Miz Happy, I would call an 80 year old woman Miz Ruth, etc. If they are about the same age or younger than you, you call them by their first name. You know you're really old when everyone calls you Miz.
Curiously the same rule doesn't apply to men. A few very polite parents make their kids call men "Mr" but most just call them Mike or whatever, unless they are a grandparent or uncle.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 2, 2012 14:29:51 GMT -5
I was raised to call adults by their last name with a title unless told otherwise and I never was. DD had a huge problem with working because these stores told her to call customers by their first names to pretend friendliness. She felt it was so rude so used Ma'am and Sir instead. When someone calls me by my first name as in I'm the customer and they are the employee, I always correct them. My last name looks unpronounceable. I don't really want strangers using my first name, but I HATE standing around waiting for them to spit out a garbled last name. I want to teach ds to use ma'am and sir, but so many women freak out about ma'am (as Drama just posted) that I really don't know what I'll do when we get there. I try for Ms/Mr. first name. Even that gets freaking complicated with our crowd. I really wish there was a gender neutral polite title in english.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:31:06 GMT -5
Not really an original thought on her part...but it is a decent solution if you run with a crowd where that kind of formality is expected.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:31:19 GMT -5
Ma'am sounds like an old lady. If my kids called my 28 year old neighbor ma'am, she would freak the deak out! That would be so insulting to her. She is closer in age to my daughter than to me - so, she wants to be "Julie." If my 11 year old cousin calls for me, I respond 'yes ma'am?'. Ma'am is not an indicator of age. I don't know why people keep assuming it is
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:31:52 GMT -5
How about "dude" and "sweety"?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 14:33:42 GMT -5
Well I'll be sure if I ever serve again to ask everyone at the table to introduce themselves and how they want to be addressed. You got a serious stick up your ass if you are going to make a scene in public because someone called you "ma'am". So not sure how to address it with Gwen since I've also had women freak out if I use "Mrs" or "Miss" as well. I've even had women flip if I use "Ms". I think "crazy ass bitch" will probably cover it.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:33:52 GMT -5
Not really an original thought on her part...but it is a decent solution if you run with a crowd where that kind of formality is expected. Florida's probably too far South for it to seem normal as it is up here.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:35:05 GMT -5
Well I'll be sure if I ever serve again to ask everyone at the table to introduce themselves and how they want to be addressed. You got a serious stick up your ass if you are going to make a scene in public because someone called you "ma'am". So not sure how to address it with Gwen since I've also had women freak out if I use "Mrs" or "Miss" as well. I've even had women flip if I use "Ms". I think "crazy ass bitch" will probably cover it. Well you can call all the women 'sugar' and all the men 'babyduck'
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:35:46 GMT -5
I'm surprised that I'm the only one that lets my kids be equal people. Oops - maybe I'm pissing off tens of people, and not even knowing it. I would think twice if any of the kids' friends called me "Mrs." - but none of them do.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 2, 2012 14:37:04 GMT -5
How about "dude" and "sweety"? That's what I call DH - depending on how he is acting at the time. Then refer to the above endearments I sometimes use for family. ;D
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 14:38:15 GMT -5
I tend to introduce adults I know (co workers for example) as Mr. or Ms. and I try hard to get them to use "sir" and "ma'am" but I'm in the south too. Like Kat said, it's not an indicator of age, it's an indicator of respect.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:38:46 GMT -5
I'm surprised that I'm the only one that lets my kids be equal people. Oops - maybe I'm pissing off tens of people, and not even knowing it. I would think twice if any of the kids' friends called me "Mrs." - but none of them do. LOL, DF can't even figure out what to call my parents FWIW I've seen the Miss/Mr Firstname go in reverse too, usually with Sundayschool teachers who called all the kids Miss Julie and Mr Jack and they called her Mrs Tammy
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 14:38:46 GMT -5
My kids use first names for adults.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Nov 2, 2012 14:39:26 GMT -5
In the elementary school, the teachers are very careful to use title + last name when referring to any adults and first names for the children. By the time the kids get to HS, the many of the teachers call the students by their last names (usually w/o titles), so the kids tend to also refer to the teachers by last name only. MS is where the lines tend to blur - the teachers that straddle all 3 schools (like band, orchestra, chorus) are probably the ones that inadvertantly introduce the last name only thing, since they spend more time w/ the HS kids.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 14:40:10 GMT -5
Well I'll be sure if I ever serve again to ask everyone at the table to introduce themselves and how they want to be addressed. You got a serious stick up your ass if you are going to make a scene in public because someone called you "ma'am". So not sure how to address it with Gwen since I've also had women freak out if I use "Mrs" or "Miss" as well. I've even had women flip if I use "Ms". I think "crazy ass bitch" will probably cover it. Well you can call all the women 'sugar' and all the men 'babyduck' Sugar, honey, sweetie, love, my love and my all time favorite (aside from young lady) Sugar boog. <<shudder>>
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