Dying without stuff

[tractor]

I know several have said over the years that they want to die when their last dollar is spent. My father passed away last week, and while he certainly overshot dying without money (way into debt), he also did not have much stuff. Even with the little he did have, it's a challenge to figure out what to do with his dishes, bedding, silverware, etc.

It got me thinking, if my wife and I were to die today, my kids would be screwed having to deal with the piles of crap (good and bad) that we have. I think it's time to start a new movement, my goal is to die with piles of money, but no stuff.....who's with me?

[pulmonarymd]

The amount of work my wife and I needed to do when her father died was surprising. Going through all his stuff, even if it didn’t seem he had much. As an old Italian, he hid money everywhere, so you could not just toss things out; found a bunch of $100 bills in an eyeglass case! It just accumulates.

We recently had a sink overflow in our house and the water seeped into the basement. We had been talking about needing to clear out the basement-well we went through 30 years of stuff in a weekend. Made us realize that we need to do more cleaning when we get back into the house. Can’t believe how much stuff we had

[thyme4change]

I would think we would all die with kitchenware, sheets, towels, bedding and furniture.

That said - my husband would never. If he dies first I will re-evaluate what I need. But as long as he is alive, the best I can do is hope to contain him.

[toomuchreality]

After my heart attacks in January, my kids moved me to a new apt, in Feb. I went one day to help and had another heart attack, so I didn't go back.

They got rid of a BUNCH of stuff!
More than I would have. But I accept and appreciate what they did.

It will be significantly easier now, when I die. I'm glad about that.

[NoNamePerson]

I don’t have a lot of stuff so my son won’t have much to deal with. As for dying with money I hope the last check I write bounces.    I’m not a collector of stuff. In fact my son has told me if it can’t be replaced please call him before I go to dumpster. We have agreement that if I call about something he has three days to come check it out or it goes in the dumpster. After reading so many post here about cleaning up after death I must be an odd ball ole person!

[happyhoix]

Oct 13, 2024 18:10:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

I know several have said over the years that they want to die when their last dollar is spent. My father passed away last week, and while he certainly overshot dying without money (way into debt), he also did not have much stuff. Even with the little he did have, it's a challenge to figure out what to do with his dishes, bedding, silverware, etc.

It got me thinking, if my wife and I were to die today, my kids would be screwed having to deal with the piles of crap (good and bad) that we have. I think it's time to start a new movement, my goal is to die with piles of money, but no stuff.....who's with me?

Sorry for your loss, Tractor. 

And I would like to join your movement. I come from a family of borders. My mom moved from her four bedroom house into a one bedroom condo at an senior complex, so she got rid of a bunch of stuff, but when she had to go into a nursing some several years later and my sisters and I had to go through all her stuff, we found she had crammed every inch of her condo with useless stuff. She had food/spices in her kitchen that were as old as me. Four complete sets of china, and one ‘garden’ dish set. I hadn’t ever even seen three of the sets. She had filled a large walk-in in closet and five chests of drawers with clothes that dated back decades, and about five dress sizes. 

She dragged all that crap with her from her house into her ‘downsized’ condo. 

When my older sister died, she left a small house ‘dirty’ hoarded with five cats, probably a year’s worth of five cats poop and pee, and half a kitchen full of empty plastic containers that were apparently supposed to go for recycling but she never got around to it. I really resented having to shovel out her house into dumpsters. Anything that might have had some value had been ruined by the stink and the residue of cat fur and dust that clung to everything. 

My two other sisters horde, but they are at least ‘clean’ hoarders. One has a basement jammed with stuff she claims belongs to her two adult kids (her husband disagrees). The other has collected so much ‘stuff’ in her large home that she had to hire a crew to come in and help her throw out/pack up/move to the basement enough stuff she could host a family dinner in her living room and dining room. .

I don’t even want to think about having to help clean out my MIL’s small ranch. She doesn’t have a closet that doesn’t look like an insane Jenga game. Even one of her bathrooms has been crammed full with other crap. 

I’ve been throwing crap out on a smaller scale for a while. Clean out a closet and only put 1/3 of the junk back. Sold my ‘good’ china and use just one set for everything (my mom was appalled). Periodically go through the books and cull them. Now that my retirement is just a few months away, the downsizing will start in earnest. We have a storage space that I haven’t been in much in years, other than getting the holiday decorations out. Some of it is my son’s - his stuff is going to him, all the old clothes/shoes are getting donated, and if I haven’t used the other stuff in five years or more, it’s gone, too. Some will get donated locally, a few larger things (like my son’s toy chest) will go to a local consignment shop, and some will go to a friend who does eBay, to split 50/50 with me if he sells it. 

I feel like the house is making me itch, and I’ll only get over that by getting rid of crap. 

[giramomma]

I started cutting way back at 40; now it's rare that we don't spend beyond basics. I suppose one of the benefits of a large family and smaller income. We also only have 1800 sq feet to.work with. Its been pretty tight with 6 of us.  (today we heard that 1400 sq feet wasn't enough for an empty nest couple we know. I know layout.and.all of.that but thought that was.a little.surprising.)

Last year I was 48 and gave my oldest girl a small diamond earring and.bought another so she would have a set.

I need to prioritize going through my jewelry and continue doing a big purge and repaint of two of our bedrooms.

I won't purge my stash but I don't buy as much as I used to. 

[tractor]

I am a borderline hoarder, mainly because I'm overly sentimental. My kids have made it clear, they want none of it. I need to start purging, picking only one or two hobbies and hope I have many more years to pair things down, but you just never know...

[billisonboard]

My stepson and daughter-in-law just moved out of an RV (story not worth getting into) and into a house. We unloaded a much of stuff we didn't need on them. We graciously gifted them with many items we know they will find useful.

[teen persuasion]

Sorry for your loss, Tractor.

A few weeks ago DD1 and spouse and 3 kids were coming to visit for a while. We suddenly had to find places for everyone to sleep. One childhood bedroom was fairly clear for the adults, but we needed to attack DS5's room (at college, but room has bunk beds) for the kids. Oi, the stuff we found in his room and the adjacent walk in closet! DH had to call me at work one day and vent - he'd found an abandoned lunch bag (from HS) by the desk, with food, and a half eaten sandwich IN A DRAWER BENEATH THE BUNK BED! Who decides to stash food in a clothes drawer and leave it there for years?

We trashed or donated (after washing) tons of outgrown clothes, old toys, and just stuff.

[Tennesseer]

Oct 13, 2024 18:10:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

I know several have said over the years that they want to die when their last dollar is spent. My father passed away last week, and while he certainly overshot dying without money (way into debt), he also did not have much stuff. Even with the little he did have, it's a challenge to figure out what to do with his dishes, bedding, silverware, etc.

It got me thinking, if my wife and I were to die today, my kids would be screwed having to deal with the piles of crap (good and bad) that we have. I think it's time to start a new movement, my goal is to die with piles of money, but no stuff.....who's with me?

The young adults of today are not really interested in their parents and grandparents china/dish sets and silverware. Nor are they interested in the China cabinets where they were stored and on display.

A recommendation would be to have a small antique store owner into your home and let him/her point out what might sell in the store. Same with a second hand store owner. What is left that you can comfortably live without, donate it to Goodwill or some other charity.

I am thinking of renting one of those big dumpsters which is parked in the driveway and start throwing the unimportant crap/stuff into it. Then haul it away!

[bookkeeper]

My Mom had a dehumidifier catch fire and smoke damage most of her possessions. It was hard to say good bye to all the stuff, but in the end, it all had to be cleared at some point in time.  Mom, age 87, is a hoarder and we generally threw away a pickup load of stuff out of her house every year.  Dad died 8 years ago.

My brothers took way more stuff from the shop/outbuildings than from the house.  I have been cleaning my Mother's house for the last 15 years, so I have already taken anything I was interested in.  She moved into an apartment and was ready to sell the house since it was empty, had new carpet and was freshly painted inside and out.

A faulty dehumidifier accomplished the Swedish death cleaning for our family.

[soupandstew]

Several things propelled us into our current minimalist lifestyle.  #1 DH's dad died and we had to clean out the house and dispose of all the possessions to settle the estate.  His parents were far from hoarders, but even the little they had became a painful burden for us when we had to have everything appraised and the appraisal was challenged by DH's brother. #2 I helped clean out the house of a woman who went to a nursing home.  She was well into her 70's and still had boxes of toddler clothing from her kids stored in the house.  #3 We decided to remodel our house which meant packing up and moving the contents of every room week by week as the carpenter and painter progressed.  Because we live in a house many consider "tiny", 1366 sq ft, we keep it even leaner and cleaner now.  

Thanks to everyone for this thread - it's important for us now and for those who come after us.  

[busymom]

My FIL was bitterly disappointed by how little his kids wanted of his old stuff.  The kids already had their own tools, furniture, etc., so most of his stuff was sold at auction, or thrown away.  I'm sure my own Dad would've been shocked by how much of his stuff got thrown.  No one wanted much, even the charities are picky now.  


DH & I did one big purge the last time we moved, but we really need to do it again.  It took me around 3 years to go through all of the stuff in the house I grew up in (my parent's house), and get the house ready to sell.  I want those 3 years back!  

[resolution]

When something happens to DH and I, our family will probably have to have an estate auction company come sell everything. We have a 3400 square foot outbuilding that is full of lumber and woodworking equipment. DH gets a lot of enjoyment out of going to estate auctions and buying more equipment, and so do his parents.  I think an auction would be the first thought that his side of the family would have. Hopefully people would enjoy buying the same equipment that DH got from other people's estates.

We don't have kids and when we die our siblings should each be receiving a life changing amount of money from us, which they don't expect. So I hope that would compensate them a bit for the trouble of hiring an auction company to get rid of our equipment and furniture and such. I do have a bunch of old work clothes that I should get rid of now that I am retired, but I can't think of much else that I can get rid of now that I wouldn't miss later.

[flamingo]

My mom is aware that I want none of her stuff. Maybe one or two small things. But they have a 3 bedroom house that’s she’s been trying to declutter for awhile now. She’s picked up the pace the last year to two.

when it becomes my problem, I’ll be calling 1 800 got junk or some such place. I already have her jewelry and most anything else I could want. The worst will be dealing with my dad’s stuff. He’s got so many tools, so many clothes, won’t my let my mom get rid of any of it. 

my DH and I are minimalists and have no kids, but at least we’re making it easy for family.

[saveinla]

I have one piece of jewelry from my mom and one photo and hand written letter from my dad. I did not save any of my son's baby clothes other than one blanket and have one item from my sister who passed away 20 years ago.


I am not very sentimental as you can see from above, but my DH is. But we live in a small apartment and we are slowly throwing things away. The thing we have most of is clothes, paper and books. I think as we move towards retirement, a lot of things will be pared down.

My son wont let me give away his one box of legos and his ranger rick bear, but everything else was fine to throw away.

[billisonboard]

My Mother Christmas wrapped all the childhood stuff my brother had left for years in her garage and put it under the tree for him. My sister and I found it hilarious that she did that to her precious little boy.

[finnime]

Preparatory to moving 2 years ago we purged big time. Every week for months we put out all the things we could for trash and gave away an equal amount of Stuff. Our new mid-century modern ranch home is significantly smaller than the old 3 story colonial. We do have Stuff in the basement but we've pared down a lot.

When my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack at age 60 my mother did a big purge, hiring dumpster after dumpster and having the 5 of her children help empty the attic, storage sheds, cellar and garage as well as the bedrooms. It helped a lot when her time came, but there was still Stuff to be unearthed.

I'm with you all, winnowing down what we do have and being very judicious about what it brought in.

[raeoflyte]

Dgm felt like she was leaving my mother a gift by letting her go through all their stuff when they died. It's not a gift My mom would have asked for.

My mom is very attached to a lot of her things and my dad can't rid of things if they're still good - but then buys new if he can't find something and now has multiple good things. Their house will likely be a struggle but they are working on it as much as they can.

For myself decluttering is never a problem. But bringing new stuff in is. I want to try all hobbies. Jack of all, master of none. Dh just has to be contained. He loses control of any space he's given.

[happyhoix]

If you have any China or silverware you want to get rid of check the Replacement.com website, they buy dishes and resell them to people who are trying to make a full set.

I wish I knew about them when we had to get rid of my mom’s dishes. When I wanted to get rid of my partial set of ‘good’ dishes the bought them. My MIL had several sets of dishes and she asked me to check on those, most were 5 to ten bucks per tea cup but a surprising few were more expensive.

Also check eBay, years ago we got rid of some stuff and I was amazed at how much some cheap sticker type games my son had went for. An old (dangerous) metal helicopter my husband had as a kid went for 120 bucks. So you never know.

[thyme4change]

My sister and her husband have moved around a lot - but always on the company dime. Recently they retired and moved across the country to a new place. My BIL said that it cost about $2 per pound for the movers, so everything in the house he would pick it up, mentally weigh it, and decide if moving it was worth it. They sold all of their furniture and bought all new stuff. Their new house is frickin’ beautiful. They have a shit ton of money, which makes a lot of decisions easier. If you can simply replace something, it isn’t so tragic to toss it.

[Tennesseer]

When thinking of downsizing, ask your children (if you have any) or friends what if anything in your home they might like to have when down sizing begins.

Tape a post-it note (when possible) to the back of the item with the name of the person who gets it. Ask your oldest child first which item they want and then the younger ones in order of their birth. And when done, start round two or three if needed.

What is left, ask your friends if they want anything and put their names on the item. What isn't wanted by family or friends, call in the antique or second hand store owners. And after them? Donate or .

[thyme4change]

Oct 14, 2024 8:53:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

When thinking of downsizing, ask your children (if you have any) or friends what if anything in your home they might like to have when down sizing begins.

Tape a post-it note (when possible) to the back of the item with the name of the person who gets it. Ask your oldest child first which item they want and then the younger ones in order of their birth. And when done, start round two or three if needed.

What is left, ask your friends if they want anything and put their names on the item. What isn't wanted by family or friends, call in the antique or second hand store owners. And after them? Donate or .

Oldest child first? Seems old fashioned.

I guess if you are equally close to all your kids and they are equally burdened by your care, you gotta pick some method- but rigidly sticking to the first born is king and the youngest is a spare who only gets the scraps of the older (more special) children’s trash isn’t great. Maybe it should be more of a silent auction situation.

[Tennesseer]

Oct 14, 2024 8:59:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 14, 2024 8:53:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

When thinking of downsizing, ask your children (if you have any) or friends what if anything in your home they might like to have when down sizing begins.

Tape a post-it note (when possible) to the back of the item with the name of the person who gets it. Ask your oldest child first which item they want and then the younger ones in order of their birth. And when done, start round two or three if needed.

What is left, ask your friends if they want anything and put their names on the item. What isn't wanted by family or friends, call in the antique or second hand store owners. And after them? Donate or .

Oldest child first? Seems old fashioned.

I guess if you are equally close to all your kids and they are equally burdened by your care, you gotta pick some method- but rigidly sticking to the first born is king and the youngest is a spare who only gets the scraps of the older (more special) children’s trash isn’t great. Maybe it should be more of a silent auction situation.

So first come, first serve is old fashioned. Got it.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 14, 2024 9:02:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 14, 2024 8:59:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oldest child first? Seems old fashioned.

I guess if you are equally close to all your kids and they are equally burdened by your care, you gotta pick some method- but rigidly sticking to the first born is king and the youngest is a spare who only gets the scraps of the older (more special) children’s trash isn’t great. Maybe it should be more of a silent auction situation.

So first come, first serve is old fashioned. Got it.

Well birth order isn't really something they can control.  It's not like the oldest was more on the ball at showing up earlier, so it does seem weird to me that the oldest should get their pick of everything first and what they don't want goes down the line until the youngest is getting the cracked china and the cordless drill with a missing battery.

[gs11rmb]

Oct 14, 2024 9:02:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 14, 2024 8:59:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oldest child first? Seems old fashioned.

I guess if you are equally close to all your kids and they are equally burdened by your care, you gotta pick some method- but rigidly sticking to the first born is king and the youngest is a spare who only gets the scraps of the older (more special) children’s trash isn’t great. Maybe it should be more of a silent auction situation.

So first come, first serve is old fashioned. Got it.

When it comes to your children, yes.  And, I say that as the eldest.

[seriousthistime]

Go in birth order and when the youngest has made a choice, go in reverse order.  In the case of three kids, go 1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 1.  

[gs11rmb]

Oct 14, 2024 9:28:07 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Go in birth order and when the youngest has made a choice, go in reverse order.  In the case of three kids, go 1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 1.  

That would really not help my husband's middle kid syndrome!

[seriousthistime]

There can be a ton of variations with the order. Just pick one.  

Personally, I'd give first pick to the person who is doing most of the work to settle the estate.