NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 14:42:05 GMT -5
Well you can call all the women 'sugar' and all the men 'babyduck' I've never had a single man get in my face about using Mr or sir. I think I am going to stick with "Crazy ass bitch' for wome because then I don't have to guess if I am going to offend someone. It's habit with me to use Mr/Mrs or sir/ma'm. I also have a real problem addressing anyone with authority by their first name. Took my boss forever to break me of the habit of calling him Dr lastname. I have no problem dropping it if people ask me to, but if I don't know you I tend to err on overly polite.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:42:28 GMT -5
Exactly! That is because he is stuck with this antiquated notion that the younger generation should be respectful to the older generation by referring to them by Mr/Mrs., but that totally contradicts with how our society currently runs with adults - where we call each other "Tammy" and "Jack." All of a sudden, you are standing there wanting to do the right thing, but you can't because it seems opposite of the other right thing. So, I'm going with grown-up social rules for my kids - starting now. When they are 18 or 23 or 30, hopefully they will be totally comfortable with people.
It is awkward for people. We are creating future awkward people.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:42:29 GMT -5
I tend to introduce adults I know (co workers for example) as Mr. or Ms. and I try hard to get them to use "sir" and "ma'am" but I'm in the south too. Like Kat said, it's not an indicator of age, it's an indicator of respect. Exactly, my Midwestern soon-to-be-in-laws don't get this Except the one sister who's spent extensive time living in the South. We get along very well and her children have delightful manners
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Nov 2, 2012 14:43:13 GMT -5
I was raised to call adults by their last name with a title unless told otherwise and I never was. DD had a huge problem with working because these stores told her to call customers by their first names to pretend friendliness. She felt it was so rude so used Ma'am and Sir instead. When someone calls me by my first name as in I'm the customer and they are the employee, I always correct them. Ugh.. I worked in a place that had that policy. They also wanted you to say the person's name 3 times (so that they remembered you addressed them by their name). We were actually measured on that and got negative feedback if we didn't do that. I thought it sounded really rude and condescending (especially since most of our customers were elderly folks and most of our employees are in their 20s). Even saying Mrs. Jones or Mr. Smith repeatedly to someone sounds rude. I know I hate it when someone repeats my name to me multiple times (it sounds kinda sarcastic). So, I just blew the company off and called everyone sir or ma'am. No butchering of names, no wondering if they are Miss or Mrs or Ms, just sir and ma'am. The customers didn't seem to mind (even the young ones) so I guess I did okay (It helps that I ook and sound a lot younger than I am... most of them assumed I was younger than them). As far as kids, we will probably have our kids call adults Mr. and Miss/Mrs. John/Ann/Bob, etc for adults they know that aren't senior citizens or in authority(Our friends, neighbors, friends' parents, etc). Adults who are older or are in authority (Teachers, librarians, people over 65, etc) will be Mr. Jones/Mrs. Smith, etc. My DH is from the south and that's how he was raised...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:45:50 GMT -5
Audrey, did you ever get called out for not following the policy? I wonder, Audrey, if the people doing enforcement even really believed in the policy. Do you think they were forced into it, Audrey?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 2, 2012 14:46:11 GMT -5
They don't live in Florida, for the record. They are in a northeastern state. And how nice of you to consider someone you don't know as "unoriginal." She happens to be a very decent teenage girl, for the record. She came up with the solution on her own, rather than being prompted by any adult.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:48:03 GMT -5
Exactly! That is because he is stuck with this antiquated notion that the younger generation should be respectful to the older generation by referring to them by Mr/Mrs., but that totally contradicts with how our society currently runs with adults - where we call each other "Tammy" and "Jack." All of a sudden, you are standing there wanting to do the right thing, but you can't because it seems opposite of the other right thing. So, I'm going with grown-up social rules for my kids - starting now. When they are 18 or 23 or 30, hopefully they will be totally comfortable with people. Well in his line of work, if you don't adress someone by their proper title, they can have you busted down a couple of ranks, so I think that it's reinforcing more archaic forms of address. Actually, I KNOW it is. Everyone is RANK LASTNAME. You have no other name. It annoys me to no end. I think he'd like to call them Mom and Dad but doesn't want to until after we're offically married (which is stupid, it's just a dumb piece of paper) Also I have a hard time with what to call his mom. She wants me to call her 'Mom' or 'Mommy'. Ummm no. I have one of those, and it's not you lady. I want to go with her first name, which makes her upset because it's not 'Mom'. Ugh. So far I just have one of the other kids flag her down when I need her. She's the only one I have an issue with.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:48:03 GMT -5
I did not say SHE was unoriginal - I just said that her solution was not entirely unheard of. In fact, I would guess it has been used in thousands of preschools for more than three decades. I did not disparage your niece in any way. I'm sure she is a lovely girl.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 14:51:28 GMT -5
Kat, can you call the future MIL Mama whatshername? Will she stand that? And can you?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 14:53:26 GMT -5
I'm glad to see that no matter what I tell my kids to call people, it will still be guaranteed to offend someone I don't recall getting strict instructions either way. Teachers were Miss/Mrs./Mr., and my friends' parents were "Katie's mom." None of my friends' parents seemed too offended, and most of them came to my wedding, so I guess it was all right I like the sir/ma'am approach... how often do you use actual names, anyway?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 14:53:40 GMT -5
Call her MamaCass, and give her a ham sandwich!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Nov 2, 2012 14:53:53 GMT -5
Kat, can you call the future MIL Mama whatshername? Will she stand that? And can you? I'd prefer not to, but it might be the more palatable solution out of the bunch. ETA: Definately less offensive than Thyme's solution!!!
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Nov 2, 2012 14:54:52 GMT -5
LOL, thyme! That's exactly why I don't do it... it's kinda irritating as the customer. We got yelled at enough as it was (Customer service inductry), I don't need to antagonize the person by repeating their name and sounding like an ass. Needless to say, no one called me out on it. I did point the stupidity out to our trainer and explained why I thought the policy was a bad idea and how irritating that is to a customer. She kinda agreed with me (She said it would piss her off if someone in CS kept repeating her name back to her) but then said I had to do it.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 14:55:51 GMT -5
My SIL's kids call her and my BIL ma'am and sir when answering them. While it's polite, I find it sort of odd. I use ma'am and sir as a formality in only certain circumstances, usually involving strangers. I would feel totally weird if DD or DS called me ma'am. I'm mommy.
When I had my first professional job out of college, one of my editors admonished me (kindly) for calling people I was covering Mr. or Mrs. He said I was an equal with them and calling them by a title was putting them in a position of authority above me and they were not.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 15:00:07 GMT -5
Really? So, if you tell them to do something, what is the correct response? Other than going to do it. If you want them to verbally acknowledge they heard you, is it "ok, mommy"? I expect to hear "yes ma'am" out of my kids. ETA: Not being snarky, I really want to know what the non sir/ma'ma parents find an acceptable response.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 15:01:08 GMT -5
My son has a good friend whose parents are from the south, and his mom asked him a question the other day and the boy answered "yup" and his father instructed him "Yes, Ma'am." Not something I'm going to institute in my family, and it sounded a little weird, given that the boy doesn't have the southern drawl, like Mom and Dad.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 15:02:50 GMT -5
Guess it depends on how often they converse with the kid. In my house, we don't use names unless we're calling someone or trying to get their attention. Honey, sweetie... all those things I don't want strangers calling me are used instead. With non family adults, it depends on how well we know them. Most of the time, my kids would say hi and be gone entertaining themselves. lol
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 2, 2012 15:20:35 GMT -5
Back in my day, when dinosaurs romaed the earth. I was taught to call a married woman Mrs. and a unmarried woman Miss. And Mr. I never used first names like Mr. Doug or Miss Ann. It was always Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones.
And I never thought of Ma'am as an indicator of age.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 15:21:40 GMT -5
I don't think you're allowed to use that phrase until you at LEAST hit 30.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 2, 2012 15:23:27 GMT -5
I don't think you're allowed to use that phrase until you at LEAST hit 30. Meh, my birthday is next week, so I'm feeling old. Gonna be 28 . Might as well start caling me G-Pa.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 15:24:55 GMT -5
DD is military so it's second nature to her. She grew up saying it and probably always will. It IS funny when she refers to me as Ma'am.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 15:26:06 GMT -5
Quite frankly, I hate the title "Mrs." Men are "Mr." no matter what their marital status. Why do I have to go from being Miss to Mrs. to Ms. (hopefully not)? And whose business is it that I'm married or not. Any woman over 18 should be Ms. and let's get rid of this archaic and oppresive idea that a woman is defined by her husband and her marital status.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 15:26:25 GMT -5
Sometimes DD says, "Yes mommy" or "Ok mommy." Sometimes she just says ok or just does what I asked. I would probably cry if she called me ma'am. I would feel like she was addressing a stranger.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 15:26:33 GMT -5
Well happy birthday! 1984 was a good year to be born. (If it makes you feel better, I'll be 29 in February).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 15:26:48 GMT -5
Oh, brother.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 2, 2012 15:27:08 GMT -5
I thought Ms. was for when you don't know a woman's marrital status?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 2, 2012 15:29:33 GMT -5
Sometimes DD says, "Yes mommy" or "Ok mommy." Sometimes she just says ok or just does what I asked. I would probably cry if she called me ma'am. I would feel like she was addressing a stranger. Guess it all depends on what you grew up with, no way was I going to get away with the ok response. I generally am happy with any response most days but I do try to get them to give me the "proper" answer. I figure too polite is better than not at all. lol
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 2, 2012 15:29:59 GMT -5
We have the kids ask adults what they prefer to be called if the adults are parents of friends.
Adults that are authority figures are called Mr. Mrs, Miss, depending on marital status.
The only exception is with my bosses/coworkers. I don't call my bosses Mr. Jones, and Mr. Smith. But, to have my kids call them by their first name is awkward. So, my kids call my coworkers Uncle Sam and Auntie Nancy. It's never confused my kids that they aren't blood related to a bunch of people. And, as it turns out, my bosses/coworkers really enjoy it.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 2, 2012 15:30:32 GMT -5
DS calls his teachers by Mr or Mrs. and their last name. Our close friends he calls them by their first names. Relatives it's always "Aunt so and so" or "Uncle X". He comes to work with me everyday and calls all of those guys by their first names. But is polite about it. Just now we got back and he said "Hey Joe, how are you doing today?" and proceed to have a nice 3 or 4 minute conversation with him. To be fair- DS spends a lot of time around these people and Joe is also my sister Step FIL.
His friends parents and his friends. DS' friends all call me 'Mrs. Stephen's mom" and I assume he calls their parents the same thing. It's amusing and I don't get offended. Now that they are getting older I will tell them "you know you can just call me Sheila"
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 15:31:06 GMT -5
I got chewed out using Ms because apparently according to that lady the proper way to address women was "mrs". I don't really care if I addressed as Mrs DH, Ms DH, Miss or whatever. Especially when it is by someone I am only going to see for a few minutes like a server or a cashier. It's not worth getting my panties in a knot over.
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