trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 29, 2011 15:19:15 GMT -5
Hi all, I have been reading these boards over on MSN and here for a long time. This is my first time posting and I'm looking for some constructive advice. I'm 40 years old and have been married for 2 years. My husband is a wonderful, kind, good man. We have been through some difficult situations in the last few years and I can honestly say he is the guy I want standing by my side. He has proved himself to be a loving, supportive partner. However, we are having an issue that I am having a difficult time dealing with. I am the family CFO and I admit to being a bit anxious about financial matters (we didn't have a lot of money growing up and it has really affected me as an adult). I have an excellent job and I make about $100,000 a year. Before I was married, I was very careful with my finances. I owned a home, saved, had an emergency fund, maxed my 401k, invested in a post tax account and spent carefully. I also made sure to maintain excellent credit scores. Financial security has always been extremely important to me. DH is a bit of a different story. He has had financial issues in the past and been irresponsible with credit. I'm a planner and he's a fly by the seat of his pants kind of guy. DH's business has really taken a hit due to the economy. He has gone back to school so he can get a new license to start a new business and is in the process of getting himself organized. His new business could be very lucrative, but it will take time and effort before the profits start rolling in. It has been a long stressful road for me. I have felt like I have been carrying the financial ball for way too long and I am getting very frustrated. I do admit to getting very annoyed when I feel that DH is not moving fast enough to get his business organized. He is a procrastinator by nature and he loves to stop and smell the roses. I am a Type A personality all the way and I like to get all my work done before I can relax. This has caused quite a conflict in my household. He feels like I'm always pushing and never going to be happy with his progress and I feel like he's not moving fast enough to help alleviate some of the overwhelming stress I am feeling when it comes to our financial stability. We do live in a HCOL area, so even with my salary, I cannot pay all of the household bills on my own. DH is not a spender and he is extremely handy, so he saves us tons of money on household and vehicle repairs. He is by no means lazy and picks up a lot of slack when it comes to helping with household chores and running errands. He just doesn't seem to have the motivation/initiative it takes to really put his nose to the grindstone and get this business moving forward. I am fearful that this will continue to cause discord in our relationship, as I am losing patience fast. I'm just not sure how to motivate him to get his act together and put the required time and effort into his new business, without constantly arguing over it. We are not in a position where DH can be a stay home guy or work part time. We had many financial discussions before we were married and always agreed that we would both work and provide income to the household, so I am not expecting anything that was not previously discussed multiple times. I have been clear with him that I expect a financial contribution from him. He knows that in order for our household to run smoothly there is a minimum amount he is supposed to contribute. I am disappointed and angry that he has not met the commitments that he made and I feel like he has a golden opportunity to make a living and still have the flexibility he desires, if he would just get motivated. Just for further information. I am still maxing out my 401k, I have not been able to save much or invest anything into my post tax account due to our financial issues. Bill paying has become very stressful as I have now found myself in the position of juggling the bills due to his erratic, insufficient income. It has become very difficult to plan for any irregular purchases or expenses, because I never know what is coming in. I know that have a tendency to get more anxious about financial matters than most, so I am trying to keep things in perspective, but having a really hard time. I would love some thoughtful advice on the situation. Looking forward to your responses. Thank you
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 29, 2011 15:34:14 GMT -5
Have you tried to explain to him everything you just have to us?
It’s the situation countless people have found themselves in before. The end result is always the same. You can’t control other people. My best advice is to explain everything to him in a calm, non accusatory manner and focus on how his actions make you feel. After that he’ll change the way he does things or he won’t. If he does, great, if not, then you need to decide if you can live with the way things are going because he won’t change.
If things start to get out of hand, I'd reccomend seeking out a professional coounselor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2011 15:41:47 GMT -5
You say that he is still in school working on the license required for the business. How long will that take? He may feel that by being in school, he is making steady progress toward the business.
Ultimately, there may be some things he can't do until he is licensed, but maybe you guys can put together a schedule of all of the things that need to be done in order to open the business. Having his business plan together, having the website designed (even if it is not live on the web yet), etc.
As a fellow procrastinator, I empathize with DH. Personally, I don't get anything done without deadlines. So maybe you can sit down and prepare a schedule together that will have the business opening within X months of him getting his license.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 29, 2011 15:51:44 GMT -5
I gotta say, what struck me as odd is that successful business people can not afford to be procrastinators. You said his business suffered due to the economy, so I am going on the assumption that it wasn't due to his lack of work.
So, I guess the question is - is he really moving too slow or is he moving too slow FOR YOU? And it sounds like he is bringing income in, again, just not enough FOR YOU. Would you consider taking a step back and looking at the situation a bit more objectively and see if he really is doing everything that he can, regardless of how it seems to you??
Lena
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azphx1972
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Post by azphx1972 on Mar 29, 2011 15:52:27 GMT -5
Drag him with you to Financial Peace University: www.daveramsey.com/fpu/And if he refuses to go, get both of you to marriage counseling. This is obviously serious enough that you took the time to write a lengthy post on a public internet forum about it, so do whatever it takes to keep your marriage from falling apart because of this. Good luck.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 29, 2011 15:53:57 GMT -5
I am so friggin glad I am single....
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 29, 2011 15:55:45 GMT -5
I just had to laugh... Wasn't there a thread a few days ago when many people said "oh, I am so glad I am NOT single anymore" Lena And btw, I thought you weren't single at the moment........
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 29, 2011 16:01:09 GMT -5
I am a Type A personality all the way and I like to get all my work done before I can relax. This has caused quite a conflict in my household. He feels like I'm always pushing and never going to be happy with his progress
What more do you want your husband to do? He is never going to be like you and operate like you. So what more CAN he do?
Do you notice anything he is doing to meet your expectations or do you only notice the things he is not doing and constantly think "Well if it were ME, I would have had that done last week".
I ask because I am a control freak type A personality and I often get into trouble because I expect everyone around me to behave like me.
It doesn't work that way and all I do is create a lot of stress and anxiety both for myself and other people. It makes the situation 20 times worse than it needs to be.
*I* create my own stress. I used to blame it on all the other people not doing things how I wanted them done, but that isn't how it works. I can't force people to do what I want them to do and THAT is what was stressing me out.
Is there any way he can get a part time job to cover his "costs" while in school and getting his business started up?
Then stop with the irregular purchases and expenses. You need to sit down with DH and share the finanical picture and tell him you need ot belt tighten and cut from the budget.
IF that means until his business is started up you have to only pay bills, then that is what it means. Sucks, but those are the consequences to the choices.
Trying to juggle just makes you more stressed and you also start to feel like a martyr after awhile because you are doing it all alone and feeling like he isn't helping.
YOU need to get him involved. He isn't going to do it on his own, my DH is the same way. The only way to relieve your stress is to relinquish some of the control and get your DH involved.
Then I am going to get flamed for it but you need to thank him/praise him for what he DOES do. If you are constantly going at him for what he DOES NOT do, then he isn't going to do anything because what is the point.
The counseler told me imagine a retractable dog leash. Every time you nag/bitch/complain the leash gets tighter. What does someone do when they choke? They resist and struggle.
Relax the leash and they will come more willing.
I don't know your DH personally, but just based on your posts your marriage sounds a lot like mine and you sound a lot like me.
It's very hard for a control freak not to be a control freak, especially when we are stressed, but we get ourselves into a vicious cycle that way and our poor spouses are drug along for the ride.
You need to tell him everything you said here, NOT just that he needs to contribute $X in case he doesn't remember your pre-martial agreement.
All that does to my DH is sound like nagging and ball cutting, but when I tell him that it is really making me stressed that X, Y and Z is going on he will jump on board to help because he doesn't like to see me stressed and upset.
It's all symantics, but if it gets me what I want I am willing to say the same thing in a different manner.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 29, 2011 16:09:19 GMT -5
OP, He's in school right now? And working too? Or not working at all? Is he bringing in anything financially? When you say, "I'm just not sure how to motivate him to get his act together and put the required time and effort into his new business, without constantly arguing over it.", can you be specific as to what your expectations are as far as time and effort? If he's procrastinating, how does he spend the time? Have you told him what you've posted here?
Sorry for all the questions, but your post raised them in my mind. FWIW, you've only been married two years and you both clearly have different financial styles, so there's bound to be some adjustment on the part of both of you.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 29, 2011 16:10:37 GMT -5
"Wasn't there a thread a few days ago when many people said "oh, I am so glad I am NOT single anymore""
Yes. I believe it was the "dating and money" thread. Apparantly when you go from single to married you just exchange one headache for another.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 29, 2011 17:25:53 GMT -5
I can relate to some of this, although not to this extent. I think in a lot of relationships, one partner has their financial life together and one doesn't. Either the first partner takes complete control and tells the second what is needed from their side or an education process begins and they eventually share financial duties. Nature of the beast.
But the first option only works when the second partner pulls his or her weight. It's like that with me and DF - thankfully he's a hard worker with a strongly ingrained sense of responsibility when it comes to pulling his weight. If that ever changed, there would be a LOT of resentment on my side. I don't envy you this difficulty.
How much visibility does he have into your budget? It seems like you've told him that he needs to contribute $X per month, but has he seen the numbers? Does he know where that money is going and why it's necessary? It's easy to think, when you're not the one in charge and the other partner has it all covered, that everything will be fine even if you don't perfectly live up to your side this month. Especially if your financial plan includes a lot of savings. After all, "so what if we don't save X% of our money this month? We've still got $XXX,XXX in savings - we're fine, relax!"
So if he hasn't seen the budget with his own two eyes, and doesn't fully understand the ramifications of him coming up short, that is where I would start.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 29, 2011 17:29:47 GMT -5
I sympathize with you because I was in a similar situation and it didn't turn out well.
First, you need to make sure he understands your financial situation and knows exactly how much is available to spend or invest in the business. It sounds like you probably know down to the penny, but he might be vague about it. He might need a simple one page expense summary/financial statement monthly or however often you pay bills. Sometimes pie charts and numbers in red ink help it sink in.
Next it sounds like you may be wondering if he's actually cut out to be a good business owner. Just because he's capable of doing the service the business sells, doesn't mean he has the vision and discipline to run it. People who procrastinate and are financially careless and hate planning don't usually succeed unless they have an organized disciplined person running the office for them. Do you see this business getting to the point where he can afford a competent office manager? Do you have the desire to take on that role in the mean time? Have you considered suggesting to him that he get a business mentor or go to an entrepreneurship class? There should be information on programs for potential business owners at the Small Business Association or Chamber of Commerce.
Is there anything that you can do to lower your expenses so that you can live on one salary?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 29, 2011 17:41:13 GMT -5
DramaQ has good points too, as usual ;D There's definitely a point at which "he's trying his best and you need to support his endeavors" becomes "he's being lazy and taking advantage of the fact that you've got things covered" BUT that line is different for every couple. And I certainly hope I would give DF every benefit of the doubt before I decided that he had crossed that line.
So anyway, maybe consider whether your own sense of needing to feel secure is pushing you to expect too much of him during the early days of the business. But (although I may get flamed for suggesting this) I personally think that he needs to be bringing in the difference between your income and your bills, at all times. If he can't do that AND start up the business at the same time, maybe right now isn't the best time to be starting the business.
It's one thing to not be able to save your usual 30% or whatever during early days of starting a business. It's another thing entirely to struggle with paying your electricity bill during early days of starting your business. The first is okay, the second is (IMHO) not okay, and also not something that your DH should feel entitled to ask you to just deal with on your own.
Not saying he's doing that, but IF he is - I would consider that a problem.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 29, 2011 17:42:27 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 29, 2011 17:47:27 GMT -5
If DF and I were not on the same financial page, there'd be NO way I'd be with him. I cannot respect a man and cannot imagine a man respecting me if I could not pull my own weight. There are various times when the financial contribution may not be 50-50 but then it has to be made up in other ways. I cannot imagine a successful relationship where one is dependent on the other. Not for very long. In this day of easy divorces, it seems very foolish to depend on another person to live.
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dragon2008
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Post by dragon2008 on Mar 29, 2011 18:19:19 GMT -5
Can you calmly go over the monthly bills and show where the shortfall is when he doesn't contribute. And I say calmly because when someone doesn't live up to what they agreed to I tend to "not" calmly discuss it.
Another option is to start cutting back, figure out where your budget holes are (you have a budget, right?) and plug them, and make sure he knows that the reason you can't go out to dinner on Saturday is because he isn't pulling his agreed-upon weight and there is no money in the kitty for anything but rice and beans. Probably more nicer than that.
Finally, is this really just a temporary thing? Yes he's slow and not bringing in his number, but will he be up and running by December, say? If it is really just temporary, and you can trust that it is temporary, then making some cuts now and letting go of the anger (good luck!!) may be the answer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2011 18:28:42 GMT -5
Maybe you can work with him to develop a business plan including an exit strategy and Plan B. One of my colleagues went into consulting. He made a lot of contacts for potential work, then put together a business plan which he presented to his wife (a SAHM). It included a process for deciding whether or not to continue the busineess at various points. I thought he had a great chance of succeeding, but 6 months later he was back in a full-time company job and has since moved on to a high-level position in another company. Apparently he hit a point where he felt that it wasn't working, and Plan B was get a Real Job.
Now, while this doesn't sound like something your husband would put together, maybe you can work with him on it. Let's say he wants to go into real estate. How many houses does he think he can sell in a year? How long will it be for the first one to sell so he gets cash flow? What's his share of the commission and what expenses will he have to pay (Multiple Listing and other advertising, for example)? What will he be making if he gets where he wants to be? At what point will he commit to deciding it isn't working and what's Plan B?
It's perfectly reasonable for you to say, "Honey, I want to make sure that this is the right road for you, and that you don'' keep going down it indefinitely if it's the wrong road. We can't have a business that produces negative cash flow forever".
Hopefully he'll agree with you and develop a realistic plan.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2011 18:32:51 GMT -5
Maybe you can work with him to develop a business plan including an exit strategy and Plan B. One of my colleagues went into consulting. He made a lot of contacts for potential work, then put together a business plan which he presented to his wife (a SAHM). It included a process for deciding whether or not to continue the busineess at various points. I thought he had a great chance of succeeding, but 6 months later he was back in a full-time company job and has since moved on to a high-level position in another company. Apparently he hit a point where he felt that it wasn't working, and Plan B was get a Real Job. Now, while this doesn't sound like something your husband would put together, maybe you can work with him on it. Let's say he wants to go into real estate. How many houses does he think he can sell in a year? How long will it be for the first one to sell so he gets cash flow? What's his share of the commission and what expenses will he have to pay (Multiple Listing and other advertising, for example)? What will he be making if he gets where he wants to be? At what point will he commit to deciding it isn't working and what's Plan B? It's perfectly reasonable for you to say, "Honey, I want to make sure that this is the right road for you, and that you don'' keep going down it indefinitely if it's the wrong road. We can't have a business that produces negative cash flow forever". Hopefully he'll agree with you and develop a realistic plan. I agree with the above plan and I say go for it!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 29, 2011 18:46:11 GMT -5
It's always interesting to me how different people perceive things differently. To me, that sounds incredibly condescending. He is not 5, this is not his first business, what exactly makes her an expert?? She didn't say that she had a business, just a job.
She keeps saying that "i" can't pay the bills, "I" have not been able to save as much. Doesn't sound like he is included that much.
Lena
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2011 18:52:01 GMT -5
It's always interesting to me how different people perceive things differently. To me, that sounds incredibly condescending. He is not 5, this is not his first business, what exactly makes her an expert?? She didn't say that she had a business, just a job. She keeps saying that "i" can't pay the bills, "I" have not been able to save as much. Doesn't sound like he is included that much. Lena How is it condescending to tell your spouse you are not ok with the idea of dumpint "our" money that doesn't seems to be profitable.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 29, 2011 19:02:28 GMT -5
Saying ""I" want to make sure that this is the right road for "you"" is condescending, IMO. They are adults, this is marriage. That statement sounds more like a statement a parent would make to a child.
Lena
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 29, 2011 19:04:15 GMT -5
It's always interesting to me how different people perceive things differently. To me, that sounds incredibly condescending. He is not 5, this is not his first business, what exactly makes her an expert?? She didn't say that she had a business, just a job. She keeps saying that "i" can't pay the bills, "I" have not been able to save as much. Doesn't sound like he is included that much. Lena I could see that coming off as condescending. It needs to be phrased sensitively. But at the same time if she CANNOT PAY THEIR BILLS on her salary alone, the point needs to be raised somehow. She's well within her rights to question whether or not this is the right path for him / them when she's the one paying for it. S/he who has the gold makes the rules = cliche for a reason.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 29, 2011 19:08:10 GMT -5
Just as an aside, there are times when you need to ignore someone's tone and focus on what they're really saying. DF and I have had conversations with each other where one of us was being condescending (sometimes downright patronizing) which pisses both of us off. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was him.
In every case, the condescending person was making a valid point that eventually was recognized. At this point in our relationship, we recognize that we both have a tendency to be condescending and also to perceive condescension when someone is explaining something. And we're learning to account for that in our conversations so we don't take it quite so personally.
So even if they did have this conversation and he thought she was being condescending, I don't think that gives him the right to just ignore the issue she's raising. He can ask her to phrase it differently so it doesn't put him on the defensive, but he shouldn't let it derail the conversation completely. That's running away.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 29, 2011 20:10:52 GMT -5
Nope, not in a marriage. Once you start using that logic, the relationship will never be a "unit", it will always be "who rules".
I think there are way too many unknowns, but the way I read OP is that she used to save oodles of money before she got married and now she can't anymore. And it bugs her. And it bugs her that he is not doing what SHE would be doing in the same situation. But you can't expect others to be you. I am going to assume that she knew who she was marrying. I am also assuming that he didn't change. And if that's the case, she can't just change rules on him and all of a sudden to expect him to be her and do things the way and at the speed that she would. For one, that's not fair. But even fairness aside, it won't work.
So, my suggestion still stands - look at the situation objectively and see if he is doing the best he can, even if his best does not equal what would be her best.
Lena
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2011 20:27:16 GMT -5
I don't want to insinuate that OP should have to carry all of the household financial burden herself, but I think you may want to take a look at your household expenses if you cannot pay your bills on a $100,000 salary. The economy is unstable, starting a business is a risky proposition - I wouldn't want my financial commitments to exceed one partner's income.
If the problem is not being able to take the vacations you want or enjoy the money the way you had in the past, that is a legitimate frustration and a reason to want to ensure that DH is on the right track - but if you are coming up short on basic necessities, you may want to scale back.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 30, 2011 7:45:14 GMT -5
My GF is now in this same boat. Her husband is a jerk and was always getting fired in good times. Now these are bad times so what does she do? Takes her money and also a line of credit on her house that is almost paid off and starts a business for him. Guess what he is doing? Not much but sure plays a lot of tennis. "Networking?"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2011 8:31:48 GMT -5
The words I used might sound condescending to some spouses and maybe they can be re-worked. "WE need to decide how we'll know if this business is viable, when to pull the plug, and what to do for Plan B so this doesn't impair our future security" might work.
I've been the wage-earning spouse for a husband with a money pit business that was mostly an excuse to buy expensive computer toys, run up large phone bills and take people out for drinks and dinner. It's reasonable for the OP to expect that her husband has a realistic plan to make this work and agrees on criteria for when to pull the plug if necessary so it doesn't go on indefinitely.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 30, 2011 9:00:24 GMT -5
I think there are way too many unknowns, but the way I read OP is that she used to save oodles of money before she got married and now she can't anymore. And it bugs her.
That's how I read it too. I may be coloring it from my own perspective. I tend to over dramatsize and when I start feeling like DH isn't "doing it right" and I start to play martyr.
When I make myself or someone else makes me sit down and actually think about it I realize we are really not that bad off.
The OP's post reminded me of some of the rants I got on during the first year of my marriage. We ended up in counseling and it was pretty damn uncomfortable to find out that most of the drama I had created all by myself with no assistance from DH.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 30, 2011 10:07:10 GMT -5
Hi All, Wow, some really great responses. Thank you.
I'm going to try to clarify a few things here:
DH is not in school any longer. In order to get his license he needs to complete a 6 week course, take a State exam and do 40 hours of mentored field work. He has completed the course in September and passed the exam in October. He has had a difficult time getting the mentored field work organized and a lot of this (but not all) has been out of his control. He finally got a prolific mentor approved through the school and started doing his field work. I really thought that this would motivate him to get the inspections done asap, as the season is upon us and he could be losing out on tons of business if he doesn't get himself organized soon. I was very upset when he didn't want to change his plans or go on inspections over the weekend because it was inconvenient for him. School was over 6 months ago and I have had to make many sacrifices to pay off his school charges of $5000. Originally he thought he would have the business up and running in January and now we are looking at sometime in May. Unfortunately it may be a more difficult time to get the business started as people already have their go to inspectors set for the busy time.
I have to agree with one of the posters that I am concerned about his desire to spend time and effort building the business. I say desire, because he surely has the ability.
I know that one of the posters believes that I am upset because I am not saving oodles of money, not so. I am upset because before we bought our current home (it is in my name only, due to DH's bad credit score) we sat down and wrote a budget. We went over all of the figures and I told him what his monthly contribution needed to be in order for us to purchase this home. I told him I was uncomfortable with the high mortgage payment and I was unable and unwilling to do it on my own. He agreed and assured me that his contribution would be no problem at all. Well....that didn't happen. The economy tanked, along with his current business. That is why we made the decision for him to go back to school. It meant making scarifies because he wouldn't be able to work during his class time and the school would cost $5000. We took at a zero percent loan on my credit card and went for it. I will have the loan paid in full next month. Of course, in December DH had major truck issues to the tune of $4500 which had to go on my credit card as well (0% too). He has not had much income coming in from his old business and the new one isn't up and running yet. I feel very stressed about the situation and I do feel like it's all on me, because ultimately, everything is in my name. I do understand that I do create some of my own anxiety and I am working very hard to gain perspective and find balance when it comes to financial matters. I know that my stress comes from fear which was instilled in me a long time ago due to a difficult childhood where money was scarce. I also know that DH and I are very different people. I have discussed my feelings many times with him and he knows how I feel and why. I just find myself getting very disappointed that he doesn't see the need to act quickly to relieve some of my stress. We have had several big blowouts over these issues and I have told him that I don't feel like he's doing what he needs to, to resolve these issues. He usually says that he's doing all he can and that the pace will never be good enough for me. He has admitted that most of my points are valid, he just doesn't appreciate the way I convey them. I usually ask him at what point is it ok to be angry and frustrated. I go to work every day, I pay the bills and I deal with the stress of juggling (something I have not had to do for many years) to make sure everything is paid on time.
Hope this answers some of your questions
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,270
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 30, 2011 10:21:13 GMT -5
If you post your entire budget a lot of posters here would be happy to help you find ways to alieve your stress and cut back so you don't have to worry about the bills.
My DH is a person who will procrastinate unless there is a fire lit under his butt sometimes. In your case I'd go over the budget with a fine tooth comb and start cutting back anything and everything that isn't a nesscity. Then if he says something you can tell him that you had to cut all this so you can make ends meet on your salary right now, there isn't enough money to cover X, Y Z AND the bills.
Translation: Until you get going, no money for things other than bills.
I never get anywhere telling DH or nagging DH because he can tune me out and it often leads to fights because I "sound like his mother". When I start applying consequences that affect him and he can't ignore THEN he will get off his butt and do it.
DH isn't a bad guy, he just isn't a huge self motivator. He does a lot better when there are external motivators to push him forward. Drives me insane because I am a self motivator. Give me a month and I will have it all done within a week and fine tuning the rest of the month. Give DH a month and he won't do it till t hree days before hand.
Your DH might need a consequence and a real tangible deadline. As of right now to him it seems like everythign is going peachy keen, your salary handles everything so what is the rush?
Obviously you can't let the house be foreclosed on or the lights turned off, but I am betting there is SOMETHING in the budget that isn't vital that could be cut. I told DH there was no more money for Mtn Dew. You'd think that would be small pickings but that is his luxury purchase, so that got his butt in gear and on board with me.
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