I had a panic attack yesterday.

[Ava]

I know what you mean

It's liberating to have an end date in your mind.
I was feeling trapped on that job. Now I know it will be over one way or another.

My manager and his manager had a surprise Team's meeting with me Friday. More recriminations and they said I'm underperforming.
At this point I've realized no matter what I do it will never be enough.
I also finally understood the constunderperformed. Makes you doubt yourself and feel inadequate.

I just came back from an international trip. I'm exhausted.
There's so much to do. Clean, groceries, laundry, paying bills.
Manager has set up several projects with dates Feb. 7 and 8.
There's no way I can have everything done by then
I would have to ignore everything else and just work more than 8 hours everyday to have a chance to get part of the demands done.
Didn't work yesterday and won't work today.

Honestly I rather be let go so I can look for another job in peace. That won't happen. They are seriously understaffed.

I fantasize on putting my notice so I don't have to deal with this anymore
I have enough in my Roth Ira to survive 6 months.

I'm not a risk taker but I'm seriously considering it.

[debthaven]

Ava it sort of sounds like they're trying to push you out. I wonder if your boss's boss is putting pressure on him to put pressure on you. It seems like things changed when your company was bought out.

I'm sorry about all the stress. But remember, it's easier to find a job when you have a job. I wouldn't quit (for now) ... if 6 months seems too long, can you aim for 3 or 4 months while you job hunt?

We're rooting for you!

[Ava]

Thanks!

About finding a job is easier when you already have one; that's why I'm still hanging on to it.
Plus the company has openings I may be interested in.

As an internal candidate, they will at least take a cursory glance at me.

[thyme4change]

Feb 3, 2024 18:36:42 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Ava, age discrimination in the US is rampant,   It's very hard to prove but it happens regularly.

That is true - but there are definitely employers out there who don’t want the bullshit of youth. Finding a job always takes patience - and when you are of certain age it takes more patience- but eventually someone will like your experience and give you an opportunity.

[Ava]

Exactly. Slow and steady.
My plan is to give the job search 6 months and then reassess if nothing pans out.

I have been out of the job market for 12 years and it's a different world out there

[Ava]

Yesterday someone in my group was promoted to manager.
This person started in the group 6 years ago and is now 2 levels above me. If I stay here I would be reporting to this new manager in a couple of months. I started here 10 years ago.
Another coworker who started a few months after me has been promoted 1 level above me.
I feel glad they are doing well.

At the same time it's very difficult for me to remain in the group when I'm falling further behind the others no matter how much effort or hours I put into the job.
My manager was very clear my chances of promotion are zero.

I've stopped blaming myself. Not being a good fit for a group that has changed a lot in the ast year doesn't make me a failure or a bad employee.
I'm just not a good fit. It took e a while to understand that.

My manager gives mixed signals. Lately I've gotten very negative feedback. Yesterday he said it's up to me where I land but I'm an important part of the group.

Nope. I don't do drama.
I also have zero interest in staying at a job where my advancement chances are zero.
I'm in my early 50s, too young to be working a dead end job. Particularly when my coworkers are getting promoted.

I'm going to the library tomorrow to put nmy cv together and send it out

I'm very confident I'll find something better in the next few months

[swamp]

Feb 9, 2024 8:16:30 GMT -5 Ava said:

Yesterday someone in my group was promoted to manager.
This person started in the group 6 years ago and is now 2 levels above me. If I stay here I would be reporting to this new manager in a couple of months. I started here 10 years ago.
Another coworker who started a few months after me has been promoted 1 level above me.
I feel glad they are doing well.

At the same time it's very difficult for me to remain in the group when I'm falling further behind the others no matter how much effort or hours I put into the job.
My manager was very clear my chances of promotion are zero.

I've stopped blaming myself. Not being a good fit for a group that has changed a lot in the ast year doesn't make me a failure or a bad employee.
I'm just not a good fit. It took e a while to understand that.

My manager gives mixed signals. Lately I've gotten very negative feedback. Yesterday he said it's up to me where I land but I'm an important part of the group.

Nope. I don't do drama.
I also have zero interest in staying at a job where my advancement chances are zero.
I'm in my early 50s, too young to be working a dead end job. Particularly when my coworkers are getting promoted.

I'm going to the library tomorrow to put nmy cv together and send it out

I'm very confident I'll find something better in the next few months

you're important enough to give the shit jobs to, but not important enough to groom you for management. 

Go find something else.   You're amazing.   Your talents will be welcome elsewhere. 



And I hate to go here, but by any chance are the promoted ones men?   

[Ava]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, swamp
Much appreciated.

No, I don't want to go there, either.
The two promotions are

manager (promoted two times)- a white US born lady
lead (promoted one time)- minority foreign born man

I think there's some unconscious bias because the two employees more in trouble are two foreign born minority ladies (includes me).
There are two young US born men in the group. He's way more friendly with them than with the two troubled employees. I don't say he doesn't expect a lot from them, but his tone of voice is different, his whole attitude is different with them.

Again, I don't think it's something he's aware of.
Let's face it, women in general have it a harder go at the workplace.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. My best bet is to move on, whatever the reasons for the current situation.

And I want to leave hopefully before the new manager takes over. She'll be a new management layer between him and us.
She's a very nice person but very demanding and nitpicky. She works extremely long hours, and I suspect this is going to be one of the expectations once she's in charge.

Plus I don't want to report to someone who started in the group 4 years after me, at the same level. In the last 6 years she got 2 promotions and I got nothing.
Call me small minded or whatever, but I do not want to report to this new manager.