Do you WANT to be a SAHS/P?

[Firebird]

Hells to the yeah, where do I sign up? The kids are in school all day, I can keep the house pretty clean with maybe one hours worth of cleaning a day. Throw in another hour making dinner. Easiest job ever!!!

Yeah but Loop already stays home. What in the world would you guys do all day together?

...never mind...

[Firebird]

May 11, 2012 14:13:31 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Aww, thanks FB

[lynnerself]

May 11, 2012 14:07:51 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I could not give them the sort of summers that I had as a kid.

Ah, summers. Now here's one thing that I think would be really great - if I could work for nine months and take a sabbatical every summer to hang with my kids. That would be my idea of the perfect situation. Nine months out of the year would be just enough work for me to feel like I had earned the time off, and it would be so much fun to have a dedicated three months every year to just have family time. Particularly if DH also had the summer off. I can totally picture the epic road trips we'd have.

But since neither of us are in the education field, I doubt that would ever happen.

It took me awhile to accept that they wouldn't miss what they hadn't experienced. That their summers, in day care, with lots of field trips and activities would be their normal.

[Sum Dum Gai]

What in the world would you guys do all day together?

Well, we'd have to get a pool. We can't sit around drinking by the pool until we put one in, obviously. After that I'd probably be happy doing as close to nothing as I could get away with for like a solid six months. When that get's boring, I'd have to find a hobby or something.

[Firebird]

You know what looks really fun to me? Those sleep-away camps designed for the entire family. I don't have specific examples on hand but from what I've heard, they have separate activities for adults and kids during the day (with some mixture) and then mostly family-oriented activities at night. And they have all different age groups.

That sounds totally awesome to me. I had such a good time at summer camp when I was a kid. I hope DH and I can do that kind of vacation someday with our kids.

[Firebird]

Well, we'd have to get a pool. We can't sit around drinking by the pool until we put one, obviously. After that I'd probably be happy doing as close to nothing as I could get away with for like a solid six months. When that get's boring, I'd have to find a hobby or something.

Much more PG answer than I was expecting. Whew

[Taxman10]

May 11, 2012 14:15:53 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Hells to the yeah, where do I sign up? The kids are in school all day, I can keep the house pretty clean with maybe one hours worth of cleaning a day. Throw in another hour making dinner. Easiest job ever!!!

Yeah but Loop already stays home. What in the world would you guys do all day together?

...never mind...

let's not turn this into some kind of crazy EE sexcapade....some people are at work.

[Sum Dum Gai]

You know what looks really fun to me? Those sleep-away camps designed for the entire family.

There's one near Monterey that sounds like way too much fun. However, we decided against it. Our kids are hitting the age that they need to start developing their independence from us. They don't need mom and dad tagging along to keep an eye on them at camp. We should have done it when they were younger though, because those family camps really do sound like a blast.

[Firebird]

let's not turn this into some kind of crazy EE sexcapade....some people are at work.

Agreed!

[cronewitch]

I was a childless housewife and dirt poor, hated it. We lived in the middle of nowhere in a one bedroom, half a duplex, he took the only car to work. I was home all day petting the cat and knitting. Just before he got home I made dinner and cleaned that took less than an hour. He worked 12 hours a day with a long commute was gone about 14 so he ate and slept when home.

Now I could do it, call it retirement. I have a house, boats, trucks, car and money to do things and the internet and cable TV. Sleep late, garden a little, put in a load of laundry, go shopping, go visiting, cook and clean a large house and the days would pass quickly. I am almost ready but might keep working a while more to get more money and out of the house with a purpose or I could quit in 11 months and 2.5 weeks.

[Firebird]

Our kids are hitting the age that they need to start developing their independence from us.

What, you don't want them growing up with the idea that they need a man for everything? You want to raise them to make their own way in the world? Like, without your help?

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

May 11, 2012 13:57:34 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Forget money... pretend that's not an issue.

If you could stay home while your spouse worked, would you want to do that? Alternatively, do you think your spouse would like to do that while you worked? Does having kids change your answer?

You?

I've been a Stay-at-home-wife since October 2005 and I love it. My wonderful DH loves what he does (he's a pilot) and has no desire to be a Stay-at-home-husband. In fact, it was HIS idea back in 2004 that I quit my job and stay home. It took some time for me to realize that my staying home would be best for me, and best for us. And it's been wonderful, wonderful, wonderful for me/us.

That being said, it's not for everyone. Some people would be bored. Some people would be lonely. Some people want more household money. There are a gazillion reasons why people choose to work ~ even when it's not 100% necessary. I don't have a problem with people who feel differently than I feel ... and I know I get a lot of snarky comments, wisecracks and criticisms from some for our decision to have me stay home and "just" be a wife.

[kgb18]

I would like to be home a lot more. I think the perfect balance for me would be to work part-time. Even if money were no object, I would still need to do something outside of the home like freelance work or volunteering at least a few hours a week.

I don't think DH would like to be a SAHD. Well, he would probably like to stay home, but I'm not sure how much actual parenting he would do.

[teen persuasion]

I did the SAHM thing for almost 20 years. I couldn't have handled leaving my little ones w/ someone else while I went out to work.

Then again, when the 2 oldest were small, I figured what were a few more? I did childcare in our home. Best of both worlds: home w/ my kids, kids for them to play w/, earning a bit.

After we bought a house, I no longer had that job (moved too far away), but we bought a 4 unit, so we had tenants to deal w/ and rent to help w/ bills. Guess I had another home job.

Now that the youngest is in school, I'm working part-time. DH often jokes that he's ready for his turn at SAHP. Now that the mortgage is paid off, we can afford for him to take summers off. Since summers are my busy period (teen drama club, preschool storyhour, AND ES reading program), DH gets his wish for a few months. He never seems to get much done over the summer, though, w/ all the kids home.

[Peace Of Mind]

Molly, I'm so happy too with our arrangement that I don't even care about those type comments. To each his/her own. I don't snark them for being stressed and miserable all the time so why should I get snarked for not being stressed or miserable? Either way - we are all here posting when we can. ;D

[reader79]

Ooooooh camp! I went back in the 80's when vegans/vegetarians weren't the norm. I had nothing to eat, and I was one of those hall monitor kids who would not eat anything I wasn't supposed to. They pointed me to a loaf of whole wheat bread in the kitchen, and a jar of almond butter. I lost 11 pounds in 10 days. Maybe I should go back now.

[Sum Dum Gai]

What, you don't want them growing up with the idea that they need a man for everything? You want to raise them to make their own way in the world? Like, without your help?

Crazy right? You wouldn't believe the funny looks, comments, and outright arguments we've had thrown at us over the years. Some of the most loving, caring, emotionally, and financially put together parents are raising some of the most timid least well adjusted kids I've ever seen.

Do your kids a favor, cut the damn cord at some point. It should happen while their age is still measured in single digits, not when you you're helping them decorate their college dorm room. If you wait that long, you already screwed the pooch.

[Formerly SK]

Pre-kids, it was very important to me to be a SAHM as a sort of knee-jerk, opposite-of-my-f*cked-up-parents instinct. I wanted to do everything in my power to be the best parent for my child, and IMO *at the time* being a SAHM was it. And initially it was really fun. I got preggo with #2 right away. Then DS got his ASD dx and it stopped being fun really fast. My life for a couple years was dragging a newborn/baby to a zillion therapy appts for my toddler. The social isolation was horrific. Course, by that point it wouldn't have mattered if I had started out as a SAHM or not because I would have had to quit to coordinate all the therapy.

It has gotten easier in the past couple of years. I still feel incredible social isolation, mostly because I feel guilty if I hang out with friends or whatever during the day while the kids are at school. I feel like I should always be busy doing something, so usually that means I'm alone working on a project. Even worse than the social isolation though is the lack of feeling accomplished/successful/etc. I can make the most elaborate spreadsheets (or whatever) but I don't have a boss patting me on the back. There aren't any raises or annual reviews. I'm rarely challenged by someone to learn something new. I don't feel like I'm contributing to anything meaningful (although I know that sounds stupid). Volunteering does help with that, but it isn't enough.

I've found structure to be key. The kids have their morning/afternoon chores, I have my routine of where/when I do stuff. This summer is going to be very structured with chores/homework/therapy/swim lessons/gymnastics/etc. I'm also thinking of doing Meals on Wheels with the kids to start teaching them about charity. These are all important to me so I'm glad I have to opportunity to do them. But at the same time I fantasize about being an AP/AR clerk because of some stupid sense of identity (or lack thereof).

[quotequeen]

I would love to stay home all day now. With kids? Not a chance.

[Firebird]

I think if being a SAHS works for your family, it's no one else's business. I know my mom is way happier staying home taking care of my dad (and soon, her new grandbaby) than she ever was working a normal job. So I don't judge anyone making that choice, if it works for them.

[Firebird]

Do your kids a favor, cut the damn cord at some point. It should happen while their age is still measured in single digits, not when you you're helping them decorate their college dorm room. If you wait that long, you already screwed the pooch.

Like I'm going to let my kid move out to go to college. You're crazy. I want my kids stapled to my side for life. I have every intention of being a helicopter mom. That's why kids have parents, to protect them from the big bad world forever.

[Deleted]

My initial reaction is heck yeah, I'd love to be a SAHS. I'm lazy and I only work because I have to. I don't want to do ANY kind of hands on parenting anymore, but I often wished I didn't have to work while my children were growing up.

What's funny is that I say I'd love to be home every day but when I was doing the SAHM thing, I ended up working a part time job a couple of times, just so I could have something else to do.

I've been off work a few weeks now (which is why I've been around here so much lately) because of an injury and I'm looking at at least another week. I'm pretty much sick of myself, but that's probably because I'm so limited in what I can do so I'm not having much fun.

Not having to work sounds lovely, but I'd still have to find something to do that has nothing to do with my household. Sitting around the house all day, every day starts to suck after a while.

[justme]

I think I'd like one of us (assuming I get married and have kids) to stay home with the kids. I also think you can be a SAHP without "just" watching the kids and going stir crazy with that. Just from what I remember, my mom had us in a couple of play groups, as well as play dates, she also volunteered a lot and we went with her a lot of the times. I still remember almost growing up at the local children's hospital that she helped create. Also, taking long family vacations weren't a problem since only my dad had to get the time off work approved.

That said, I also know there's a possibility that neither of the theoretical us will want to stay with the kids, and if I did I'd probably want to do some type of part time work once the kids are all school-aged.

[sheilaincali]

May 11, 2012 14:54:39 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

What, you don't want them growing up with the idea that they need a man for everything? You want to raise them to make their own way in the world? Like, without your help?

Crazy right? You wouldn't believe the funny looks, comments, and outright arguments we've had thrown at us over the years. Some of the most loving, caring, emotionally, and financially put together parents are raising some of the most timid least well adjusted kids I've ever seen.

Do your kids a favor, cut the damn cord at some point. It should happen while their age is still measured in single digits, not when you you're helping them decorate their college dorm room. If you wait that long, you already screwed the pooch.

DS used to be picked up by his grandparents the day after school let out for summer and travel the country in a motor home with them for 8 weeks. Starting at age 6. It was great.

Now at 14 he bikes over to the university to go to his engineering camps. Some days we throw him out in the plant and make him work with the crew. He can drive forklift and all sorts of things.

I never understand those parents that won't let their kids out of their sight even to go to a sleep over at a friends house. Not helping your kid out by sheltering them from life.

[Bob Ross]

Alls I know is that I'd like to stay at home.

And build a moat. And some battlements. And put a ballista on the roof.

I'd totally ruin your day with a ballista.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Alls I know is that I'd like to stay at home.

And build a moat. And some battlements. And put a ballista on the roof.

Is it weird that I fantasize about that when I buy lottery tickets? In my head I'd build an honest to god castle. Rock and everything, although I'm a fan of indoor plumbing. Do it on some huge chunk of land somewhere, and see if I can get peasants to live there rent free in exchange for working the fields and stuff. It would be awesome!

[Firebird]

I have always wanted a moat and drawbridge. Every Lego castle I built as a kid had them.

Of course, there are way better Lego materials today. That's a huge part of the reason I wanted to have a kid.

[qofcc]

Oh hell yes. No question about it. Absolutely when I had kids at home and yes, even now. The person who made that situation possible for me would be very well taken care of.

I had a couple months at home when DD was 2 and I was waiting to have DS, a couple months when DD started KG and we moved and I was able to stay home with DS while waiting for a new job to start. A couple of months when both kids were in school and I saved my employer a boatload of money eliminating the need for my job and in return they allowed me to work a few hours/week and continue to draw a salary while I moved back home and looked for another job, then 4 months over a summer when I was out of work and the kids were in grade school. Those were some of my happiest memories of time with them. I loved being home. I felt like my life was under control, the house was clean, dinner was on the table, I got enough sleep and had time to relax and enjoy the kids, I wasn't stressed.

I can't see spending decades without doing anything to put on a resume just in case the need to work arose in the future, but last time I was out of work, I did a consulting project for a small business a few hours a week and I could see doing that or a few programming gigs/year just as an insurance policy and for some fun money.

[reader79]

You guys do know that there are Lord of the Rings Lego sets coming this fall - Battle of Helms Deep!

[Sum Dum Gai]

You guys do know that there are Lord of the Rings Lego sets coming this fall - Battle of Helms Deep!

Mine are right on the cusp of outgrowing their lego phase. The younger one is signed up for a Lego Mindstorm camp this summer though, so hopefully I'll get another year out of her. She really wants to start building and programming robots, which is also cool with me. Kids these days have way better toys than I ever did.