Dying without stuff

[busymom]

Oct 14, 2024 11:01:45 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Oct 13, 2024 18:21:25 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

The amount of work my wife and I needed to do when her father died was surprising. Going through all his stuff, even if it didn’t seem he had much. As an old Italian, he hid money everywhere, so you could not just toss things out; found a bunch of $100 bills in an eyeglass case! It just accumulates.

We recently had a sink overflow in our house and the water seeped into the basement. We had been talking about needing to clear out the basement-well we went through 30 years of stuff in a weekend. Made us realize that we need to do more cleaning when we get back into the house. Can’t believe how much stuff we had

My grandpa did this. When he died every little thing needed to be inspected. My uncle was going to throw a box away that looked like trash but decided to open it just in case. It had $4K in it. There was cash stashed all over the house.

     Yup.  When cleaning out my parent's house, I had to inspect every single container, because Mom had been hiding valuables.  Good thing I did, as I found things like jewelry in the most unlikely places.  I'm still not convinced I found everything, but I did my best.  

[haapai]

If we want this movement to take off, we should rid ourselves of any shame associated with using a dumpster to get rid of no-longer useful stuff.  It does not matter whether we are cleaning out our own stuff or that of a deceased relative.  Curbies fill up fast!  If you are cleaning up the home of a loved one who has died or moved to assisted living, just tossing the perishable foods from the fridge and opened containers from the pantry can easily fill the curbside trash pickup unit associated with the home.  If you want to also get rid of worn-out kitchenware or the socks and underwear that no charity will take, you can bag them up and put some of them on the curb if your trash pickup allows it or just be stuck with the bagged stuff if they don't. 

Should anyone, particularly anyone who is doing the difficult job of cleaning out someone else's home, have to deal with looking at junk (bagged or not) multiple times?  Can't we give ourselves a little grace and clear out more space a bit quicker by using dumpsters to get rid of the easy decisions as quickly as possible? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 18, 2024 10:55:26 GMT -5 haapai said:

If we want this movement to take off, we should rid ourselves of any shame associated with using a dumpster to get rid of no-longer useful stuff.  It does not matter whether we are cleaning out our own stuff or that of a deceased relative.  Curbies fill up fast!  If you are cleaning up the home of a loved one who has died or moved to assisted living, just tossing the perishable foods from the fridge and opened containers from the pantry can easily fill the curbside trash pickup unit associated with the home.  If you want to also get rid of worn-out kitchenware or the socks and underwear that no charity will take, you can bag them up and put some of them on the curb if your trash pickup allows it or just be stuck with the bagged stuff if they don't. 

Should anyone, particularly anyone who is doing the difficult job of cleaning out someone else's home, have to deal with looking at junk (bagged or not) multiple times?  Can't we give ourselves a little grace and clear out more space a bit quicker by using dumpsters to get rid of the easy decisions as quickly as possible? 

That's what my dad did with GU's house.  The guy ended up filling SEVEN dumpsters.  
With my grandma we got lucky and the person buying the house was willing to buy it with all the remaining crap in it and junk it himself.  Hell yeah let's sign the paperwork! 


We did go through some things because we wanted to keep sentimental items and it was at least worth looking into the value of some things in the hopes we could recoup some of our out of pocket costs.

I do need to find a charity to donate all the hats/scarves/gloves my great grandma made to it would have been a shame to toss them in the garbage when so many people need those things around here.

[raeoflyte]

I've rented dumpsters for house and yard clean up several times over the years and will say that no one cares. Or if they do, I don't talk with them enough to know or care what they think. Neighbors have asked if we're doing something fun like remodeling but even if it's just clean up I've never felt judged.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Maybe if you live in an HOA they can get a stick up their butt about dumpsters? 

I live in an old neighborhood the houses were built post WWII.  There is no such thing as an HOA in the area of CB I live in.   Everyone pretty much minds their own business.   I can have a dumpster parked in my yard and I won't say anything about the toilet that's been in your yard waiting to go to the for months now.

[seriousthistime]

My DS and DDIL rent a dumpster every few years. 

I don't have enough stuff to rent a dumpster.  I can easily manage shedding most of my stuff through the weekly trash bin (which goes out mostly empty), Buy Nothing, Goodwill, and Habitat ReStore. 

I recently spoke to DDIL about my stuff and a few things that are difficult for me to get rid of. She said they are not worried about me. She's worried about her parents' stuff.  They've lived in the same house for 30 years and have a packed attic and garage to prove it. And her parents just emptied out her grandma's house so they recently added to their stash. 

I'm not a minimalist at all but I like things to be uncluttered. And though the house I'm in now has amazing closet space, the closets are not utilized by half.  

[thyme4change]

Oct 14, 2024 10:49:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 14, 2024 9:13:05 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Well birth order isn't really something they can control.  It's not like the oldest was more on the ball at showing up earlier, so it does seem weird to me that the oldest should get their pick of everything first and what they don't want goes down the line until the youngest is getting the cracked china and the cordless drill with a missing battery.

But it does eliminate the idea among the children as to who is their parents' favorite.

Sibling rivalry.

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

[thyme4change]

Oct 14, 2024 12:55:33 GMT -5 haapai said:

Oct 14, 2024 12:16:04 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

I am one of four siblings. I am #2 and my only sister is #3. Much was expected of the oldest. And the youngest got away with pretty much everything. But when it was time for the folks to down size, my older brother picked first. Me second. My sister third. And youngest (brother) last. By coincidence none of us wanted any of the other siblings' picks anyway. We all got along well with each other and still do after more than seventy years.

When my brother and his three siblings were forced by their mother to take lots in birth order, there was no coincidence about it.  The kids had gotten together and decided who was going to get what out of the first and second round.  

I suspect that by the third round everyone was exhausted and nobody had room for any of the stuff.  Since my dad was the only one that lived in the same state as my grandmother, he probably started picking the largest lots by volume just to get it out of my grandmother's home and avoid hurting her feelings. 

My parents got very excited when I bought a house fifteen years later. 

Here’s hoping that my husband’s and my 3 remaining parents hold out for a few more years until my kids get houses.

At this time, my parents look like they will hit the century mark, and my MIL is hanging pretty tough, so who knows. Hopefully I will out live my parents - but I’m not ruling anything out. 🤓

[Tennesseer]

Oct 18, 2024 15:32:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 14, 2024 10:49:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

But it does eliminate the idea among the children as to who is their parents' favorite.

Sibling rivalry.

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

Not my experience.

[countrygirl2]

We have downsized a lot but going to do more.

[wvugurl26]

We have rented a dumpster three times. Two were to get rid of crap. One was when we remodeled the entry way and half bath. We do have a HOA but they basically pay for mowing communal areas, street lights and plowing. I also don't have the dumpster out front for weeks on end because it costs money and it takes up one of our parking spots.

We had to empty my grandma's house last year. It was a house she downsized to after my grandpa's death in 2008 so not as bad as it could have been.

[soupandstew]

We can have a dumpster in the driveway for up to 3 months, and request a 3 month extension if needed but the monthly rental is $$ and, as wvugurl26 says, it takes up 1 whole parking space.  We're fortunate in that the city provides junk waste collection every other month.  You can place basically 2 pickup truck size loads of anything but tires on the curb and they haul it away.  

[dannylion]

We can put out 4 containers of trash per house per week.  They can be trash bags or trash bins.  I have noticed that if they are trash bags, the collection guys will generally pick up more than 4, probably because they hold less than the bins.  Anyway, when my neighbor helped clear out my garage last year (well, she did all of the heavy lifting, I just sorted through the boxes as she brought them to me), we produced vast amounts of trash and filled more than a dozen giant bags each day.  We only worked on Mondays since Tuesday is trash day.  We got permission from nearby neighbors to put a few bags with the bins at each of their houses, and it all got collected.  It took 4 Mondays to clear out the garage, and what was discarded probably would have filled a dumpster, but through the kindness of neighbors, I was able to avoid that expense.  And the garage looks really, really good.  It looks like a tidy, organized person lives here.  I had been procrastinating with that task for ages, but then I got a new car and wanted it to have a nice place to live, so I paid my neighbor for her assistance and the results were spectacular.  And her husband and sons schlepped all the bags to the street.  I am very lucky to have such good neighbors.  Now I just need to get rid of the rest of the unnecessary stuff overwhelming the house and basement so I don't have to deal with it all when I get to the top of the waiting list for my nice condo at the retirement community.  

[andi9899]

Oct 18, 2024 15:32:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 14, 2024 10:49:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

But it does eliminate the idea among the children as to who is their parents' favorite.

Sibling rivalry.

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

Not necessarily. I'm the oldest. My dad and I are super tight. My mom much prefers my sister. Sis has been coddled since we were kids because "she's sensitive." Both parents are guilty of it. It's why my 45 yo sister still lives at home. Why move? She doesn't pay rent, her meals and utilities are provided. If it was time to divide things I'm pretty sure my younger sister would get first dibs and/or way more than me because I don't need anything.

[daisylu]

Oct 18, 2024 16:05:23 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 18, 2024 15:32:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

Not my experience.

Mine either. As the oldest I'm the favorite when someone needs something. Younger sis is not necessarily the fave but is definitely catered to because she has young children - and definitely the emotion favorite because of that. I'm all business and make sure shit gets taken care of,  which makes me the bad guy. 

[empress of self-improvement]

Oct 18, 2024 15:32:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Oct 14, 2024 10:49:55 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

But it does eliminate the idea among the children as to who is their parents' favorite.

Sibling rivalry.

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

Not in my family. I'm the youngest and I was the favorite. I actually gave a crap about my parents. My sister is a lump on the Earth who didn't give a shit if they lived or died. My eldest BIL is a blight on humanity as well. He was very much not the favorite of his parents either.

[happyhoix]

Oct 18, 2024 16:05:23 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 18, 2024 15:32:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

We all know the oldest is always the favorite. Your method only reinforces that.

Not my experience.

Not mine, either. Mom hated doing housework so the oldest kids were supposed to be the cooks/house cleaners/laundry minions, starting in elementary school. Failure to complete tasks exactly right resulted in verbal/physical punishment. The oldest was rebellious, which really yanked my mom’s chain, so that child became the black sheep of the family. 

The youngest was quite a bit younger than the older kids, and she didn’t have to do chores, plus mom thought she couldn’t do anything wrong - we used to call her the golden child. 

[TheOtherMe]

In mom's family of 13 children, the youngest was the definite favorite.  Parents babied her and her siblings did for the rest of her life.  It was something to watch it once I realized it.

I don't think dad's family had a favorite child.  They were too poor and the kids were a hardship to them.

My parents had two kids.  I don't think there was a favorite.  I don't feel like I got special treatment and I don't think my sister got special treatment.

In sister's family with 4 kids, the youngest is definitely the favorite.  He was the only one who got actual money to pay for college.  The 3 older ones had to take out loans.  Youngest took out some but when he realized he was on a 6.5 year plan, parents paid the rest.  

DN1 is definitely the least favorite child because he doesn't cowtow to his mother.  Never has and never will.  She can get any of the other 3 to do exactly what she wants.  

[haapai]

I looked up the cost of renting a ten cubic yard dumpster for seven days in my town.  Wow!  That's not cheap.  I owe my old neighbors more than I thought for letting me put the garbage bags of soaked basement carpet next to their curbies. 

Looking up the price was quite motivating.  The pricing information included an estimate of how many bags of garbage would fit in each size dumpster.  I did a bit of division and I'll be reminding myself of that per-bag price quite a bit. 

On the other hand, there are definitely times when renting a dumpster is worth the price.  I'm pretty sure that if I rented one to kick-start emptying the garage and basement, I would be months closer to doubling my usable square footage.  I would also be much more likely to complete the project if I were able to see tremendous progress at the beginning. 

If I ever had to sell my house, renting a ten cubic yard dumpster would probably cost about what I pay in property taxes, homeowner's insurance, utilities and maintenance in an average month.  It would definitely be money well spent if it made to possible to show the house in May instead of the slower months for real estate sales. 

[seriousthistime]

Seeing tremendous progress at the beginning is good, but there is also the factor of cost.  The longer the dumpster sits outside, the more it costs.  So the goal is to fill it quickly and move it out.

[haapai]

Oct 21, 2024 12:48:38 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Seeing tremendous progress at the beginning is good, but there is also the factor of cost.  The longer the dumpster sits outside, the more it costs.  So the goal is to fill it quickly and move it out.

Yup.  I've been thinking about that a bit.  I'm at the stage where there is so much stuff that I don't have room in which to work or room to store stuff that I have already bagged up.  Getting the dumpster filled before I started getting charged more would definitely be a challenge.  Not surprisingly, none of the sites that I visited made it easy to see what charges I would incur if I kept the dumpster for longer than seven days. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

I'm the oldest and have 2 younger sisters. I always felt that my sisters were the favorites because of the special treatment they got. My mother told me, in later life, that she gave on the other person's needs. I didn't need much hence it appeared my sisters were favored. It was a compliment I wish I understood earlier. 

[seriousthistime]

I think that's the situation with my family as well, ken a.k.a OMK.  My brother was a problem kid, didn't do well in school despite his "smarts" and was a general rabble rouser/troublemaker who had a few skirmishes, minor and not so minor, with the law. We felt my mother favored him, but I think she was just trying to do her best with him and meet whatever peculiar needs he had at any given time. 

[wvugurl26]

I'm not sure my parents have favorites. At least I don't think so. I have one brother.

DH is the youngest of 4 and there are clear favorites. The first born is MIL's favorite. DH's brother can get her to do anything he wants. Never mind that DH is the one to actually check on them and do things for them. I would say DH is FIL's favorite. I do think FIL would do anything he felt his children needed.

[soupandstew]

When we bought our house back in the 90's we rented a dumpster for the contractor's use as he remodeled it.  We would drive by every day or so to see progress and noted the dumpster never seemed to get fuller   no matter how much the contractor tore out of the house.  Only after we moved in did we meet the neighbors who became our closest friends and learned they and many others were dumpster diving for stuff to use in their own home updates.  

[raeoflyte]

Oct 21, 2024 12:46:11 GMT -5 haapai said:

I looked up the cost of renting a ten cubic yard dumpster for seven days in my town.  Wow!  That's not cheap.  I owe my old neighbors more than I thought for letting me put the garbage bags of soaked basement carpet next to their curbies. 

Looking up the price was quite motivating.  The pricing information included an estimate of how many bags of garbage would fit in each size dumpster.  I did a bit of division and I'll be reminding myself of that per-bag price quite a bit. 

On the other hand, there are definitely times when renting a dumpster is worth the price.  I'm pretty sure that if I rented one to kick-start emptying the garage and basement, I would be months closer to doubling my usable square footage.  I would also be much more likely to complete the project if I were able to see tremendous progress at the beginning. 

If I ever had to sell my house, renting a ten cubic yard dumpster would probably cost about what I pay in property taxes, homeowner's insurance, utilities and maintenance in an average month.  It would definitely be money well spent if it made to possible to show the house in May instead of the slower months for real estate sales. 

Shop around. Prices vary wildly. For true house clean up you can get light weight rolloffs significantly cheaper than the standard weight ones designed for yard (dirt, concrete, etc) and remodels.

I'd also say to just call for prices. We tend to pick a week that we can really throw ourselves into the clean up. You can accomplish a lot in a 3 or 4 day weekend.

[happyhoix]

Oct 21, 2024 19:11:36 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 21, 2024 12:46:11 GMT -5 haapai said:

I looked up the cost of renting a ten cubic yard dumpster for seven days in my town.  Wow!  That's not cheap.  I owe my old neighbors more than I thought for letting me put the garbage bags of soaked basement carpet next to their curbies. 

Looking up the price was quite motivating.  The pricing information included an estimate of how many bags of garbage would fit in each size dumpster.  I did a bit of division and I'll be reminding myself of that per-bag price quite a bit. 

On the other hand, there are definitely times when renting a dumpster is worth the price.  I'm pretty sure that if I rented one to kick-start emptying the garage and basement, I would be months closer to doubling my usable square footage.  I would also be much more likely to complete the project if I were able to see tremendous progress at the beginning. 

If I ever had to sell my house, renting a ten cubic yard dumpster would probably cost about what I pay in property taxes, homeowner's insurance, utilities and maintenance in an average month.  It would definitely be money well spent if it made to possible to show the house in May instead of the slower months for real estate sales. 

Shop around. Prices vary wildly. For true house clean up you can get light weight rolloffs significantly cheaper than the standard weight ones designed for yard (dirt, concrete, etc) and remodels.

I'd also say to just call for prices. We tend to pick a week that we can really throw ourselves into the clean up. You can accomplish a lot in a 3 or 4 day weekend.

This. You may be able to rent one of those smaller upright dumpsters with a lid (the kind you see set behind stores and apartments) and get a weekly pick up where the come empty the dumpster for you once a week. You could do that for a month to gradually get rid of your stuff, rather than rushing to fill a 10 yard box over the weekend.

Make sure you get a list of what they won’t take - things like electronics or paint cans may be restricted from landfilling in your area and they could reject the contents.

[jerseygirl]

Oct 22, 2024 7:26:53 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Oct 21, 2024 19:11:36 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Shop around. Prices vary wildly. For true house clean up you can get light weight rolloffs significantly cheaper than the standard weight ones designed for yard (dirt, concrete, etc) and remodels.

I'd also say to just call for prices. We tend to pick a week that we can really throw ourselves into the clean up. You can accomplish a lot in a 3 or 4 day weekend.

This. You may be able to rent one of those smaller upright dumpsters with a lid (the kind you see set behind stores and apartments) and get a weekly pick up where the come empty the dumpster for you once a week. You could do that for a month to gradually get rid of your stuff, rather than rushing to fill a 10 yard box over the weekend.

Make sure you get a list of what they won’t take - things like electronics or paint cans may be restricted from landfilling in your area and they could reject the contents.

Good idea!

[Bonny]

Oct 21, 2024 12:46:11 GMT -5 haapai said:

I looked up the cost of renting a ten cubic yard dumpster for seven days in my town.  Wow!  That's not cheap.  I owe my old neighbors more than I thought for letting me put the garbage bags of soaked basement carpet next to their curbies. 

Looking up the price was quite motivating.  The pricing information included an estimate of how many bags of garbage would fit in each size dumpster.  I did a bit of division and I'll be reminding myself of that per-bag price quite a bit. 

On the other hand, there are definitely times when renting a dumpster is worth the price.  I'm pretty sure that if I rented one to kick-start emptying the garage and basement, I would be months closer to doubling my usable square footage.  I would also be much more likely to complete the project if I were able to see tremendous progress at the beginning. 

If I ever had to sell my house, renting a ten cubic yard dumpster would probably cost about what I pay in property taxes, homeowner's insurance, utilities and maintenance in an average month.  It would definitely be money well spent if it made to possible to show the house in May instead of the slower months for real estate sales. 

This.

While money is important it's really about time. When we were emptying out MIL's house we chose to move forward with an Estate Sale and put it on the market even though it was late in the season. The house was costing about $3K a month with PITI and maintenance costs. While there was plenty in the estate to service the costs we were 600 miles away and the house was in an area that freezes in the winter (greater Portland metro area). Yup, two frozen pipes before escrow closed; thankfully an exterior and in the detached garage. While a cool house for someone else we were grateful to have that done with. 

[thyme4change]

Oct 21, 2024 14:45:58 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

When we bought our house back in the 90's we rented a dumpster for the contractor's use as he remodeled it.  We would drive by every day or so to see progress and noted the dumpster never seemed to get fuller   no matter how much the contractor tore out of the house.  Only after we moved in did we meet the neighbors who became our closest friends and learned they and many others were dumpster diving for stuff to use in their own home updates.  

We had the opposite experience- every day someone would come along and their shit into our dumpster. Luckily it ended up all fitting - had we needed a second dumpster I would have been angry 😡