Taking your husband's last name

[Firebird]

So far, I've avoided doing what WCPaul did to his wife about church, but quite frankly, I know that is the only cure.

What did he do again? It's been awhile and I've forgotten. I remember being stunned when he admitted to it, I just can't remember exactly what he did.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My kid has Dh's last name. I hypenated because it was the only compromise I could think of because DH wasn't going to leave it alone if I refused to add his name at all. He's still pissed at me for not changing it completely.

In my mind I'd had my name by that point for 25 years, why should I have to change my name just because someone put a ring on my finger?

Gwen didn't have a name. It meant a lot to DH for her to have his last name so she has his last name. I didn't have strong feelings either way. Saddling her with a hypenated name seems stupid and it would be extremely confusing for all three of us to have different last names.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Would it really change the way you looked at them, do you think?

A betrayal and lie that big? Yeah, it would probably change the way I looked at them, at least a little. Maybe a lot. I don't know.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I remember being stunned when he admitted to it, I just can't remember exactly what he did.

He left and went to church. .. without her.

I've done it to DH before too. He wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't get out of bed but kept telling me he wanted to go with me to the Farmer's Market.

It closes at noon so around 11:00 I decided to just leave. When I got back he was really hurt and I told him since he wasn't getting up I assumed he didn't want to go, so I left.

He never did it again. If he doesn't want to go he tells me, if he wants to go he gets up.

[Cookies Galore]

May 14, 2012 13:39:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

That second option will obviously get cumbersome as hell within a few generations.



That's why I'm a fan of a single last name - whichever one it is.

If this is a huge issue between couples, I think both parties should change their name. And not necessarily to either party's current last name. You can pick an older family name you both like, or a new name entirely. Hell, you're starting a new family anyway.

We go by Smash (i.e. Hulk Smash!) and it was the best day ever when we got a wedding invitation addressed to The Smashes. I love our friends. So, we'll be keeping our own names but will have a social name.


Bf is so lucky to have someone who makes a mockery out of marriage.

[Firebird]

A betrayal and lie that big? Yeah, it would probably change the way I looked at them, at least a little. Maybe a lot. I don't know.

I could see that with a baby. But if your kid was older when you found that out, I don't think you would want to be rid of him/her, just the lying whore. It wouldn't be the kid's fault. (Maybe I'm assuming too much, though.)

I have a friend who could and maybe should have requested a paternity test when his baby momma gave birth to "their" daughter. But he didn't. And now it's much too late - if he DID somehow find out she wasn't biologically his, she would still be his daughter.

[Sum Dum Gai]

It wouldn't be the kid's fault.

It's not the kid's fault, but I don't owe a decent upbringing to every single kid on the planet either. That's on the lying whore and the guy she slept with. They're the parents and they can raise the kid. I'm only the dad because the kid is actually mine biologically, or my wife and I have decided to adopt or something. I was either chosen by nature or chose myself. If I was tricked into believing some other guy's kids were actually mine I don't owe them, or the person who tricked me, a damn thing.

[Opti]

May 14, 2012 14:37:21 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

May 14, 2012 13:39:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

That second option will obviously get cumbersome as hell within a few generations.



That's why I'm a fan of a single last name - whichever one it is.

If this is a huge issue between couples, I think both parties should change their name. And not necessarily to either party's current last name. You can pick an older family name you both like, or a new name entirely. Hell, you're starting a new family anyway.

We go by Smash (i.e. Hulk Smash!) and it was the best day ever when we got a wedding invitation addressed to The Smashes. I love our friends. So, we'll be keeping our own names but will have a social name.


Bf is so lucky to have someone who makes a mockery out of marriage.

Cool Meghan. I think a former BF liked the fact we were able to be on one of our favorite mailing lists I think simply as something like
B & O. (Not our real initials. )

[sarcasticgirl]

I hyphenated when I got married and it actually makes things easier than completely changing. I had my name for 30 years and love my name to drop it because it makes a man feel better about himself simply wasn't going to happen. EVER.

DH lucked out because if i hadn't hyphenated, i'd have kept my name. he admitted that if I had decided to just keep my maiden name he would have an issue with it. It wasn't a deal-breaker. DH isn't that stupid. He also couldn't give me a reason other than "it is important to me" he didn't know why it was important! Tradition is why. if the tradition wasn't in place, none of these men would give a crap.

and for the record:
1. i didn't care what DH spent on my e-ring. my only comment, when asked, was that i prefer sapphires to diamonds and think a big expensive ring was a silly idea for me.
2. DH wanted a wedding, i wanted to elope (or have something private with our parents). He won and after the fact he wish he'd listened to me.
3. DH takes out the trash. It's simply easier for him to pull out the trash bag and throw it in the dumpster. He's also not cleaned a single solitary toilet since we moved in together.

[TD2K]

It's definitely a non-issue for me.

But I did point out to Mich that since my car, my house, my investments are all in my name, maybe my wife should be in my name also

[Deleted]

Did Mich beat you with her crutches?

[Miss Tequila]

May 14, 2012 14:28:04 GMT -5 aliciar6 said:

May 14, 2012 13:37:55 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I'm kind of curios about the hyphenated name thing for professional women. It seems like a good compromise for now, but what named do you give your daughters? The same hyphenated name? When they grow up and get married do they replace one side of the hyphenated name with their husband's last name, or add another hyphen and go to three last names? That second option will obviously get cumbersome as hell within a few generations.

if i were to hyphenate, my kids would have his name, boy or girl.

i only hyphenated professionally, legally my name was changed for my first marriage. i never managed in 4 years to make it to the MVC to change my DL, mainly because i liked the picture on my DL and didn't want to change it. and I hated the Nj MVC, it's like they WANT to make it a totally unpleasant experience for you

When I hyphenated that is exactly what I planned on doing....having my kids have my husband's last name and me have the hyphenated name.

[resolution]

I took DH's last name when we married but there have been times that I regretted it. The name change itself was easy, I doubt it took more than 8 hours altogether. My difficulty is with my work. I hadn't realized how much cooperation I received based on people knowing me. Years later there are still times that people fail to cooperate with me because they don't know who I am. Once I remind them, they suddenly provide the information and resources that I need. It is totally unprofessional but just last week I sent someone that was ignoring me a long rambling email about my wedding and within an hour I had what I needed from him. I am considering changing my email signature to include my maiden name, but I was hired under my married name so that is all they have.

I am not sure if the men that demand a name change realize the career impact it can have. I hope they don't mind supporting their wife if her career goes downhill.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"...because DH wasn't going to leave it alone if I refused to add his name at all. He's still pissed at me for not changing it completely.":::...

Dangit... I didn't want to pressure DW into doing it and have her loathe me for it since I don't like it when she nags me for things.

...:::"He left and went to church. .. without her.":::...

A point for succinctness! Apparently she always made them late for church, so they agreed on a time that if she wasn't ready he'd leave without her. She wasn't ready, so he left without her. She was on time from then on.

...:::"When I got back he was really hurt...":::...

I am firmly convinced that what they are ACTUALLY hurt about is the fact that we shattered their denial and called them out on their own BS. They KNOW they are late, but they don't want to be forced to face the consequences.

[zibazinski]

DF and I talked about it last night. Funny how these things come up from these forums. Of course he wants me to and, of course, I wish he had asked his ex to take back her maiden name.

[michelyn8]

May 11, 2012 12:41:12 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

The whole idea of having the woman take the male's last name is ridiculous anyway. A man can never be completely sure that he's the father of the children, so it would make more sense for the husband to take the wife's name and pass that on to the kids. She may not even know who the father is, but when a baby comes out of your own vagina you can be pretty damn sure you're the mother.

ETA - I realize that now we have paternity testing and whatnot. However, my last name is over a thousand years old. If even one woman cheated on her husband during that time to give birth to one of my ancestors then I don't have any "Honor" blood in me anyway. The odds of that are probably fairly decent. So, I'd be quibbling about a last name that I technically have no claim to whatsoever. People be crazy.

You bring up a good point about our ancestors Dark. I have been climbing my famiy tree for over a decade. My paternal great-grandfather (grandfather's father) shows up in the census records in the household of the daughter of my 5th great grandfather - same last name but these are the ancestors of my paternal grandmother. However, I have no record of who the father of my great-grandfather is, just a mother's name which is also the name of the sister of who I found him living with (nice little puzzle). So there is a question in my mind of whether he was taken in and given their last name or whether he was a bastard child of the one daughter and raised by the other. On top of that, I can find no records where my 5th great-grandfather was born and again, only have a mother's name. More questions since the last name is spelled several different ways in the records and one way is a common surname in NC - so did it morph to what we use now from misunderstanding/mispellings or was it always this and just misundertood/misspelled back them???

[zibazinski]

Do any of you watch the series, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Fascinating but also, the same person with different last names.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Now that I think about it, I wonder if I should start by getting the cats last names changed to mine. Or they should at LEAST be hyphenated. Neither of them will be reproducing, but if I take them to the vet, I don't want to have any snarky comments about how they aren't really my cats...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't loathe DH for it. It's just become an "agree to disagree" issue between us. Deep down he's still PO'ed with me but he deals with it.

Hypenating I felt was the solution so we could move the hell on and actually get married. I'm not going thru changing it again just to appease DH three years later.

I let it go when people address me as "Mrs DH". I don't correct them. Mainly because I don't like to have to explain why I am not "Mrs DH" and also so DH doesn't feel like I am rubbing his nose in it.

[zibazinski]

I accidently referred to DFs cat as first name and my last name just like I do my kids when I am unhappy with their behavior! He just looked at me when I said OOPS!

[8 Bit WWBG]

Actually... expanding on that point... so suppose the cat had built a name for him/herself in the pageant circuit. I suppose the same thing could happen that is happening to the OP's friend. If the name "Boots Carlton" is established, does it become cumbersome to change it to "Boots Carlton McTaggert" Do licenses have to be updated?

[zibazinski]

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Who puts that much thought into pet names?

[Opti]

May 16, 2012 8:59:43 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

Now that I think about it, I wonder if I should start by getting the cats last names changed to mine. Or they should at LEAST be hyphenated. Neither of them will be reproducing, but if I take them to the vet, I don't want to have any snarky comments about how they aren't really my cats...

If one of your cats is pre-relationship hasn't the vet already put its name in their database with your last name already? I always thought it was amusing the vet put my pets into his database as petname my last name but I guess it makes finding them easier.

[Opti]

May 16, 2012 9:07:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Who puts that much thought into pet names?

Breeders and those who show their animals in competitions like dog or cat shows.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Pet people? Don't worry, we don't send our pets to kitty hotels or spas or have them as beneficiary on our accounts or anything.

[Cookies Galore]

May 16, 2012 9:07:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Who puts that much thought into pet names?

Me.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Geez, I am a slacker when it comes to pet names.

[Cookies Galore]

My cats have their own first and last name. I am going to rule cat lady status!

[Deleted]

So we're on to pet names now?


You guys are reminding me of the SNL skit "Gettin' Quirky with Zooey Deschanel" where she said she's going to name her pets people names and her kids pet names.