simser
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Post by simser on May 10, 2012 19:17:16 GMT -5
I really want to date a Mexican- I know that sounds crazy but I have always wanted to, and now I know a whole bunch of HOT Mexican guys... I'm not real sure if that's really going to jive with my personality, because I know their culture and I have had a lot of conversations about what my friends expect in realtionships. Monogamy is something that many can deal with, but some just won't. They're also pretty macho and I am a very independent female. They're very open about jealousy. Family is extremely important to them. Their style of eating and sense of time is also very different than mine, so that would take getting used to. However- they do hug and kiss every woman they meet. It's been great for me so far!!
I also basically dated an Indian (no physical but a large emotional content). He ended up engaged to another girl from India in an arranged marriage and never talked to me again. We had compatible views on things like religion even though we were different religions. Any flaws with him that I know of were because of him, not being Indian. However there were some odd things- his parents built a house and wouldn't move into the master bedroom since it was for him. Even though he planned on staying here.
I think cultural differences are important but not insurmountable.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 10, 2012 19:36:50 GMT -5
Holy crap. My gf, who had the body of a 19 year old, and six pack abs, writes me this morning that she is fat... oy vey... Read closely...she HAD the body of a 19 year old...yeah, so did I at 19...lol |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2012 21:49:21 GMT -5
Holy crap. My gf, who had the body of a 19 year old, and six pack abs, writes me this morning that she is fat... oy vey... Read closely...she HAD the body of a 19 year old...yeah, so did I at 19...lol oh Miss T you are still hot (you're still driving that car, right?  ) |
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 10, 2012 21:50:34 GMT -5
Read closely...she HAD the body of a 19 year old...yeah, so did I at 19...lol oh Miss T you are still hot (you're still driving that car, right? ) Talk about shallow!  |
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 10, 2012 22:30:50 GMT -5
When I was in grad school back in the mid-70's, I dated a fellow grad student who was from Tokyo. Our major issue from day 1 was that he made it clear that his work would always come first and that I would be expected to stay home and raise kids. His company was paying for his education and he said it would be a lifetime job. With what happened to the Japanese economy, I have no idea if he is still with the same company. I kicked myself when I received a post card and he was in London for 3 years. I am a boomer and have no fears of being alone. I was also a bra burner.  |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2012 22:42:14 GMT -5
My husband and I come from different cultures, but they are both American. Like Carl, there is a socio-economic difference although neither of us feel "entitled." He was one of many children growing up on a dairy farm. His childhood ended at about age six when he had to do chores beginning at 6 a.m. and ending about sundown every day after school. I wasn't "allowed" to work until I graduated at age 20 and started teaching full-time. He suggested that my eight-year-old grandson was too "old" for a stocking. Yep, you read that right. I am guessing that child should get a full-time job when he's nine.  This also shows up when we talk about stuff like college for my grandkids. He thinks college degrees are awesome (he has an associate's degree.) I take them for granted. I can't imagine my grandkids NOT going to college. The other culture clash is being Southern. That would be me. He was born in NJ and lived in California and Arizona for a lot of his adult life. He is often startled by Southern customs and expressions. Sometimes he doesn't even understand me when I talk. Lol. He understands the WORDS (I am not that Southern), but not the meaning. It makes for a "Who's on First" kind of routine. Carl's post inspired this so I will close with this observation. I had to do an inservice when I was in library school on the Haitian culture. Basically, all the research I did said that there was no middle class to speak of. So that makes a bigger divide than most of us can imagine if they really had different socio-economic backgrounds. I don't "agree" with Carl's obsession with 401ks (although I actually don't get a vote), but I can "understand" how he is more financially conscientious that Ms. Carl. |
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on May 11, 2012 7:02:10 GMT -5
Thanks Firebird! I'm a bad Catholic. I'm all about birth control. Ready a study yesterday that polled a bunch of American women and asked them if they had ever in their life used birth control. 99% said they had. When they asked just Catholic women, 98% said they had. I didn't see the details of the survey. I'm curious to know if they considered the rhythm method a BC method. Still, I was a little surprised that so many Catholic women have used BC, since I thought it was considered a no no. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 7:24:01 GMT -5
meh, a lot of "religious" people do things they're not supposed to do. One of my very Catholic friends in high school thought she was being good by engaging in things other than regular sex. Uh, you're still sinning, get over yourself!  |
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resolution
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Post by resolution on May 11, 2012 7:34:59 GMT -5
Still, I was a little surprised that so many Catholic women have used BC, since I thought it was considered a no no.
The Catholic church is a very large institution with a lot of history. It has varying degrees of strictness for different rules, some things are considered to be infallible truth and others are considered to be just based on tradition and are subject to change by an Ecumenical Council. Some things originally had a purpose and then became outdated or culture changed and the church is slow to adapt. An example of that is priestly celibacy, which for the first 1000 years of the church it was OK for priests to marry and then it was not OK, but it is a tradition and not an infallible truth that could never be changed. Even the definition of a mortal sin has been updated with the last council to include having both full knowledge and deliberate consent that something is wrong.
I am not sure where birth control falls in the hierarchy, but I discussed it with my priest at one point and he advocates using it as long as it is within the context of a loving relationship with a respect for life. I think there are enough mixed messages about it that most Catholic women just do what they feel is best.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 11, 2012 7:49:17 GMT -5
"meh, a lot of "religious" people do things they're not supposed to do. One of my very Catholic friends in high school thought she was being good by engaging in things other than regular sex. Uh, you're still sinning, get over yourself! "
Any "religious" person who is not pro-life or who actually had an abortion is also sinning...my SIL had an abortion at 16....yet she sent her kids to catholic school and regularly goes to mass and bitches at me because I do not regularly take my children to church...talk about being a hypocrite!
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 7:55:32 GMT -5
"meh, a lot of "religious" people do things they're not supposed to do. One of my very Catholic friends in high school thought she was being good by engaging in things other than regular sex. Uh, you're still sinning, get over yourself! " Any "religious" person who is not pro-life or who actually had an abortion is also sinning...my SIL had an abortion at 16....yet she sent her kids to catholic school and regularly goes to mass and bitches at me because I do not regularly take my children to church...talk about being a hypocrite! I think doing one "bad" thing, asking for forgiveness, and then going on with your life is one thing - habitually "sinning" and then acting like a holy roller is another. My mom also gets one me about not going to church often. My relationship with God is my business and my business alone. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 9:21:44 GMT -5
I am a boomer and have no fears of being alone. same here. My daughter was skypeing with a friend from Germany the other day trying to explain the slang terms “jerk” and “douchebag”. It was pretty funny. |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 11, 2012 10:42:55 GMT -5
Thanks Firebird! I'm a bad Catholic. I'm all about birth control. Ready a study yesterday that polled a bunch of American women and asked them if they had ever in their life used birth control. 99% said they had. When they asked just Catholic women, 98% said they had. I didn't see the details of the survey. I'm curious to know if they considered the rhythm method a BC method. Still, I was a little surprised that so many Catholic women have used BC, since I thought it was considered a no no. I was put on bc to deal with my PCOS. It's my understanding that the "American" Catholic church more or less ignores/winks at being put on medical bc. As opposed to going on it strictly for bc. If that makes any sense. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 11, 2012 10:45:01 GMT -5
Ready a study yesterday that polled a bunch of American women and asked them if they had ever in their life used birth control. 99% said they had. When they asked just Catholic women, 98% said they had. I didn't see the details of the survey. I'm curious to know if they considered the rhythm method a BC method. Still, I was a little surprised that so many Catholic women have used BC, since I thought it was considered a no no. I was put on bc to deal with my PCOS. It's my understanding that the "American" Catholic church more or less ignores/winks at being put on medical bc. As opposed to going on it strictly for bc. If that makes any sense. I'm nominally Catholic and I don't give a crap what the Church says about birth control since they wouldn't be raising my kids. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 10:45:41 GMT -5
The Catholic church is a very large institution with a lot of history. It has varying degrees of strictness for different rules, some things are considered to be infallible truth and others are considered to be just based on tradition and are subject to change by an Ecumenical Council.
This is true, although the rule against artificial birth control (I always feel compelled to point out that Catholics are not against using NFP as birth control, which is highly effective provided you do it properly) is one of the big ones because it ties pretty directly into their stance on the sacramental nature of sex and also the sanctity of every life. I have never known a devout Catholic to DENY that artificial birth control is wrong even if they went ahead and used it anyway.
I'm not Catholic, and I don't believe in most of it personally. But for Catholics, this is not one of those "outdated" rules - it's very, very much still believed and practiced. If you don't believe it to be TRUE, then that's one thing. But believing something is wrong and doing it anyway, and especially rationalizing that it's not that bad or just a matter of tradition is kind of a pet peeve of mine - for any belief system. If something is worth believing in, it should be worth practicing.
That's just my opinion.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 11, 2012 10:48:06 GMT -5
The Catholic church is a very large institution with a lot of history. It has varying degrees of strictness for different rules, some things are considered to be infallible truth and others are considered to be just based on tradition and are subject to change by an Ecumenical Council.This is true, although the rule against artificial birth control (I always feel compelled to point out that Catholics are not against using NFP as birth control, which is highly effective provided you do it properly) is one of the big ones because it ties pretty directly into their stance on the sacramental nature of sex and also the sanctity of every life. I'm not Catholic, and I don't believe in most of it personally. But for Catholics, this is not one of those "outdated" rules - it's very, very much still believed and practiced. If you don't believe it to be TRUE, then that's one thing. But believing something is wrong and doing it anyway, and especially rationalizing that it's not that bad or just a matter of tradition is kind of a pet peeve of mine - for any belief system. If something is worth believing in, it should be worth practicing. That's just my opinion. When DH and I went through Pre-Cana, we had a presentation by a couple who discussed how they used NFP successfully, and the discussed "alternate activities" to engage in during the fertile period. Too bad they were ugly, because I don't want to hear ugly people talk about having sex. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 10:50:00 GMT -5
I should add that the Catholic Church is hugely political just like any other massive organization and I do think that some of the rules, while they might have true theological grounding, are also meant to keep power in the hands of the powerful, and to keep lesser people (women in particular) in their place. So I can definitely understand why there would be a pull to reject one of the rules that seems designed to keep women at home bearing children in perpetuity.
It really comes down to whether or not you believe what you're doing is wrong. I don't think people should do things they believe are wrong.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 10:51:42 GMT -5
oh Miss T you are still hot (you're still driving that car, right? ) Talk about shallow! jealous much? |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 11, 2012 10:51:45 GMT -5
I should add that the Catholic Church is hugely political just like any other massive organization and I do think that some of the rules, while they might have true theological grounding, are also meant to keep power in the hands of the powerful, and to keep lesser people (women in particular) in their place. So I can definitely understand why there would be a pull to reject one of the rules that seems designed to keep women at home bearing children in perpetuity. It really comes down to whether or not you believe what you're doing is wrong. I don't think people should do things they believe are wrong.  I have a problem that the rules are made by a bunch of old white dudes who do not have spouses or children. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 10:53:25 GMT -5
 Which is why I dumped any form of Religion years ago. I was raised Catholic and was a believer. Once I had premarital sex, I realized that I wasn't sorry it happed (I initiated it, in fact!  ), I wasn't going to ask for forgiveness and I was the same person that I was before I committed the "big sin". That's when I realized that organized religion wasn't for me. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 10:57:08 GMT -5
My mom also gets one me about not going to church often. My relationship with God is my business and my business alone.
Totally agree. That's one thing I deeply respect about my parents. They have never, not even once, pressured me to become a Catholic (they raised me Protestant, which none of us are any longer, and they themselves converted to Catholicism five or six years ago).
It's because they've been so gentle about it and their faith has changed them so much for the better (particularly my dad) that I have been so open to learning about it and even going to mass with them occasionally. There's a long list of reasons why I could never be a Catholic myself but I have come to believe that their faith is a very beautiful thing.
Really, the Catholic faith is pretty awesome. I think most of the hang-ups come about when it's forced on people. Forcing religion on anyone is a horrible thing to do - the rules, especially, represent nothing except repression and coercion to anyone who doesn't genuinely WANT to live in accordance with them.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 10:57:40 GMT -5
I should add that the Catholic Church is hugely political just like any other massive organization and I do think that some of the rules, while they might have true theological grounding, are also meant to keep power in the hands of the powerful, and to keep lesser people (women in particular) in their place. So I can definitely understand why there would be a pull to reject one of the rules that seems designed to keep women at home bearing children in perpetuity. It really comes down to whether or not you believe what you're doing is wrong. I don't think people should do things they believe are wrong. I have a problem that the rules are made by a bunch of old white dudes who do not have spouses or children. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 10:59:09 GMT -5
I'm nominally Catholic and I don't give a crap what the Church says about birth control since they wouldn't be raising my kids.
What do you mean by "nominally Catholic," swamp? I'm just curious. Are your children being raised Catholic?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 11, 2012 11:00:06 GMT -5
"Yesterday at 9:49pm, rob base 2012 wrote: oh Miss T you are still hot (you're still driving that car, right? ) " Rob...I'm beginning to think you only want me for my car  |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 11:00:30 GMT -5
I only want you for your body.  |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 11, 2012 11:02:17 GMT -5
I'm nominally Catholic and I don't give a crap what the Church says about birth control since they wouldn't be raising my kids. What do you mean by "nominally Catholic," swamp? I'm just curious. Are your children being raised Catholic? I was raised Catholic, baptised, confirmed, married in the church. My children are baptised Catholic. My husband is Presbyterian. My children go to Catholic school, but it's more of a convenience because the school district I live in sucks, but I also like the atmosphere and personal attention, and lack of behavior problem kids at the school. I go to church on Christmas and Easter. My MIL takes the kids to church regularly. So I guess I'm kind of an agnostic/hope that there's a God but not sure who is mired in the Catholic culture. ETA: I think it's more important that my kids grow up to be good people, and I don't care what they believe. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 11:04:32 GMT -5
I have a problem that the rules are made by a bunch of old white dudes who do not have spouses or children.
One thing that has always bugged me about sacramental Catholic marriage is the idea that you must be open to life. I mean that really, really, really bothers me - to the point where it would probably make my top 10 list of reasons not to be a Catholic.
There are people in the world who should not be parents or don't want to be parents. Those people still might like to get married. The strictest interpretation of sacramental marriage says flat-out that part of the purpose of marriage is family and if you marry, you have to be open to children and life. I think that sucks. There are all kinds of reasons people might not want children, and that should be respected for the potential kids' sake as much as the parents'. Unwilling parents do not usually make great parents.
I expect that's where the "faith" part come in, but it still turns my stomach.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 11:06:14 GMT -5
I'm nominally Catholic and I don't give a crap what the Church says about birth control since they wouldn't be raising my kids. What do you mean by "nominally Catholic," swamp? I'm just curious. Are your children being raised Catholic? I was raised Catholic, baptised, confirmed, married in the church. My children are baptised Catholic. My husband is Presbyterian. My children go to Catholic school, but it's more of a convenience because the school district I live in sucks, but I also like the atmosphere and personal attention, and lack of behavior problem kids at the school. I go to church on Christmas and Easter. My MIL takes the kids to church regularly. So I guess I'm kind of an agnostic/hope that there's a God but not sure who is mired in the Catholic culture. ETA: I think it's more important that my kids grow up to be good people, and I don't care what they believe. ditto, except I was raised UAME and DH is Presbyterian. I "converted" to Presbyterian (PC USA) when DH and I married. It's actually pretty in line with what I believe anyway. |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 11, 2012 11:06:59 GMT -5
ETA: I think it's more important that my kids grow up to be good people, and I don't care what they believe.
Got it. I feel much the same way. Even if I were religious, I wouldn't be raising my children in any particular faith. That's for them to find on their own, if they want. I'll support any decision they make in the religion/faith department.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 11:08:37 GMT -5
I have a problem that the rules are made by a bunch of old white dudes who do not have spouses or children. One thing that has always bugged me about sacramental Catholic marriage is the idea that you must be open to life. I mean that really, really, really bothers me - to the point where it would probably make my top 10 list of reasons not to be a Catholic. There are people in the world who should not be parents or don't want to be parents. Those people still might like to get married. The strictest interpretation of sacramental marriage says flat-out that part of the purpose of marriage is family and if you marry, you have to be open to children and life. I think that sucks. There are all kinds of reasons people might not want children, and that should be respected for the potential kids' sake as much as the parents'. Unwilling parents do not usually make great parents. I expect that's where the "faith" part come in, but it still turns my stomach. My parents had 5 kids in 7 years. Mom went on BC, and hasn't taken communion since 1974. When that BC was recalled and she had to have it removed, we ended up with my brother. I come from some fertile stock! |
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), I wasn't going to ask for forgiveness and I was the same person that I was before I committed the "big sin". That's when I realized that organized religion wasn't for me. 