Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 13:58:35 GMT -5
The new company fully supported me giving the adequate notice to my current employer. They've been wonderful. Met with the Mrs today who tried to convince me to give more notice and that they can't believe I didn't give at least 3 months. Mr continued to bitch that I am being unfair to only give 4 weeks notice. I told them that's all. If they hire someone before 4 weeks, I need to leave sooner. Told my staff and team members as well. It was tears all around. They're a good group of people and that's the only part I'll miss. A former colleague and friend works for the new company and has been there a few years now. They're sincere about the work/life balance and she has loved being there. In fact, it's clear that everyone loves being there. I am really excited to get started there and close this chapter of my career. A nice perk that recently came to mind is that when we're ready to have baby #2, I may actually be entitled to a real maternity leave. Holy cow that's going to be awesome. Are you in Europe or something? I haven't heard of such long expectations of notice except over there.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Mar 15, 2013 14:36:06 GMT -5
Maven, you know darn well this clown is going to try to drag this on for longer than 4 weeks, so just prepare yourself in advance for the head games and don't fall for them this time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 14:39:27 GMT -5
Maven four weeks is MORE than enough time for these people to sabotage your new position. It may be in YOUR interest to leave, but it's certainly not in theirs.
I think you are making a very serious mistake, and I would urge you to reconsider. I would give them two weeks. If you feel the need, tell them you will be available by email or phone for two more weeks, at YOUR convenience.
Also, I think they will use this time to "sweeten you up" and get you to stay rather than to try to move past your departure.
Please don't shoot yourself in the foot! Reread your OP, these people don't deserve your "going the extra mile" for them. Plus, personally, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. And I'm not really getting why you do.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Mar 15, 2013 14:58:21 GMT -5
What debthaven2 said.
Mr. already told you to find a new job. You have done so. Don't give him more space for bullying. Wrap up what loose ends you can in two weeks, then leave. I'd also make sure to pack and remove an personal belongings asap, like today, in the event they turn ugly and bar you from the premises just because they can. After the way you have been treated, you do not owe them more than the bare minimum professional courtesy.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 16, 2013 8:27:45 GMT -5
I agree, 2 weeks. Even at 4 weeks, they are still gong to be calling you wanting help. Heck, they would be calling you after 3 MONTHS.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 16, 2013 16:22:51 GMT -5
I'd have to ask them what they expected you to do when they called you names and told you to get a new job...
I wouldn't stay 4 weeks either, but if they start on any other tirade, just walk out and don't come back. I know you said you know them socially, but it just doesn't sound like a relationship worth keeping.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2013 10:12:32 GMT -5
Another interesting country to hire people in related to notice is India. They give MONTHS of notice. What I don't like over there is they will keep job hunting after the accepted offer and giving notice and then jump to another job if they like it better. This is of course leading to salary escalation which doesn't make them as cheap compared to western pay as they used to be.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2013 10:53:43 GMT -5
Wow, I am really shocked you would give 4 weeks notice. Why would you want to subject yourself to these people's nastiness for longer than absolutely necessary? There is some sort of co-dependence going on here. I hope over time you can come to value yourself more and not allow the abuse you have taken in from these people in the past.
It might help you to look up the definition of emotional abuse. You must not realize that is what is going on.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 11:18:58 GMT -5
I fully recognize these people are ass clowns. I am not trying to preserve a relationship with them or their business, I am looking to protect my name. Yes I recognize this is an abusive relationship and that's why I've made a conscious choice to remove myself from it. In fact, this has been so taxing I've even seen a therapist to talk through this and how to self preserve.
I am meeting with both of them on Monday and think I will take my notice down to 3 weeks. The thought of sitting there makes me sick to my stomach.
Further, if anything so much as blinks in the direction of escalation, I will just pack my things and leave. I am not going to allow this to be perpetuated. I am in control of this, not them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2013 11:25:26 GMT -5
You should know this better than anyone. Even if you give them3 montgs notice that will not be enough to protect yourname from these people. They will always be bitter. Giving them 2 weeks notice is plenty, if you really want to do the 3 weeks but dont do more and dont bend over backwards for these people who treated you like shit.
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mcsangel
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Post by mcsangel on Mar 17, 2013 12:59:19 GMT -5
I meant to post earlier in the thread but Rukh reminded me......
I really hope you have not told anyone (including any coworkers) at your current company where you are going.
When you were interviewing at new company, did they call for a reference? Having known people who've had to deal with similar situations, I absolutely can tell you that it's a valid concern. Just based on what I've seen in this thread, I would expect your current employer to try to sabotage your new employment if they can.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 15:28:36 GMT -5
So, how do I retract and make my exit ASAP? The thought of Monday coming is making me sick. I am so over this company and these people. I want to be graceful, but I want out...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2013 15:33:54 GMT -5
I really don't know how you'd backtrack, Maven, although I agree you need to find a way.
I think I'd tell them that I have reconsidered and the standard two-week notice should be adequate, so I am henceforth giving them the standard two-week notice.
Remind them they will have had a few extra days from you anyway.
Hopefully others will come up with a better idea lol.
Good luck!
ETA: Did you give your 4-weeks' notice in writing? If so, that might be harder to get out of.
Do you have vacation due? Can you take a week or two off at the end? (Try not asking them, but telling them.)
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 15:36:31 GMT -5
By the way, I am so very grateful for you all. This experience has been so challenging for so long. This group has allowed me to temperature check myself and feel better about these choices. I appreciate all of the feedback and support. Karma to you all!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Mar 17, 2013 15:41:27 GMT -5
I would think about the reason behind the meeting with both of them on Monday (tomorrow). You've already spoken with both of them separately - what will a joint meeting accomplish?
If it is to go over everything you do with both of them so they can be on the same page - then that is a good thing. It shows that they are attempting to understand exactly what you do for them.
If there is no agenda planned (that you know of) - then that is a horrible thing. To me, it means they are going to gang up on you and either "convince" you to stay longer or rail on you for being disloyal - or maybe a little of everything! Based on what you have posted, it's much more likely to be this second choice than the first.
If possible, I might attempt to go into work today and pack up everything that is important to you that is personal (photos, awards, etc) and get it out of there asap. Leave anything and everything that is work related. That way, when you go into work tomorrow, if things get heated or goes south, you don't have to worry about packing everything up - you can just grab your purse/lunch/whatever you brought with you for the day and walk out.
I might not even be tempted to bring my purse in or lunch - sounds like a good time to buy lunch as needed.....but that's just me looking at it from an outsider's perspective.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 15:45:04 GMT -5
Debt- no I haven't given any notice in writing for that exact reason. I am owed vacation time and have a date previously scheduled in this span of time.
ETA: I do payroll so I will make sure I get what is owed to me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2013 15:49:47 GMT -5
Then I would do what I suggested, tell them you have reconsidered about it and you've decided to go with the standard two weeks. In a worst-case scenario get it down to 3 weeks and take the third week off.
I wouldn't though. Enough is enough.
You could always remind them (very sweetly) that THEY suggested you look for a new job, and you "believe / agree that it is better for everybody concerned if you move on". Just keep repeating that, without excuses or explanations, the same way the folks here tell posters NOT to explain why they won't lend a person money. You don't owe them ANYTHING beyond two-weeks' notice.
ETA: Good news about payroll, I was concerned about that.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 15:51:06 GMT -5
Karaboo - they want to know what I do so it can be delegated. The shister family member has already posted a job online for my position even though they have no clue what it is that I do... so your inclination is probably accurate. I've made reasons for myself to take lunch everyday... Gym, lunch, manicure, etc.
I am collecting all of my electronic files right now. Physical items are already being accumulated too to take home.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Mar 17, 2013 15:56:04 GMT -5
Depending on what happens when you speak with both Mr. and Mrs. together, you might be able to turn the conversation to your advantage in leaving as soon as possible. For example, if they do gang up on you and berate you for your "disloyalty," if you can remain calm and keep your wits about you, you could hand that back to them in the form of something like, "I can see that you no longer have confidence in me. Under those circumstances, I fully understand that you would prefer that I leave as soon as possible." Then do it. You might also want to consider taking someone not associated with the company with you when you meet with them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 17, 2013 16:08:34 GMT -5
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 17, 2013 16:12:13 GMT -5
Depending on what happens when you speak with both Mr. and Mrs. together, you might be able to turn the conversation to your advantage in leaving as soon as possible. For example, if they do gang up on you and berate you for your "disloyalty," if you can remain calm and keep your wits about you, you could hand that back to them in the form of something like, "I can see that you no longer have confidence in me. Under those circumstances, I fully understand that you would prefer that I leave as soon as possible." Then do it. You might also want to consider taking someone not associated with the company with you when you meet with them. Great advice and get that notice down to 2 weeks. If they don't know what you are doing, too bad for them. It sounds like they have abused you emotionally for a long time.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 17, 2013 18:55:47 GMT -5
Seriously, if these a social "friends" you need to have a pat answer ready for those who will ask you why you left. Depending, I'd either tell the truth or a partial truth.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 17, 2013 21:48:55 GMT -5
Ugh I am hating the idea of being there tomorrow. You know those little paper chains you made back in grade school counting the days until school was out? I need to make one and occupy my mind.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 17, 2013 22:14:13 GMT -5
Since you don't want anything more from these people, I think you should only say the bare minimum. "It's time for me to move on and I decided to give you the generally accepted standard 2 weeks notice." If they give you any crap, just keep repeating, "it's really time for me to move on." A blank stare can be pretty effective too. ;-)
Good luck-you'll do fine.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 18, 2013 8:33:37 GMT -5
Good luck Maven. Keep us posted on how the meeting goes/went!
And yeah, you'll do great.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 18, 2013 8:39:24 GMT -5
If you do just want to leave: Pack up your things ASAP this morning. Tell them "I'm sorry but working here is not good for my health. I am sorry to leave you in a bind, but I cannot continue to ignore my health" and walk out. Easier said than done. But worth a shot.
Good Luck today. I think you really need to get it down to just 2 weeks notice. I think it is healthier for everyone if you do.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 18, 2013 8:53:17 GMT -5
Good luck Maven. Keep us posted on how the meeting goes/went! And yeah, you'll do great. Remember that all these voices in your head will still be here cheering you on through all of this no matter what. We really are real you know.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 18, 2013 8:53:22 GMT -5
Karaboo - they want to know what I do so it can be delegated.
Make a short bulleted list, leave it on your desk. When you meet with them tell them you left instructions on your desk then high tail it ASAP before they can guilt you into staying longer. That they don't know how to run their business is not your problem.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 18, 2013 13:34:17 GMT -5
I would write up a transition plan, including a bulleted list, and review it with them. If they go off track, discussing personal things or weeks and months of notice not being given, I would just say "Next on the list is..." and then talk about the next thing. Offer to write instructions for the harder things.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 18, 2013 13:42:44 GMT -5
And make sure you make it clear what is done in your two weeks is all you are going to do. Don't let them manipulate you into staying by insisting they just can't understand what you wrote, so please do it over.
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