Do you WANT to be a SAHS/P?

[Deleted]

I like being home. I am a homebody. I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. I enjoy my kids' friends. When i am at work, i enjoy that my work. And in marriage, the balance tips back and forth so what is the point of feeling resentful? It is a waste of time.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2012 7:25:22 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I like being home. I am a homebody. I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. I enjoy my kids' friends. When i am at work, i enjoy that my work. And in marriage, the balance tips back and forth so what is the point of feeling resentful? It is a waste of time.

I am not able to control which emotions I feel. If you can do that, fantastic. I was able to convey my feelings to DH, and he did the best he could to accomodate. I probably wouldn't be opposed to staying home if my son was older than 5. But sitting around a messy house, unable to clean because you have a small infant who needs your attention is not something that I want long term.

[Deleted]

Well, i guess i look at life in terms of "seasons". There is a Season of time when you do certain things. When my kids were infants, that was the "season" of time to sit and rock them. There is a season of time when you are wiping little hands and noses and filling sippy cups and changing diapers. Sorry, but i am not going to be laying on my death bed wishing i spent more time at work. The time i invest in my children is the most important time to me and i have arranged my life to try to maximize that time.

[Deleted]

I understand and realize that, and I feel the same way to some extent. But I guess I'm just selfish or something. I am a prime example of "happy wife, happy life" or "if Momma ain't happy, no one's happy". I know I need to work on myself and my patience, but I also know my limits. Working part-time would be the best option for me - I can spend more time with my kid(s) and also get out of the house.

[Deleted]

Even if I didn't ever get to the point of physical rage, if I felt resentful about my (lack of) work situation I could easily see that resentment punishing my kids unduly.

A kid's ability to punish their parents is also amazing.

[Firebird]

I like being home. I am a homebody. I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. I enjoy my kids' friends. When i am at work, i enjoy that my work. And in marriage, the balance tips back and forth so what is the point of feeling resentful? It is a waste of time.

I agree with you to some extent - especially since this whole thing is such a trade off and there are major benefits to both staying home AND working while you have young kids - but at the same time, some people are just miserable in one situation or other. I think that, like you, I could adjust to both. But there are people that just can't.

If EITHER situation (staying at home or working) has the potential to make your life miserable day in and day out (not just the occasional frustration), then I think that indicates something deeper is wrong.

[Firebird]

I understand and realize that, and I feel the same way to some extent. But I guess I'm just selfish or something.

I don't think you're selfish at all, if that means anything. Making the right choices for yourself that enable you to be the best parent and partner possible is never selfish. A family is an organic thing; if one part is miserable, then it can't help but affect the others. So in keeping yourself reasonably happy and satisfied (whatever that means to you) you are actually serving your family more than you would be if you just put them first all the time.

That's what I think.