I had a panic attack yesterday.

[Ava]

Jul 19, 2023 16:40:41 GMT -5 plugginaway22 said:

It is amazing to me that this company has approved these extended vacations for you over the years. That is SO not the norm and practically unheard of. Since you know that you will eventually move back to Uruguay, take the demotion and be less stressed until you are ready to move. It is just a job.

You're right. It is just a job. But I spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week at it and a permanent demotion to the lowest level makes me feel horrible. To many hours a week to be miserable

And things can change. The old company had no issue with my vacation. The new company hasn't said anything....yet. everything has changed since they took over. Nothing is safe

[Ava]

I'm not worried about losing my job if I don't take the demotion.

I don't have warnings, write up, or even bad reviews. My yearly reviews all says meets most expectations ".

That's why this was such a shocker. My manager has said to me verbally that what I do isn't enough, but nothing else.
And is not like I have problems with anyone or that I don't perform to the best of my ability.

At the end of the day, they can let me go if that's what they want. But I don't see HR approving this as is right now. You knows HR is there to protect the company.

And if I'm let go I get a good package and CT's generous 26 weeks of unemployment.
I'm not trying to be let go at all. I'm just saying is not the end of the world. I'm not going to rush into a new job when I'm not ready yet

[msventoux]

I would take the demotion. It would relieve you from one of the main duties that is a cause of stress. You’ve had issues keeping up with the demands of your job in the past. It’s just a job. It’s not worth killing yourself over or being so prideful over a title that it causes you to react emotionally and not rationally. I would take the demotion, do the minimum necessary to keep the job for now and focus my efforts on either an exit strategy or increasing the skills necessary to stay with that employer. Unless something drastically changes I wouldn’t count on great long-term job security there.  

Full disclosure, I may not be the best person to listen to. I’m a CPA that recently quit my more than full-time stressful job without anything else lined up. A former client hired me to do their basic accounting part-time from home. A definite downgrade in pay and title. I don’t care, the income is more than unemployment and it’s a massive upgrade in quality of life. I’m giving myself the gift of time off to recover from burnout, get healthy, get my house and life back in order and maybe figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  I’m allowing myself a year or so to do not much of anything after working a massive amount of hours every year for the last 20 years. I can’t see ever wanting to go back into public accounting, so maybe my degree and CPA license were a bit of a waste if you look at it in terms of that career, but it gave me options. There are a TON of accounting jobs of all different types available even in my semi-rural area. There is a desperate need for qualified accountants that isn’t likely to end any time soon. You have skills, you have experience and you have a good work ethic.  You’ll be fine elsewhere if you can’t stand the thought of a demotion. 

[Works4me]

You referred to challenges in two areas. It sounds like one of them is business writing? May I ask what the other one is?

Off the top of my head, if you moved to somewhere else before your December vacation, why couldn't you leave you international itinerary as is and simply fly from wherever you are to whichever NYC airport you fly out of to
Uruguay?

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. I know from personal experience that attacks really suck. I want to take some time to let it all cog around in my brain for a bit.

Keep on taking good care of yourself. You're one of the people I like sharing this world with.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 19, 2023 17:27:05 GMT -5 Ava said:

Jul 19, 2023 16:40:41 GMT -5 plugginaway22 said:

It is amazing to me that this company has approved these extended vacations for you over the years. That is SO not the norm and practically unheard of. Since you know that you will eventually move back to Uruguay, take the demotion and be less stressed until you are ready to move. It is just a job.

You're right. It is just a job. But I spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week at it and a permanent demotion to the lowest level makes me feel horrible. To many hours a week to be miserable

And things can change. The old company had no issue with my vacation. The new company hasn't said anything....yet. everything has changed since they took over. Nothing is safe

But you're miserable in your current situation. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Ava, I have a very different perspective than you. It doesn't seem that you appreciate it when I share my perspective, so I won't unless you ask me to. Please know I empathize that you're struggling so much right now. 

[countrygirl2]

This is just my opinion, but I think they are just wanting you to leave. Likely one of the reasons is generous vacation. They are telling you over and over not meeting expectations, they don't have to write it up, they can say that you were counseled many times or other verbage. Employees have lost a lot of protection anymore and I have seen them let people go that they had no idea what they really contributed to the company and paid dearly for it, but they just don't care.

I hate to say it but I think you are trying to hang on to a job that they are trying to get you to leave without firing you. Whether its reorganization or someone wants to hire their relatives, I've seen all kinds of stuff happen to people. Many times they have not done anything wrong, just was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I agree with the other person, I don't think you have 6 months. I would be sending out resumes as we speak. And I would not want to wait until I was demoted, you will still have anxiety plus feeling bad about being demoted adding to the feelings.

It's time to leave and go elsewhere, its only a job. Don't let it kill you, it has seemed to already affected your self esteem. No amount of vacation is worth what you are putting yourself through.

I am retired but from what I see and hear people are hiring all over. Would be a good time to move into something else, could it be any worse?

I hope I have not offended, just from looking back at what I saw happen to people when I was working. I'm glad I no longer have to work, its a jungle out there, don't let it eat you up.

[Sharon]

Ava how did it go today?  Hope you got the resolution you wanted.

[Works4me]

I'm wondering how you are holding up with your anxiety, the job pressures and everything. Is your medication taking effect and helping? Also, your new therapist sounded good, is that going well and helping?

I've been through it too and it really sux.

[Ava]

Just an update to give this thread a closure.
I know some of you genuinely care and want to know what happened.

I had my conversation with the manager about 3 weeks ago.
Told him I wouldn't take the demotion. Kept it short and sweet. Just said "That wouldn't work for me". I was very pleasant about it.

He said he understood. He said we need to have a conversation about things going forward.
Scheduled the conversation. He didn't call me.
I left it at that.

The good thing is that nobody is mean or difficult at work. Despite the ongoing problems nobody yells, insults, or acts crazy. I couldn't cope with that sort of environment.
With that said, I don't trust my manager anymore. I don't plan to share anything that is not work related with him going forward. I have the bad taste in my mouth that I appeared vulnerable and therefore seen as an easy target.

I was going to the office 2 and 3 times a week. Now I'm sticking to the 1 day a week mandatory policy.
It's easier to deal with all this from a distance, from the safety of my home. 

I take it one day at a time. Doing my best but trying not to let anything get at me. I feel the medication is doing its job and helping me avoid falling in a black hole of despair and anxiety. 

I am doing a Coursera course about Business Writing. I like the course and I feel it's helping me improve.
It's my own initiative, manager and company don't know about it. Despite being a big company, they have no training in place. No help coming from there and I want to improve, so I have to do it on my own. I'm covering the cost of this myself and doing the course on my own personal time. Ultimately, being able to write good business memos and documents is a skill I'll have even if I'm not a part of this company much longer.

My mentality is "do not let anything get at you" and ride this horse as far as you're capable or until you don't need to work this job anymore.
If I feel nervous or anxious, I walk away for a few minutes and concentrate on breathing.
I'm also trying to find joy in other aspects of my life. Cultivating friendships, going out and having fun, enjoying reading good books, living summer to the maximum swimming and being outside, being very lenient with myself because I have my limitations.

Ultimately, they may decide to let me go. I'm aware it's possible.
I would get 6 months unemployment, maybe some money from them, and my condo is more valuable now that I ever expected it to be. I could sell it if I need to.
I may look for another local job. Try to work a couple more years, with one 2-week vacation to Uruguay in the middle, and then call it a day. Cannot even think about staying on a new job for more than 2 years with short vacation time.

I don't have a ton in retirement savings, but it's enough for me to live comfortably in Uruguay. Every day I work and save and invest, I'm financially stronger.

I thought about moving to a different area of the country. But, ultimately, I have at most 10 years of work life and then I'll move back to Uruguay. Everybody I know lives in CT. There's a support network for me here. It's not great, but it's good and I've come to realize it's more than many people have.

For example, I already have a friend lined up to give me a ride and stay with me next week for my colonoscopy. Another friend gives me rides to the airport shuttle service when I travel. I've gotten emotional support. I always have somewhere to go for holidays and birthdays.
Moving and starting over is too much work and disruption and financial cost. I hate winters here but the rest of the time it's not bad. I can deal with that, temporarily.

[debthaven]

I’m happy to read your update Ava. I think you are handling things well and you have a good attitude.

However I think it would be a good thing to tell your boss that you’re taking a business writing course. It shows you’ve taken their comments to heart, and you’re working to improve those skills. It could work in your favor.

All the best to you, as always. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things. 😊

[finnime]

Glad to see you're steady, Ava, and planning for the future. Best to you.

I agree with Debthavn, let your manager know you are investing on your own in improving your skills. There is no down side to that.

[raeoflyte]

It seems like things are going well Ava. Coworkers and bosses can be friends but while you work with them it's best to keep a little bit of professional distance from them. You can still be warm and friendly but there's a wall up on what to share with them until one or both of you move on. Sometimes when that happens I've realize it was only the forced time together that made it feel like a close friendship, and other times, they really are life long friends.

I hope things continue to go well. You know your work place and manager best.

[Ava]

I finished the Coursera class.
It was very good. It's Business Writing by University of Colorado.

I can see my business writing improving and I'm more confident.

Job is still a mess.
But I feel between the medication and the class I'm doing much better.

One thing about Coursera. It's a mixed bag. The course I took was great. When I finished it I browsed for more courses on the subject and the 2 I found were bad. One was Business writing for non native students. I couldn't believe the spelling and grammar errors on the material. Hard pass.

The other course was about memo writing and the material was old and stale.

But I got what I wanted and canceled my subscription so they don't keep charging me.

I still have a ton of things to improve on.
It's not just work that collapsed in my life.

Little by little though.

[anciana]

Ava, so glad to hear that things seem to be improving in some parts of your life. That you found medication to be helpful and a course that will make your job better. And you have a plan how to proceed with the kitten situation. Nicely done! You got it!

[finnime]

How are things going now, Ava? Well, I hope.

[Ava]

Sept 14, 2023 12:03:29 GMT -5 finnime said:

How are things going now, Ava ? Well, I hope.

Thank you for asking.
I'm doing well. Still lots of challenges but I feel things are slowly improving.

I have another evaluation in a couple of weeks. Not looking forward to it, but at least I have a plan.
I will go in person to the office all next week, and work longer hours than I usually do to get as much done as possible
That will give me a sense of security. Knowing I did my best.

My mother arrives Sunday next week. And I have the evaluation a little over a week afterwards.
She takes all my free time, but that's a matter for another day.
So I want to be prepared for the evaluation before her arrival.

I feel I'm performing better at work.
No further talk of a demotion. Nobody questions me being in current role anymore.

I have a coworker who's a superstar. She's a nice person but I feel her being there has been detrimental for me. She can work 14 hours a day. She's a workaholic, and I feel my manager is measuring everyone's performance compared to her.
Anyway, I'm doing my best and continue to draw a paycheck.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 12, 2023 15:01:40 GMT -5 Ava said:

Every day I work and save and invest, I'm financially stronger.

This is the spirit! Every day, every dollar, takes you closer!! I needed to hear this today too!

I haven't been keeping up on a lot, so just digging into the updates here. Ava, I'm so impressed with how you've handled this. Seeking out help, and medication, standing your ground, and improving your skills.

Whatever the outcome, you know you did your best and stood firm. Kudos, and good luck with the next eval!

[Ava]

Thank you, Rukh O'Rorke
Yes, that's the spirit. Each step gets us closer to our goal, no matter how small.

Regarding my job, the moment I realized they saw me as not "good enough" I decided to prove them wrong. 
They can think what they want, and they can let me go, but I would leave with my head high because I did my best. I refuse to leave by the back door.

Work is still crazy, and expectations are insane. I do my best, is all I can do.
If I didn't have the amazing vacation time I have there, I would be looking for another job.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Sept 23, 2023 14:22:43 GMT -5 Ava said:

Thank you, Rukh O'Rorke
Yes, that's the spirit. Each step gets us closer to our goal, no matter how small.

Regarding my job, the moment I realized they saw me as not "good enough" I decided to prove them wrong. 
They can think what they want, and they can let me go, but I would leave with my head high because I did my best. I refuse to leave by the back door.

Work is still crazy, and expectations are insane. I do my best, is all I can do.
If I didn't have the amazing vacation time I have there, I would be looking for another job.

Any updates, Ava?

[azucena]

Yeah, realized I hadn't seen you around for a while. Worried about you.

[Opti]

Could she be spending the holidays in her home country?

[Ava]

Hi, everyone.
Thank you for checking on me.
I'm on vacation, returning to the US in a few days.

I have an update. Will post later

[Ava]

Unfortunately, things are not going well at work.
I was working 50 hours a week before I left on vacation.
My skill level in business writing had improved since I took a course. I had increased my productivity.

But...
The work environment has further deteriorated to the point I feel harassed and bullied.
Manager has now said I cannot take long vacations anymore.

It's not worth it anymore. The goalposts keep charging no matter how much you do.
My health is on the line as I feel my heart racing and I'm on the verge of tears several times a week.

Will start looking for a new job as soon as I come back.

Vacation has been great. I have been at the beach, the theater. Ballet, etc.

[snapdragon]

Ava  -  Sending you hugs. 

Glad that you were able to enjoy your time on vacation.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Jan 27, 2024 17:53:56 GMT -5 Ava said:

Unfortunately, things are not going well at work.
I was working 50 hours a week before I left on vacation.
My skill level in business writing had improved since I took a course. I had increased my productivity.

But...
The work environment has further deteriorated to the point I feel harassed and bullied.
Manager has now said I cannot take long vacations anymore.

It's not worth it anymore. The goalposts keep charging no matter how much you do.
My health is on the line as I feel my heart racing and I'm on the verge of tears several times a week.

Will start looking for a new job as soon as I come back.

Vacation has been great. I have been at the beach, the theater. Ballet, etc.

we'll try to support you through it!

[resolution]

I'm sorry that work hasn't improved for you. I hope you are able to find something else quickly, especially since they are threatening your vacations after all your years of service there.

Are you still considering just moving back to Uruguay, or is that still a ways off after you have saved more?

[Ava]

Jan 30, 2024 22:15:23 GMT -5 resolution said:

I'm sorry that work hasn't improved for you. I hope you are able to find something else quickly, especially since they are threatening your vacations after all your years of service there.

Are you still considering just moving back to Uruguay, or is that still a ways off after you have saved more?

I would love to live in Uruguay.
The job market is not great there, particularly if you're over 40 or 50 years old.

I'm going to try to work here a few more years and move there when I don't need a job to live in Uruguay. If then I get a job there, fine. I don't want to move and have to depend on a job.
Plus, it's another system, a start from zero again, etc.

With that said, if 6 months from now I'm still job searching with no results and still working in a toxic environment, I would reconsider whether to move back and try there.
I don't think I can hang on to current situation for more than 6 months, and even that is a stretch.

[TheOtherMe]

Ava, age discrimination in the US is rampant,   It's very hard to prove but it happens regularly.

[resolution]

Feb 3, 2024 18:00:39 GMT -5 Ava said:

Jan 30, 2024 22:15:23 GMT -5 resolution said:

I'm sorry that work hasn't improved for you. I hope you are able to find something else quickly, especially since they are threatening your vacations after all your years of service there.

Are you still considering just moving back to Uruguay, or is that still a ways off after you have saved more?

I would love to live in Uruguay.
The job market is not great there, particularly if you're over 40 or 50 years old.

I'm going to try to work here a few more years and move there when I don't need a job to live in Uruguay. If then I get a job there, fine. I don't want to move and have to depend on a job.
Plus, it's another system, a start from zero again, etc.

With that said, if 6 months from now I'm still job searching with no results and still working in a toxic environment, I would reconsider whether to move back and try there.
I don't think I can hang on to current situation for more than 6 months, and even that is a stretch.

Hopefully having an end date in mind will help you get through it. When I finally decided on a schedule to leave my job, it was like a switch flipped in my head and I stopped stressing over work related things. I gave them three months notice and completed all the work that I was supposed to complete, but it was much easier to get through each day because I didn't need to knock myself out trying to overachieve.