Opti
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2024 12:05:45 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Jul 21, 2024 12:05:45 GMT -5
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
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Jul 21, 2024 12:18:33 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 21, 2024 12:18:33 GMT -5
In the local news .... Woman Foils Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol:
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol A Beretta Jetfire. Here’s her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house with my soon-to-be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" "Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took. The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection, plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus.
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Opti
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2024 13:31:01 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Jul 21, 2024 13:31:01 GMT -5
In the local news .... Woman Foils Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol: This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol A Beretta Jetfire. Here’s her story in her own words: "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house with my soon-to-be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" "Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took. The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection, plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus. Where is this from? Funny. Maks me think the shooter at the rally let himself get killed then because he didn't want to deal with the people who would be pissed he missed by that .25 inch or whatever is the actual truth. ![](https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/secret.png) I hate July. I hate misinformation. Waiting on tomorrow for the real investigation to begin. Lots of vacations so who knows if any news is real or massive retractions will show up Monday and Tuesday. I remember when the RW found the wrong Trayvon Martin and plastered his image and social media pages everywhere including FOX News and other TV shows with nationwide reach.
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Opti
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2024 13:32:23 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Jul 21, 2024 13:32:23 GMT -5
Anyone remember this commercial?
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Opti
Community Leader
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Post by Opti on Jul 21, 2024 13:42:27 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 24, 2024 20:42:27 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 28, 2024 15:15:28 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 31, 2024 21:23:02 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Aug 1, 2024 1:49:34 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by toomuchreality on Aug 1, 2024 1:49:34 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 5, 2024 9:25:28 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 8, 2024 8:51:44 GMT -5
Think this may be a repeat but blame it on old age!!
Misunderstanding due to old age.
An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.
The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”
The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.”
The old man dials his son. As he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him!”
The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”
In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep. Ten men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner.
Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says, “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins."
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 9, 2024 0:32:55 GMT -5
Previously posted? IDK...
I can not shop at Costco anymore :-))))) Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 12, 2024 13:03:04 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 15, 2024 9:21:36 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 18, 2024 15:53:25 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Aug 18, 2024 16:21:07 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by toomuchreality on Aug 18, 2024 16:21:07 GMT -5
Hmm... ?
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Opti
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Aug 18, 2024 19:44:15 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Aug 18, 2024 19:44:15 GMT -5
Plastic straw, not sure who the defendant is.
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Opti
Community Leader
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Post by Opti on Aug 18, 2024 19:45:46 GMT -5
Think this may be a repeat but blame it on old age!! Misunderstanding due to old age. An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.” The old man dials his son. As he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him!” The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep. Ten men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner. Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says, “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins." I think I remember it but it is welcome today so TY.
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Opti
Community Leader
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Jokes
Aug 18, 2024 19:46:44 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Aug 18, 2024 19:46:44 GMT -5
Oh nooz. TRex cartoons.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 19, 2024 12:48:37 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 19, 2024 12:50:48 GMT -5
That's HARSH! 😁
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 19, 2024 13:01:15 GMT -5
![](https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/rofl.gif) I know!!
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 19, 2024 13:15:25 GMT -5
🤣🤣🤣
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 20:30:59 GMT -5
![](https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/rofl.gif) I know!! I remember this one NNP. Aren't cookies a necessity even if you are dying?
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Opti
Community Leader
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 20:35:42 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 20:36:55 GMT -5
Right? ![](https://i.imgflip.com/5q4e6y.jpg)
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Opti
Community Leader
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 20:43:08 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 20:44:51 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 19, 2024 21:01:38 GMT -5
This needs to be in NNP's kitchen - ![](https://i.etsystatic.com/25968676/c/1785/1785/129/7/il/d37b78/5409596239/il_600x600.5409596239_j75v.jpg)
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 19, 2024 21:09:34 GMT -5
This needs to be in NNP's kitchen - ![](https://i.etsystatic.com/25968676/c/1785/1785/129/7/il/d37b78/5409596239/il_600x600.5409596239_j75v.jpg) I have a Christmas decoration that says Define Naughty.
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