8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 14:01:37 GMT -5
...:::"I know the "kiss of death" for one marriage was when the wife, instead of getting off her behind and getting a job, told her husband " He needed to find a job that made more money." That was the last straw. As a matter of fact, he did, and then he found a new wife. ":::... Based on your posts here, you should count on the same thing happening to you. ...:::"Been so nice without you.":::... A phrase I'm sure your fiance will use on your shortly. Being a contractor/home inspector could actually be quite a lucrative combination. You could have some serious fun threatening to fail people if they don't hire you to fix something ...:::"Good, heap on the praise when he does it. Yeah he should just KNOW to do it and it is EXPECTED, why "throw him a parade" but part of "changing" someone is rewarding the behavior you want and igorning the behavior you don't want.":::... Seconded. ...:::"He needs to be available 7 days a week for inspections and try to schedule some small jobs around that":::... This is important in reference to earlier points. Realtors and home inspectors have to be available when everyone else is out of work, because most people who hire them have work during the day. Hopefully this won't be an issue when his momentum returns. On to page 6!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 14:13:25 GMT -5
It's amazing how you can use your position to make nasty comments about a poster but if I did it to you, I'd get banned.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 14:14:44 GMT -5
WWBG - so sorry I meant to reply to your posts as well. Thank you for your thoughts. I really appreciate your perspective. One, because you're a guy and two because I know a bit about some of your issues from reading many of your previous posts.
You are correct and DH knows he will have to do inspections on the weekends and that he will have to do them in the late afternoon as well. Because DH is not a 9-5 type of guy, this may work out well for him. Like I said, we did have many discussions about the business and we did our research before we signed him up for school.
I also agree that it is really important to let him know that I am excited about his progress and to keep encouraging him. He is a sensitive guy and even though he doesn't show it, his feelings get hurt easily. He also internalizes everything and doesn't let it show when he is hurt, upset or stressed. I am working really hard on paying very close attention to the way I say things, I know that is very important. I am also working on recognizing that we are very different people and we react to situations very differently. I know we need to work as a team and support each other with our strengths.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 14:26:22 GMT -5
...:::"A licensed home inspector can't inspect a house then offer to do the repair work himself, that's a conflict of interest and against the licensing rules (at least it was when I looked into it a few years ago)":::...
Doesn't that just mean that he/she can't "get caught" offering to do the repair work? Its like a no-U-turn sign. First you look around for cops, then you make the U-turn.
And now I see there is a page 8.... dangit I have meetings to go to.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 31, 2011 14:34:02 GMT -5
Work is such an annoying distraction from interesting conversations at YM ;D
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 31, 2011 14:34:12 GMT -5
Doesn't that just mean that he/she can't "get caught" offering to do the repair work? Its like a no-U-turn sign. First you look around for cops, then you make the U-turn.
It carries a higher penalty than a traffic ticket, you could loose the license and be out of business. But another way to take advantage of the situation is to refer them to a friend who does the work and get that friend to refer other work to you or another inspector to refer you to do the work on houses they inspect. Just like your friend refers you to inspect the house in the first place. It's about having that circle of connections.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 15:47:06 GMT -5
...:::"We also looked into a website and that was around $2000.":::...
WHAAAAAATTTT!!!! Pay me $1,500 and I'll do it. Pay me $1k and I'll do it. OK seriously, with some moderate time investments in learning, a decent site can be set up for probably under $200. A good hosting plan (around $120-$150/year) a domain name with privacy protection (about $20/year) and free software (I like wordpress from wordpress.org) and you are golden. Wordpress is blogging software, which you can update yourself. It is very easy to do..., and by easy, I mean like sending e-mails.
If you are interested, send me a private message, and I can do this for you for a reasonable fee.
...:::"Education is important to both DH and I for the sake of education.":::...
I'm glad you've both agreed on that. I am just saying that if money was as tight as it is for the OP, and you chose to make such an investment, it would be with the expectation that the investment made money. Unless education is such a high priority that you'll sacrifice financial stability for it.
...:::"I am NOT surprised to see that now that her DH has taken his head out of the sand things are moving forward. He reduced the level of the "omg the world is going to end" stress to a point where he could work and is now moving forward at a good pace.":::...
DF and I have gone back and forth on this point many times. Just like DQ posted previously: I say "if you stop nagging me, I'd do it sooner" and DF counters "but I STILL have to wait too long". Perhaps its better at this point to be thankful that things are moving forward now, and focus on that.
...:::"So I think that this thread really, really helped me gain perspective, take some responsibility for our situation and gave me good ideas for a strategy that may work in the future for both of us.":::...
Very glad to hear this. One more page to go and I'll be all caught up!
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 16:01:20 GMT -5
WWBG, that was the price I got from the person who does the website for the company I work for. We of course decided to research different options, but haven't gotten there yet. Thank you for the information. How would I get your email address to contact you about this?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 16:06:38 GMT -5
...:::"You are also correct in the fact that I felt very out of control. I saw everything I've worked so hard for slipping away. It's a horrible feeling, especially when you feel like your doing everything you can to prevent it from happening and your partner is birdwatching instead of working to make difference.":::...
I know you said "you feel" here, but this statement is very telling. You have to be prepared for the possibility that your husband does NOT feel he is birdwatching.
When DF and I argue about cleaning, the accusations usually follow patterns like you've outlined. She'll accuse me of being willing to let dirt pile up indefinitely, and I'll accuse her of wanting to spend every single moment of our lives cleaning instead of living.
...:::"One of the posters pointed out early on that I needed to change my thought process and start thinking of things as "we" and "ours" not "me" and "mine". I am working on that too.":::...
I've become less fond of this as I've started to feel like these statements just downplay the seriousness of the issue. "Maybe its time you thought about looking into other lines of work" does not carry the same strength as "if you don't bring $1k in by the end of this month, kiss cable and pizza goodbye". Double what DQ said earlier about how sometimes, sugarcoated "I feel we need to try other strategies" statements are a waste of time because the other person still hears the accusatory "you are ruining us and its all your fault".
...:::"It's amazing how you can use your position to make nasty comments about a poster but if I did it to you, I'd get banned.":::...
Now now, just because you can't beat me in a debate, doesn't mean I'm using rank to disrupt a level playing field. I would never misuse moderator powers, and I sure as sugar don't need to rely on them to defend myself. You are safe, don't worry.
...:::"Work is such an annoying distraction from interesting conversations at YM":::...
It really is, isn't it. ;D
...:::"refer them to a friend who does the work and get that friend to refer other work to you or another inspector to refer you to do the work on houses they inspect. Just like your friend refers you to inspect the house in the first place. It's about having that circle of connections. ":::...
There you have it. Almost the same difference in that sense. The connections you seem to have in place will be major assets, and I hope that those work out. At this point he is what... 6 out of 16 inspections done of his requirement? And all in the time this thread cropped up. At this pace, he should be able to meet the deadline.
I watched some friends go through something similar with a husband that didn't apply for his license before they moved, and as a result, he lost all his hours and had to start from zero. His wife was about ready to choke him with his wrench.
Its sounding like you'll have a happy ending, at least at the rate things have moved. Sometimes it just takes a little break from the nagging for both people to find their steam again.
And yay, I'm now caught up!
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 16:07:34 GMT -5
...:::"How would I get your email address to contact you about this?":::...
If you look under my avatar, there are two icons. One will send an e-mail, one will send a private message via the board. Either will work.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Apr 2, 2011 13:38:23 GMT -5
Oh yeah, and out of curiosity... if your husband did work on a house a few years ago, and then the owners want to sell, can he also be the inspector for that house? Or does he have to bow out since he did work on it?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 4, 2011 15:04:39 GMT -5
When DF and I argue about cleaning, the accusations usually follow patterns like you've outlined. She'll accuse me of being willing to let dirt pile up indefinitely, and I'll accuse her of wanting to spend every single moment of our lives cleaning instead of living.
Not to start a gender war here, but I don't understand why [some] men insist on taking this tack. The whole point of cleaning as you go is so that you DON'T have to spend your life doing it! When you let the dirt pile up, it becomes a 4-hour-on-Saturday venture where it would have taken 10-20 minutes on the average weeknight to avoid. You could be spending those 4 hours doing something much more fun.
But... that's just one [woman's] opinion.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Apr 4, 2011 15:36:41 GMT -5
ot to start a gender war here, but I don't understand why [some] men insist on taking this tack. The whole point of cleaning as you go is so that you DON'T have to spend your life doing it! But if you're spending a little bit of every single day cleaning, then you did in fact spend your whole life doing it. I'd much rather let some stuff pile up a bit and only have to worry about it once every week or two. The time saving thing is a little false too. It takes about the same amount of time to sweep my kitchen/dining room floor whether there's a tiny bit of dirt on it, or a fairly good amount. The time has nothing to do with how much stuff is on the floor (within reason) and a lot more to do with how long it takes to cover the square footage. Same thing with vacuuming. Things like dishes though, take a lot longer if you're doing a huge pile and not much time if you're doing a couple things. So it makes sense to do the dishes daily, but there's no reason to sweep or vacuum daily. This is just one guy's opinion though.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Apr 4, 2011 15:43:17 GMT -5
like dishes though, take a lot longer if you're doing a huge pile and not much time if you're doing a couple things. So it makes sense to do the dishes daily, but there's no reason to sweep or vacuum daily.
This is just one guy's opinion though.
This girl totally agrees with you. My floors are cleaned weekly or as needed. More often when we had a dog and babies crawling on them, less often when we're not tracking in dirt from yard work or dirty snow on boots.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 4, 2011 16:03:14 GMT -5
But if you're spending a little bit of every single day cleaning, then you did in fact spend your whole life doing it. I'd much rather let some stuff pile up a bit and only have to worry about it once every week or two.Except... not really... at all? I said the average weeknight. When I lived alone I spent 10 minutes every other day cleaning (on average). Did dishes right away, swept the floor once in awhile. Deep cleaning of the shower or whatever as needed. That's hardly your whole life. Actually, it's much less of your life Granted, it's a little more complicated with more people in the mix but I think clean as you go is still way more efficient. Plus you don't have to panic if company comes over unexpectedly. I admit, we tend to do the all-at-once thing in our apartment, which is basically fine because DF and I are basically neat people and we don't let it get filthy, so whatever. And cleaning our small apartment doesn't take much time. But my preference is to clean as we go.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Apr 4, 2011 16:12:01 GMT -5
Well, there's cleaning and there's straightening up. Straightening up should be an ongoing thing (putting things away, dishes, laundry, etc). Just like when you were a kid, if you get it out put it back when you're done. That's fine. Cleaning is when you bust out the chemicals and go to town on every square inch of most of the surfaces in your house (scrubbing base boards, dusting shelves and pictures, mopping floors, etc.). If you're cleaning everyday, you're probably either terminally bored or a touch OCD, at least in my opinion. If company comes over unexpectedly they're just going to have to deal with a little dust on the bookshelves and maybe a cobweb or two in the corners.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 4, 2011 16:28:29 GMT -5
Cleaning is when you bust out the chemicals and go to town on every square inch of most of the surfaces in your house (scrubbing base boards, dusting shelves and pictures, mopping floors, etc.). If you're cleaning everyday, you're probably either terminally bored or a touch OCD, at least in my opinion.Agreed. That's overkill. My definition of cleaning is more along the lines of your definition of straightening up Although my mother DID install a company's-coming-CLEAN-NOW panic button when she was making Little Firebird.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Apr 4, 2011 16:36:10 GMT -5
I was raised by a single mom with 5 kids. Her company's coming panic button involved making everything look as clean as possible in the time allotted. So, shoving all the dirty dishes in the oven was fine. It was the appearance of clean that you were really after. My wife for some reason was never satisfied with my "cleaning" when we first got together. Women... *eye roll*
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 10:35:13 GMT -5
Oh boy, now we're on to cleaning. It never, never seems like the house stays clean for very long. It's truly amazing. I don't mind straightening up, but I hate, hate, hate scrubbing and cleaning floors, windows, bathrooms, the kitchen, etc. We have a very large dog and where he goes, the mess follows. We also have a teenager. Her room looks like a tornado hit, but she's actually pretty good about pitching in and helping out when asked. She just needs to be reminded to clean up her room..I think it's a case of selective vision. DH also is pretty good about helping out (he doesn't need to be asked).
The most annoying thing on the planet to me is a spending a beautiful day in the house cleaning. I used to do a heavy cleaning every single Saturday (lots of picking up and spot cleaning inbetween)...now I've changed that. I just can't see wasting that beautiful day scrubbing floors. I heavy clean when I can and of course I scrub when there are guests coming over. I usually do lots of picking up and spot cleaning throughout the week. If Saturday and Sunday are gorgeous or we just have things to do, I try to clean a bit here and there all week to make up for it. About 6 months ago I decided that life was way too short to spend it cleaning all the time. DH has really stepped up to the plate. He always cleaned up after himself (good job MIL), but he's really been pitching in more and more with the heavy stuff...plus he always takes care of everything outside of the house, which is a big job because we have a lot of property.
I so desperately want a housekeeper, but as you guys know, it's just not in the budget now, so I'll suck it up and do my part.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 5, 2011 10:38:23 GMT -5
DH lately has become OCD about the kitchen counters. Not a good thing when I am a messy cook.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 10:40:53 GMT -5
BTW...DH has 2 more inspections booked for this week so far. He also has a day job today and one on Thursday. He is waiting to hear from another customer (already gave him the estimate) about another small job. He is also hoping to book some more inspections. He seems to remain motivated. I am cautiously optimistic.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 10:42:08 GMT -5
Ha ha Drama, my DH is insane about keeping the kitchen clean...totally OCD. I like things clean to, but I think he's crossed over to the dark side.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 5, 2011 10:46:07 GMT -5
I'll admit I could do better with keeping the kitchen clean, but I don't think a few spots of tomato sauce are worth huffing over.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 5, 2011 10:50:28 GMT -5
My house is a pit. I'm working on cleaning and decluttering in a half-a$$ed fashion.
But Gowron had an interesting question - "Oh yeah, and out of curiosity... if your husband did work on a house a few years ago, and then the owners want to sell, can he also be the inspector for that house? Or does he have to bow out since he did work on it?" I'm curious too!
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 11:06:19 GMT -5
Hi Wisconsin Beth, I'm not 100% sure, but I would think that, that would be ok. I will ask him. Of course, he would be hired by the purchaser, not the current home owner, so he might have to disclose that he did work at that property in the past. I know that he cannot inspect a house, suggest repairs and then offer to do them. That is a definite conflict of interests and he could lose his license for that.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 11:12:50 GMT -5
By the way, I despise clutter. DH is a collector. His office, a huge detached garage and our attic are filled with all of his "treasures". He knows that his goodies better not creep into our bedroom or any "public" areas of the house. It seriously drives me insane. At one point he asked me about putting an enclosed trailer on the property to store more stuff...he knew by the look on my face that it wasn't going to happen. Don't get me wrong, he's fairly organized about it, but it's truly amazing how much stuff one person can accumulate. If I let him, he would take over every single square inch of house and property with garbage picked, auction bought crap. I must admit, he does sell a lot of it and he makes pretty good money too, it's the "keepers" that drive me nuts.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 5, 2011 11:19:07 GMT -5
If I let him, he would take over every single square inch of house and property with garbage picked, auction bought crap. I must admit, he does sell a lot of it and he makes pretty good money too, it's the "keepers" that drive me nuts. Don't let him watch American Pickers on the History Channel. I let DH watch it and I had to put my foot down, NOT a good show for a potential horader. I had a hell of a time getting him to clean out my grandma's crap before the baby was born because it "might be worth something".
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Apr 5, 2011 11:30:47 GMT -5
Oh Drama, he already watches Pickers, Pawn Stars and Storage Wars, he even DVR's them. He's been a picker and a scrapper his whole life. He's all about the "it might be worth something". Unfortunately I can't argue with him, because he's usually right. He brings scrap metal to the scrap yard for cash (he'll do property/job site clean ups just to get it). He picks garbage and his new thing is going to the auction with a buddy of his. His buddy is even worse than he is and they have formed some kind of sick picking partnership. His buddy buys the junk and then DH sells the junk on EBAY. People will seriously buy anything. He never, never throws anything out that he thinks might be useful. He made a hand carved sign for my horse's stall with wood he kept from a job from the early 90's. He told me last week that he really wanted to start buying storage units (he had some success with them in the past). I told him, he could worry about it once he started bringing steady income into the house. I was really just trying to blow it off, but it might have actually been a motivating factor, because right after that is when he started getting his rear in gear.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Apr 5, 2011 11:35:01 GMT -5
...:::"When you let the dirt pile up, it becomes a 4-hour-on-Saturday venture where it would have taken 10-20 minutes on the average weeknight to avoid. You could be spending those 4 hours doing something much more fun.":::...
IMO it is two-fold. Firstly, cleaning a little bit every day does NOT prevent the 4 hour job on Saturday. I've learned the hard way far too many times that work (or arguments, or sacrifices) had today do not necessarily prevent work tomorrow. Its better to take what I can get NOW, because I don't know whether it will be available to me later.
Secondly, and perhaps what annoys me more, is this attitude among women that time is arbitrary and can be bent to their whims. The reason I didn't spend "just 10 mins" (and lets be honest here, 10 minutes is not enough to get the job done the way you want it anyway) is because then I wouldn't have been able to do whatever OTHER thing you demanded that I do that was ultra important and couldn't be done later or skipped.
So really, I resent the attitude that I procrastinated, because I WAS working, just on something else. Its easy to say in retrospect "well you could have found 10 minutes to do <x>". Maybe I should start replying with "well you could just ignore it"
...:::"The time saving thing is a little false too. It takes about the same amount of time to sweep my kitchen/dining room floor whether there's a tiny bit of dirt on it, or a fairly good amount.":::...
This is absolutely essential to understand. Any job that has a setup time, is subject to this problem. There is no time savings sweeping twice instead of once. With dishes though, where the time is the number of dishes, then doing them bit by bit is more manageable.
...:::"When I lived alone I spent 10 minutes every other day cleaning (on average).":::...
As you yourself said; when you only have to meet your own standards, cleaning is EASY. Remember, "you are perfect" and everyone else is either a "neat freak" or "slob".
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 5, 2011 11:36:37 GMT -5
I would assume he'd need to disclose that he worked on the house in the past but it's good your going to ask him about it.
Ah, drama, my FIL is like that. And MIL swears that all the clutter in their house is FIL's, DH's and BIL's. And yeah, she's part of the problem too, not that she admits it. I trained her to let us know about DH's stuff and we'll remove it from their house. I think we've gotten about a few boxes but not much. And now she doesn't complain to ME at least about how the clutter is DH's... I don't care if she complains about FIL and BIL's carp. I'm not married to them and I don't care if they take the blame for her and FIL's stuff.
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