Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 2, 2012 18:43:20 GMT -5
Women and the feeling old when called by title thing is really weird. I feel a little awkward when people call me Mr. Honor, but I don't freak over it. It's just not something I'm used too. I don't take it as an insult that they think I look old though. And really, who cares if some snot nosed 16 year old customer service punk thinks you look old? To them you do look old. I can still remember being young and stupid enough to think that 30 was old. Just shake your head at their cluelessness and move on.
Besides, what are they supposed to call you? Lady? Chick? Person without a penis? "Hey, uh, not at all old looking person of the female persuasion, do you need any help?" Please. "Can I help you miss," is the easiest way to say it. They aren't staring at your crows feet and inwardly shuddering while they say the word miss, that's just your insecurities fucking with you.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 2, 2012 18:58:06 GMT -5
This is definitely a regional thing. I grew up on the west coast and never said Mr/Mrs except at school. But even by HS many teachers were going by their first names. As an adult I feel VERY weird and phony calling people Mr/Mrs/Ms unless it is a professional situation. I don't think the titles convey respect at all - respect IMO is conveyed through how you treat the person by eye contact, not interrupting/insulting, etc. IMO a title puts distance between two people. As a parent, I've never had a child address me as Mrs/Ms, and I haven't taught my children to do it. It's just not a cultural norm here. When I tell my kids to do something, they say, "OK Mom" and do it. Calling me Ma'am would not be more respectful IMO. Also, I agree with Thyme (and others) that it is bullshit a woman's title reflects her marriage status. If it doesn't matter for men, it shouldn't matter for women.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 19:03:24 GMT -5
I don't understand the going balistic thing either... If a kid calls you Miss Other... you can tell them you prefer they just call you Other...
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 2, 2012 19:09:54 GMT -5
Although it does make me feel a little old when someone calls me "Mrs", I wouldn't let them know that. Unless they're saying it with an attitude, I just assume this is their form of respect and accept it graciously. Then again, maybe because we've moved around so much in the early years we were married, I know there are big regional differences so just try to go with the flow and take things in the spirit in which they're offered which is usually kindly. Why get angry with someone who's just trying their best to be polite?
It's like the people who freak out when someone misspells or mispronounces their name. Really? Does it really matter if the cashier at the grocery store puts the accent on the wrong syllable or mangles your name? Unless you're going to be dealing with this person on a regular basis for the foreseeable future, just let it go, people. Let it go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 19:12:13 GMT -5
I like when sales calls, etc. mispronounce husband's name... I can honestly answer there is no one here by that name
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 2, 2012 19:44:39 GMT -5
I was called ma'am tonight at dsw. I didn't freak out on the lady.
And my kids call people Mr. Or mrs unless otherwise instructed.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 2, 2012 19:45:27 GMT -5
I like when sales calls, etc. mispronounce husband's name... I can honestly answer there is no one here by that name My name isn't really all that difficult but it gets mangled all the time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 19:46:08 GMT -5
I really never thought about it. Some of my kids friends call me "Mrs. X" and some just call me by my first name. I am a pretty casual person and really don't care one way or the other.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 2, 2012 19:49:23 GMT -5
I prefer to be called by my first name. Mrs swamp is my mom.
But I also know not everyone is as casual as me and I want my kids to err on the side of polite.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 20:15:02 GMT -5
Good call.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Nov 3, 2012 7:19:34 GMT -5
All of my kids friends called me Mrs. Scooter. Then I would say call me 'Happy'. They did until they got to be teenagers and stayed here ALL of the time. Then it turned into 'Mama Scooter'. I have even been introduced as a 'second mom' to a guys girlfriend. And he was a different race.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Nov 3, 2012 7:21:28 GMT -5
My parents made me call adults Mr and Mrs Jones ( i grew up in the 60s and 70s). My mother was so persnickety about that, she even called her son in laws mother 'Mrs. Smith'. And Mrs. Smith was the same age as my mom.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 3, 2012 11:58:08 GMT -5
I don't go balistic, or even correct them. But I do feel uncomfortable. I've never been called ma'am or Mrs. {{Married Last Name}} on a regular basis, so I don't connect it with who I am. It is almost like if my name is Elizabeth, and I've always gone by the full name Elizabeth, and someone called me Beth. I guess it is my name, but it doesn't really feel like my name.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 3, 2012 15:35:14 GMT -5
If you want people including kids to call you by your first name, that's cool. I prefer kids not to and that's also okay. Adults I am fine with, kids I am not. I am unlikely to ever be on a first name basis with any of my friends kids. If my kids ever called them by their first names, I'd be shocked and embarrassed. But they never would so I'm not worried.
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simser
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Post by simser on Nov 3, 2012 21:56:58 GMT -5
Where I grew up you called adults by their title and last name. This included keeping track of who had a doctorate. And who was married (for the women). I still call my friends parents Dr. and Mrs. Lastname. My parents call them that to me. Sir and ma'am where what we used in store when you didn't know their last name. Title plus first name was a weird thing where technically they were in a position where you could call them by their first name, but they had enough respect where you wouldn't. Case in point: when I taught elementary school religious ed as a teenager I was called Ms. Firstname. Teenager=first name, teacher=respect. Honestly people like maids and working class people (I grew up pretty upper middle class) were like that. Technically they could be called by their first name but most people respect them enough where they aren't. My mothers best friend still refers to my father as "Dr. Firstname" because of that. They're the same age. I tell my friends to call me either "Dr. Firstname" or "Firstname". A lot of my friends choose the first because I earned it and they are all in grad school too so they understand. Some if my friends call me "Dr. First syllable of last name" because a) it's a funny word and b) I don't like being called Dr. Lastname or Dr. First initial of last name because those are my father. I will answer though (I'll also answer to the Ms. version but I prefer Dr. after all I went through). I don't know many kids yet so haven't worked out that debacle of what to do when the parent's views are different than mine. I also still feel that I'm not advanced enough for title plus last name (you really need kids for that). Currently I smile a lot
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 21:59:31 GMT -5
For me, it isn't an issue one way or the other. I don't really care what kids call me or not. I don't care if they call me Mrs. X, my first name of shooby's mom. It works for me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2012 21:11:08 GMT -5
I was married to DH for ten years before I finally started calling his mother by her first name. Until then, like Archie, I completely avoided calling her anything until then. We eventually all laughed about it, but it was weird for a very long time.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 4, 2012 23:47:02 GMT -5
I appreciate small children using titles for adults but understand some haven't been taught that. I think it is going away partly because so many of us aren't married or are divorced so they don't know our last names like in earlier times when entire families had one last name. Now often the kids are named after an ex and the women went to maiden name and the man has a different name so a kid doesn't think of them as the Smiths it isn't likely that Joe Smith's parents are Mr and Mrs Smith. My ISO has always been called by his first name by my Nieces and Nephews one even called him uncle when he wasn't. My name is my ex's so the kids might not even know it.
If introduced with a last name it would be nice if they would use Mr or Mrs/Ms/Miss until invited to use a first name.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Nov 5, 2012 7:26:32 GMT -5
We've had a lot of kid threads recently, so I'll add another one. What's the rule in your house (or would be the rule if you had kids) about how kids should address adults. My general rule would be to call the adult Mr. Mrs. Doctor ect unless the adult asked to be called by their first name. Though once a kid gets to be a teenager, I'd probably drop that rule. What's your take on it? Pretty much the same as yours. I taught my children to address adults as Mr. or Ms. unless they were given permission to address the adult by their first name. Most of their friends and acquaintances apparently were taught the same thing because most called me Miss Michelyn; the ones they have been friends with the longest sometimes call me Mom. Once in a while some would call me by my first name and for the most part I let it slide but once in a while I corrected them to address me by Miss Michelyn - depended on the child and the situation. And those that didn't know my name and knew I had a different last name than my girls would address me as Mrs. Junior's Mom.
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Nov 6, 2012 11:53:59 GMT -5
Close friends of the family were always first name. Neighborhood adults, teachers, and people at church were always Mr Smith or Miss Mary. I knew I'd made the transition to 'adulthood' when this lovely 70 year old woman at church told me to call her by her first name. I had the hardest time doing it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2012 12:20:08 GMT -5
I have my kids use title and surname, just as I was raised. I still call my friends' parents "Mr & Mrs _________" when I see them in my old town. I am "Mrs. Beerwench" or "Mrs. B" to my kids' friends as well. But they are still pretty young, so I may change my mind on it as they get older. I think it could be a regional thing as well. ETA: And all of our close friends are "Aunt <first name>" or "Uncle <firstname>".
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 6, 2012 14:06:25 GMT -5
If you want people including kids to call you by your first name, that's cool. I prefer kids not to and that's also okay. Adults I am fine with, kids I am not. I am unlikely to ever be on a first name basis with any of my friends kids. If my kids ever called them by their first names, I'd be shocked and embarrassed. But they never would so I'm not worried. Do you mean that your adult children still call your friends by title and last name? I don't interact with my parents friends very often, but I think they'd look at me like I was nuts if I used title and last name now.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 6, 2012 14:17:13 GMT -5
Mine wouldn't. Mine would look at me and mine like I raised rude children. There was one woman who is no longer welcome in our circle, not just because of her ill behaved children, but she took it upon herself to have her kids call us Miss So and SO first name as opposed to DDs mom or mrs. So and so. Even when her children were corrected, she persisted in doing it. I'm sure she thought we were all stuck up and we thought she was ill mannered and ill bred. Her kids tuned out bad anyway and so did she. Husband finally divorced her.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 6, 2012 14:45:40 GMT -5
Growing up, I called everyone by their first names. I don't recall anyone every correcting me and between my friends it is split. I can remember the ones who called my parents Mr. and Mrs. Smith because it was rare. Here in PA, I don't think I ever heard anybody use "Miss Jane" or "Mr. Tony." But I always called my elementary/high school teachers Mr/Mrs. Smith, etc. Actually I still do today if I see them and it is 10 years later. My college professors all had us call them by their first names, but I also went to a small college where we hung out with our professors on the weekend and I babysat for a few of them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 6, 2012 15:05:23 GMT -5
Wow. Just wow. Well, different people have different ways.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 6, 2012 15:09:26 GMT -5
I'd croak if some kid called me by my first name. I refused to have my first name, initial only, on my school id because I knew kids would be rude and smart alecky and call me by my first name. Was funny when they'd ask my first name and I'd tell them Mrs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2012 15:12:46 GMT -5
Mine wouldn't. Mine would look at me and mine like I raised rude children. There was one woman who is no longer welcome in our circle, not just because of her ill behaved children, but she took it upon herself to have her kids call us Miss So and SO first name as opposed to DDs mom or mrs. So and so. Even when her children were corrected, she persisted in doing it. I'm sure she thought we were all stuck up and we thought she was ill mannered and ill bred. Her kids tuned out bad anyway and so did she. Husband finally divorced her. I'm not sure i understand. Are you saying Mary Smith wanted to be called Mrs. Smith, and this lady had her kids say Miss Mary.... and that was an actionable offense? Just trying to understand. thanks.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 6, 2012 15:23:12 GMT -5
I have been married to my wife for 5 years and I still don't know what to call my in-laws. I have basically gone 5 years without addressing them in any way. Doesn't that really sound like the best course of action when dealing with in-laws?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 6, 2012 15:41:22 GMT -5
Yes, that is what I was saying. If an adult corrects you and says call me this not that, then if your mother is so stupid she didn't raise you better, then you should be smart enough to be able to correct yourself. Especially if more than one adult is telling you the same thing. Funny enough, her kids had no problem calling the men mr. So and so. Just women were to be treated with no respect.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2012 17:37:49 GMT -5
Well zib, my kids are used to calling Miss First Name, so that would be their instinct. I can say though that if you had corrected them, if we continued to hang out with the group, they and I would make sure you were called what you want, to your face.
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