Should I Let My Daughter Compete in a Pageant?

[Deleted]

Cheerleading was fantastic for my daughter. She was the quiet, nerdy type, but she went to a private school where it wasn't as hard to make cheerleader. By the time she was a senior, she actually made All-State cheerleader and got a scholarship (based on her grades/ACT score). I think cheerleading can be an awesome way to teach self-esteem . . . being in front of a crowd, etc.

Pageanty was less successful for us. My daughter was never the beauty queen type, but every so often she would ask. At least once in middle school we asked if we could just write her a check so she could go shopping for clothes. Unfortunately, the answer is no. Pageants are relatively useless in my opinion. I got so annoyed when her school one would ask them to turn around so they could look at the BACK of the dress. WTF, as others would say.

But we let her do them. Her last was the REAL Junior Miss Pagenat. She got first runner-up and a $1000 scholarship. The officials said the girls were "supposed" to wear white dresses. The winner one a magenta wore a one that made her look way better than the other insipid blondes in white dresses. My daughter learned that rules aren't as rigid as the rest of us think (which was hard for me to learn, too). So maybe it WAS a good experience. She was happy and ended her pageant career.

One of her classmates' mother took $300 out of her daughter's college fund to buy her a dress to compete. Her daughter really could sing (she has a master's in vocals now), but Junior Miss wasn't that type of pageant. My daughter could really play the piano, but the girl who won played "Dixie," which is always a winner in the South. Maybe those were the REAL lessons?

I wouldn't do it personally. But I would be talked into it just as you were.

[thyme4change]

I really don't think she would enjoy it. She isn't a center of attention type.

Here's my take on it (as the mother of a girly-girl who I sometimes have trouble relating to)

I would roll the dice and do it. If this particular pagent is anything like the ones on TV, those girls are crazy - crazy hair, lots of make-up, super-fancy dresses, fake teeth, etc. If you don't tell her any of that, and she shows up somewhat unprepared, she will most likely (although this is risky) going to feel out of place. If there are many girls there, she probably won't win anything. The whole experience may be totally discouraging for her.

The risky part is that either she will love the energy of the competition, or that it will be more laid back, and she will fit in just fine and get some sort of prize. At that point, she might be hooked.

But, yes, if my (very soon to be) 9 year old daughter suggested it, I would have no trouble showing my lack of desire for her to participate.

[2kids10horses]

I don't have a dog in this fight, but...

My wife's sister was First Runner up Miss Arkansas! (Actually, when they recounted the votes, she was the high point total! But, the other girl had already walked the runway with the crown, and once that's done, they couldn't change the outcome. If this had happened today, I can't imagine the lawsuits! This was back in the 70's... maybe late 60's.) Bill Clinton was, of all people, the Head Marshall. (He was president of the Student Body at U. of Arkansas.

But I digress...

She won several pagents on her way to the Miss Arkansas contest. She won several scholarships, and some prize money. I think the competition is a lot more cutthroat these days.

And this for the minnessotaPaint Horse lady...

Have you seen the way they do the girls up in Western Pleasure and Showmanship classes at AQHA and Paint shows? Unbelievable.

[debtheaven]

Obviously your kids' interests are going to differ from your own, but I'd draw the line at activities that conflict with my values, so I would not permit it.

This was my first reaction. But I haven't always agreed with my kids' choices, but if they can give me a convincing argument, I'll often go their way.

Snerdley, I would do it, just this once. You may be setting yourself up for 9 more years of it, but if you decide to say yes, that's a risk you need to accept. I think if you accept to do this, you need to find a way to take this to its logical conclusion in a worst-case scenario (in my book) ie she will win, get hooked, and now I have to do this for nine more years. If you're NOT willing to do that, you need to make that absolutely clear to her, NOW.

I would be all over my DD about why I hated this idea, but if she presented a coherent and convincing argument, I'd probably accept. And experience a HUGE amount of cognitive dissonance because this is NOT anything we value either.

But I'd probably give my DD the benefit of the doubt, at least once, to try it out, if she REALLY wanted to do it. And my definition of "REALLY" takes some time.

Best of luck to you and DD, whatever you decide. But you should DEFINITELY watch that indie film (Little Miss Sunshine) in the meantime.

[Deleted]

May 12, 2011 19:46:17 GMT -5 2kids10horses said:

And this for the minnessotaPaint Horse lady...

Have you seen the way they do the girls up in Western Pleasure and Showmanship classes at AQHA and Paint shows? Unbelievable.

Yep. I don't think that's right either...especially in the pleasure classes, I mean WTH?? It's supposed to be about the horse! If I had a daughter that wanted to compete national level, I'd get her a reining horse! More fun to watch anyhow.

[gsbrq]

May 12, 2011 19:48:36 GMT -5 @debtheaven said:

Obviously your kids' interests are going to differ from your own, but I'd draw the line at activities that conflict with my values, so I would not permit it.
I think if you accept to do this, you need to find a way to take this to its logical conclusion in a worst-case scenario (in my book) ie she will win, get hooked, and now I have to do this for nine more years. .

Except your worst-case scenario is that the daughter will make Snerd do the pageant thing for 9 years.

My worst-case scenario is that the daughter buys into the whole belief that standing on stage with other girls and being ranked according to beauty is a reasonable thing to do in the first place. Sorry, that is just messed up, and there's no way I'd allow my daughter to participate in such a contest.

[ty]

May 12, 2011 21:00:37 GMT -5 @gsbrq said:

May 12, 2011 19:48:36 GMT -5 @debtheaven said:

Obviously your kids' interests are going to differ from your own, but I'd draw the line at activities that conflict with my values, so I would not permit it.
I think if you accept to do this, you need to find a way to take this to its logical conclusion in a worst-case scenario (in my book) ie she will win, get hooked, and now I have to do this for nine more years. .

Except your worst-case scenario is that the daughter will make Snerd do the pageant thing for 9 years.

My worst-case scenario is that the daughter buys into the whole belief that standing on stage with other girls and being ranked according to beauty is a reasonable thing to do in the first place. Sorry, that is just messed up, and there's no way I'd allow my daughter to participate in such a contest.

It's all rigged. The more money you pay to the pageant judges the greater the chances your kids have in winning. Do you really think it's worth it to put a 9 yo in front of a bunch of grownups to judge who's the prettiest and who's not? Then spending thousands upon thousands of dollars for a $100 trophy. Anyone doing this to their kids imo have issues going on in their heads.
Save the money for a college fund or something like that. Go on a family trip together and enjoy life.

If your daughter wants to play dress-up and stuff like that, invite the neighbors kids over and let them play dress-up pageant for themselves.

I read that she's 9 and a cheerleader. WTF! Why is a 9 yo cheerleader. Let her learn social skills and play with other kids. Cheerleaders imo is for bimbos that think they are all that, but scrape off the makeup and they are just like anyone else. Only the old men and horny ones at the games are more interested in seeing their @#$%#$ more than the cheer itself.

May I suggest you watch the film ANGUS. Maybe you can learn something about life from it.

[Deleted]

I say check out the reputation of the ones organizing the pageant to be sure they aren't into human trafficking or something. If they are harmless let her do it. But I would tell her about the system where the girl that wins sold the most tickets or whatever it is. And don`t do the fundraising. She gets to play the game with open eyes on how it works.

[ty]

May 12, 2011 22:08:58 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

Children are so advanced today. A beauty pageant at nine? I would have some questions about the safety of the little girls. There is still that Jon Bennet Ramsey mystery to be solved. Can these attract the wrong kind of attention from weirdos?

[Gardening Grandma]

Snerdley,
I have not read all of the responses, and my initial reaction was "blech!"..... Obviously I'm not a fan of these things, BUT... I do believe in encouraging kids to try new experiences. If they have a good time, great. If not, then they probably learned something about themselves or the world.

In that spirit, I'd say, let her try it and take it from there.....

(And if you have not seen, Little Miss Sunshine, do so, but not with your daughter.... It is not a movie for young kids..... but lordy, is it funny!)

[ty]

May 12, 2011 22:51:44 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Snerdley,
I have not read all of the responses, and my initial reaction was "blech!"..... Obviously I'm not a fan of these things, BUT... I do believe in encouraging kids to try new experiences. If they have a good time, great. If not, then they probably learned something about themselves or the world.

In that spirit, I'd say, let her try it and take it from there.....

(And if you have not seen, Little Miss Sunshine, do so, but not with your daughter.... It is not a movie for young kids..... but lordy, is it funny!)

They can always learn to visit retirement homes, assist the disabled people, volunteer at an animal shelter, and do stuff like that. Joining a pageant is pretty much pointless. I'm sure a 100 dollar trophy is going to impress a college or an employer.

Playing dress-up comes naturally for all kids. Save your money and let them play dress-up. They'll be and do just fine later in life.

[Deleted]

Snerd I think it is great that you do this with her. People that discover their passions early and are encouraged are some of the luckiest people around. I really admire what you are doing.

[alabamagal]

Snerd, I am also the mom of a girly-girl cheerleader. Believe me, I would have been much happier if she played basketball/softball/ etc. but she wanted to be a cheerleader. She barely mad ethe team in 9th grade, but improved so much year to year. I was proud of her.

Fortunately, she only asked about a school pageant once, we talked about it, and she agreed it was not for her. But if she had been more insistent, we probably would have done it. My advice as a parent, would be to see if you really think she is serious about doing this (it sounds like that she is). Talk about what it costs, what she needs to do for the pagent (practice, etc.). If she is willing to work hard it, go for it. I really don't care for the whole pagent thing, but I would support my daughter if she was serious about it. After entering the pagent, the mostly likely outcome would be that she will be overwhelmed by the girls who live their lifes for pagents (professional makeup, singing lessons, etc.). However, if she turns out to be good at it, then you could be in for a long ride. Despite all the negatives about pagents, they do teach girls to be poised in front of an audience, answer interview questions (think later job interviews) and to work toward a goal.

Good luck. I vote for give it a try!

[swamp]

May 12, 2011 15:43:41 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

We have had Battle Royale over what to wear to school. I cannot make her wear or do anything she doesn't want to do.

At 9?? Holy cow, her teenage years are going to be fun to read about.

I was having those battles every morning with my 3 year old. I gave up that battle. She wears whatever she wants, as long as it's clean. If I think she's gonna be cold, I send a change of clothes.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Every mom I ever knew still had the mom voice. You could tell immediately from the tone that whoever that voice was directed at had just crossed a line.

I knew we were going to get it when my parents forgot our names. If my dad said "Girl child. .boy child. .. whatever the hell your name is get over here!" we were going to get it.

[whoisjohngalt]

I personally think beauty pageants don't add that much value or education to anyone's life. That being said, as long as it's safe and you can afford it, I would let my kid do it.

The thing is we are ALL, 9 yr olds, 19 yr olds and 59 yr olds are judged on something every single day of our lives. Who is to say that it's more important to be judged on how fast your can throw a ball vs how pretty your hair looks.

We, as a society, are a bunch of hypocrites. We scream on the top of our lungs and drill into our children's heads that it doesn't matter how you look and all that maters is your brain and your character. But look around - at every turn you make, we judge and judge and judge people on the same things that we say is wrong. And what's even worse, we don't just "judge" - we affect people's lives with our judgment.

So, at 9, what's so wrong about dress-up and prancing around on stage as long as she doesn't look like a cheap 70's hooker (bc all those girls in Toddlers and Tiaras really do )

I hope she has fun

Lena

[tloonya]

Repulsive?
What is repulsive is to read some posts from people (99.9%) who has NO idea what they are talking about...

Lena
On National American Miss they do not allowed ANY kind of make up so girls look their age and they are really so cute!
I would say that one is the clean cut pageant. Not even remotely close to toddlers in tiaras.
I remember how my daughter choked during her talent competition and she stood up there little and lost and for about a minute...it lasted forever...I was petrified...but she collected herself and finished her routine! We were so oproud and it opened a whole new world for us about our child. She was definitely not a quiter!!!
However we found some other things that needed an improvement and we took some measures...but it is too long for this forum to tell. So I would say - if you have no idea - shut up!

[ty]

Snerd, it can go either way. It can be a fun experience for her, or it can be an experience for life in making her feel less secure about her appearance and herself. Do read the link below and learn about just how ugly they become.


The Ugly Side of Children Beauty Pageants

read more: www.associatedcontent.com/article/870503/the_ugly_side_of_children_beauty_pageants.html

The popularity of child beauty pageants seems to be rising every year causing more and more controversy. There are many different views and concerns that people seem to have on these types of pageants. Many of them do not agree with children being forced to fulfill their parents dream by taking place in a beauty pageant. A child psychologist, Dr. Robert Reiner (2006) states "very pushy parents who for a variety of reasons, didn't get what they wanted when they were children." Also, is it right to pile on make up and glittery dresses on these little kids and force them to compete? Should a child really be wearing false teeth and spray-on tans? Many people actually believe this is even child abuse.

Child beauty pageants began in 1960's consisting of modeling sportswear, evening attire, dance and talent (Nussbaum). The average ages for participants in the pageants were 6 to 12 years old. Since this time, a lot in the pageant industry has changed. Pageants are anything but conservative anymore. They also are not about the natural look like they once were when they first began. Now they are based on who can pile on the most make up and who has the best tan.

The age of the children participating now in these pageants range from 0 - 18 years old. That goes to show that obviously the very young ones are not in it for themselves much less even know what is going on. Children should only participate in beauty pageants if it is something they are interested in doing. Being forced into a competition is hard on a child's self confidence and could lead to future emotional problems. Weiner (2007) states that the children in beauty pageants have been linked to three of the most common mental health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Supposedly a rep for Nickelodeon and Disney is coming to Omaha to scout talent, one of those massive "talent agency" cattle calls.

I asked DH if DD were old enough would he let her do it and he goes "Hell no! Look at Miley Cyrus and Jamie Lynn Spears!"

I'd let DD do the State Fair pagent when she is old enough. I've watched it many times over the years and the girls are good ole fashioned "farm girls" (one girl from every city in Iowa) far far removed from what you see on shows like Toddlers and Tiaras.

It's the type of pagent I would be comfortable with her participating in.

As far as national shows I'd really have to research them before I agreed to them. They go against every instinct that I have and how I want to raise DD, but I also recognize TV is just that, TV the show is designed for ratings not reality.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

Here's something for the pageant lovers to watch,....

www.youtube.com/user/GoingGoldenAgain?blend=1&ob=5#p/c/B39921AC5A76CC75/6/Ry3AzFNX008

This episode is hilarious!

[Mrs. Dinero]

"Why is a 9 yo cheerleader. Let her learn social skills and play with other kids. Cheerleaders imo is for bimbos that think they are all that, but scrape off the makeup and they are just like anyone else. Only the old men and horny ones at the games are more interested in seeing their @#$%#$ more than the cheer itself."
Wow! DS plays football and some of the siblings cheer for the team. It's innocent and cute. They are 9 year olds!! No makeup. Geez DD also plays soccer and basketball. It's just another sport.

[Deleted]

May 13, 2011 10:09:39 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

It's just another sport.

So is cock fighting.

[Mrs. Dinero]

Touche MN!

Just responding to Creep - "Let her learn social skills and play with other kids" - that's what these girls are doing. I was a cheerleader so now you have royally pi$$ed me off.

[Deleted]

KK what part of "Her daughter asked to participate" is beyond your comprehension? This is not Snerd living vicariously through her daughter and forcing her.

[ty]

May 13, 2011 10:03:21 GMT -5 Mardi Gras Audrey said:

Here's something for the pageant lovers to watch,....

www.youtube.com/user/GoingGoldenAgain?blend=1&ob=5#p/c/B39921AC5A76CC75/6/Ry3AzFNX008

This episode is hilarious!

lmao

[ty]

May 13, 2011 10:30:28 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

KK what part of "Her daughter asked to participate" is beyond your comprehension? This is not Snerd living vicariously through her daughter and forcing her.

Did I say that. I just posted an article on the ugliness and harm that pageants can have on the kids that are in them.

I personally think beauty pageants don't add that much value or education to anyone's life.

Yes, I'm sure parading around in skimpy clothes and playing dress up is quality work and learning skills for minors. Pageants are for those that want to play dress up for a fee. All kids play dress up. The parents are just made to believe that their kids are more special than any other kid all because they were in a pageant.

As I have said. Save the money and pout it in to a college fund for her. She will thank you later for it.

[swamp]

May 13, 2011 10:47:36 GMT -5 @ty said:

May 13, 2011 10:30:28 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

KK what part of "Her daughter asked to participate" is beyond your comprehension? This is not Snerd living vicariously through her daughter and forcing her.

Did I say that. I just posted an article on the ugliness and harm that pageants can have on the kids that are in them.

I personally think beauty pageants don't add that much value or education to anyone's life.

Yes, I'm sure parading around in skimpy clothes and playing dress up is quality work and learning skills for minors. Pageants are for those that want to play dress up for a fee. All kids play dress up. The parents are just made to believe that their kids are more special than any other kid all because they were in a pageant.

As I have said. Save the money and pout it in to a college fund for her. She will thank you later for it.

While I don't necessarily like pageants, I think you're missing some of the potential positives. My mom made me take dance lessons from when I was 3 until I was 18. I really hated it as a kid, and was pretty indifferent as a teen. Today I thank my mother because I can get up in front of a packed auditorium, a skill that has definitely translated to being a trial attorney. I also have no problem with doing "fun fitness" things like Zumba, Jazzercise, step aerobics, etc.

[Firebird]

As much as pageants make me want to throw up in my mouth, I think you should let her do it. Any nine year old with that much self-awareness needs to be allowed to carve her own path to some extent.

I'm impressed with her assertiveness and moxie. You must be doing a good job!

[swamp]

May 13, 2011 11:10:33 GMT -5 Firebird said:

As much as pageants make me want to throw up in my mouth, I think you should let her do it. Any nine year old with that much self-awareness needs to be allowed to carve her own path to some extent.

I'm impressed with her assertiveness and moxie. You must be doing a good job!

[tloonya]

/Supposedly a rep for Nickelodeon and Disney is coming to Omaha to scout talent, one of those massive "talent agency" cattle calls/

PALEEEEASE! Do not mix talent scouts with pageants.
Talent scouts are ALL a scam. Trust me.
Pageants do not hide the fact that you are up to a hefty chunk out of pocket and they do not promise you a stardom. It is promoting self confidence in yuong women.

Geez!Please do not do anything with scouts.