I had a panic attack yesterday.

[Ava]

happened at work.
It has been crazy since the ownership change.
For a year now, I've been feeling overwhelmed, unable to keep up, and hearing and reading management's derisive comments about my work.

I went to the office yesterday to work on a presentation for Friday.
Instead of working on that, I kept makes changes to two cases I had presented the prior day. Two different managers kept asking me to make changes, correct this, change that. At one point I was looking at the same case for the sixth time. I felt I was going crazy.

The job has changed, the company has changed, the rules and expectations have also changed. Changes continue to take place, there's constant rumors of downsizing. Everyone is on edge.
I feel I'm no longer a good fit, even though I try my best. Didn't have any problems with my performance until the pandemic started. Didn't work well from home, then ownership change made everything worse.

Yesterday while sitting at my desk, suddenly I felt I couldn't breathe. I managed to get outside without anyone seeing me. I couldn't breathe and couldn't stop crying. I walked around the block a few times and then went back in.
By that time I couldn't concentrate anymore. Then I got another complaint from our top manager.
I put in "unscheduled PTO" for the rest of the day and today.
This morning I was getting another panic attack just thinking about going back to work tomorrow.
So I had an emergency therapy session and she recommended to go to the doctor and work through this. 
The therapist told me I have rights as a worker. I was so desperate this morning that I could only think of going to the office tomorrow to give my resignation. So I went to the doctor instead, as the therapist recommended. The doctor couldn't see me today. I talked to a nurse. I'm certified for tomorrow, and the doctor will see me tomorrow at 11.30.

The nurse explained I will need to continue therapy, probably go on anxiety medication, and maybe even FMLA for a few weeks until the medication takes effect.

I've never been certified in my life. I've never taken FMLA. This is all new to me.
I feel somewhat better that I don't have to give my notice tomorrow out of desperation.
I have a right to work through this and get better. Even if I decide the best trajectory is to give my notice, I will do it with a clear head and not in desperation.
I'm overwhelmed.

[myrrh]

Oh Ava, this is heartbreaking to read. Have a virtual hug if you are so inclined.  This job is taking a toll on both your mental and physical health. You do not need or deserve this, you are a good and hard worker with a CPA (aka options) and you need to get out.



Take a few days off to just decompress and then get your resume in order and start looking for a new job like your life/health depends on it, because it does! It is scary as hell, I know, but there are much better jobs out there and the one you have is very bad for you, so the grass may not necessarily be greener but at least it can be less stressed, lol. Start browsing on Askamanager.org for resume and interviewing advice. If you have friends in the area you can lean on for a bit, this is the time to ask for help - for job openings, to do mock interviews, or just to vent. And know that the imaginary internet people here are in your corner.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

This is the technique my therapist told me to use when in the middle of a panic attack

www.twinkl.com/teaching-wiki/5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique#:~:text=This%20technique%20asks%20you%20to,reduce%20their%20feelings%20of%20anxiety.


You can use this coping technique with anyone who is feeling anxious. It helps them to regain focus on the present situation, calming them down. This grounding technique uses your five senses to focus on the moment you are in and helps you to avoid anxious or stressful thoughts that might make the situation worse.



This technique asks you to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Using this with someone who feels anxious will help to calm them down and reduce their feelings of anxiety.

Keep going until you feel yourself start to come off the panic attack

[raeoflyte]

Hugs ava.

[weltschmerz]

Jun 29, 2023 13:42:19 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

This is the technique my therapist told me to use when in the middle of a panic attack

www.twinkl.com/teaching-wiki/5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique#:~:text=This%20technique%20asks%20you%20to,reduce%20their%20feelings%20of%20anxiety.


You can use this coping technique with anyone who is feeling anxious. It helps them to regain focus on the present situation, calming them down. This grounding technique uses your five senses to focus on the moment you are in and helps you to avoid anxious or stressful thoughts that might make the situation worse.



This technique asks you to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Using this with someone who feels anxious will help to calm them down and reduce their feelings of anxiety.

Keep going until you feel yourself start to come off the panic attack

DS used to have terrible panic attacks when he was younger. I taught him to count backwards from 100 by 7s.
Seemed to work quite well.

[Opti]

Sorry to read about the panic attack. I hope you feel better soon and end up with some more ways to cope. 

[Artemis Windsong]

Ava.  Let us know how things are going for you.

[Ava]

Thanks for the encouragement and support.
I started this thread in hopes it helps anyone that's going through something similar. My advice is look for help and don't be ashamed to have mental health issues. 

I'm very grateful to my therapist who talked me off the ledge and made me understand I have rights as a person and as a worker. If I'm suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, whether caused by work stress or other problems, I have the right to get treatment and take time off work to get it solved.
My first impulse was to put in my notice and walk away from the point of pain. But that doesn't solve anything, it just creates more problems. My therapist talked me out of that. Which was exactly what I was going to do.

Thanks NomoreDramaQ1015 for sharing that technique with us.

I had my doctor's appointment this morning. She put me on an anxiety medication, Paroxetine, on the lowest dose. She also prescribed another one, which I should always have with me and take it only in case of crisis, panic attack, etc.
She gave me a note to be off work until July 10th.
Then I have another appointment with her to see how the medicine is working.
Looking forward to have some time off work, and also looking forward to going back to work feeling better and being equipped to deal with things.

[jerseygirl]

Glad you’re feeling better Ava. And glad your doctor gave you something to prevent future problems

[Rukh O'Rorke]

sending you all my best thoughts!!

maybe time to make some big changes?

[resolution]

I hope you are doing well and that the medication helps you.

[toomuchreality]

Wow. I'm sorry you went through this. I went through some bad work experiences, years ago. It's hard, when your employer is causing the stress and anxiety, that they complain about you experiencing.

I'm glad you spoke to people who were able to help you, rather than you just leaving and feeling bad.

Good luck in the future. I hope things go well for you.

[finnime]

Glad to hear you reached out and got the help you needed, Ava. I admire your handling of this. You can do anything you need to do.

[debthaven]

Ava I'm sorry you're going through this. 

I would really, really encourage you to use this time off to apply for other jobs. Yes I know your boss has always been generous with your vacation time, but the job is becoming increasingly toxic. You may not have as much vacation time forever, and he may not even be your boss forever. You sound increasingly stressed and miserable. 

I'd use this time to take care of yourself and get well, but also to explore your options elsewhere, maybe in FL? You have that CPA that you worked so hard for!!! You can do this!

You've already seen that your condo will sell.

Wishing you the best! 

[gacpa]

Ava,

You have all of us rooting for you.  I hope you are feeling better.  I had a big bad run in with an Alabama revenue agent this week and that gave me an anxiety attack.  She was really vicious for no reason.  I told her if she would tell me what I could do to fix the problem, I would take care of it.  She would not tell me, just threatening to deny some deductions and send the client a bill.  It took me the better part of the week to get my nerves under control and the partner I work for called her to give us time to regroup.  I don't deal well with lots of drama, I just can't handle it.  I try to focus on solutions, not drama.  Anyhow, I certainly know how work environments can cause anxiety better than most.  You deserve better.  I think it is time for me to start seriously thinking about retiring.  I hope you are able to move past this, you are smart and hardworking.  I am wondering what is wrong with management and why they think this is how you treat employees.  Please put your own well being first, it is time. 

[Happy prose]

Sorry to hear Ava. I hope you're feeling better. No job is worth your health.

[Ava]

Thanks for all the support

Right now, I'm taking it day by day and not thinking about what I'll do after the medical leave is over. 
I want to concentrate on today and the next few days. What comes next is an unknown to me, and that's ok.
Will I keep my job? Will I look for another job? Will I move to another geographic area? Will I move back to Uruguay? I don't know, and I don't want to think about that for now.

My mom and my cousin asked me who's going to pay the days you're taking off, who's paying the medical bills. Well, the medical bills, obviously are on me. As for pay, I don't know. I'll reach out to HR once I'm back and see what they say. I think I'm entitled to 2 sick days. I'm taking a total of 6 days off. So the other 4 may come from my PTO, I guess. I don't want to talk to HR until Monday. I don't want to think about work for now.

I no longer feel inadequate, or guilty, or a failure because I couldn't keep up with what's going on at work.
Other people can, obviously, because they are still there, and I'm out on medical leave. We're all different. That they can go on doesn't mean I can.
The work environment is not going to change. If it makes me sick again, I'm leaving. That's all I know for sure. I'm not risking my heart and my health for any job.

I'm taking the anti-anxiety medication. I'm not sure if the medication is making me sleepy or if I sleep more these days because the panic attack left me exhausted. I don't want to be sleepy.  I feel very tired.

I will return to work on Monday, see what happens, take it from there.

Days are long for me now, house is clean, not much to do. I'm going to the park, there's a walking trail and a swimming area. I'm enjoying the park a lot. I love to walk and swim and be in nature. Netflix, finishing reading a book from the library. I guess part of the healing process is resting and taking it easy.

I will update this thread as I go. Will like it to be there if someone goes through something similar and my experience may help them.

[finnime]

I hope this day goes easily for you, Ava.

[Ava]

Thanks for sharing your experience with us, debthaven. And I'm glad things are better.

[Ava]

I started working again today.
For some reason, I felt it was better to go in person.
I carried the pill my doctor prescribed, the second one, to be taken only in case of a panic attack.
Fortunately, I didn't need it today.

Everyone was very nice and happy to see me.
I had a chat with my manager. I requested a meeting and we went to the conference room.
I told him I'm having health issues directly related to the stress on the job, and that this situation is not sustainable for much longer.
Some of you may think I shouldn't have talked to him, but we know each other for a very long time. 

He asked me to consider stepping down from my current role. He's willing to offer me a different position in the team. I would continue doing some parts of my job, and will have more administrative duties instead of the tasks that are more difficult for me.
He told me to think it over and we'll have another meeting next Monday. He said it's up to me to take him up on his offer, and I'm not in danger of being let go or anything like that.

I know from the outside it looks like I could easily find another job with a CPA license and an MBA.
But things are not always what they seem. I got my CPA license at 44, and I was unable to find an entry level job as a CPA. Ageism is alive and well in accounting.
Besides that, I know I cannot deal with the longer hours and level of stress of public accounting.

A different job in CT doesn't appeal to me. It's going back to 2 weeks' vacation, driving in the snow, not being able to spend too much time in Uruguay. dealing with a new group of people. I don't want to go back to that. I'm too old for that. Just the idea of interviewing for a new job gives me anxiety. I have no support system, I'm on my own. Reality is I don't have the strength for that.
I rather move back to Uruguay than start a new job here. In Uruguay I can take some time off to rest and recover, because I have housing, food and healthcare covered. And I have a support system. Then, after 2 or 3 months I could start a job search.

So I told my manager I would think about his proposal. 
I'm leaning towards yes, at least for a while. 
It will probably mean less pay and a lesser job title. At this point, I don't care. My health and well being take priority. Once I feel better I may try to step up again.
Why do I hang on to this? Because it means more time working in the US, contributing to SS, 401k and IRA. Even 2 or 3 more years of work in this country would make a huge difference for my financial security.

[finnime]

That sounds like a promising path forward, Ava. You'll be able to continue toward your goals while not being eaten up by the stress of your job. Your manager sounds like a good person.

[bean29]

I understand your reasoning why you would consider staying with current company in a lesser role, but you are a CPA so your Accounting Skills have been certified. You could also consider working in a smaller company as a Controller, or the CPA firm we work with has been desperate for staff-you might have opportunities now that were not there before.

I just discussed this with my daughter the other day. I am 59 1/2. DH is self employed and 58. I told her I need to keep working until 65 or 66. Once I get there I will decide. I would also love to work 4 days, but like you I hesitate to leave current company. The health insurance would probably be about $20,000/ yr on marketplace for 2 of us, so it is loss of income + cost of insurance to consider.

[raeoflyte]

I think going in person and talking to your manager were great options. And not a bad idea to consider changing positions within the company. I'd ask your manager what he'd be looking for to move you back into this position in the future if you think you'd like to do that. Make sure that you're not thinking of this as a temporary move while he's thinking of it as permanent and get stuck in a lower titled/pay role which could make it harder to get another job. I know you've said you wouldn't be looking for a job in the US but sometimes things change.

[raeoflyte]

I hope things are going ok ava.

[Ava]

I had the meeting today.
The proposal is to go down one step. Pay would remain the same. I would be hourly instead of salary. Bonus would go down from 10% of salary to 3%.

I asked if I could go back to current level later on. He said that was highly unlikely. So, basically, a dead end job.

I asked him what he would do and he said in my case he'll take the step back.

I've worked hard, studied at night for years, I have student loans. My gut is yelling "Don't take this".

He also said there's going to be a reorganization of our team and someone will be supervisor. I know who that is.
So besides me being demoted my coworkers would be promoted.
I know I shouldn't care but in fact I would feel horrible in that scenario.

I could propose a temporary downgrade for 12 weeks while my anti anxiety medication starts working. I don't know if they would take that offer.

My feeling is that, if I take the demotion I should start planning my exit strategy once I come back from vacation in January.

My manager even said if he could take a demotion with the same salary he has now he'll be all over it. But that's because it's an hypothetical situation. If he was faced with the choice for real, I doubt he'll take it.

Oh, and if I decide to stay in the US longer than early next year, I'm getting an emotional support cat.

So much to think about and process.
I have until July 31st to give my answer

[Ava]

To clarify, I would never get rid of a pet. It would be having a second cat . It's expensive for me and that's why I've been holding back. But I need an emotional support pet.
There's a rescue in NY that specializes in emotional support cats. I would reach out to them and ask them to help me because Michi doesn't accept another cat.

[Ava]

Then another thing I'm thinking. I have a coworker I trust. I want to share all this with him and hear what he thinks.
He's very intelligent and level headed. I'm just afraid of sharing this work issue with him and then regretting it

[debthaven]

This is the obvious risk, Ava, that you would never get your old position back. This said, they don't seem to be interested in promoting you, so in a way your current job is also a "dead end job". I'm happily surprised that they're offering you the same salary.

But this is why I would ALSO look for another job while you still have your current, higher title (but elsewhere, ie FL).

I'm sorry, I know this is a very difficult decision. Good luck whatever you decide. 

[Ava]

Thanks for the good wishes, debthaven

They are not interested in promoting me, that's true. But I've been in the group for 9 years, I'm at the senior level.
If I go down one level, I'll be at the junior level which is the lowest in the group. There's only one person at that level. Someone young with not much experience. With the upcoming reorganization, I wouldn't be surprised if he's moved to the senior level.
They hired a new person 2 months ago, and she started at the senior level right away. It took me 4 years to get there.
So, it doesn't feel good for me, mentally or emotionally.
Going into the meeting, I was convinced we were discussing a temporary move, for a few months. When he said it will be permanent, I was thinking "That's a NO for me, dawg", though I said nothing. Wel, I said "I thought it would be temporary". He told me once I'm off the senior level, I would have to apply for it again, like I did the first time, and management would 99% not promote me to it, because I already had it and I had to go down.

Yes, I think my time in this organization is limited but I'm not moving permanently to the lower level they have. Who knows how long I'll stay there, and I'm not leaving at the lowest level. I'm just not doing it.

Moving to Florida or another state is not a realistic option. Rents are outrageous, I know nobody outside of CT. I'm not moving without a job, without health insurance, without anything, somewhere where I don't know anyone. I'm 50, I'm too old for that kind of adventure.

The only realistic move is back to Uruguay, and that may be what ends up happening.
But right now, this moment, I'm not accepting their offer. They gave me until July 31 to answer, and Ill wait till the last day, in case something happens that makes me change my mind.

As for them keeping my income the same if I take the demotion, that's relative. It would be the same for now, but since I would be overpaid for that category, I see long years of zero or 1% raises in my future. My bonus alone would be cut from 10% to 3%. I use that money to fund my IRA every year.

Plus there are two aspects of my job that cause me problems. By taking the demotion I would get rid of one but would continue with the other, which is the one that brought me the panick attack.

I'll keep you guys posted on how things evolve. Thanks for supporting me through what is a very difficult time for me.

[raeoflyte]

I could take the demotion but I can talk myself out of a lot of pride when it comes to work. If the stress is truly reduced, I still have full time hours, that 7% reduction in bonus doesn't change my lifestyle and I'm happier at work letting me be happier with life in general that is worth it. Especially if manager can be trusted to spin it and me in a favorable light. I've seen it done well at previous companies so know it can be done.

If you take the demotion and later are looking at another company for higher level work you can honestly answer that you stepped back to deal with some health issues that have since resolved.

But if you know that coupled with coworkers promotion you won't be happy I would try not to accept. Would coworker become your supervisor?

Also, manager is being super honest about realistically not getting back to your current job. Glad he's being honest and glad they're giving you time to respond.

No easy answers. Good luck.