NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 9, 2012 15:25:42 GMT -5
Considering the mom called the neighbors assholes for calling the cops and the mom doesn't understand why people don't want their kids hanging out with Zander, I wouldn't take her word for it that the therapist "fired" them.
It may be the therapist told her that unless she pulls her head ouf her butt there is nothing more he can do for them. Therapy is worthless if everybody isn't on board.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 9, 2012 15:26:48 GMT -5
We don't really know what happened during the "firing" - the therapist may very well have said "I think you would be better off with another therapist, and gave a name and phone number." Heck, that could have been therapist #2 or #3. It sounds like #3 ended because Dad was done with it. So....I won't jump to fault the therapist. She may have been following all the standard protocol. She may not have.
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milee
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Post by milee on Oct 11, 2012 19:30:44 GMT -5
Tried to discuss some of the issues a little more today. It did not go well. Obviously, I don't understand. The police don't understand. The jerk neighbors don't understand. He is a good kid. Period. Not sure we're really talking right now. Saturday should be really interesting since she's crewing for me in a regatta. Hope we're talking by then.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2012 20:12:18 GMT -5
This isn't just one incident. She needs to see it in patten / context...
Kudos for trying. I know it's a difficult position for you to be in.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Oct 11, 2012 23:14:44 GMT -5
Tried to discuss some of the issues a little more today. It did not go well. Obviously, I don't understand. The police don't understand. The jerk neighbors don't understand. He is a good kid. Period. Not sure we're really talking right now. Saturday should be really interesting since she's crewing for me in a regatta. Hope we're talking by then. I'm sorry.
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milee
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Post by milee on Oct 12, 2012 7:17:06 GMT -5
After the VP debate last night, DS and I also talked. DS was really engaged and over time, conversation moved into him talking about the future and things he wanted. We talked about how choices now made it easier or harder to achieve certain things. As we moved into the subject of drugs/alcohol, he volunteered that he thought some of his friends were starting to experiment. For better or worse, at this point in most parenting talks, this is where I tend to just get very quiet and let him talk. If I talk, he hears it as preaching and resists, but if I let him talk, he usually works things out well by himself. So I was listening.
He brought up Zander and said Zander is starting to talk about drugs in his neighborhood. DS thinks Zander will experiment, given the "dumb" things he's done in school. DS also said he doesn't think he wants to be friends with Zander any more because he's getting tired of other kids not wanting to interact with him because Zander's around. DS isn't really sure how to disengage, though. We talked about some ways to start moving away from the friendship.
So discussions with my friend really bombed, but discussions with my son are moving in a good direction.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 12, 2012 7:54:15 GMT -5
That's the best you can hope for in this situation. I'm sorry for you, your son, your friend, and even for Zander.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 12, 2012 8:46:29 GMT -5
You've tried, even knowing beforehand what the outcome would be. She knows, down deep, just doesn't want to accept it, yet. Most of us have been there at one point in our lives. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
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milee
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Post by milee on Oct 12, 2012 9:41:50 GMT -5
Update - the friend called me this morning to just chit chat about friendly, nothing stuff. It was nice. We didn't talk about anything controversial or of substance, which is fine. I think this is her way of saying we're OK as friends.
I'm very relieved.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 12, 2012 9:42:57 GMT -5
Update - the friend called me this morning to just chit chat about friendly, nothing stuff. It was nice. We didn't talk about anything controversial or of substance, which is fine. I think this is her way of saying we're OK as friends. I'm very relieved.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 12, 2012 10:11:20 GMT -5
Milee-I think at this point you have said everything you need to have said to your friend. While she may not admit it to you or anyone else, your friend knows what is going on.
Just be there for your friend when and if something goes terribly wrong with her son that she can't easily ignore or fix.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 12, 2012 10:15:59 GMT -5
But keep your kid away from him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2012 17:40:16 GMT -5
I'm happy that your friend called Milee!
And it sounds like you have a fantastic relationship with your son.
But, I agree that as time goes on, if your son continues to make "good choices", and Zander doesn't, the relationship with your friend is likely to take another hit. As much as I know you value your friendship with this woman, you definitely need to be lucid about that.
It may even become "your fault" one day. If your DS decides to spend less time with Zander, and Zander goes astray, I can totally see his mom blaming everybody who "abandoned her baby who is such a great kid". But maybe your DS even more, because it seems he was more loyal to Zander than the other kids.
You need to be prepared for this, or any other craziness from her, because she is visibly in total denial about her son.
Tennesseer raises a very interesting point. We're all assuming your friend really doesn't see it (the book "The Truth About Kevin" comes to mind). But maybe she does?! That had never occurred to me before his post.
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