tigerpause
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 22:35:11 GMT -5
Posts: 6,357
Mini-Profile Background: https://i.imgur.com/RZ8b5SP.png
|
Post by tigerpause on Jan 8, 2018 1:41:29 GMT -5
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a tiger enclosure?
Claude
|
|
tigerpause
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 22:35:11 GMT -5
Posts: 6,357
Mini-Profile Background: https://i.imgur.com/RZ8b5SP.png
|
Post by tigerpause on Jan 8, 2018 1:43:07 GMT -5
What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Jan 8, 2018 5:12:38 GMT -5
Grandma has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.....
|
|
Rob Base 2.0
Well-Known Member
Joined: Feb 23, 2017 18:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,538
|
Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Jan 10, 2018 17:06:33 GMT -5
The other night I was out having dinner with a teddy bear. I asked him if he wanted to get dessert.
He said, "no thanks, I'm stuffed"
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Jan 12, 2018 13:10:10 GMT -5
Well, my New Years Resolution was to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half full of rum, vodka or whiskey. Today is only January 12th and I see my beer budget will be taking over.....
|
|
tigerpause
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 22:35:11 GMT -5
Posts: 6,357
Mini-Profile Background: https://i.imgur.com/RZ8b5SP.png
|
Post by tigerpause on Jan 12, 2018 19:00:30 GMT -5
Why do the last four months of the year end with 'ber'?
Because it's cold outside.
|
|
Rob Base 2.0
Well-Known Member
Joined: Feb 23, 2017 18:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,538
|
Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Jan 14, 2018 11:42:14 GMT -5
Why should you never trust an atom?
They make up everything.
|
|
tigerpause
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 22:35:11 GMT -5
Posts: 6,357
Mini-Profile Background: https://i.imgur.com/RZ8b5SP.png
|
Post by tigerpause on Jan 15, 2018 2:29:23 GMT -5
Jesus may have walked on water but Steven Hawking can run on batteries.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,740
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 15, 2018 8:21:02 GMT -5
Time flies when you throw your obnoxious alarm clock across the room.
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Jan 26, 2018 10:21:05 GMT -5
If the music is too loud, YOU are too old!!
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,740
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 26, 2018 13:57:33 GMT -5
If the music is too loud, YOU are too old!! I will never grow old then. Some songs have to be cracked up wide open to be appreciated.
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Jan 26, 2018 15:09:25 GMT -5
If the music is too loud, YOU are too old!! I will never grow old then. Some songs have to be cracked up wide open to be appreciated. I was evidently born old. I like my music at a relatively low volume. Loud music actually makes my chest hurt.
|
|
Rob Base 2.0
Well-Known Member
Joined: Feb 23, 2017 18:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,538
|
Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Jan 26, 2018 17:30:11 GMT -5
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 12, 2024 22:57:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2018 23:16:45 GMT -5
If the music is too loud, YOU are too old!! **cups hand behind ear before leaning in and shouting** WHAT? ? ? ?
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Jan 28, 2018 6:54:09 GMT -5
Today's words of wisdom: A study of economics usually reveals the best time yo buy anything......was last year!
|
|
Unknown Angelo
New Member
Joined: Jan 23, 2018 19:19:57 GMT -5
Posts: 14
|
Post by Unknown Angelo on Jan 29, 2018 23:22:24 GMT -5
A man has no idea what a helmet is, and then mentions how things just goes right over his head.
|
|
tigerpause
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 22:35:11 GMT -5
Posts: 6,357
Mini-Profile Background: https://i.imgur.com/RZ8b5SP.png
|
Post by tigerpause on Feb 1, 2018 1:33:53 GMT -5
My neighbor's dog is so dumb their German Shepherd barks in Italian.
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 1, 2018 7:57:25 GMT -5
Question: Why did God create stock analysts?............Answer: In order to make weather forecasters look good...
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 2, 2018 13:37:05 GMT -5
How many investors does it take to change a lightbulb?....................NONE!! The market has already discounted the change.....
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 3, 2018 6:38:56 GMT -5
What is the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case you are helping the community fund the local swimming pool. In the second case you help finance the stock promoter's home pool........
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 5, 2018 13:11:07 GMT -5
A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.....
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 6, 2018 8:18:36 GMT -5
Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk and says so. "Obviously not", says the other, "If there were, someone would have already picked it up."
|
|
Rob Base 2.0
Well-Known Member
Joined: Feb 23, 2017 18:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,538
|
Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Feb 6, 2018 16:56:09 GMT -5
There is more money being spent on implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,576
|
Post by Tennesseer on Feb 6, 2018 17:03:08 GMT -5
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 7, 2018 7:42:46 GMT -5
Here's a first for 2018....It was so cold outside last night that I saw two hitchhikers holding up pictures of thumbs!
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,740
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 7, 2018 8:23:11 GMT -5
Here's a first for 2018....It was so cold outside last night that I saw two hitchhikers holding up pictures of thumbs! I would just have to move
|
|
wyouser
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:35:20 GMT -5
Posts: 12,126
|
Post by wyouser on Feb 28, 2018 10:35:47 GMT -5
Wow, the snows been so deep we almost lost this thread....So: 4 retired ladies playing bridge. One looks across at her partner and goes: "I know we been playng bridge here every week for 5 years, but I can't remember your name." Her partner looks at her for a moment and finally replies; "How soon do you need to know."
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,740
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 28, 2018 11:31:09 GMT -5
Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor — it rubbed me the wrong way.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,576
|
Post by Tennesseer on Feb 28, 2018 11:48:19 GMT -5
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,576
|
Post by Tennesseer on Feb 28, 2018 11:49:28 GMT -5
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
|
|