Y Ma'am Support for NomoreDrama

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 8, 2022 1:33:16 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Aug 7, 2022 10:44:34 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'll prod him when he goes to sign up for widower SS to ask about taking his instead and which is a better option.  I know with my mom it was only a reduction of like $200 a month so they decided it was better to take it at 63 than have her try to find work.   Pick whichever one ends up being a larger sum.

That is not necessarily a good idea.  The good thing about survivor's benefits is that they are independent of retirement benefits.  You can choose either one now and switch later without having one affect the other.  There are DRCs (delayed retirement credits) on your own record so the maximum you can receive is at age 70.  There are no DRCs on survivor's benefits so you reach the maximum at full retirement age.  The general advice is to max out the larger benefit.  If his benefit at age 70 is going to be significantly more than the survivor's benefit, he is almost certainly better served to take the survivor's now and wait to switch to his own.  That of course depends on his health and life expectancy.  When to take SS benefits is above all a bet on how long one will live.  There is no single rule of thumb that applies to everybody, simply because everybody's situation is different. 

Be sure to get an accurate quote from SSA about what the benefit levels will be under each account.  That will be an important factor in which strategy to pursue.  I tried to do a spreadsheet-type analysis to determine which was better for me.  The analysis turned out to be flawed because I did not have the right number for the survivor's benefit.  It turned out to be significantly higher than I thought it would be, and the analysis may have turned out differently if I had the right number originally.


ETA:  Also, because the benefits are independent of each other, it makes no sense to delay taking one of them.  To wait is just giving up free money.  

Yeah he's been doing that already.   My dad being born in 1959 makes a major difference in the penalty for taking his early because they changed the retirement age.  Like HUGE difference.  He gets $2200 if he waits till 68.  If he takes it now it's cut in half.   They ran the numbers apparently before my dad quit his full time job to run the business.   He's better off taking mom's for now and let his mature.

Then eventually grandma's house will be sold.  He'll have about $50k left of that after he pays back my grandma to work with.

[bookkeeper]

Aug 7, 2022 14:37:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 7, 2022 14:31:35 GMT -5 giramomma said:

That's good. I just also caution you, that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, until there was.

I know. I'll probably keep researching it myself. We Need falls of the ladder insurance there has to still be a plan like that somewhere

Health insurance on the marketplace is very affordable for low and moderate income households.  I encourage you to check out healthcare.gov for your father and get the information.  We signed up with the local insurance office to make sure we didn't screw it up.  They were happy to help.  As I have posted elsewhere, the federal subsidy is poised to be extended for three more years.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 8, 2022 8:08:32 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Aug 7, 2022 14:37:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I know. I'll probably keep researching it myself. We Need falls of the ladder insurance there has to still be a plan like that somewhere

Health insurance on the marketplace is very affordable for low and moderate income households.  I encourage you to check out healthcare.gov for your father and get the information.  We signed up with the local insurance office to make sure we didn't screw it up.  They were happy to help.  As I have posted elsewhere, the federal subsidy is poised to be extended for three more years.

I'd have to revisit.  Iowa's is not very good at least when I looked.   The problem we have is being so close to Nebraska most of our providers are in Nebraska.  The last time I looked I would have had to drive an hour to find an in-network provider.  

My mom found one through BCBS I just have to pick up where she left off.   Even though my dad is 63 he is in excellent health so his premiums are surprisingly affordable.

[tallguy]

Aug 8, 2022 7:40:18 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 8, 2022 1:33:16 GMT -5 tallguy said:

That is not necessarily a good idea.  The good thing about survivor's benefits is that they are independent of retirement benefits.  You can choose either one now and switch later without having one affect the other.  There are DRCs (delayed retirement credits) on your own record so the maximum you can receive is at age 70.  There are no DRCs on survivor's benefits so you reach the maximum at full retirement age.  The general advice is to max out the larger benefit.  If his benefit at age 70 is going to be significantly more than the survivor's benefit, he is almost certainly better served to take the survivor's now and wait to switch to his own.  That of course depends on his health and life expectancy.  When to take SS benefits is above all a bet on how long one will live.  There is no single rule of thumb that applies to everybody, simply because everybody's situation is different. 

Be sure to get an accurate quote from SSA about what the benefit levels will be under each account.  That will be an important factor in which strategy to pursue.  I tried to do a spreadsheet-type analysis to determine which was better for me.  The analysis turned out to be flawed because I did not have the right number for the survivor's benefit.  It turned out to be significantly higher than I thought it would be, and the analysis may have turned out differently if I had the right number originally.


ETA:  Also, because the benefits are independent of each other, it makes no sense to delay taking one of them.  To wait is just giving up free money.  

Yeah he's been doing that already.   My dad being born in 1959 makes a major difference in the penalty for taking his early because they changed the retirement age.  Like HUGE difference.  He gets $2200 if he waits till 68.  If he takes it now it's cut in half.   They ran the numbers apparently before my dad quit his full time job to run the business.   He's better off taking mom's for now and let his mature.

Then eventually grandma's house will be sold.  He'll have about $50k left of that after he pays back my grandma to work with.

"Half" is a bit of an overstatement.  His FRA is 66 and ten months.  Assuming his PIA is $2000 (it is probably slightly over that if he would be due $2200 at 68) his age 62 benefit would be reduced to a little over $1400.  If he were to wait until age 70 it would be around $2500.  Him being 63 already would mean he would receive somewhere over $1500 now on his own record, depending on how many months past age 63 he is.  It can never be discounted by half because the percentages don't work that way.  Yes, this sounds like nit-picking.  No, it's really not.  The numbers matter, because it is real life involved and many people don't have a huge cushion.      


FRA - Full Retirement Age   
PIA - Primary insurance Amount  (the amount one receives at full retirement age)

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 8, 2022 10:53:52 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Aug 8, 2022 7:40:18 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Yeah he's been doing that already.   My dad being born in 1959 makes a major difference in the penalty for taking his early because they changed the retirement age.  Like HUGE difference.  He gets $2200 if he waits till 68.  If he takes it now it's cut in half.   They ran the numbers apparently before my dad quit his full time job to run the business.   He's better off taking mom's for now and let his mature.

Then eventually grandma's house will be sold.  He'll have about $50k left of that after he pays back my grandma to work with.

"Half" is a bit of an overstatement.  His FRA is 66 and ten months.  Assuming his PIA is $2000 (it is probably slightly over that if he would be due $2200 at 68) his age 62 benefit would be reduced to a little over $1400.  If he were to wait until age 70 it would be around $2500.  Him being 63 already would mean he would receive somewhere over $1500 now on his own record, depending on how many months past age 63 he is.  It can never be discounted by half because the percentages don't work that way.  Yes, this sounds like nit-picking.  No, it's really not.  The numbers matter, because it is real life involved and many people don't have a huge cushion.      


FRA - Full Retirement Age   
PIA - Primary insurance Amount  (the amount one receives at full retirement age)

Half is an overstatement I know but I had a hell of a time with the percentages. 

Given how long people in my dad's family tend to live and there isn't a huge cushion at the moment it does make sense to wait. 

Mom's would be plenty and he can draw a salary from the business he just hasn't been he has been putting it back in.  It is not going to be much of a salary but between that and mom's SS it's enough to cover utilities and stuff like that.   If there was a mortgage or anything it'd be a different story.

[tallguy]

Aug 8, 2022 11:09:20 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 8, 2022 10:53:52 GMT -5 tallguy said:

"Half" is a bit of an overstatement.  His FRA is 66 and ten months.  Assuming his PIA is $2000 (it is probably slightly over that if he would be due $2200 at 68) his age 62 benefit would be reduced to a little over $1400.  If he were to wait until age 70 it would be around $2500.  Him being 63 already would mean he would receive somewhere over $1500 now on his own record, depending on how many months past age 63 he is.  It can never be discounted by half because the percentages don't work that way.  Yes, this sounds like nit-picking.  No, it's really not.  The numbers matter, because it is real life involved and many people don't have a huge cushion.      


FRA - Full Retirement Age   
PIA - Primary insurance Amount  (the amount one receives at full retirement age)

Half is an overstatement I know but I had a hell of a time with the percentages. 

Given how long people in my dad's family tend to live and there isn't a huge cushion at the moment it does make sense to wait. 

Mom's would be plenty and he can draw a salary from the business he just hasn't been he has been putting it back in.  It is not going to be much of a salary but between that and mom's SS it's enough to cover utilities and stuff like that.   If there was a mortgage or anything it'd be a different story.

Sounds like a plan.  Now to just make sure and nail it down and then follow it.  

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 8, 2022 10:19:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 8, 2022 8:08:32 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Health insurance on the marketplace is very affordable for low and moderate income households.  I encourage you to check out healthcare.gov for your father and get the information.  We signed up with the local insurance office to make sure we didn't screw it up.  They were happy to help.  As I have posted elsewhere, the federal subsidy is poised to be extended for three more years.

I'd have to revisit.  Iowa's is not very good at least when I looked.   The problem we have is being so close to Nebraska most of our providers are in Nebraska.  The last time I looked I would have had to drive an hour to find an in-network provider.  

My mom found one through BCBS I just have to pick up where she left off.   Even though my dad is 63 he is in excellent health so his premiums are surprisingly affordable.

I don't know how bad their plans are because I got fed up just with their website!  Good lord.  And when I try to start from the federal ACA site, this is what I get for what I think is your county. 

Marketplace plans aren’t currently available in your area.  

You may be able to get health coverage one of these ways:

Direct from an insurance company. You can contact any health insurance company and see plans available in your area. Many have websites that let you compare all plans they sell.

With an insurance agent or broker. Generally, agents work for a single health insurance company, while brokers sell plans from several. Both can help you compare plans and complete your enrollment. You don’t pay more by using an agent or broker. They’re generally paid by the insurance company whose plans they sell. They may not be able to sell all available plans.

From an online health insurance seller. These services offer health plans from a number of insurance companies. They let you compare prices and features and then enroll with the insurance company.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Last time I checked there was only two plans in my county and they SUCKED.

Price of living in red state.

[swamp]

Aug 8, 2022 12:00:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Last time I checked there was only two plans in my county and they SUCKED.

Price of living in red state.

When I was in private practice, there was health insurance polices available to small business owners through the County Chamber of Commerce.   Maybe there is something like that in your area? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ugh.  DH called me to tell me I should go over to the house tonight because it's the first full day dad has been alone without mom.  Thanks for reminding me that my dad is alone all day today it's not like I haven't been thinking about it all damn day. 

[finnime]

How are you and your dad and brother doing today, NomoreDramaQ1015?

[Artemis Windsong]

When I was choosing to take SS, I went to the local state insurance office and talked with them. They eliminated a lot of confusion on medicare plus the drug and supplement.  I could pick how much I wanted to pay in the supplements.  I took SS as soon as I could.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 11, 2022 11:27:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

How are you and your dad and brother doing today, NomoreDramaQ1015 ?

I am doing all right.  Now that the memorial is done I am tired.  I've been carrying A LOT.

Not sure about dad. He's been keeping himself busy getting grandma's house ready to sell.

I think Bob is feeling it today because he sent me a sad text about the holidays are going to suck.  It hit him it's just the three of us now.  I told him we have the kids to focus on now.

Gwen is hell bent on making the holidays as close to the same as possible she has decided to take that on.  She asked if she needed to learn how to cook a turkey, I told her we'll order one this year no need to get that ambitious.   

And I have been instructed to force grandpa to put up the tree at Christmas.   IDK where she got the idea I can force my dad to do anything, but I promised I'll talk to closer to the holidays.

I also told him I can make it look like Santa exploded all of the house just as good as mom could.   I said maybe I'll get lucky this year and I can leverage my grief into getting DH to buy me TWO trees because I need a second one to display mom's. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 11, 2022 12:14:39 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 11, 2022 11:27:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

How are you and your dad and brother doing today, NomoreDramaQ1015 ?

I am doing all right.  Now that the memorial is done I am tired.  I've been carrying A LOT.

Not sure about dad. He's been keeping himself busy getting grandma's house ready to sell.

I think Bob is feeling it today because he sent me a sad text about the holidays are going to suck.  It hit him it's just the three of us now.  I told him we have the kids to focus on now.

Gwen is hell bent on making the holidays as close to the same as possible she has decided to take that on.  She asked if she needed to learn how to cook a turkey, I told her we'll order one this year no need to get that ambitious.   

And I have been instructed to force grandpa to put up the tree at Christmas.   IDK where she got the idea I can force my dad to do anything, but I promised I'll talk to closer to the holidays.

I also told him I can make it look like Santa exploded all of the house just as good as mom could.   I said maybe I'll get lucky this year and I can leverage my grief into getting DH to buy me TWO trees because I need a second one to display mom's. 

This is the best thing that he can do.  Like with you, if he stops to think it'll hurt more.  

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2022 12:14:39 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 11, 2022 11:27:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

How are you and your dad and brother doing today, NomoreDramaQ1015 ?

I am doing all right.  Now that the memorial is done I am tired.  I've been carrying A LOT.

Not sure about dad. He's been keeping himself busy getting grandma's house ready to sell.

I think Bob is feeling it today because he sent me a sad text about the holidays are going to suck.  It hit him it's just the three of us now.  I told him we have the kids to focus on now.

Gwen is hell bent on making the holidays as close to the same as possible she has decided to take that on.  She asked if she needed to learn how to cook a turkey, I told her we'll order one this year no need to get that ambitious.   

And I have been instructed to force grandpa to put up the tree at Christmas.   IDK where she got the idea I can force my dad to do anything, but I promised I'll talk to closer to the holidays.

I also told him I can make it look like Santa exploded all of the house just as good as mom could.   I said maybe I'll get lucky this year and I can leverage my grief into getting DH to buy me TWO trees because I need a second one to display mom's. 

Well, you don’t have to force your Dad to help, you and your girls can just go over and put the tree up if it’s okay with him. 

I know Gwen has been trying your patience sometimes lately, but she is an awesome and caring young lady. Give yourself a pat on the back for having something to do with that.

The holidays this year probably will be very different for you all. Try to prepare yourself for that, as much as you can. If your Mom was a big part of the old traditions, try to figure out some new traditions that still honor her memory, if you can. I know that the holidays have not been the same for me and my family since my Grandmother died, in December. My birthday is not even the same because I was shopping for clothes for my children to wear to my Grandmother’s funeral on my birthday that year. 

But right now, after typing that, I want to make this year different. I KNOW my Grandmother wouldn’t want me to be sad every December and not even celebrate my birthday, which has been the case ever since she left me, so I’m going to try something different this year. My Grandmother passed almost 10 years ago, and that is just now occurring to me.

So take your time grieving. There is no right or wrong way to do it. And there is no schedule for how you should feel at any point in time. Just like our children didn’t come with instruction manuals specifically tailored to them when they were born, there is no manual with step by step instructions on how to deal with losing a parent. 

Hugs!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 11, 2022 15:08:19 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Aug 11, 2022 12:14:39 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am doing all right.  Now that the memorial is done I am tired.  I've been carrying A LOT.

Not sure about dad. He's been keeping himself busy getting grandma's house ready to sell.

I think Bob is feeling it today because he sent me a sad text about the holidays are going to suck.  It hit him it's just the three of us now.  I told him we have the kids to focus on now.

Gwen is hell bent on making the holidays as close to the same as possible she has decided to take that on.  She asked if she needed to learn how to cook a turkey, I told her we'll order one this year no need to get that ambitious.   

And I have been instructed to force grandpa to put up the tree at Christmas.   IDK where she got the idea I can force my dad to do anything, but I promised I'll talk to closer to the holidays.

I also told him I can make it look like Santa exploded all of the house just as good as mom could.   I said maybe I'll get lucky this year and I can leverage my grief into getting DH to buy me TWO trees because I need a second one to display mom's. 

Well, you don’t have to force your Dad to help, you and your girls can just go over and put the tree up if it’s okay with him. 

I know Gwen has been trying your patience sometimes lately, but she is an awesome and caring young lady. Give yourself a pat on the back for having something to do with that.

Oh I know.  It's just to me and Bob the idea of me "forcing" dad to put up the tree is quite amusing.  The man can literally pick me up and move me.  I'll end up being the tree topper if I do it her way.  

They were both really good last night.   They helped DH do something for our wedding anniversary because we obviously both forgot about it.   They are driving me nuts as a pre-teen and an 8 year old who worships the ground her sister walks on and hangs out with a pair of dickhead neighborhood kids will, but they are good kids.  I've been sure to let them know that their efforts have not gone unnoticed by me.

[Deleted]

I am smiling at the image of you being the tree topper.

[TheOtherMe]

If you try to make new traditions, you might want to warn people.  After mom died, my sister decided before we could eat at Thanksgiving that we now had a new tradition of going around the table and saying what mom meant to us.  I don't think she had told anyone and she was the only one who said anything.  

Drama, you and your girls are doing great for everything you have been through.  

We need pictures of you as the tree topper.  

[toomuchreality]

Aug 11, 2022 21:04:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

If you try to make new traditions, you might want to warn people.  After mom died, my sister decided before we could eat at Thanksgiving that we now had a new tradition of going around the table and saying what mom meant to us.  I don't think she had told anyone and she was the only one who said anything.  

Drama, you and your girls are doing great for everything you have been through.  

We need pictures of you as the tree topper.  

Yikes!

I agree. Pictures of the tree topping fairy, will definitely be needed! (Don't say we didn't warn you! 🤭)

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If it happens I am sure Gwen will take photos.

Last night was rough.  The kids have been uber clingy lately and don't want to sleep alone, but I can't sleep with them in the bed because they flop around like dying fish.  This resulted in DH sleeping in their room.  I ended up having a massive panic attack.   I have developed a fear of the dark after sitting all night in the waiting room at the hospital it turns out.

I just told DH we are going to have to make them both cry it out because I don't know how long the panic attacks are going to last and I need him.   They will have to accept that I come first for a change.

I get why they are clingy and I've tried to be accepting of it.  DH and I have been trying really hard to balance their needs against mine and then his grief over his mother too.  I told him they are going to have to accept that for the time being we have to come first.   They lost grandmas but we lost our mothers. 

I feel heartless saying that but I think they will understand when it is time.   My dad explained that to me at the hospital. Losing a parent is different.  This is a critical time when DH and I need to come together as husband and wife. 


I am both excited and sad for vacation.  Excited because I still love Colorado and I NEED this, but sad because it holds so many memories going back to my mom's childhood.  I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Foot of the Mountain Motel without my heart exploding.

I know where I want to scatter some of her ashes in Boulder it's a place that all three of us know and have memories attached to so easy to find.  I am going to take a picture and send it to Bob so he knows. I'll show dad when/if he is ever ready.  I have not figured out where to do it around Estes yet.  I have an idea though.

[finnime]

I'm glad to see you're prioritizing your needs, NomoreDramaQ1015. And, giving yourself new ways to remember your mom. Your daughters will find ways to comfort each other and themselves as you need to find how to manage and then prevent panic. It takes time.

Like that movie, Analyze This describes, grieving is a process. It's not an event.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

To share here there is a random pumpkin plant growing in my dad's yard.  Squirrels were always trying to destroy my mom's jack o laterns.  One must have dropped a seed.  I noticed it growing a few days ago and so did Bob.

Dad has been forbidden from pulling it out.  We decreed that it is mom's pumpkin plant and it must be allowed to to grow until we see what type of pumpkin we get.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I got the pieces for my memorial tattoo for my mom.  I want to do a Colorado blue columbine and I'd like a fairy perched on it.  My mom loved stories about the fae, she is the one who got me into gnomes. 

Somewhere in that basement is her gnome book I am going to have to go over and see if I can find it.  Pretty sure I put it away in a tub, I hope I did and it didn't get destroyed.  I want to give it to the girls.

ETA changed my mind.  Dad's will be an Elk.  That would be way more fitting because it will match with mom's tattoo and goes with the fact I plan on scattering his ashes in Colorado someday as well.

[swamp]

Aug 11, 2022 15:13:06 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 11, 2022 15:08:19 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Well, you don’t have to force your Dad to help, you and your girls can just go over and put the tree up if it’s okay with him. 

I know Gwen has been trying your patience sometimes lately, but she is an awesome and caring young lady. Give yourself a pat on the back for having something to do with that.

Oh I know.  It's just to me and Bob the idea of me "forcing" dad to put up the tree is quite amusing.  The man can literally pick me up and move me.  I'll end up being the tree topper if I do it her way.  

They were both really good last night.   They helped DH do something for our wedding anniversary because we obviously both forgot about it.   They are driving me nuts as a pre-teen and an 8 year old who worships the ground her sister walks on and hangs out with a pair of dickhead neighborhood kids will, but they are good kids.  I've been sure to let them know that their efforts have not gone unnoticed by me.

We have a tree topper of Tinkerbell sitting on a drum.   It looks like she's taking a crap.  I'm giggling imagining you as Tinkerbell. 

[mamasita99]

[/quote]We have a tree topper of Tinkerbell sitting on a drum.   It looks like she's taking a crap.  I'm giggling imagining you as Tinkerbell. [/quote]


I have decided I’m going to picture Tinkerbell taking a crap on top of a tree when dealing with bullshit at work next week.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The Japanese Maple arrived. The kids were wondering at first if someone sent a Christmas tree.

Thank you everyone.

I have it in a shady spot in our backyard right now it'll have to go in the planter when I get home. It looks like it should fit?

[finnime]

Wonderful!

[Deleted]

Aug 12, 2022 18:46:18 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The Japanese Maple arrived. The kids were wondering at first if someone sent a Christmas tree.

Thank you everyone.

I have it in a shady spot in our backyard right now it'll have to go in the planter when I get home. It looks like it should fit?

I have to confess that I’ve been like a little kid, waiting for you to get the tree.

One of the reasons I suck at giving gifts is that I don’t do well with waiting to give someone a gift. If I buy a birthday gift that I believe is meaningful to the recipient, I may or may not give it early, because I’m so excited about it lol.

[finnime]

I think it should fit. The maple is supposed to be 5 gallon; the pot is 7 gallon. The pot is also self-watering, so you can leave things be for days with no worry.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Thank you again guys. Seriously I've been floored.

I decided to leave the maple alone till we get back. They did a good job packing the soil was still moist so I stuck water bulbs in it. The instructions said keep soil damp so that should work.

I'll plan when I get home and can pick up more soil.