Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 1, 2012 19:55:49 GMT -5
If a kid is endangering himself by riding on his bike sharply out into traffic in front of us, or one kid calls another one the "n" word ( example one has happened to us three times, and example 2 has happend once ), I will stop the car, or stop what I'm doing, and tell the kid why that is RONG ! If they are defiant, I will absolutely yell at them. Tough sh---t. One behavior is dangerous, the other is offensive.
If someone's kid is just being a sh-t, and they're not hurt me, my family, my dog ( or anothe animal ), or my precious possession, then I figure that the parents begat them, so they can take care of their business.
If a kid is abusing an animal or hurting another time, then I don't hesitate to step in. However, it's very seldom that I get involved in a child's bratty behavior. Not my problem, up to a certain point.
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Nazgul Girl
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Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 1, 2012 20:11:40 GMT -5
I guess I'm a bad mommy, because I believe that kidsa are given a fanny ( my mother's term ) for two reasons....to sit on, and to be spanked if necessary. My daughter got things explained to her, rewards, being sent to her room, time outs in the corner, but sometimes she was so persistent in her "naughtiness " she basically had to wind up with having her ass spanked.
We've discussed the discipline issues from her childhood in light of her teaching career with some difficult students now. I had told her that sometimes I felt bad about how often she had to be put in the corner or spanked. She laughed hard and said, " Mom, I always ran toward trouble as hard as I could. You did your best to keep me from going there ! You did the right thing ! " I guess that sort of says it all.
As I've gotten older, I've lost my inhibitions about yelling, " Hey, STOP that ! " if someone's child is kicking brother or sister in the belly, or pulling on the dog's tail, or something. I'll holler right down the street. They almost always stop and look up with their little mouths open. Nobody ever yells or says " NO " to the little dears. Parents never say a thing. The kids next door are great and we have lots of interesting talks with them, but never any discipline issues. They like to talk to us, and their parents are doing a great job of raising them.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Nov 1, 2012 20:14:07 GMT -5
When I baby sit the nieces and nephews it's my way or the highway. I have permission from my friend and sister to discipline as I deem appropriate. I don't like spanking but we do time outs and scoldings. I usually very very rarely have a problem when they are with me. My niece (age 6 now) has had to be told once or twice that if she doesn't behave than no more fun outings with Auntie Sheila. But for the most part they are really pretty good kids. However- my brother's kids. Wowza. My brother and his wife have been separated since 2009 (when my niece was 2 and my nephew was a couple of months old). They have a 50/50 custody split so every two or three days they are going from one house to the other. My brother is a lazy jackass while my SIL keeps a pretty tight reign on the kids. As I am still on good terms with my SIL I see the kid with her and when they are with my brother. Night and day difference. For instance- she has a regular bedtime routine with the kids and my brother lets them stay up until they fall asleep watching late night tv. My nephew was recently diagnosed with ADHD (he turned 3 in August) but I think his problem is mostly inconsistent parenting. With his mom if he acts up she will put him in a time out or send him to his room until he calms down and can behave. Works about 95% of the time. Once and a while she will physically take him from the room and have to have a discussion with him in a more stern manner. My niece is usually really good when she is with her mom (she is 5 and in kindergarten) The minute they get around their dad they turn in to complete brats. My niece will call people "Stupid Bitches", throw food across the room at Nana's house, yell at her dad, sass people, hit people, laugh at anyone who tries to discipline her, etc. My brother is very lazy as I have said before. His form of discipline is to tell her "come on A, stop that" and then go back to ignoring her. My nephew requires a pacifier the minute he sees his dad but doesn't have one at any other time. He too has started swearing at people, refuses to eat, hits people, yells, etc. This behavior is only evident when they are with their dad. When Nana and Papa are babysitting them they are fine. When I baby sit them they are great. When they are with their mom they are perfectly pleasant. My brother just brings out the worst in his kids. Wow. Just wow. I'm glad that not-so-dear-brother's kids have good role models from everyone else they are around.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 1, 2012 21:05:50 GMT -5
Thanks Lena and Angel. That was how I was feeling, but I didn't know this child or parent before last night so I always 2nd guess myself and wonder what other approaches people take.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2012 21:27:00 GMT -5
I'm a big choices person, and sometimes I feel weird giving someone else's kids choices, but sometimes it has to be done, i mean, kids will drive you nuts in short order if you don't impose some limits.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 1, 2012 22:04:20 GMT -5
I've given my kids so many choices, that my 4 yr old asks me about pretty much anything "OK, mommy, so what are my options at this point"? It was cute the first 100 times, now? not so much
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Nov 1, 2012 22:09:47 GMT -5
While reading all 8 pages of this I was wondering when someone was going put it together and call Doxie on the fact that she leaves her son locked in bedroom every morning from 5am to 5:30 when he wakes up until about 7am?
WTF DOXIE? There is no exccuse for that behavior. It is bad parenting, neglectful and abusive! Get out of bed and take care of your son. Parent your children and organize/run the household. This is what working mothers do. Yes, it sux, but that is the life of a person who is parenting without the assistance of a partner while also working full time.
Be a grown up and go to bed at 9pm so you can get up and parent your son. That is what parents do when they have small children like your son. If you get organized and actually do this, the time of it will soon pass. Your children will grow up and so will you. It will be boring but it is only for few years. That is what parents do - they do what is best for their children like getting up early and not what they themselves want. It does not matter what your DH does or does not do - you have to parent your children.
Until this I was always rooting for you and thought you were just sheltered and raised without advantages in life.
ETA OMG!!! Still cannot believe this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 3:41:11 GMT -5
Europeans do it all the time. May I ask where you got this assumption? I have never seen/heard of any Italians thinking this was ok. I am sure there are dumb asses that do it here, just like in America, but I don't think it is a cultural norm.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 3:45:55 GMT -5
SuperNanny: I actually knew someone that was on an episode of Supernanny. It didn't work because the mother had no follow through once Supernanny left. The mother seriously wanted to sleep all day and let the kids just raise themselves. The mother was HORRIBLE lazy and felt that it was ok because she was basically a single parent since her husband was constantly deployed (he was a contract worker that volunteered to go to make 6 figures untaxed money). I felt so sorry for the little girl and her siblings.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 7:02:21 GMT -5
While reading all 8 pages of this I was wondering when someone was going put it together and call Doxie on the fact that she leaves her son locked in bedroom every morning from 5am to 5:30 when he wakes up until about 7am? WTF DOXIE? There is no exccuse for that behavior. It is bad parenting, neglectful and abusive! Get out of bed and take care of your son. Parent your children and organize/run the household. This is what working mothers do. Yes, it sux, but that is the life of a person who is parenting without the assistance of a partner while also working full time. Be a grown up and go to bed at 9pm so you can get up and parent your son. That is what parents do when they have small children like your son. If you get organized and actually do this, the time of it will soon pass. Your children will grow up and so will you. It will be boring but it is only for few years. That is what parents do - they do what is best for their children like getting up early and not what they themselves want. It does not matter what your DH does or does not do - you have to parent your children. Until this I was always rooting for you and thought you were just sheltered and raised without advantages in life. ETA OMG!!! Still cannot believe this. sorry, but as long as my child is in his room and content, I see no need to get up earlier than whatever our projected wake up time is. My kids had a gate across their door so they couldn't get out and wander the house and unless they were yelling for me, they stayed in their room until it was time to get up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 7:16:11 GMT -5
There are cases of Europeans coming here on vacation and getting in trouble here because they leave their children alone in hotel rooms. They do it at home so they do it here. Didn't anyone see the picture in some Scandinavian country where the babies were all outside asleep in their strollers while the parents were inside doing whatever?
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Nov 2, 2012 8:04:15 GMT -5
Not exactly what you were looking for but here goes.
Halloween night after the fall festival-DH and I went out to eat. Around 9:00, kids were still there, jacked up from trick or treating. 2 kids running around, it's a loud place anyway. 4 and 6 years old. Running into tables and chairs, mine included. Dad says 'don't do that'. Then goes back to his conversation. I didn't say anything, happened a few times. Dad is too engrossed in the TV, friends, beer, etc...to see them.
But I did lean over to him and say 'hey your kids just went out the door' when I saw them go outside and head for the streets. Where the cars speed by. In the dark.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 2, 2012 8:19:28 GMT -5
Actually, this is the one thing she does that is good. By getting up with him when he gets up, she's enforcing that it is ok to be up at that time. One way to combat early wake ups is to not get up with the child. Most kids learn to play quietly by themselves and some eventually go back to slee and learn to sleep through that early wake up. Of course chronic early wake-ups are often because the baby/toddler is overtired. If her son isn't napping, then he's only getting about 10hrs asleep a day which is obviously not enough.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 8:24:48 GMT -5
I can remember having to wait until the big hand was on the 12 and the little hand was on the 7 even Christmas morning. Besides, back in the olden days cartoons were only on Saturday mornings so if I woke my parents up with the tv or me being too loud, that was the end of cartoons. I think Doxie handles the wake up too early the right way as well but the rest of how she expects the kid to behave is unrealistic, but then again, so is her life. Very sad. I honestly tell myself not to read her threads because its painful for me to realize what kind of life her kids lead. She made her bed but they have to lie in it, too.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Nov 2, 2012 8:30:26 GMT -5
Zib, cartoons and a bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings. Now it's 24 hours a day on their own channel. Are we old or what??
Christmas morning, no one was allowed in the Living Room until the tree was lit and cameras were ready. So we went into parent's bedroom and bounced on the bed until they woke up. Not realizing they had only been asleep for 2 hours. LOL!!!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 2, 2012 8:36:41 GMT -5
Zib, cartoons and a bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings. Now it's 24 hours a day on their own channel. Are we old or what?? Christmas morning, no one was allowed in the Living Room until the tree was lit and cameras were ready. So we went into parent's bedroom and bounced on the bed until they woke up. Not realizing they had only been asleep for 2 hours. LOL!!! Ack! The problem with having a split bedroom house. What are we going to do to keep DS from the living room on Christmas day? I guess we'll have to use the baby gate to the back rooms. He can actually open the baby gate between the living room and the kitchen. THe one to the back rooms is taller and has a latch that my mom and MIL can't figure out. So, hopefully he won't be able to either.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 2, 2012 8:36:42 GMT -5
Wait until the kids are teenagers. I get excited for Christmas morning and have to sit around twiddling my thumbs until my DH and DS stumble from their rooms hours after I got up. So annoying. Yes I was that up at 5am kid when I was little. Now I get up around 6 and have to wait until they roll out of bed around 9 (if I'm lucky).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 8:38:13 GMT -5
We are and I don't regret it. I feel sorry for kids of today. Yes, I had crappy parents but it seems way more do now than did then or maybe we just didn't hear about it. But kids behaved or else, period. Parents would have been shamed to have any adult comment unfavorably about their child's behavior because, rightfully so, it reflects on them. Plus, my life revolved around my parents wants and needs not vice versa. I think I tried to make up for my crappy childhood too much with my kids but still, they aren't criminals and not on the public tit so they turned out okay. Plus, they behaved in public just like I did when I was younger. No excuse not to ever. You can make a mistake and think a child is okay for a certain outing and find out they aren't but then, you leave, period, no ifs ands or buts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 8:41:05 GMT -5
Actually, this is the one thing she does that is good. By getting up with him when he gets up, she's enforcing that it is ok to be up at that time. One way to combat early wake ups is to not get up with the child. Most kids learn to play quietly by themselves and some eventually go back to slee and learn to sleep through that early wake up. Of course chronic early wake-ups are often because the baby/toddler is overtired. If her son isn't napping, then he's only getting about 10hrs asleep a day which is obviously not enough. My youngest I have to drag out of bed at 6:30 so I can get to work on time. On the weekends he'll sleep until 8 or so and then play on his own if nobody else is up, but my older son was an early riser and I never got up with him. He was in the crib until he was nearly 4 years old and couldn't/wouldn't get out, so I just left him until I was ready to get up. He had books and toys in there and would play quietly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 8:41:11 GMT -5
Wait until the kids are teenagers. I get excited for Christmas morning and have to sit around twiddling my thumbs until my DH and DS stumble from their rooms hours after I got up. So annoying. Yes I was that up at 5am kid when I was little. Now I get up around 6 and have to wait until they roll out of bed around 9 (if I'm lucky). yup.....nothing like waiting around for them to roll out of bed.... last Christmas I put everything under the tree several days before, but there were no names on packages, just numbers. Drove them nuts! then xmas eve after they went to bed I put name tags on.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 8:48:51 GMT -5
Occasionally the mom would snag one of them as they raced by, put her hands on his head to make him look at her, and say very loudly "You are making me very unhappy." Then she'd let him go and he'd race away. Maybe she was trying to use the force?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 8:50:35 GMT -5
The only time i would really discipline someone else's kid is if they were about to do something dangerous or endanger others. If it was just stupid kid behavior, i would tell them to cut it out then tell their parents. But, i certainly wouldn't spank another kid or anything like that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 8:51:34 GMT -5
Wait until the kids are teenagers. I get excited for Christmas morning and have to sit around twiddling my thumbs until my DH and DS stumble from their rooms hours after I got up. So annoying. Yes I was that up at 5am kid when I was little. Now I get up around 6 and have to wait until they roll out of bed around 9 (if I'm lucky). yup.....nothing like waiting around for them to roll out of bed.... last Christmas I put everything under the tree several days before, but there were no names on packages, just numbers. Drove them nuts! then xmas eve after they went to bed I put name tags on. My boss has 5 kids and puts all the presents out way early, but none of them ever have name tags. Instead the kids all have a different color wrapping paper assigned to them and Christmas morning he pulls out the envelope that says who has what.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 8:52:03 GMT -5
That is genius!
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 2, 2012 9:03:24 GMT -5
I have a 4 year old, a very bull headed and mechanically inclined 2 year old and a newborn. Although they are pretty good kids, there are some friends we won't visit with the kids and certain parties we've stopped going to because because we know we simply can't keep them out of trouble in those places.
And honestly, if I found someone disciplining my kind in their house, I'd either be relieved for the help or embarassed that I dropped the ball. It would never occurr to me to think that my children have the right to trash other people's houses.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 2, 2012 9:09:17 GMT -5
There are cases of Europeans coming here on vacation and getting in trouble here because they leave their children alone in hotel rooms. They do it at home so they do it here. Didn't anyone see the picture in some Scandinavian country where the babies were all outside asleep in their strollers while the parents were inside doing whatever? Yeah, when that English girl disappeared from a hotel room in Portugal while her parents were out to dinner, I read the articles and comments sections on the BBC website. There wasn't a word about how the parents shouldn't have left the kids. I get the feeling that this sort of thing is fairly common on the other side of the pond, though I could be wrong.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 2, 2012 9:09:41 GMT -5
Thanks
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 9:20:57 GMT -5
He's got all kinds of tricks. The guy's an organizational genius. You probably have to be with 5 kids within a few years age of each other. (Triplet boys in the middle).
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 2, 2012 9:38:24 GMT -5
My mom decided to be sneaky one year and didn't put name tags on presents. "thought" she put codes on them that only she knew but she forgot that too. So it was basically a case of grab present from pile. Open it, hold up item and yell "who's supposed to get this?" and hand opened gift to correct recipient. That was years ago and we still tease her about it.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Nov 2, 2012 11:13:28 GMT -5
Actually, this is the one thing she does that is good. By getting up with him when he gets up, she's enforcing that it is ok to be up at that time. One way to combat early wake ups is to not get up with the child. Most kids learn to play quietly by themselves and some eventually go back to slee and learn to sleep through that early wake up. Of course chronic early wake-ups are often because the baby/toddler is overtired. If her son isn't napping, then he's only getting about 10hrs asleep a day which is obviously not enough. Leaving a kid that isn't even 2 yelling in his room for 2 hours in the morning is idiotic. If there was someone in his life that would actually do what is best for him for once, he wouldn't be a little hellion who reeks havoc every where he goes. Its no wonder he's so uncontrollable.
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