Do you WANT to be a SAHS/P?

[Deleted]

I wanted to be with my kids as much as possible. Soon they will grow up and have their own lives and i want to enjoy those moments with them as much as i can. I don't view staying home with my kids as something negative or to be minimized or avoided.

[wvugurl26]

May 12, 2012 8:44:18 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I wanted to be with my kids as much as possible. Soon they will grow up and have their own lives and i want to enjoy those moments with them as much as i can. I don't view staying home with my kids as something negative or to be minimized or avoided.

That works for you and that's great. Doesn't mean it works for everyone else.

[Deleted]

The only way I would be a Stay At Home Anything would be if there were no kids involved! OK, honestly I'd do it when they were High School age, but not before that.

I love working and its the right place for me. I'm not good with singy songs, sitting on the floor to play, or being a pantomime anything. I just think we all have different skill sets and mine aren't in the kid nurturing arena. Everyone should do what they are best at and we'd all be happier!! I think maybe I was supposed to live in a commune.

ETA: Oh yeah, I HATE cooking and cleaning, and consequently seem to be really lousy at them. Most of the time i am on this board its because I'm avoiding doing one of those things!! I have to get a smaller home that is maintainable and that i utilize better!

[Deleted]

May 12, 2012 9:18:10 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

May 12, 2012 8:44:18 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I wanted to be with my kids as much as possible. Soon they will grow up and have their own lives and i want to enjoy those moments with them as much as i can. I don't view staying home with my kids as something negative or to be minimized or avoided.

That works for you and that's great. Doesn't mean it works for everyone else.

I didn't say it did. I didn't start the thread, i am just commenting on it.

[Formerly SK]

May 12, 2012 7:57:05 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I don't know where the notion came from that being home all day with your own children is some terrible, awful thing. Sorry, i don't get that mentality. We adjusted our lifestyles so that i could be home more. I work but i have a much lighter schedule than i otherwise would have. I love it that way and I like being home with my children.

I think you have the ideal situation (working PT). I love my children too and love spending as much time with them as I do. But, I also miss adult interactions and intellectual challenges. Being a SAHP doesn't provide much of that, although I try really hard to create it (ie I've been digging up my yard trying to find the sprinkler pipes so I can add a few heads - something I'll have to research how to do.)

[Deleted]

I am not sure where this thread has gone because I have only read the first page.

I go back and forth. Right now I work full time with vacations and summers off. During the school year I do think about how much easier it would be if I were to go back to being a SAHM. My house would be clean again, I wouldn't be rushed to make dinner. I wouldn't be rushing around trying to get kids to their activities. DH helps out as much as he can, but there are times I am a single parent because of deployments or TDY assignments.

On the other hand, I LOVE having a paycheck that I worked for. Also, I feel obligated to work now because I have SLs. I would hate to put all of that weight onto my husband. I also remember how much I hated being a SAHM once all my kids got into school. I was bored out of my mind. I had the cleanest house in the state of Texas because I was bored out of my mind.

Oh and I stayed home sick a week or so ago and I realized how much I HATE other SAHMs. Ok not all of them, but the ones I live by make me want to hurt myself and them. They let their kids play in the road (I am assuming they feel entitled to let their little ones play in the road because our lawns are so small? ). One screams at her kid constantly but doesn't follow through with any consequence. If I stayed at home and had to listen to her every day....I would lose my freaking mind.

[Deleted]

I do think that PT is the ideal situation for us. I have a challenging career and spent a lot of years in college getting my degree so of course i want to use my skills and abilitites. However, the reality is that there is only 24 hours a day and i am no Super woman. I can do it all if i have too, but it was very tiring and i just didn't want to run that race anymore. I really like the balance. I think staying home 24/7 could be draining as well. But, working 60 hours a week and shuttling kids to daycare and cooking, laundry and all that is tiring too. I really admire single moms or dads who are able to pull all of that off. They get big kudos in my book.

[whoisjohngalt]

I wanted to do it in "theory", not so much in practice

[wvugurl26]

May 12, 2012 10:00:26 GMT -5 @shooby said:

May 12, 2012 9:18:10 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

That works for you and that's great. Doesn't mean it works for everyone else.

I didn't say it did. I didn't start the thread, i am just commenting on it.

And saying those of us who say we couldn't be a SAHM are awful people for not wanting to be at home with the kids 24-7.

[Deleted]

That isn't what i said, but if you want to start an argument with yourself, have at it.

[andi9899]

Some people can stay at home with kids and god bless them. I think it takes a special personality to be able to do that and I don't have it!

Work is when I get away from my children.

"How come we have to do all the picking up around here? You never do any work."

This doesn't come out of my kids' mouths. They really don't want to hear me list all of the things that I do. And, they don't even ask for allowance. After they here "I allow you to live in my house, isn't that enough?" a few times, they give up.

[andi9899]

I absolutely adore my children. But I don't have nearly the patience to be at home all day with them. Just like I couldn't be a teacher or daycare provider. I have the utmost respect for those who are. But it takes a certain kind of personality to do that kind of work and I just don't have it.

[Phoenix84]

I don't know, maybe temporarily, like for six months to a year, but not long term.

To me, having to take care of babies and toddlers all day, every day for years on end sounds like the seventh circle of hell.

[wvugurl26]

You did say you couldn't see how anyone could say they wanted to spend all this time away from their children. To me that is saying you think people who say they want to work are wrong for wanting to have some adult time. There's no one answer for everyone. And quality of time matters too. If someone spends all of their time with their children but is miserable playing paddy cake for the thousandth time that's not any better than a working parent who enjoys the time they have with the kids.

[wvugurl26]

May 12, 2012 13:44:53 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I don't know, maybe temporarily, like for six months to a year, but not long term.

To me, having to take care of babies and toddlers all day, every day for years on end sounds like the seventh circle of hell.

Yep sounds like hell on earth to me.

[whoisjohngalt]

To me, having to take care of babies and toddlers all day, every day for years on end sounds like the seventh circle of hell.

You do realize, of course, that they are not babies and toddlers FOR YEARS. They DO grow up.....

[swasat]

May 12, 2012 13:17:39 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I know to each his or her own, but to have kids only to say you don't like being around them, to me is something like spending bucks on a certain model of car, then saying you don't like to drive it.

Thats exactly it. At least for me.

I adore my kids, love having them around, I just don't like maintaining them. I want the fun aspects, not the grunt work. So I pay the evil daycare to take care of them. And I get them back in the evening after they are done with the hyper stage of their day and are longing to be cuddly with me.

So it is like owning a car. I own a wonderful car, I love to drive it, the maintenance aspect of it....I outsource.

[swasat]

Well, you are special lonewolf. I am not. I love my kids, I love my work and I love my paycheck, in that order.

And I do think that the grunt work of child care is not enticing for everyone. Ceratinly not for me. My kids are a blessing but my work is a blessing too. So I balance both.

At least my paycheck ensures that I don't have to consult a vet for my kids ailments, nor do I have to resort to Hydrogen Peroxide as a cure-all.

[Deleted]

May 12, 2012 13:17:39 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I know to each his or her own, but to have kids only to say you don't like being around them, to me is something like spending bucks on a certain model of car, then saying you don't like to drive it.

No, it's more like saying I don't want to be seated in it 24/7 and have to use it to get everywhere- no walking, flying, kayaking, etc. Everybody needs a break unless you're one of those "attachment parenting" types who still wants the kid attached to your hip when they're 14.

[raeoflyte]

May 12, 2012 14:38:36 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Everybody needs a break unless you're one of those "attachment parenting" types who still wants the kid attached to your hip when they're 14.

That is NOT attachment parenting... Thank you Time magazine.

[Phoenix84]

"You do realize, of course, that they are not babies and toddlers FOR YEARS. They DO grow up....."

Of course they do, I was thinking of day care providors.

[Deleted]

May 12, 2012 15:44:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"You do realize, of course, that they are not babies and toddlers FOR YEARS. They DO grow up....."

Of course they do, I was thinking of day care providors.

HELL NO, I couldn't do that for a living. I love my son - all other kids are dumb.

[The Home 6]

I've been a SAHW/M for just over 6 years. I was only preggers with our first daughter when I stopped working. Do I miss a paycheck, YES. Do I miss words with more than 3 syllables, YES. Do I love my daughters, ABSOLUTELY. This past year, I did EVERYTHING on my own while Big Sarge was in the 'Stan. It was damn tough. I am going back to school though, and hope that I can get a job when the kids are both in school themselves. (I am taking the summer off, but have an awesome sitter, and only have classes a few days a week).

All that being said- I do have days when I despise being a SAHM. When Big Sarge gets all "strive for perfection on me"...Oy. If looks could kill, I wouldn't need a frying pan.

[Happy prose]

I was never a SAHM, and give credit to those that do. But, i used to get a kick out of the moms (with school aged kids) that said housework was a full time job. I didnt have a fairy come in and cook and clean for me while i worked full time outside the home!!

[Firebird]

May 12, 2012 13:17:39 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I know to each his or her own, but to have kids only to say you don't like being around them, to me is something like spending bucks on a certain model of car, then saying you don't like to drive it.

Who has said that? Some of us like working for various reasons (like not wanting our entire identities consumed in parenthood) and that doesn't at all mean we don't like hanging with our kids.

Actually, I've found that for me personally, I enjoy relationships with people best when I don't see them all the time. I appreciate DH a lot more when I see him for the first time at 7:00 at night than I do when we've had all day together (not that I don't enjoy spending the whole day with him as well - and the fact that this is currently a rare treat makes it all the more enjoyable).

When I have limited time with the people I love, I appreciate it more. I expect it to be hard being away from my kids, but at least I'll never take time with them for granted. I'm not saying SAHMs do, at least not all of them, but I do know a couple who really seem to be sick of their kids. And I totally understand that - being with ANYONE day in and day out for months on end is kind of exhausting!

I'm not judging anyone who likes being a SAHP - I can understand the appeal - but everyone isn't cut out for it. And really, if you're 100% happy with your choices in life then there should be no need to judge anyone else's. Right?

[Firebird]

May 12, 2012 13:46:47 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

You did say you couldn't see how anyone could say they wanted to spend all this time away from their children. To me that is saying you think people who say they want to work are wrong for wanting to have some adult time. There's no one answer for everyone. And quality of time matters too. If someone spends all of their time with their children but is miserable playing paddy cake for the thousandth time that's not any better than a working parent who enjoys the time they have with the kids.

Karma. Well put.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but to have kids only to say you don't like being around them, to me is something like spending bucks on a certain model of car, then saying you don't like to drive it.

I take it you never had a day with a sick kid and a sick husband at the same time?

I've never been so glad to see Monday morning in my life!

[wvugurl26]

Thanks firebird.

I'd take a sick kid over a sick husband DQ. My stepmom used to say she'd rather have 3 sick kids than 1 sick husband. Men turn into big overgrown babies when they are sick.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It sucks when you are up to your eyeballs in baby poo and your DH is out of commission because he has his head buried in the toilet.

I was so happy to go back to work on Monday. I needed to get away from both of them before I lost what was left of my sanity.

[wvugurl26]

Wow you win the worst weekend award! That is not a way to spend Mother's Day weekend. Glad you got to escape to work.