Taking your husband's last name

[aliciar6]

So FI and I have a friend who is very accomplished...if and when she gets married she is against taking her husband's last name, she wants to keep her name because all of her accomplishments were made under that name. (and she will severely hurt the DJ if he announces them as Mr and Mrs and not Mr and Dr)

FI is completely against this and it would be a deal breaker for him to not take his last name...the mention of me saying for the sake of consistancy, can my MBA match my other 2 degrees and have my maiden name on it, even though I've officially taken your name set off a nuclear explosion in the house...

For me, I don't see the big deal...but he sees it as disrepectful and it's tradition and the way it is that the woman takes the man's name....

So guys, how important is it to you?
1) Deal breaker, must change everything and not mention maiden name even on FB in parenthesis.
2) not happy about it but as long as the kids have your name you could deal.
3) don't care at all

[Deleted]

Well - I'm not a guy but it was pretty important to DH. Not a dealbreaker but a big deal. I know some professional women who seem to use a "working" last name and then use their husband's last name in their private life. Not quite sure how you do that.

I have a friend who kept her ex's last name because she wanted to have the same last name as her son.

[Deleted]

I didn't care at all and took DH's last name. My maiden name also begins with a J and was very sing-songy together with my first name.

[raeoflyte]

DH thinks women changing taking their husbands name is weird... And there was no way I was changing mine, so that worked well.

[swamp]

I didn't take DH's last name. He doesn't care. He was insistent that the kids have his last name. Whatever, it's not worth fighting about.

[aliciar6]

my first marriage, i hyphenated professionally because i didn't change my email address for work, i changed it for my SSN, but i never changed my Driver's License.

this time around no hyphenation, totally taking his name...more because it's such a big deal to him, and not so much me, but I did ant my degrees to have the same name, but oh well.

my friend kept her ex's last name too, i couldn't wait to get my name back...only to change it a year and 4 months later again.

[Sum Dum Gai]

My wife wanted to keep her name, and frankly I don't care. I don't need her to take my last name to know that she's mine now.

[aliciar6]

interesting, so far here, it's not a big deal, on my FB post most of the guys are "it's a deal breaker"

[swamp]

I had someone ask me when he found out I didn't take DH's last name, "How could you reject your husband like that?"

WTF?

[Deleted]

Not take my last name? Why not just schedule the divorce now and save time?

[moxie]

I am old fashioned...take the man's name unless it is something like Schmidlap, Focker, Outhouse, etc.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It was very important to DH. We had a heck of time with it because I didn't feel that "this is how it is always done" was a good enough reason for me to change my name. I hypenated.

Which from time to time still bothers him. He occassionally comments that we are not "really married" since I didn't take his last name and drop my maiden name completely. I am fairly sure he's just joking when he says that.

It's kinda become a taboo subject in our house.

We agreed that Gwen would have his last name. It was very important to him so I agreed to give him that one.

It was more important to me to keep my own name. Gwen didn't have a name before she was concieved so I was open to her having a different last name than mine.

[moxie]

"Not take my last name? Why not just schedule the divorce now and save time?"

moxie Dragon...I like it!! ;D

[cronewitch]

I am too old to change names, not worth the trouble.

I think a young woman who plans to have children should to unite the family under one name.

A woman with professional licenses could keep her career name and use her husband's name for things like joint bank accounts but I can see that being messy so if she is older I would keep the old name and if young go to the trouble of changing it.

My brother married a Mexican last month she told me they don't change their names and have a huge naming convention for marriages and children. She owns a business and has a son so changing her name would be just wrong for her. My brother doesn't seem to mind all his other wives changed names when he married them so all his children have his name.

[movingforward]

I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to be with anyone who would consider it to be a "deal breaker" if I didn't take their last name. That seems extreme to me. I can understand some men might prefer a woman to take their last name but to consider not marrying based completely on that decision IMO is absurd.

[swamp]

I think a young woman who plans to have children should to unite the family under one name.

My kids know I'm their mommy whether or not we share a last name.

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 12:36:20 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to be with anyone who would consider it to be a "deal breaker" if I didn't take their last name. That seems extreme to me. I can understand some men might prefer a woman to take their last name but to consider not marrying based completely on that decision IMO is absurd.

[The J]

I would prefer it, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

Also, I think being announced as "Mr. and Dr." (or "Dr. and Mrs.") at the wedding is pretentious.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I think a young woman who plans to have children should to unite the family under one name.

Why? The kids get the father's last name, which they either pass on to their own children if they're male, or they take their husband's last name when they marry anyway. I really don't see how mom having a different last name affects family unity.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 12:33:08 GMT -5 aliciar6 said:

interesting, so far here, it's not a big deal, on my FB post most of the guys are "it's a deal breaker"

I know DH would have had an issue with me not taking his name in some form. He would have accepted me hyphenating. It was a non-issue since I was fine with changing it.

[movingforward]

May 11, 2012 12:33:08 GMT -5 aliciar6 said:

interesting, so far here, it's not a big deal, on my FB post most of the guys are "it's a deal breaker"

This is one of the reasons I prefer to stay single.... just don't want to deal with this type of nonsense.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 12:37:36 GMT -5 The J said:

Also, I think being announced as "Mr. and Dr." (or "Dr. and Mrs.") at the wedding is pretentious.

[Sum Dum Gai]

The whole idea of having the woman take the male's last name is ridiculous anyway. A man can never be completely sure that he's the father of the children, so it would make more sense for the husband to take the wife's name and pass that on to the kids. She may not even know who the father is, but when a baby comes out of your own vagina you can be pretty damn sure you're the mother.

ETA - I realize that now we have paternity testing and whatnot. However, my last name is over a thousand years old. If even one woman cheated on her husband during that time to give birth to one of my ancestors then I don't have any "Honor" blood in me anyway. The odds of that are probably fairly decent. So, I'd be quibbling about a last name that I technically have no claim to whatsoever. People be crazy.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I gleefully took DH's name. My maiden name is hard to spell and pronounce. His isn't.

I didn't discuss it with DH though. It was my choice. And while he's glad I did take his name and that was his preference, it wasn't a deal breaker for him, as I understand it.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure why there's such rabid feelings on either side of the debate. It's just a name. If it's not important to one person and important to the other, IMO you should follow the person who thinks it's important.

[greenstone]

May 11, 2012 12:37:36 GMT -5 The J said:

Also, I think being announced as "Mr. and Dr." (or "Dr. and Mrs.") at the wedding is pretentious.

I am glad I'm not the only one. It's her wedding but flaunting her professional credentials is tacky.

Dr is a professional title not a social one. I think it is pretentious even for MDs and dentists to use it socially although it is the norm.

And to answer the question, changing my name at this point would be a major PITA. I would probably use his name socially for convenience.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but when a baby comes out of your own vagina you can be pretty damn sure you're the mother.



It also states I am the mom on the birth certificate so I don't see where there should be any confusion about whether or not I am her mother based on my last name.

[aliciar6]

May 11, 2012 12:41:12 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

but when a baby comes out of your own vagina you can be pretty damn sure you're the mother.

quote]

*snort* i can't stop laughing

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 12:45:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

but when a baby comes out of your own vagina you can be pretty damn sure you're the mother.



It also states I am the mom on the birth certificate so I don't see where there should be any confusion about whether or not I am her mother based on my last name.

Damn, I had c-sections. I'm not their mommy, afterall.

[8 Bit WWBG]

I really regret not making that big expensive ring entirely conditional on her taking my last name. Its not looking likely that DW will take my name, and though I do love her and can "deal" with it (the same way I deal with paying taxes and doing chores), I will never pretend to be satisfied with her decision.

...:::"He was insistent that the kids have his last name. Whatever, it's not worth fighting about.":::...

Yeah this one will be fun. Though neither of us are 100% sure whether kids will happen, the one who wants them more will likely sacrifice the name. If I lose that one too, woe to anyone who ever questions that I am the father.