Big wedding when you're already married

[imawino]

LOL. It's one of my favorites as well. Prob'ly because it references penises.


And see....now the conversation is officially fun.

[Firebird]

But does that mean as women that we can't have opinions? Or rather, that we can collect as many as we want for our own personal use?

[quotequeen]

Apr 25, 2012 13:02:38 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Apr 25, 2012 12:12:00 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

FB has said it wouldn't affect anything for her, but it would absolutely impact whether I would attend or not.

This confirms what I thought. Weddings have become just a big pain in the ass to those who are invited - or worse yet - have to stand up and do something for people that they really don't like all that much.

It's not fun, and everyone is looking for a "loophole" to get out of going.

On the contrary, I very much enjoy seeing people I know and love get married. I don't look for loopholes to get out of it. But if you're just having a party and not getting married, the time, effort and money I'm willing to put in to attend is different. And if I find out you lied to me about whether you were getting married, I will be very, very upset.

[imawino]

I'm going with the latter. I have a LOT of opinions. I'm an opinion whore.

[swamp]

Apr 25, 2012 18:04:29 GMT -5 Firebird said:

But does that mean as women that we can't have opinions? Or rather, that we can collect as many as we want for our own personal use?

We can change our opinions when the one we have is no longer useful Guys are stuck with the same opinion for their whole life.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Guys are stuck with the same opinion for their whole life.

Nuh uh, they sell pills and surgical procedures now that let us modify our opinions.

[imawino]

Apr 25, 2012 18:10:36 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 25, 2012 18:04:29 GMT -5 Firebird said:

But does that mean as women that we can't have opinions? Or rather, that we can collect as many as we want for our own personal use?

We can change our opinions when the one we have is no longer useful Guys are stuck with the same opinion for their whole life.

True. But some men have firmer beliefs than others. Others seem to shift in the wind.

[Firebird]

Nuh uh, they sell pills and surgical procedures now that let us modify our opinions.

Who would know better than you about opinion enhancement?

[Sum Dum Gai]

I'm actually not into opinion enhancement, but I do dress mine up a bit. LED lit vibrating jewelry goes a long way.

[Firebird]

Do the Minnie Mouse ears ever get worn, you know, creatively?

[Sum Dum Gai]

That's a little personal don't you think? More importantly, are you sure you really want to know what I actually do in the bedroom? There are some things you can't unread, KWIM?

[Firebird]

Oh yeah, like it's any worse than the mental image of the vibrating jewelry

ETA: Or in other words, if you were really worried about making us feel weirded out, you wouldn't post A LOT of the things you do ;D

[Sum Dum Gai]

Oh yeah, like it's any worse than the mental image of the vibrating jewelry

Light up vibrating jewelry. It's like a rave in my pants.

Or in other words, if you were really worried about making us feel weirded out, you wouldn't post A LOT of the things you do

Point.

[swamp]

Apr 25, 2012 20:00:43 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Light up vibrating jewelry. It's like a rave in my pants.
.

Best. Line. Ever.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I try. So, you want to go to a rave tonight??

[swamp]

Apr 25, 2012 20:06:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I try. So, you want to go to a rave tonight??

Sure.

[shanendoah]

But now I'm bummed. I can't have a baby shower *pout*
What if I'm adopting via infant relinquishment and can show you pictures of the ultrasounds? Can I have the shower if the birth mother will be there? (Though that might be cruel as she'd see all the cute stuff and not get any of it.)
If I can't have a shower, can I please have a "Welcome to the World" party for the baby, once the baby is actually placed with me? Or a welcome to the family party, regardless of the age of the child I adopt? As long as I don't call it a shower, am I good?

[simser]

Apr 24, 2012 12:58:59 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Apr 24, 2012 12:53:21 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Um... a traditional, or real, marriage is a commitment ceremony. It's just the only one recognized by the government.

I meant some kind of commitment ceremony that did not involve a legal marriage, e.g. what's going on here (as compared with a legal commitment ceremony).

Do you know anyone who got married without being emotionally attached to each other? Seeing it first-hand solidified to me that the 'legal' status of the marriage is of lesser import than the emotional commitment

I'm working through this thread but yes. I know many people who have had arranged marriages. Including people my age (I'm 28 and yes I know a lot of Indians/Bangladeshis). I also know someone who vowed that he would never ever EVER would have an arranged marriage- who ended up getting married to a girl he knew for 4 days ;D

To each their own. I had a miserable marriage so who am I to judge?

[Firebird]

Message deleted by Firebird.

Bad joke.

[simser]

Ok I made it through the entire thread now.

Dark- there are definately some things you can't unread. And now I may have to go bleach my eyeballs

Angel- I had no self esteem either. I went to counseling and it helped. Or you know, you could go play Doxie in a couple threads... Oh and my lack of self esteem was directly related to DV as well. I'm glad I got some back before I started dating again or I think the cycle would repeat itself.

Firebird- I'm actually with you on your wedding/gay marriage/etc. thing. I don't think it needs to be discussed again but I am 100% with you on what you said.

And I was thinking through this thread about one of my friends. He got married in June in a courthouse. No one knew (and I was his best friend in the city we were in). He told me 2-3 weeks later. I was really hurt- the day after he got married I sat down with him and told him that he was acting different and did he want to talk about anything. So when I found out the timing I felt hurt that he didn't tell me when it happened. I would have been excited for him. Then the following January he got married in China. I can sort of understand the wedding in China- he and the bride were both from there- but I can not understand why on Earth he got married in June. She wasn't pregnant, they were already sleeping together, they both had valid visas, they already lived together, health care was separate, etc. And I wasn't even paying!!!

[Deleted]

"Or you know, you could go play Doxie in a couple threads..."

This is not a bad idea... i mean, i'm not necessarily advocating trolling here, (at least until you get the hang of it ) ... but go off somewhere and create yourself a persona and practice telling people to go to hell when they don't like your alter ego's backstory/decisions role play... improv ...

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

Shane, I think you can have a baby shower if you are adopting. As long as SOMEONE is pregnant. Cat pregnancies don't count. I certainly would attend a baby shower for someone who is adopting but I would feel deceived if she didn't let it be known that she was adopting. I guess I would wonder why I was close enough to get an invite but not close enough to know that the person was adopting

[zibazinski]

My aunt had a baby shower when she adopted a 3 year old girl. Her first was a boy and she had all boy stuff. This was 1965 when etiquette was a little more strict. No one said anything about it being tacky. Of course, she didn't lie about it, either.

[shanendoah]

WooHoo! I can throw myself a virtual shower here and people will attend!

Anyone who would be invited to a shower would know we're adopting. The only reason I don't talk about it constantly in RL yet is that we haven't completed the home study process, so we're still early on. Once the home study is completed, the background check complete, and the foster license granted, well, I may be insufferable. But until then, there's no matching of us with a child in foster care or a birth mother, so it's best for me not to think about it too much. (Or at least not talk about it too much, doing all this paperwork and taking all the mandatory trainings requires that I think about it a lot.)

[Deleted]

If I had a friend adopting a child, I'd happily attend a shower (or whatever they called it), to celebrate the addition to the family. That's what friends do, share our joy and celebrate the good things in life.

[Cookies Galore]

Apr 25, 2012 18:04:29 GMT -5 Firebird said:

But does that mean as women that we can't have opinions? Or rather, that we can collect as many as we want for our own personal use?

more inclusive: opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one. ;D

[Deleted]

The corollary being No need to stink up my air with yours? ??

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 25, 2012 21:30:18 GMT -5 simser said:

Apr 24, 2012 12:58:59 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Do you know anyone who got married without being emotionally attached to each other? Seeing it first-hand solidified to me that the 'legal' status of the marriage is of lesser import than the emotional commitment

I'm working through this thread but yes. I know many people who have had arranged marriages. Including people my age (I'm 28 and yes I know a lot of Indians/Bangladeshis). I also know someone who vowed that he would never ever EVER would have an arranged marriage- who ended up getting married to a girl he knew for 4 days ;D

To each their own. I had a miserable marriage so who am I to judge?

I was referring to some people I know who got married for either a green card or military benefits that didn't intend the marriage to be anything but some legal paperwork. They don't live together or ever intend to.

Arranged marriages come with the expectations of a lifetime commitment and babies although they don't always work out that way now... 2 of the girls i know who had arranged marriages (both under 30) are both divorced with very unhappy families back in India. ETA: one's already re-married and she and new husband are very happy...

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 26, 2012 0:20:37 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

If I had a friend adopting a child, I'd happily attend a shower (or whatever they called it), to celebrate the addition to the family. That's what friends do, share our joy and celebrate the good things in life.

Yeah that... Call it a baby shower/welcome home party/whatever makes you happy... I'm sure everyone will be super excited for you (I am)

[quotequeen]

Apr 25, 2012 23:46:16 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My aunt had a baby shower when she adopted a 3 year old girl. Her first was a boy and she had all boy stuff. This was 1965 when etiquette was a little more strict. No one said anything about it being tacky. Of course, she didn't lie about it, either.

Well, the strict etiquette rule is that you should only have a shower for the first child anyway.